Chapter 3A

"... And you just walked out?" Karen asked, clearly shocked. Steve thought he saw a hint of mirth in her expression.

"Yes," he sighed.

Karen's clear disdain for Terry could sometimes be overwhelming. It got so bad that sometimes he even felt the need to defend his estranged wife. He understood that Karen was just taking his side and appreciated the thought. The truth was, he was a little confused about why it bothered him so much. Even after what Terry had done, Steve had never been able to bring himself to hate her. He just felt sad about the whole, miserable situation.

"Serves her right," Karen said spitefully. "Don't even give me that look," she scolded him. "You know she was going to try to manipulate you into staying. If you hadn't protected yourself exactly the way you did, you'd be dealing with that nightmare right now. You are too nice for your own good."

"I know, but with everything that's happened, I just feel shitty." He had trouble meeting her unflinching stare.

"Steve," she said, trying to soften her tone. "You love her and you're sad about everything falling apart. I really do understand. But she made her choices. If you need to do something to make yourself feel better, you should talk to her."

He looked at her incredulously, "Yeah, that'll make me feel better. Maybe I can even ask her if he was better than me in bed."

"Stop being a baby," she said casually. "You feel bad because of the way you left and what happened to her. The answer is simple; go talk to her and get it out of your system. You already know that nothing she says will make any difference, right?"

"Maybe you're right, but we're not going to find out. I have no interest in talking to Terry today or any day soon. If I get too whiney about it feel free to punch me in the arm... Ouch!" he yelled as she immediately hit him.

The two friends laughed, making the mood a little lighter. Karen patted him affectionately, "You'll survive, you big baby."

She knew she couldn't push him any more today. There was no doubt in her mind that Steve was avoiding his wife because he was afraid of where the conversation might go and what his reaction would be. She also didn't believe Steve would ever get over Terry without a serious talk to find out what was behind her actions. It was a difficult tightrope for her to walk, considering the way she really felt about him.

"Poor guy," Jasmine said sympathetically. She had been listening to her friend Karen pour her heart out about Steve for a half hour. She waved a hand at their waitress, indicating another round for them both.

"I swear, if I could get my hands on that bitch... " Karen muttered.

Jasmine studied her friend with an amused expression. Karen had few female friends, mainly because she'd never been into playing the kind of games many women did. She found them to be petty and a waste of time, preferring to just say what she thought, no matter what someone might think. Because she worked in a male-dominated field, that attitude served her well. She was well liked by her coworkers, never being afraid to share an embarrassing story or laugh at an off-colored joke.

They had known each other since college, where they met at a frat party. The two were polar opposites. Jasmine being very feminine, an expert at playing games, was beautiful and good at relationships. She never struggled with the kind of niceties that eluded her friend.

Jasmine liked Karen immediately. She found Karen's honesty refreshing and enjoyed the way she didn't seem to care what anyone thought. Jasmine also saw something special in her; a diamond in the rough. A woman who could be stunning if she wanted to, but who never had a friend to push her to use her feminine side to fit in. Karen's parents were very practical, preferring their daughter study for college prep classes rather than attending school dances.

The first time she convinced Karen to dress up for a party was an amusing experience for Jasmine, even though Karen had trouble seeing the funny side of it. Despite her friend's anxiety about looking like the 'prom date from hell', she made quite an impression. When they arrived at the party, no one recognized the former tomboy and Jasmine had to field questions from interested suitors all night about her 'new friend'.

Although Karen had a fairly consistent dating life after that, she was far too serious for most college guys. She didn't swoon like a lot of immature girls when a good looking boy indicated he was interested. Even though her social life wasn't ideal by college standards, her education was first rate and earned her an excellent job right out of school.

The two women stayed close after graduation. Jasmine was always frustrated by Karen's lack of success at finding someone to spend time with. She worried that work had become her friend's life and hoped something would happen to show the young woman what she was missing.

While she listened to Karen's ranting about this woman that neither of them knew, Jasmine stared at her friend thoughtfully. She understood Karen better than anyone else, this tirade was completely transparent. Jasmine couldn't suppress a smile.

"When are you going to tell him you love him?" she asked unexpectedly.

Jasmine barely could maintain her composure, seeing the bewildered expression her friend wore. "Love him!" Karen sputtered, trying to sound indignant. "He's just my friend and it's not fair what she did to him."

