Was It Worth It?
Caution: This Erotica Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa, Fa/Fa, Consensual, Cheating,
Desc: Erotica Sex Story: Chapter 1 - Another take on 'How high a price?' by 'the Troubador'<br> Earl Conroy who had been away from home returned on a Thursday 2 days earlier than expected. He found his wife Susan missing but claiming to be home already herself. Mine is the guilty woman's take on the situation. Her guilt is never denied but her view of the situation is very different from his. I begin after he confronts her on her eventual return home on Saturday morning.
This part of my story begins soon after the confrontation on Saturday and first presents her view of the events so far, then carries the story on through the rest of the day. I think it has enough detail to stand alone if you haven't read that first part or like me that was a long time ago.
Of course Susan's perspective on her affair was very different from Earl's and also much more complicated. When confronted by his accusations she had been shocked to realise that she had done nothing that needed concealing from him until after he had returned home though probably it would have avoided noisy confrontation if she kept some details to herself. Confused by this discovery her reaction showed none of the control of her life which she had thought that she had begun to regain. She had let herself down again: had behaved like a possession, this time one which was crushed by its probable loss of value to its owner.
Later she kept coming back to one harsh judgement: he had trapped her. Maybe it hadn't been fully intentional and he couldn't have been sure that there would be anything to catch. Whatever, the entrapment had been all too successful and had created just the situation he feared! Back on Thursday, when at last she had got a call through to him, when without her knowing it he was actually home already, she could have joined him still as innocent - or guilty - as when he went away.
Certainly she would have joined him; what possible reason could she have given not to? There would have been a hostile welcome but that was unpleasantly usual if she wasn't exactly where he wanted her when he wanted. "When," she asked herself, "had he last greeted her with the smile which was so characteristic of the sunny personality he showed the world; the smile which had first endeared him to her."
She remembered clearly what she had said: "Earl, I was beginning to wonder if something had gone wrong! I called your hotel as usual after eating dinner, and they told me you had checked out. Are you alright?" Surely there was nothing for him to take exception to in that so why hadn't he simply explained that the job had gone quicker than he expected and he was at home waiting for her? She certainly wouldn't have mentioned her provisional date to fuck John Stickner! Might not even have mentioned that Jennifer had called in sick and that she had thought of spending the night looking after her. Why should she? Above all she wouldn't have told her lie about being home already; they would have chatted briefly and then she would have gone to join him.
If she had done that the sex would have been different: more of it for sure! Earl wasn't as conspicuously virile as he thought himself, no man is! But he was pretty good and they played each other wonderfully. With John it had been experimental but even if the buttons had been pushed less confidently the results had had the benefit of surprise. Being much older he was less able to come back for more but a couple of nights with him had probably been the more exciting choice.
Back home she might have been made uncomfortable by Earl's other emotional demands; at least on this occasion, John had made none. Instead they pleased each other delightfully: compliments, promises, gentle caresses, company not need.
If he had asked where she was and why had she been unavailable earlier she would have said entirely truthfully that after working late she was in the Irish bar with John Stickner and a few other colleagues; maybe she would have thought of Earl's insecurities and left out the mention of Stickner. She didn't know why he couldn't get through to her during the day. Jennifer had called in sick, unusual for her but allowed. The receptionist usually knew where all the senior staff were but the combination of Jennifer's absence and the confusion around the Melrose affair had left everything just that - confused. It was certainly no guilty secret that she was in Stickner's office; this was something true that she knew she had told Earl herself in the travesty of a communication that had followed his confronting her.
As for the cell phone call: they only used these for private calls so he, naturally as it seemed to him, turned his off when he was busy at work. In his view, however, she should always be available. Well! Her life wasn't like that and this had been an occasion when private affairs could not be allowed to intrude. So, there had been a 'missed call' from him but he'd left no message. Later she hadn't known whether this was because he was too busy or because he was pissed at her - again - so she hadn't left one either when her attempt to return the call found his phone off. Now she couldn't believe that there had been no time for him to leave a message between finding he could return home early and the pilot's call to turn phones off. Air travel just isn't like that. He'd been punishing her already.
