The Belle of Coeur D'Alene
Part 1: What price paradise?
Caution: This Romantic Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa, Romantic, Rape, Tear Jerker,
Desc: Romantic Sex Story: Part 1: What price paradise? - A young girl goes to Cancun and finds that paradise is not always fun. Can she find love and fulfill her dreams?
"If I commit suicide, it will not be to destroy myself but to put myself back together again."
- Antonin Artaud
I lay there in the tub, thinking how my life had gone bad so fast. Even now, two months later, I was still confused. It all seemed like a dream, a nightmare. Images flashed in and out of my mind of that awful motel room, images of the bugs crawling on the mildew stained walls, the filthy sheets, and of Klaus.
I had the water as hot as I could stand and I had taken some sleeping pills. I stared with fascination at the light glinting off the edge of the razor blade. It was one of those single sided blades that I used to use for crafts.
It was bad, really bad, what had happened on our trip to Cancun, to paradise. I still had nightmares of that night on the beach south of Playa Del Carmen. Then last week I had missed my second period. I worried about it and finally got a pregnancy kit at the drug store. I took the test in the upstairs bathroom and couldn't believe the results. Crying a little, I went back to the drugstore to get another kit — hoping the first one might have been defective.
When the results were the same I felt like my life was over. All my plans for school, my plans for life were gone. I knew I couldn't face the future so I took the pills and found the old razor blade. I was having trouble focusing on the sharp, shiny edge - it seemed to be jumping around, the bathroom lights reflecting with a crazy hard luster.
Knowing I would be asleep in a couple of minutes I steeled myself and put the blade on my wrist... pausing for a minute, watching with a morbid fascination as the vein pulsed, so regularly, almost hypnotically. I slashed at the spot where the pulse showed and slipped back in the hot water. A sudden regret came to me — I was taking two lives, not just one! Dimly, almost subconsciously, I heard the garage door opening as the blood swirled in the water making pretty patterns... as everything faded.
THE START OF IT ALL
"And so we turn the page over
To think of starting. This is all there is."
- John Ashbery
I was excited! Never in my young life had I had the opportunity to do something so special and exciting.
It had begun about three weeks ago when my best friend Betty came over to my house on a Saturday afternoon.
"Kathy, you won't believe this! My parents are taking me to Cancun for my graduation present and they said I could bring a friend. Of course, I chose you! It's going to be great!"
I knew it wasn't that simple, of course. Mom wanted to know everything before she would say okay. My dad had died a couple of years ago in a construction accident. Ever since then mom had been overly protective. I understood and didn't usually mind too much but I really wanted to go on this trip. The farthest I had ever traveled from our Sherman Oaks home (until last month) was San Diego to visit the zoo and Marine World and one summer I spent at my uncle's ranch in Idaho.
High school was coming to a close with graduation next week after finals this week. I wouldn't miss school at all! I did well in my studies and had already been accepted to Humboldt State University where I was planning my major in Forestry & Watershed Management. I know, I know. What's a Valley Girl know about trees?
My mom had taken me up for a visit and I loved the place. The campus was really nice and the professors I met were friendly and supportive. The woman that would be my faculty advisor took me and two other prospective students to visit a burn, an area devastated by forest fire and being replanted. I was fascinated by what I saw and even surer that this was right for me.
Betty was a party girl, always going on dates and in and out of love with a bewildering regularity. I had always been shy and, like I said, mom was a little too protective. Betty had made me go to the two proms and had even provided the dates. It was okay but I didn't really like either one of the boys.
Betty kept telling me I was cute. I knew she was just being a good friend. I did have nice hair — long and a rich dark brown and I never had a problem with it. No bad hair days for me. But standing in front of my mirror I could see that my legs were too short and my bust was too small. I sure wasn't going to win any wet tee shirt contests!
