Chapter 83

It took me two more weeks to get everything arranged for my move back to Ridgeline. At first, both Mama and Joyce tried to object to my plan to live over at Mama's house. Mama objected to me telling her that Brenda and the children needed to go live at their own house, with Emily and her two children. Joyce told me I needed to come back to live at my own house.

After I told Joyce that I no longer wanted to live in the same house she lived in, she stopped protesting my decision to stay at Mama's. Mama never did stop objecting until after Brenda made her objections moot by picking up and returning to her house on her own. I had called Brenda after talking with Mama and had explained why I'd prefer her doing that.

After Brenda decamped, I called Mama and asked her whether I was welcome to come stay with her at the house, or if she'd prefer that I find my own place to live. Seeing that I was serious about doing things my own way, Mama finally relented, telling me I was always welcome to move back to my old room.

I felt a little bad about uprooting Billy Ray and Cindy from the rest of their family, but I knew I needed Billy Ray close by, and Cindy had insisted all along that she now wanted to go wherever I went.

I made Billy Ray a senior VP of the grain trading company and installed him, at the company's expense, in a home I'd rented in Ridgeline. Now that he was working directly for me, I felt like it was all right to pay him a lot more money for the work he was doing. A secondary advantage I got from moving Billy Ray away from Macklinson's, and giving him a very hefty raise, was my doing so had taken away some of the animosity Larry was having with Gene over his notion that I was giving preferential treatment to both Cindy and Kyle. Billy Ray was the first of the Macklinson family whose salary now exceeded the one hundred thousand dollars a year threshold.

As soon as I was back living at Mama's house, I called Shirley and invited her and our children over for lunch, and a day long visit with me. It took a little persuading for me to convince her that I really wanted her to come visit, and that my invitation didn't include Joyce coming too.

Lunch was a little strained at first. I'm sure that Shirley had some doubts about loyalty issues with Joyce. Whenever she raised a question about my future plans, or asked about any of the other wives, I told her that I was only interested in discussing our relationship, and our children right then. After lunch, we packed ourselves and the children into my car and went for a drive.

I couldn't seem to relax in Mama's house while Shirley and the children were there. Mama and Gerta were a disturbing presence on my mind. I had sent Cindy over to Billy Ray's new house to help them with getting settled in. I told her I wanted to spend some time with Shirley, and with the kids, to get a better idea of how they were going to react to my having returned.

We ended up driving up to Bolling and getting Derek fitted for his first real set of golf clubs. After, we stopped by Gracarie's Cocina and had an early dinner with Grace and Marie. It was fun catching up with everything that was going on with them. Jane and Grace were still going strong, and were in the process of adopting their third child. Marie's husband wasn't doing well, health wise, and she was very worried about him.

On the drive back home, Shirley and I really began to discuss our situation. I told her that I hadn't really changed my mind about any of my earlier decisions concerning Emily and Brenda, and I now no longer believed it would be possible to work things out to everyone's satisfaction. I told her my current plan was to see just how much could be salvaged from our earlier situation.

"Shirley, I know you feel like this has got you caught in the middle, but it doesn't need to be like that. You don't have to take sides. I'd like to see about getting things back to where we had some kind of a normal relationship again. You, me, and the kids. Not with all of us living together necessarily, but at least seeing each other regularly, and us spending some time together, with the kids."

"Are you going to be setting something like this up with the other wives too?"

"Right now, I'm not sure. I might try that, just to see if it works out better than what we're doing now."

"Better? Right now, none of us see you at all. What about Emily and Brenda? Are you going to offer them the same deal as me?"

"It isn't a deal, Shirley. We're not making deals here. We've been apart, and I'm trying to see what we can possibly manage that would be better for all of us. I tried making deals with Joyce, but that didn't work out. I'm through trying to make those kinds of all or nothing deals. I'd like for us to spend some time together, you and me. If we both enjoy it, then we can take it from there. If not, then we'll have to try something else."

"Why me now, Kenny? Before you said you wanted to work things out with Joyce first."

"I did want that. We tried. It didn't work out for us when we tried it that way. Maybe things will change somewhere down the road, but maybe they won't too. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life waiting for things to change for Joyce and me. You and I don't have to have those kinds of problems, Shirley. We can already start to spend time together, just like we're doing here today."

