Chapter 73

I woke up early, at around seven, but Shirley had already left the bedroom. I was just about ready to grab myself a shower when she came back in, carrying a tray laden with our breakfast. Luckily, it was just some cold cereal and slices of hot buttered toast.

Shirley wasn't much of a cook. I could still feel the remnants of the night before's burnt pot roast and over cooked veggies. They were still sitting heavily in my stomach, waiting to be broken down, but needing more stomach acid to complete the task. The meat hadn't quite been leathery, but it hadn't been that far from it either. None of the children had complained though, and Derek had even asked for seconds, on everything.

After breakfast, I grabbed a quick shower. I invited Shirley to join me, but she said she needed to supervise the kids getting their own breakfasts. When I came downstairs, after getting myself cleaned up and changed, Shirley left me in charge of the kids while she went back up to get herself ready for the day. We were taking the children out to a local park to play for awhile, and then over to Bolling, for lunch at Gracarie's Cocina, before heading off to the petting zoo.

I called Joyce over at the house to fill her in on what Shirley and I had agreed to on the night before. I would spend the first part of the day just with Shirley, and with our three children, then all of us would be coming over to the big house in time for dinner, somewhere around six thirty. We would then all spend the night over at the big house. I told Joyce that Shirley and I would again be sleeping just with each other. In the morning, she and the children would go back to their house, and I would head over to Mama's, for both breakfast and lunch.

Joyce wasn't happy with the plans Shirley and I had worked out together. She told me she thought Shirley should be satisfied with having me all to herself the day before. I told her that my visit with Shirley and the children was going very well, and that, instead of worrying about Shirley and me, and what we were doing, she needed to be working on convincing Cindy that her only path for getting back in our family would go through Joyce, not through me.

Joyce didn't like hearing me telling her that. I told her I'd be able to explain things to her later, but for right now I felt it was both necessary and important that I spend more time with Shirley and the children. I told her that I believed Shirley and I had made great strides towards working everything out that we needed to, but that we still needed this extra time together for us to regain that comfortable feeling we had once enjoyed.

Shirley and I had both agreed that after being at Mama's house for breakfast and lunch on Saturday, and having spent several hours talking with both my parents and with Hans and Gerta, I would then be returning to the big house, spending the remaining time of my visit with Joyce, and, if I wanted to, with Cindy.

These plans were mostly suggested by Shirley. I was sure Joyce had spoken with her earlier, even before my visit had started. I felt like it had been Joyce's influence that had caused her to come up with most of these plans she had suggested to me. We discussed her plans for the remainder of the visit, and Shirley informed me of what she would be comfortable with.

She was the one who had inserted the "if you want to" part, concerning me spending time with Cindy after my visit over at Mama's house. She was also the one who had later assured me that she knew Joyce had been right about her needing to share me with all the other wives, if she ever wanted all of us to get back to being a family again.

This conversation had taken place late Thursday night, after we had finished making love. It was Shirley who had brought the subject up, and she took the lead by first spelling out how she wanted things to be. I knew she wasn't really anxious to share me with any of the other wives, with the possible exception of Joyce.

One thing she did tell me, was that she was agreeing to doing things this way mostly because she wanted to live up to some of the things I had told her earlier that I loved about her. She also said she knew I wouldn't really be happy unless all of the wives, and all of the children, were back with me, living under one roof together again.

I was glad that I had insisted on Shirley and I spending the early part of Friday together, just us and our children. I had also managed to talk her into coming over to the big house and spending Friday night alone with me in my bedroom. Shirley's plan had called for all of us to be going over to the big house Friday morning, and us spending the day and the night there. She was assuming that I'd be sleeping with Joyce, not her. The next morning, she had then planned to return to her house, with me going off to Mama's house, sometime after she and the children left on Saturday morning.

When I made my own modifications to her plan, she seemed quite happy with all my suggestions. I wanted her to know that I was serious about paying more attention to her, a lot more than I might have done in the past.

I was conscious of the shift I'd been making in how I viewed and valued each of the wives. Part of this I attributed to what had taken place during my period of illness, but another part of it was because I now had a different personality than before. I still appreciated beauty, maybe even more than I had before, but, I had gone through a lot, emotionally, and had been forced to deal with some life altering circumstances. I saw many things differently than I had before I became ill. Part of this change in me was now starting to benefit Shirley.