Because she had spent the night with John it was hard to assess fairly how strong her intention to do so had been at the time she got through to Earl. She had been calling from just outside the crowded bar; had the evasions she had heard in his reply distressed her? Could he have spoken in such a way as to prevent her adultery without telling her that he was home already? Yet again she wondered why hadn't he begun with that fact; surely it was relevant? Was he just evasive or had he actually lied? She couldn't remember. Certainly at least two of the facts in her reply had been lies: she hadn't had supper; she wasn't at home. It wouldn't be the first time though that she had said that she had already done something which was in fact only an intention; who has never done the same? Anyway after speaking to Earl she had called Jennifer before returning to the bar. She had obviously been weary and didn't need a visitor that night; but maybe in the morning?
At least for the present she tried to end these circling questions. Two things would undoubtedly have prevented her going to John's bed: knowledge that Earl was home or urgent need of care for Jen.
No sooner did she think she had found an end than the analysis began again. The fact that she had an overnight case in the trunk of her car was ambiguous: she hadn't packed it until after Jennifer had told her that she was going to call in sick that morning and the thought of visiting with her arose but the contents were at least as suitable for romance as for looking after an invalid! Outside the bar she had thought for a moment before going back to John but then she had not waited before suggesting that they might move on to his place. Taking his hand as they left surely gave the others some indication of what was intended. Bravado or what; who could say now?
It wasn't an excuse but the demanding tone of Earl's questioning, an interrogation really, could only have confirmed her intention of rounding off a busy but successful day with a fuck in a strange bed; a treat she had missed for too long. In fact unexpectedly passionate responses on both sides had ensured that the most exciting bit of screwing had been before they even thought of bed and it was only on the second night that they got between his luxurious linen sheets to perform the old old dance.
Why did she have to remind herself of the fact that any feeling of being in control at home was so new? Not, she began by admitting to herself, because Earl was by nature a monster or a bully. No! He was what he had always said: a red-blooded American male and he had wanted what he said all red-blooded American males needed, a dutiful wife round whom his life could revolve. She had never told him that even in South Carolina, his home state, the red-blooded American male was pretty well extinct at least among youngish professionals and that the supply of compliant mates had dried up way back in the twentieth century. Instead she had let him dominate her; that's what red-blooded American males do with their mates. She had come to accept that his red-blooded American male ideals were hers; that their life style was the right life style for red-blooded American males and their dutiful mates
When she met Earl she hadn't immediately appreciated what the demands of the red-blooded male were. It hadn't occurred to her that anyone might expect virginity in a healthy twenty four year old; after his reluctant acceptance that she had forgotten what her virgin state had felt like she realised that he would be horrified if she revealed anything of her life as a woman of late twentieth century California. When he ventured to take her home he begged her to be on her best behaviour.
What was wrong with her ordinary behaviour? She thought of herself as well mannered and no one had complained otherwise since she was an often importunate little girl. She found it difficult when she discovered that his father would assume without discussion that she was virgin and that her virginity was a possession which he valued and would be willing to go to some length to preserve To protect dear pop from what she saw as the real world she would need to creep into Earl's bed and leave before his parents discovered that their son was consorting with someone probably no better than a prostitute. Earl himself couldn't even accept that if there was creeping to be done it was surely the man's duty. No! His parents' view of him was what was to be preserved; to him the preservation of her reputation was a secondary consideration.
Later she realised how very double the double standard was: though Earl had to appear virtuous his lack of virginity was a matter of pride but, had father Conroy known that neither of his two daughters was virgin when they married he would have been first incredulous then shocked into who knows what actions. In fact in later visits when she had gained their confidence Susan learned from the sisters, both younger than Earl, that their experience at high school had been much like hers - if anything wilder younger. Later, neither had seen themselves as a career-girl and soon after quitting high school they had settled down to life with suitable red-blooded mates, round whom they were already running circles. Here it was poor Susan who had been shocked for after marriage she had been entirely faithful to Earl; not because it was her duty; not because his restrictive actions forced it on her, though that was probably their aim, but because she wanted to be so.