"Maybe we should have tried this first, Kenny. Now though, I can't do that to Joyce. It isn't fair to her for any of the rest of us to make our separate deals with you. I don't mean for this to include the children though. You can come see them whenever you want to. As far as the two of us though, you have to get something settled with the original four of us, before we can go back to there even being an us again."

"Do you think Brenda and Emily will feel that way too?"

"I don't know what they'll do, Kenny. All I'm talking about is what I believe I need to do. I love you, but I'm not going to do anything to improve my position if it has to be at Joyce's expense."

"I don't think you really care that much about most of the things Joyce is holding out for. If you take the position you're talking about taking, I might as well just stop trying to get anything worked out with any of the other wives. Somebody has to start being reasonable first. I hoped that could be you and me."

"You and Joyce need to settle this between you first. You're the one who first told me that. You can't just quit talking whenever you don't get your own way, Kenny. Go see Joyce and find a way to work it out."

We got back to Mama's house before we spoke again. I understood what she was saying, and even agreed with her about some of it. Joyce and I had reached an impasse though. I had gone as far as I was willing to go with her to break that impasse. I kissed the kids and helped Shirley load them into her car for the short drive back to their house. I told Derek that I'd pick up his new golf clubs when they were ready, and take him out to the country club to spend some time hitting balls with him. I leaned into the car through the open window and gave Shirley a kiss goodbye. It was more of a peck on the cheek than anything else, but I wanted her to know that I wasn't angry or upset with her. I knew she was still a little fearful of the temper I'd shown towards her while I was sick.

It was eight o'clock when I went into Mama's house. Cindy was back from Billy Ray's house and Mama said she'd gone up to our bedroom. I excused myself before Mama had a chance to ask me any questions about my meeting with Shirley. I went up to my bedroom and spent an hour discussing what happened with Cindy.

Cindy thought I should have expected that reaction at first from Shirley. Her advice was to keep trying. She asked me if I was going to set something up with Joyce next.

"I don't think so. I've made a couple moves that way already. I came back to town, and I asked Shirley to come talk with me. I think I'll just wait and see what they do next. I'll have Mama call Brenda and ask her to bring over the kids for a visit. If Emily and Brenda will let me visit with the kids, then I'll ask Mama to have Joyce send over our kids at a later time. If they'll all let me spend time with the kids, I can afford to just wait it out and see what they'll try to do next."

It was my father who first approached me with a way to break the impasse I was facing. He had already made all the arrangements without telling me a thing about it. When he had everything set up, he came to me and presented the idea to me.

"Kenny, it seems to me, and it has for a long while now, that your main difficulty in getting things resolved with your wives stems from you always having these very inflexible plans for how you need things to be. Life isn't like that. Plans are all well and good to have, but they need to leave plenty of wiggle room to allow for changes that might be needed. You can't go into a complicated and delicate negotiation with this 'take it or leave it' attitude you've been giving to people. From what I've been hearing, everyone feels like you want everything to be your way. If it isn't, then you go ahead and break off the discussion."

"I haven't broken off any discussions, Dad. There is a big difference between me not agreeing to something and breaking off discussions. I've told Joyce, and I've told Emily and Brenda both, that I can't go along with what they all say they want. It won't work. I know it won't work, because we've tried it before and it didn't work then. I haven't stopped looking for a way that will work, but I haven't come up with anything that I think might work yet."

"I've set it up for all of us to go out to the country club dance on Saturday. Joyce, Shirley, Brenda, Emily and Cindy have all agreed to be there. All we expect from you is for you to show up and be pleasant company again."

"You really think going out to a dance with them is going to accomplish anything?" I couldn't believe he was wasting my time with something as hare brained as this. These were real problems we were having. Problems that wouldn't just go away because we were all sitting together, dancing and listening to some music. This was so unlike my father too. I suspected that he'd been put up to it by either Mama or Joyce.

"You need to keep an open mind. The best way to solve a problem is to talk it out with whoever's involved. You know that already. In a social situation, there will be less pressure. Maybe all of you can use this lower keyed setting to better define your points of view?"