This wasn't even something totally new with me. It had happened before, helping to change how I felt about all of the wives. Probably the most obvious example of these changes had been in my relationship with Joyce. In the beginning, when we had first met, the main reason why I'd hired her as my new assistant was because I knew Shirley, who was my girlfriend at the time, could never be jealous of her, because of the way she looked. In spite of these looks, after becoming aware of her many other great qualities, her fighting spirit, and her awesome determination, I grew to depend on her, to value her. Eventually, although it had been a slow transition for me, I grew to love her.

Brenda and Emily had both first attracted me to them by their looks, and by their interest in me and their physical appeal to me. I was more interested in how their looks appealed to me, than in any of the things they actually said and did. Brenda's early behavior had turned me against her. I had decided, on several occasions, that she and I were through, and that she was forever out of my life. Somehow, she was always able to find her way back into my life though. It was her looks that had made this possible.

Later on, it was still her looks, but it was also the way she added to the relationships I enjoyed with the other wives. Most notably, this was with Emily, but it was also present in adding to my relationship with Joyce. After she had my children, I knew that we'd always be connected. I stopped fighting against it.

I had found a role for Brenda, one that suited her, and justified, in my mind at least, my making allowances for her past behavior with me. Joyce was happier having Brenda with us, and Emily wouldn't have come to be with us without having the added incentive of also being with Brenda. I had made allowances for most of them at one time or another. I was attempting to do that now, once again.

Emily and I had an uneven relationship. I believed I loved her far more than she loved me. It had always been that way. She had only come to be with all of us because of Brenda. Later, she had mostly stayed with us for that same reason too. If it weren't for our children, and the fact that there was something about her that really appealed to me on levels I can't adequately explain, I'd have been willing to see her out of my life on quite a few occasions.

It was only when she was gone that I felt the heavy weight of my love for her. Perhaps it had more to do with always knowing I could never be as much to her as she was to me. Our relationship had certainly changed over the years, but Emily had been her consistent self, constantly finding things to complain about, and fighting against what she saw as the unfairness with how she was being treated. There were constant shifts in the balance between Emily, Brenda, and me. With my illness, the balance had once again been shifted.

According to what Joyce had been telling me, Brenda wanted to return to Kansas. Her roots were in Kansas, all her family were here too. I knew that Mama had been working on Brenda, wanting Dwightee and April back closer to her, so that she could continue molding them into becoming the kind of people she wanted them both to be. It wouldn't have surprised me to learn that Mama had a hand in helping Brenda decide she wanted to return to Kansas.

I didn't think Emily would have gone out to California in the first place, not without Brenda. If Brenda returned, eventually, I was sure that Emily would return as well. Joyce blamed at least part of Brenda's decision to go out to California on the fact that I had released all of her funds to her. Brenda had made a lot of money with me trading her account. It had angered her when Frank informed her that I had closed out her trading account and was releasing the money back to her. It was more than twenty six million dollars, maybe she thought she now had enough money.

With Eddie and Dale, I felt like they weren't as committed to all of us as I'd wanted them to be. Maybe they were just too involved with each other. I loved them both, but it was different from the love I had with my original four wives. I wanted Eddie and Dale with us, just like I wanted Cindy with us. The difference was, I needed the original four wives with me. Maybe it was partly because of the children we shared, but I thought it was something more than that. I knew I loved all of them, and that I hadn't wavered in that love. You can love someone but not need them, and you can need someone and not love them.

With Joyce and Shirley, I needed them, but I also loved them. With Brenda and Emily, I loved them both, and I really wanted them close to me, maybe even needed them close to me. It wasn't the same though as it was for Joyce and Shirley. Perhaps it was our history together, the fighting, and, yes, the betrayals.

I no longer had the sense that our future paths needed to be the same. I had that need with Joyce and Shirley, the sense that our futures needed to be together. With Emily and Brenda, it was more wanting our futures to be together, but being able to see myself still being happy if they were close by, but not necessarily together with me.

I knew that Joyce didn't share this sense that we all didn't need to be together. I also knew that she wouldn't give up on trying to return everything to how it once had been. I wasn't against this happening, not if she could somehow manage to make it be like that. Emily and Brenda would always be my wives, whether or not we were actually living together, or even if they each thought of themselves as my wives or not.

The kids had a great day. The novelty of having both parents with them had probably kept all of them staying closer to us than they would have been if it were something they were already used to. We spent a pleasant hour or so, running around, all five of us. The children playing on the swings and slides, with the park setting allowing each of them to show off some of their physical skills.

At the restaurant, we were greeted and immediately seated and treated like royalty by Grace and Marie. Phone calls were made, and soon we were joined by Jane, her two surprises, and by Marie's husband. We all sat together, enjoying the company, and trying to get caught up on all the changes that had taken place.