It had been a mistake to let the sisters see that she thought about their mother as a woman not a domestic goddess, had had a bad continuing effect on the Conroy family view of her, but reservations came too late. After this sharing of their early experiences Susan had shocked the two girls beyond any of her expectations when she expressed the thought that their mother probably had had no more right than them to a white wedding with orange blossom and all the other symbols of innocence - or ignorance as she preferred to see it. The thought had risen naturally in her mind as they looked through the family photo albums together and she blamed the vast amount of drink they had taken by then for the way she blurted it out. At once it was too late to try and brush over the enormity of that accusation.
It had seemed so reasonable to her: just twenty the woman had married a man five years older than herself. No problem for them in accepting him as experienced. For the life of her she still couldn't see how they could imagine that their mother had got through life as a sixties teenager without sex, probably quite a lot because the comfortable belief that antibiotics would fix any infection was still true and the contraceptive pill could be obtained without much effort by any woman who wanted to play. Fortunately neither of them had been present at the heart to heart Susan had shared with their grandmother during which she had regretted that the change in mores came too late for her. "Oh!" she'd said, "How I envied my daughters!"
It wasn't clear how much they had told Earl but that night he had been unable to fuck her though he did manage to tell her firmly that even if her mother was a slut his wasn't! He was very drunk and she didn't risk trying to explain that for her 'slut' was an empty word; why shouldn't a woman like sex when it could be enjoyed so safely? At the time she had thought that the lack of action was because he had been so drunk that he couldn't get it up but now she remembered how nearly paralytic with alcohol or drugs they had sometimes been while fucking perfectly adequately and realised that lack of bed exercise was a way of punishing her that had always seemed reasonable to him. There had been other incidents that fitted with this and his current plan to replace their comfortable queen size with two narrow beds certainly was intended to work like that.
There were some practices of the red-blooded that Earl didn't follow: he had never carried a handgun, never even owned one. Here in Washington, a state so set about with pussyfoot regulations that no more than one weapon could be purchased each month, he was prepared to say that the NRA was wrong and that widespread ownership of modern lethal weapons carried more threats than benefits. He even admitted that he didn't really see any benefits. Perhaps she should now see this restraint as a blessing. In the full theory of the red-blooded man a wife was a possession so any man she took up with was a thief and could be punished for that theft in any way the husband chose.
According to his sisters this theory still often got lip service in their part of the South but it was dead in the water among their associates; dead even in their parents' circle. Maybe in those states an assault in jealous revenge might be punished more leniently than its violence justified but it would be punished. Perhaps believing her fidelity originated in fear the sisters had actually assured her that Earl would not think himself justified in punishing her or a lover with any physical violence. Without that long ago reassurance it wouldn't have occurred to Susan that the discovery of her liaison with Stickner had put him at risk of an assault but now that Earl knew she had joined the ranks of the guilty spouses it suddenly became important.
Clearly Earl intended to punish her by making arrangements for them to have separate beds but now she was getting herself back together Susan wondered wryly how long it would take him to realise the weaknesses of this as a plan. If he wanted to punish her why do it in a way which might drive her back to Stickner or some other lover? If he wanted to keep her, and she had little doubt that he did, that was simply silly. When would he remember that he liked fucking just as much as she liked her end of the action? Might he imagine looking elsewhere for satisfaction? He was surely sensible enough to face the fact that that would be hypocrisy!
On the way home earlier this morning she had stopped at Jennifer's where she found her PA much recovered but still sick enough to plan a quiet weekend at home. As they parted Jen had almost begged to be visited again fearing that a weekend at home could so easily become a weekend alone, something she wasn't at all happy about. She had remarked slyly that while Susan herself looked pretty satisfied already Earl would probably be pretty hot to trot; she had clearly imagined a horizontal welcome home celebration.
Deciding now that Earl needed more time alone to think through his options, Susan phoned Jennifer to say that Earl was home already but she would still be able to come round some time in the late afternoon and that Earl wouldn't be with her. This last might give Jen to wonder if there was some problem but explaining that there was could wait until they were together.
This done Sue was surprised to see that it was now as late as one pm; doesn't time rush by when you're having fun? To let him get more off his chest she decided that she would prepare food for them both and face whatever haranguing Earl still wanted to give her without the aggravation of hunger. In the event she was relieved that the meal was eaten in aloof silence but couldn't tell if this was intended as further punishment or showed that he was beginning to reconsider his options.
