Chapter 2

Being a hopeless loser is not for everybody. If you are someone who finds happiness in being surrounded by friends, being a hopeless loser is not for you. I understand that I am different from other people. While I am not able to understand why a rich person would want to work, I can understand, in principle, why a rich person would not wish to sit at home all day playing video games. Some people find their happiness from being around others. I am not one of those people.

After convincing my sister that her search for Mr. Right was hopeless, I made a token attempt to convince her that I might have been wrong. I was not very convincing, in part because I honestly did believe that my sister's search for love was hopeless. Mr. Right is out there somewhere, but my sister will never find him — especially now that she was no longer looking for him. This is just as well. I want her all to myself.

My sister stopped dating completely, much to the disappointment to the various morons who had not yet had a chance to dump her. This is an important milestone in my plot to become a hopeless loser. Even if my plan failed completely, I had already accomplished quite a bit. Not only was my sister paying to take me out to dinner but also I no longer had to listen to her complain about boyfriends. Still, I don't think my plan is going to fail. Her eyes still widened every time I kissed her goodnight.

The next step was the hardest one to plan. It took a lot of thought before I could decide what to do next. The question was whether I should continue to ever so slowly seduce my sister, or just do everything at once. The former was slower and provided more time for my sister to catch on. Still, she hadn't noticed anything so far. Of course, doing everything at once had the important advantage that it was fast. My plan is slow enough as it. Just because I don't love my sister doesn't mean I don't want to fuck her! The longer it took to seduce her, the longer I'd have to wait, and the longer it would take before I could quit my job.

After going out with my sister yet again, it was time to really go all out. If I'd been going with my first plan, I would have made a joking remark about going out on a second date. Instead, I asked if I could come in.

"We really need to talk, " I said, "We've been going out like this for over a year. I really enjoy going out with you. However, this was the last time. I just can't do it any more."

"But why? I really enjoy spending time with you. Is something wrong?"

"Look, I'm sorry. I just don't think I can do this any more. I'm worried about you. Before, you were using me as a crutch to make up for your bad dating. I don't mind that; it was my idea in the first place. But now, you're not even dating at all. I love you and want you to be happy. I know you enjoy spending time with me but I just don't feel right. I feel like I'm stealing you. Have you forgotten about Mr. Right? That can't be me!"

"You yourself told me that Mr. Right — "

"Look, I was wrong, OK? He must be out there somewhere. If you don't look for him, you'll never find him. I could never forgive myself if I you remained lonely for the rest of your life because of me."

"No! I'll be lonely if you stop going out with me. I was unhappy before. Ever since you moved here, I've actually been happy. Besides, it was my decision to stop dating. You never date, either. What's the difference?"

"You know I'm not like you. I didn't... don't need anyone to be happy. I can't do this. I'm sorry."

"It's too late to be sorry. Do you think I stopped dating as soon as you told me it was hopeless?"

Actually, I had thought she had stopped dating. She continued, "After what you said, dating just stopped working. Whenever I tried to go out with someone, I always wondered if they even cared? Did they love me, or were they just interested in sex. You were right. Nobody loves me. "

She started crying, and I hugged her. My plan was working perfectly!

"That's not true. I love you."

"You don't count!" Ouch!

"And that is why I can't do this any more. I don't count. You need to find someone who does."

I got up, and started to walk out the door. If she didn't say it, I would. I didn't think she'd say it. But she did.

"Do you want to count?," my sister asked.

Jackpot!