Jane was staying at home now, taking care of the two daughters that she and Grace had adopted. Mama had helped them get the adoptions approved, and the children seemed to have completely taken over both their lives. I'd never seen Grace happier, or more content. Watching Jane fussing over Diane and Lorraine, their two new daughters, was a sentimental thing for me to see.

I'd gotten too caught up in my own life and problems to manage to keep up with these good friends of mine. All of them expressed their worry and concern for me. It made me realize how many lives my own now touched in so many different ways. Both daughters had, at one time, been placements in our group home program. Seeing them with us, I couldn't even tell that they were once orphans, and had been part of the institutional child care system. They looked like any other happy and normal ten year old children. There was no sign of their earlier struggles in life.

The petting zoo after lunch was a lot of fun. Jane and her daughters decided to come along and share the experience with us. I marvelled at the different ways each of the children approached their visit with the animals. I had thought Derek and Jane's two girls might be too old to enjoy visiting a petting zoo, but I was mistaken. He seemed to like the larger animals. Diane and Lorraine were excited to be able to sit on the ground and help feed a baby goat. Becky was more into the rabbits and the chicks and baby ducklings. Leah seemed to enjoy throwing corn feed at the rooster. Not to the rooster though, just at him. She spent most of the rest of her visit to the zoo observing everyone else as they enjoyed being with the animals.

I felt like Leah favored me more than any of the other children. I didn't remember being so moody, but I remembered being more interested in how other people reacted to things than I was in reacting to them myself. The similarity was enough to sound minor alarms for me. When I mentioned my concerns to Shirley, she just laughed at my worry.

"She's fine, Kenny. The other children are more boisterous, that's all. Leah enjoys quieter pursuits. In her own way, she's enjoying this visit to the zoo every bit as much as any of the other children. She's always watching and learning. What you think of as moody behavior is more her ability to be calm and enjoy the stillness. She can get so focused on things that she appears moody or standoffish to people. She might not have the social skills or the outgoing personality of someone like Becky, but she isn't having a difficult childhood. She's actually quite happy now. She does better in smaller groups. When she gets older, we'll need to watch out, to make sure that she doesn't start retreating too much into these solitary comfort zones she uses, times where she's content to just observe life. Right now, we should let her express herself in her own chosen ways."

I nodded to Shirley, but I wasn't convinced. I didn't expect Leah to be like Becky, but I didn't want her standing on the sidelines, just watching other people living their lives and being participants in the things happening around them. I'd keep my own eyes open, and when I had a chance, I'd try to help her see that being a part of something was just as easy, and much more rewarding then simply being an observer. Some children need to be helped out of their natural personality tendencies.

We had a great dinner later at the big house. Claire and Thelma had done all the cooking, and it was a welcome change from Shirley's pot roast, or from the corn dogs we'd eaten earlier at the zoo. I noticed a little bit of tension between Joyce and Shirley, and between Shirley and Cindy, but I already knew what was causing it.

I had managed, when we were all talking together earlier, to lay out certain conditions for future behavior.

As soon as we got to the house, Derek and the twins had run off somewhere to catch up on things with each other. There was a minor argument between the three of them when Derek told the twins that I had decided to move in at his house. Bunny and Bertie had both come running back to the living room to tell Joyce that Derek was telling lies, and was being mean to them. All us adults were in the living room, talking while we waited for dinner to be ready. Joyce listened to what Derek had said and then pointedly looked over to me, leaving it to me to respond to the twins complaints.

"Derek was just teasing you two, because of what you said to him before. We're all going to live here together again, probably soon too. That other house would be too small for all of us to fit in it. You shouldn't have told Derek that I had decided to come live with you and not him. You just did that to make him feel bad."

"I told the twins that you were coming back to live here, Kenny." Joyce spoke up to let me know that the twins had been saying only what they had been told by her. I'm sure she hadn't said anything about Derek not living with us too, but that is what they'd just assumed.

"I am going to do that, but when I do move back here, Shirley and the kids are going to be moving back here too. We're a family, and we should all be living together." I was addressing the three children, but I was speaking to the three ladies also.

"Is that right, Shirley, are you really moving back here?" Joyce sounded pleased when she asked Shirley the question. She probably thought it had all been settled, or else I wouldn't have said anything to anyone about it. Shirley and I hadn't discussed any specific plans beyond this one weekend. I hoped she wouldn't decide to get angry at my presumption.

"Kenny and I need to discuss a few more things first. I know he wants all of us to be together. He and I have pretty much talked through all our earlier issues."