By half after two she had had enough of this and went to repack her overnight bag. Feeling unclean after his attacks she showered and changed into jeans, college sweatshirt and loafers - clothes she thought appropriate for time with a woman friend and a choice that she hoped would reassure him that she wasn't rushing out to some man's bed. The rest of the clothes she had worn with John were still in her car; as these included the evening wear that she had bought only yesterday for dinner at the Jensons' she decided to avoid further confrontation by leaving them there. She got no acknowledgment when said where she was going to spend the night so she left, adding only that she expected to return by midday Sunday.
After a warm welcome they sat out in the yard to enjoy the warm sun with a glass of dry white wine and some cookies she'd made along with lunch. She'd even left some for Earl, generously she thought!
There the story of Earl's discovery came first and Jennifer provided an understanding ear for the description of the events and the deeper exposure of the problems that Susan had been half expressing for months. She knew Earl well and could support the belief that his tone of voice and hidden deviousness on the phone might have provoked Susan to take the final step into infidelity. While she had to agree with Susan that his anger when she got home was entirely justified, she saw how painful his attacks would have been and she was saddened to hear of Susan's complete collapse in front of him. Jen could see too that it wasn't an adequate consolation that while he had been building his case over two days Susan hadn't even had seconds to prepare a response.
Maybe there are some groups of women where no one has experiences of such feelings of inadequacy to confess and lament but meetings such as that afternoon's remain sadly common among women in this twenty first century USA, even for those like Sue and Jen in full-time salaried employment. On this occasion Jennifer could speak from wider experience; a few years the older, she had gone straight to work after graduating very successfully from high school. Though she now regretted her choice, she had been anxious to enter the 'real' world, one in which she intended to have adequate spending money for the good time she planned to enjoy. In practice, however, the most important part of that reality had turned out to be a succession of secretarial jobs which had mainly proved dull and undemanding but which financed three live-in relations. None of these had failed totally but all had been quite short, ending in more or less mutual feelings of discontent.
While all her guys had been from the West Coast the discontents had had much in common with the ones Earl and Susan were struggling with. She could empathise but offer little hope of a favourable resolution; for her neither start-over nor try-harder had worked. The least successful of her pairings was the one that had most in common with the rub that Susan and Earl were feeling in their marriage. In her case the incomes had been smaller but the problem was the same, the man was not self-confident enough to cope when 'his' woman became the bigger earner. Like her guy Earl had begun as the more successful breadwinner. As they gained experience both pairs had prospered but in each case it was woman who was rewarded better, in Susan's case with really big bucks. Earl regularly remarked bitterly but entirely accurately that making things which people were going to use, is no longer esteemed in the US. It is firms like Jenson and partners, paper factories he called them, which can offer large inducements to key employees and, though Susan was disliked by less talented male colleagues she was key. It didn't help that so was Earl for his employer; it was the fact that his inducement was so much less that caused him pain.
Domestic problems explored, Jennifer was still interested to know how the sex with John had gone. Susan found this easier ground; who doesn't like talking about sex they have enjoyed even if it is accompanied by darker shadows? Jen readily understood that it was a welcome simplification of part of Susan's future that, though the nights with John had been very enjoyable, this had been a one-off for both of them. When they had parted that morning they were firmly intending to drop back to being friendly co-workers. And if Susan's marital problems weren't going to be clouded by continued pleasures with John she certainly wasn't about to complicate her life with any other man!
Still, Jen wanted some details! Susan was glad of a confidante; she wouldn't ever be able to be open with Earl about this! When they first reached John's place both had clearly wanted to seem enthusiastic, maybe more so than they were yet, and things had begun as soon as they went indoors. From what he said as they left their cars Susan got the feeling that her delight in sexy behaviour would work well for him. So, once in the entrance lobby, she had rolled up her tight skirt, pulled down her thong knickers, leaving them round her ankles and bent against a table. As well as completing the image of an eager slut begging for a fuck her heels put her at just the right height so having simply unzipped his fly to let out his pretty fully erect cock he could do her from behind. It had been quick but Susan had had no difficulty in getting off in time to enjoy the feeling as he held himself as deep inside as he could reach and ejaculated with little twitches and slight sighs of pleasure. Quick, dirty and very satisfying. What could have been better? The enthusiasm had been as real as you could want.