"Yeah, why don't you try that again? If you say it without looking like you just got caught cheating on your final exams, it might be more believable," Jasmine teased her.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Karen said, a little less firmly. She stared at her glass, unable to look at her friend, knowing that Jasmine would see right through her.

"It's all right sweety," Jasmine said softly, touching her on the arm. "He sounds like a great guy. Just give him some space. He's going to be a mess for a while. I don't want you to get hurt." There was an uncomfortable silence as the two friends tried to think of some way to change the subject.

The next three months passed slowly for Steve, with many lonely nights. He missed Terry more than he could stand, and it didn't seem to be getting better. Former friends from the neighborhood didn't call and he assumed that they were taking her side. Steve considered telling them what really happened, but decided if they were really his friends, it wouldn't have mattered, or at least they would have asked.

On a brighter note, Joe let him know that one day Ted and Jackie had packed up and disappeared. They hadn't told anyone they were moving, or why. There was still a 'for sale' sign up on their lawn.

No one in Terry's family had spoken to him after the visit to her lawyer. It was crushing to lose an entire family so quickly, but Steve knew their loyalties would lie with her first, as they should. She was their blood. Some part of him wished that they could have still talked from time to time. They really were wonderful people and he missed them almost as much as he missed talking to her.

After over a month of attempts that kept the pain of the situation front and center in his mind, Terry finally stopped trying to contact him. Beth confided that she was a wreck for a long time, but seemed to be getting it together at last. Steve was glad for that. He couldn't imagine the kind of guilt he'd have felt if it had been his actions that ended their marriage. He thought about talking to her now that things had settled down but decided it wouldn't serve any purpose. He also worried that it would lead to her having unrealistic expectations. Steve was miserable without her, but thought it would make things worse to have her half in his life.

The only bright spot for him was Karen. They had become inseparable. She had infinite patience dealing with his moods and the times when he complained too much about his life. She was intelligent, funny, kind and cheerful. She had a delightfully sharp wit and had a way of saying something that was cutting without being cruel. It was her favorite technique to shake him out of one of his self-destructive depressions. She did it brilliantly and somehow managed to never go too far.

How someone like her wasn't in a committed relationship or even married was beyond Steve's comprehension. Karen was twenty-four and he couldn't imagine anyone being more mature or nearly as much fun to be around. Without her help, he wondered if he would have survived the last few months. Losing his wife, his extended family, many of his friends, and having to change his lifestyle had been almost too much to deal with.

Although they spent a lot of time together, they were careful to always keep it social. They never went out after work unless it was with a group of friends. Steve knew he wasn't looking for a relationship; it was hard enough to get out of bed some mornings. She was very attractive so it wasn't always easy, but a good friend like her was hard to find. He wasn't going to do anything stupid to ruin it.

The divorce became official on a Friday just over four months after the meeting with Terry's lawyer. His lawyer called him at work. He didn't think that it would be a big deal, but found out he was wrong. It didn't make sense to him, but the finality of it was devastating. He hung up the phone with shaking hands and left to go to the restroom before he made a fool out of himself in front of everyone. Karen caught him in the hallway.

"Steve, what's wrong?" she asked with concern.

"That was my lawyer. Everything's over, I'm single again." Steve tried to smile, but failed miserably. He retreated into the bathroom to collect himself. When he came out, she was still waiting and took him to the cafeteria to talk.

Karen's expression left no doubt about how concerned she was. "Are you all right?"

"I honestly don't know, Karen. I thought I was ready for this, but I guess I was wrong. I walked out of the tech room and thought I was going to fall flat on my face." Steve stopped talking as he struggled in vain to find the right words.

"Do you know what you need?" she stated cheerfully, "A night out with a beautiful brunette who is dying to show you a good time."

Steve smiled at the thought, but tried to beg off. "I appreciate the offer, but I'm not going to be very good company tonight."

"Nonsense, you've never let me down. I'm glad you're so worried about my feelings, but if you think I'm going to leave my best friend alone on a night like tonight, you're out of your freaking mind."

That's how Karen was, incredibly stubborn and loyal. Steve knew there was no way to get her to leave him alone that night, so he reluctantly agreed to take her out. She said there was a great Italian place only a couple of blocks from her house. Since he was so broke, she insisted on treating. He thought about arguing, but knew it would be a waste of his time. The truth was, he wasn't looking forward to going home by himself and couldn't think of anyone he'd rather be with tonight.

