Chapter 3

There is a fundamental difference between losers and hopeless losers. While there are a few obvious indications of the difference such as living with parents and not having a job, these differences are superficial. The true difference between a hopeless loser and a plain old loser is that the hopeless loser is, well, hopeless. I hopeless loser will never become a winner. Many losers hate being losers and try their very best to become winners. Only some of them succeed, but their stories definitely serve as inspiration for other losers. A hopeless loser, on the other hand, is doomed to failure. A true hopeless loser doesn't even want to become a winner. They are actually happy to be hopeless losers. I understand their view completely.

You may think that now that my sister had decided I counted, it meant that I had only to use some traditional romance and my sister would soon be wishing she could marry me. However, there are two problems with a traditional approach. The first problem is that marriage implies that we would be equals, which is not what I want at all. Though most men might feel it was an affront to their manhood for their wife to be the breadwinner in the family, that was exactly my goal. Hey, if women can marry for money, so can men. The only difference is that I'm going after my sister for sex, too. I suppose there might be women who marry for sex, too. I haven't heard any men complaining about it, though.

The second problem with the traditional approach is that she is my sister. Even though she claims that I now count, she knows very well I'm her brother. We can never marry. As bad as she was about not having sex with her normal dates, it's even worse for me as her brother. She may have consciously agreed to consider me a real date but she knows very well that I'm her brother. I expect that she'll be fighting this relationship subconsciously every step of the way. Fortunately, she is desperate for love and I'm the only one she knows to provide it.

Of course, all this didn't stop me from trying to cop feels and giving her a bit more kisses than she would expect. Any time she complained that I was her brother, I'd respond, "No, I'm your date." Considering that she didn't let her dates cop feels either, this wasn't a very good excuse. But her dates dumped her pretty quickly whereas I am quite persistent. I find it ironic how much effort it takes to become a hopeless loser. When she whined a bit more than usual, I would just threaten to break up with her. Not in those words, of course. A few well-placed remarks that it really isn't working and she would complain about the touching much less. It is a mystery to me why none of her boyfriends tried similar tactics. Most girls respond to that stuff with dumping but my sister probably would have just put up with it. With me, she has no choice but to put up with it. I'm her last chance at love.

After a couple months of this, I upped the ante. Instead of saying things weren't working, I took a more passive aggressive approach and was frequently too busy with non-existent friends or doing working overtime to help her. Clerks do not work much overtime and losers do not make many friends. She knew very well that I just didn't want to be with her. Did you know that girls who are desperate for love will sometimes offer sex? I did, and she did. Offer sex, that is. OK, all she really did was stopped complaining when I touched her breasts. Still, that's a step in the right direction. She eventually got up the courage to complain about how often I was too busy working to go out with her. Our conversation went something like this:

"Why are you always so busy? I swear, you work more hours than I do."