After at most ten minutes the first sex was over so now for the other appetite: hands washed but without other ceremony they went into the kitchen to eat some of the food he had prepared in the hope that she would be with him. Satisfied the screwing had gone well, Jennifer wanted to know, was he really as good a cook as reputation said? Susan had discovered that the answer was "Yes!" and after the meal and a quiet drink of excellent red wine they had gone to bed doubly contented. At only 32 Susan could have enjoyed another fuck but she appreciated that being more than twice her age John had done pretty well already - she really felt good. She soon found that she too was ready for sleep after her very busy day so they spooned with him behind and slept peacefully until maybe six am.
The car to take her to Melrose's had been due at seven so that morning there was only time for a combined shower and sex. This had been great: a good deal of caressing first so that she had actually climaxed in the shower before she got out to lie on the thick bathroom rug for a perfectly conventional missionary position coupling. It had been excellent and fully explained the glow on her face when she had stopped the limo at Jennifer's to check how she was doing.
The report on what came next and discussion of Susan' career development and its effect on Jen didn't happen that day. First Jen was tired and went to her bedroom for a wash and rest. While Jen slept Susan wrote a bare factual account of her doings since the time of Earl's return home; partly because to hand it to him would be less stressful than the interrogation which would accompany a face to face presentation; partly it could easily be modified in style for presentation to a divorce lawyer if things got to that pitch.
Later, after they had eaten more of the food Susan had brought with her, there was a minor unpleasantness that seemed finally to have prevented further talk. As she moved about the house Susan happened to notice a Mercedes drive past slowly and she thought that it was similar to the one Earl took such pride in; was he spying? He wouldn't have seen her car as it was parked out of sight and she herself wasn't in direct light and was probably hard to see. Some of the lights were on so it was plain that someone was home. When told about this, Jen was firm that she didn't want Susan to leave. She was accustomed to this territory and said firmly that if Earl was prowling he would be easier to deal with if there was a witness.
Shortly the phone rang, the display confirming that this was Earl. Already they had decided Jen would just state that Susan was there but this wasn't enough so, when he pressed to speak to her, Susan spoke loudly enough for him to hear, asking Jen to say she didn't want to speak to him until tomorrow. He rang off without waiting for Jen to relay the message. She felt happy that she had satisfied him that she really was there and not in some man's bed for she really had no desire that he should suffer more pain now she was not behaving badly.
If he passed by again they never knew because they went to the guest room at the back, pulled the drapes across and watched inane TV, one of them on each of the beds; until Jen brought up a warm milky drink and they both went quickly to sleep.
Just as Susan was going to sleep she suddenly burst out laughing at something she hadn't told Jen: "I can't believe it's ever happened before in history. Earl said that he was going to buy me a new bed and punish me by not sleeping in it until I had proved myself worthy. A man punishing a woman by not fucking her! Have you ever heard of anything like it?"
Jen's view was realistic: "Alright; it's unusual but won't you find lack of sex a punishment?"
"Yes! I would if it happened but I really don't think he wants to drive me out to look for it elsewhere; Christ there's enough of it about if you're hungry! Anyway he likes it a lot; I'm going to bet on sex with him before I go to sleep tomorrow night."
She went on: "I'm surprised how much I care. When he spoke so oddly the time he was home and didn't tell me, I thought I had given up on him. Somehow I've realised in the last couple of days that I still want him; I even want his babies! But! - and it's a big but with a capital B - it has to be more nearly on my terms or I'll just burst out again. It's a 'But' he'll probably find even bigger than it seems to me."
This conversation had cleared her mind and she wished that she had faced up to Earl before she had done something foolish. Well, not exactly foolish! She had enjoyed herself as much as she had hoped though it would have been better if it had been as secret as she intended. She must remember that tomorrow was the first day of the rest of their lives for all of them and do her best if they tried to find a way forward together.