Steve arrived at Karen's apartment just before seven o'clock. He felt strange to be dressed as if he was going out on a date. On the other hand, it felt good to have his mind on trying to be a good companion to Karen instead of on his problems. When she opened the door, he had to take a deep breath to steady himself. She was about his height with curly black hair that was done up as if she was attending a red carpet party. The beautiful dress she wore showed off her slim figure and great cleavage. When he saw her in heels instead of the flats she always wore to work, he couldn't get over how beautiful her legs were.

He was a little uncomfortable with the obvious attraction to her. It caught him off guard because this was the first time he had seen her looking like this. "Wow, you look beautiful," he said with open admiration.

Karen graciously accepted his complement. "You clean up nicely yourself, sexy." They shared a laugh and walked to the restaurant.

They were in sight of the front door when a car door opened in front of them and Terry stepped out. Steve came to a dead stop, watching her move elegantly. She was well dressed and looking as beautiful as he remembered. He thought briefly about turning and walking the other way, but Terry spotted him first. She looked around in a panic as a well-dressed man stepped around the front of the car and took her arm.

"Terry, is everything all right?" he asked.

Steve felt Karen take his arm for support and he walked up to his now ex-wife. "Terry, it's good to see you. I hope you're doing well." He tried not to let his voice shake, he didn't want her to see the kind of power she still had over him.

She looked at Karen with thinly veiled contempt and promptly ignored her. Looking straight at her ex husband, she said, "I'm doing as well as can be expected. I assume you heard the news today." Her voice didn't betray any bitterness or sarcasm. She just sounded unhappy.

He regarded her cautiously, unsure what to say. "Yes, my lawyer called late this morning. Are you here for dinner?" He was afraid that in some cosmic joke, she was actually going to the same restaurant. It didn't matter; he had already lost his appetite and was beginning to feel sick.

"No, we have other plans. We are just stopping here," she gestured to the bar that was two doors down from the restaurant, "For a drink first."

Steve tried to find a way to end the conversation quickly. "Well, I don't want to hold you two up and we have reservations. Take care of yourself, Terry." He tried to sound calm and collected, hoping she wouldn't understand the effect she was having on him.

Terry looked very uncomfortable, like she wanted to say something, but wasn't sure if she should. "It was nice to see you again, Steve. You take care too."

Karen urged him past the other couple and Steve didn't look back until they reached the door to the restaurant. Terry and her date were nowhere in sight. Karen stopped and glanced over her shoulder. Seeing that they were gone, she turned to him, "Are you all right?"

He tried to answer her, but couldn't catch his breath. He couldn't think of anything except getting off the sidewalk so there was no chance Terry would see him like this. Steve shook off Karen's hand and stumbled past the door to the alleyway. He took a few steps in and collapsed to the ground. He felt like he was on the edge of passing out. In shock, he realized he was hyperventilating and couldn't stop.

There was a soft touch on his shoulder. "Just relax and breathe, it will be Ok. Just concentrate on my voice and breathe in, now out." She continued to try calming him down until he was finally able to regain control.

"Karen, I'm sorry, I have to go," he managed to say between gasps.

"The hell you do, you're not going anywhere without me. We're going back to my place right now. Just come with me down the alley and we won't have to go by the bar." She helped Steve to his feet and put her arm around him as they walked behind the building, then headed back to her apartment.

When they walked in the door, Karen ushered him to the couch and went to get a drink. She came back and sat down next to him, concern clearly etched on her face. Steve took a sip of the drink and set it down, anxious to apologize for ruining her night.

"Karen, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I just lost it. When I saw her with that guy... "

Suddenly he tensed as he felt it happening again. She didn't hesitate to pull him close, whispering encouraging words into his ear. Steve was able to stop from falling apart again, but found he had a new problem. He started crying.

Not a couple of tears on the cheeks crying; Steve was bawling like a baby. He hadn't cried like that in years, since his Mom passed away in his freshman year of college. It wasn't a macho thing; he just never felt the urge to cry. Now there was no stopping it. Karen ran a hand up and down his back while the other one held the back of his head, her fingers massaging his scalp. She continued talking quietly, telling him things would be all right and to just let it out.