Joyce clapped her hands together and laughed, clearly happy that Shirley was pretty much confirming what I'd stated. Her next comment was provoked by her disappointment with my newly announced plans for spending Friday night in my room with Shirley, and not with Cindy and her.

"Don't take too long discussing things with him, okay? You're already walking funny from last night's discussion, and the rest of us have a few things we want to discuss with him too." I looked at Shirley to see how she would react to Joyce's teasing.

"Last night's discussions were only preliminary discussions. Tonight we're going to get into much deeper things. It will probably take us half the night to get everything worked out. There's still quite a bit we haven't yet gotten to. Maybe we should retire early tonight, Kenny?" Shirley was seldom known to give it back to anyone who was teasing her. Usually she would just sit there and take it, coloring up with a deep flush whenever the teasing contained any sexual innuendo.

"We should get right on it after dinner, Shirley. I want to get something straight between us as soon as possible, especially if you meant what you said earlier about those deeper things we still needed to spend half the night working on." I knew I shouldn't have joined in with the banter, knowing it would be better if Joyce and Shirley worked this out amongst themselves. I wanted to support Shirley's unexpected effort to stand up to Joyce's comments though.

Derek and the twins looked back and forth at all of us as we three bantered back and forth. After another minute of this, not hearing anything interesting enough to keep them in the room with us, they ran off to play together. Their earlier argument all but forgotten. As soon as the children were out of earshot, Joyce spoke up again.

"You shouldn't wear him out, Shirley. We all want to spend time visiting with him too. You had him all to yourself last night. Let us have him tonight, and you can be with him again in the morning, before you leave to go back to your house."

I got a strong feeling right then that Joyce had made some promises to Cindy, promises concerning her ability to deliver me for that evening's bedroom activities. I'd told her earlier on the phone that Shirley and I would be sleeping together in my bedroom. Now she was appealing to Shirley. I'd made it clear to Joyce that it had been my decision to sleep with Shirley again that night. It was my choice, and now, she was attempting to overrule what I had specifically told her I wanted.

"Joyce, I already told you that I wanted to be with Shirley tonight, just the two of us. I'll be here tomorrow night, and you and I can be together then if you want. I'd like that. As for Cindy though, you know that Shirley and I already have a deal about that."

"I won't hold you to our deal, Kenny. I know you want to get all of us together again. I don't mind about you doing things with her now." Shirley tried to sound calm and sure. There was just the tiniest bit of doubt apparent in the way she spoke each word a little slower to me. She was willing to say she was all right with it, but it obviously wasn't what she wanted.

"I'm holding you to our deal though, Shirley. I'm still not sleeping with Cindy until after the two of you get back together. Cindy already told me she was willing to be with you again, now I guess the rest is up to you."

"You shouldn't leave it up to me, Kenny. Right now, I've got too much else on my mind to be thinking about doing anything like that."

As I spoke to her, I began realizing that I really meant what I was saying. If Shirley, Joyce and me were going to truly be inseparable again, then Shirley needed to work and cooperate with Joyce, just as much as she needed to work and cooperate with me. I was prepared to do my part, and I knew Joyce was ready too. Shirley needed to decide if the three of us were going to really be together again or not.

Sleeping with Cindy would be something that Shirley could do to show both of us that she also was prepared to do what it took to get our family back together again. We'd spoken earlier about her preferring that I be there whenever she did things with other girls. I knew if I offered to be there with them, it would make it easier for Shirley to go along.

"We could invite her in to spend time with the two of us tonight, Shirl. Just for long enough to have us both meet the conditions we agreed upon." We might have worked something out right then, if Cindy hadn't spoken up to make everything more complicated for us.

"I never agreed to doing that, Kenny. I said I'd do it with you and Joyce." Cindy seemed more upset by this than Shirley had been. I wondered why? I could see there was a lot of downside to pursuing this any further though.

"Let's not get upset, okay? We'll have a nice dinner, and if anyone wants to talk about this later, then we'll all sit down and discuss it. For right now, we'll leave things just like they were. Shirley and I will sleep in my room tonight."

No one said anything more about it. Joyce started talking about wanting to hear more about Cindy's great plan for the Quick Snacks program. I gathered that the subject had come up between Cindy and Joyce sometime earlier.

"I wish I'd brought up all my files, and some of the charts I made up. It really is something we need to be doing to make sure we're able to get our products into all these small convenience stores owned by women. The number of new female business owners in these independent convenience stores is growing all the time. I have a theory that in some cases, where a married couple own the store, it's the woman who really runs it. Probably the husband kept his other job to have a good, guaranteed, income coming in."