As if all of us didn't already know everyone else's point of view! This was too simplistic. It isn't as if I didn't already know what they all wanted from me. The only thing about it that appealed to me was the idea that my father had already gotten all of them to agree to go there and try it.

"What do you mean when you say I have to be 'pleasant company'?"

"No fighting, no arguing. Just do your best to stay pleasant. Treat it as strictly a social engagement. I've promised all of them that you'd behave yourself and not engage in fighting or arguing with them."

"I could do that, but it wouldn't accomplish anything. None of this happened because I couldn't treat them well. What are we supposed to be talking about while we're all together like this?"

"I'm afraid I can't be of much assistance to you there, Kenny. I can tell you that all of them expressed the hope that it would be a pleasant evening. It has seemed to both your mother and to me that all of you want things to be worked out between yourselves, but none of you know how to go about it. The best way to work things out is to first talk to each other. Saturday will give each of you an opportunity to do that. That alone should be enough to convince you that it would be a good move for you to agree to attend."

"Sure, I'll be there. I haven't been avoiding any of them anyway. The only problem I have with it is knowing someone is going to violate the agreement about fighting and arguing."

"Just make sure it isn't you that does so, Kenny." It was a little unsettling the way my Dad looked at me when he spoke those words. It was one of the first indicators I had seen that he believed I was the one most responsible for the rift in my family situation.

When I left him, we had agreed that I would show up at the dance at eight thirty on Saturday evening. He told me the others would be there at eight, and that he and Mama were going to go over all the ground rules with the wives once again, before I showed up at the dance.

I tried asking Cindy about the dance, but she told me that she'd been told not to say anything about it to me before hand. What she would do though, was show me the outfit she planned on wearing to the dance. She modeled it for me and I was suitably impressed. What I did learn from her was that she was looking forward to Saturday with great anticipation. I didn't see what the big deal was. I'd been out to those dances many times over the years. Once the band started playing, there would be little chance for any of us to do any talking together anyway.

I was beginning to feel settled in by the time Saturday rolled around. Derek and I had spent a couple of hours out at the driving range as he tried out his new golf clubs. His swing was erratic, and he seemed much more concerned with hitting the ball high, rather than with either the distance or the direction the ball traveled. I let him decide what he thought was fun though, and even showed him how to put the ball further forward in his stance so that it would go higher. The main thing was to get him to enjoy hitting golf balls. We could work on other things after he grew to enjoy the complex act of hitting a golf ball.

I ended up being a little late to the dance, arriving at ten minutes to nine. It wasn't exactly a case of nerves that delayed me. It was mostly caused by me underestimating the amount of time it would take me to choose the clothes I wanted to wear to the dance.

Ordinarily, this wasn't a problem I was used to having. For some reason, one which I didn't understand, I couldn't seem to arrive at a decision on which suit to wear, and when I did, I'd look in the mirror after deciding, and not be satisfied with how I looked in the clothes. In the end, I chose a conservative dark blue business suit. I'd already spent an hour getting ready by the time I finally settled on this suit.

When I finally did get to the club, I had no trouble finding our table. Everyone was already there, and they were all already enjoying themselves, if the laughter and the noise coming from the table was any indication at all. Joyce was sitting on Mama's right and Brenda was on her left. Emily was sitting on Brenda's left, then my Dad, then Shirley and then Cindy was wedged in next to her. The only vacant seat was between Joyce and Cindy. Somehow, I was sure this was a planned move on everyone's part.

I had been thinking about what my Dad had said to me. I was determined that it wasn't going to be me that raised the first voice in argument. I was perfectly willing to have a good time and let things be purely social and relaxed. When I got to the table, I greeted everyone and apologized about being late. My Dad asked me what I was drinking, and that's when I first noticed that there were three empty champagne bottles at the table. Even Shirley had a champagne flute in front of her, and that was an unusual thing all by itself. I told my father that I'd have a glass of champagne as well.

It soon became obvious to me that both my parents were being very attentive to all our empty glasses, mine and the wives, constantly topping them off with more champagne. I had been dancing with all the wives, and whenever we came back from dancing, it was to filled champagne glasses for both me and my current dance partner.

The old bottles had been taken away, but there were several new empties in the center of the table again. It looked like my parents thought liquor would be some sort of lubricant for us to help work out our differences.