With Betty's and her parent's help mom finally agreed to let me go. Betty's mom and dad took Betty, my mom and I out to dinner at the country club they belonged to so we could talk over the trip. Tal's law firm owned a suite at a new resort in Cancun that was placing a special emphasis on security. The suite had a living room, kitchen/dining room and three bedrooms, each with their own bath. It helped that mom and Allison were good friends so between all of us we won mom over.
I didn't have any problems with the finals. I guess I was actually pretty smart and I studied a lot. I graduated fifth in my class and this was at a school where almost all graduating seniors went to college.
The graduation itself seemed somewhat of an anticlimax — school was really over and I felt sad. It wasn't that I liked the school all that much... I guess it was just the sense of all the changes that were coming. I would be away from home for the first time and I knew that would be hard on me. Betty was staying close to home — UCLA - and I would miss her almost as much as my mom. I didn't have any brothers or sisters and I didn't make friends easily so I knew I was going to be lonely.
Finally we were ready to go on the trip. Betty helped me pack, giggling at my swimsuit.
"Kathy, the first thing we are going to do in Cancun is buy you some clothes! You are a woman now, you are cute and you need to open up a little."
I tried to protest but Betty always seems to get her way with me. Truthfully I was getting a little excited about the trip. Betty went on and on about all that we were going to do.
"Betty! We are only going for ten days. If we do every thing you keep telling me, we will be there for six months."
She laughed and helped me finish packing. Her stuff was already packed and her folks were picking us up in a limo to take us to the airport. I hugged mom as she kept giving me last minute instructions. You know, do this, don't do that, make sure... call me, send me a postcard... did you pack your...
She was crying a little, I think. My eyes seemed a little blurry so I wasn't sure.
Finally we were off, the adventure starting. We were flying first class in a 747. I had never even been on a plane before so everything was new. I felt like a princess with the way the stewardess treated me. I was so excited I almost wet my panties!
We talked and giggled a lot for a while until they served the meal. Betty fell asleep after that and I looked out the window at the land so far below and wondered at the lives of the people that lived on the ant-sized farms. I was too keyed up to sleep.
Arriving in Cancun and getting to the hotel was a blur. I'd gone through immigration and customs without really knowing what was going on.
The hotel was awesome — even to my inexperienced eye I could see it was luxurious. The suite was stunning. Betty told me that I had the small bedroom, but golly, the bath was bigger than my bedroom at home. Everything was marble and I had a small balcony that looked out over the ocean.
After we got settled in, Betty dragged me down to the hotel shops to "make a new Kathy" as she put it. Nothing had prices on it but I knew it was expensive. I didn't feel right letting her get me these things but she was so excited I went along with her. It was fun trying on everything. I blushed at the two sets of swimwear Betty picked out and told her I would never be able to wear them in public.
"But, Kathy, we aren't in public, we're in Cancun!"
We ate dinner at the hotel with Tal and Allison. I had probably the best meal of my life: a mixed ceviche followed by a wonderful local fish. Tal poured me a glass of wine, something white from France. I'd had wine at home a couple of times with mom but this was something else!
Allison smiled at me and said, "Enjoy the wine. You only have to be eighteen in Mexico to drink. But be careful - you girls haven't learned how to drink yet so take it easy."
After dinner Betty and I went down to walk around the grounds. We stopped by the pool and had a Margarita, my first. I didn't care for the salt so Betty made me drink another one. I liked the taste better but I felt a little lightheaded as we made our way up to the rooms.
It was a nice evening so I left the door to the balcony open. I lay awake for a bit, feeling the effects of the two drinks. I felt... I don't know... maybe a little spacy. It wasn't unpleasant, just kind of weird. I fell into a deep sleep, listening to the faint sound of the surf crashing endlessly on the white sand; sleeping uninterrupted until Betty jumped on my bed, telling me the plans for the day before I was even awake.
This first day we were all going to Xcaret. This turned out to be a fun place. I liked best the snorkeling; I'd never done that before. We also got to play with the dolphins and go horseback riding. They had built a replica Mayan village that all of us found fascinating.
We got back to the hotel around three so Betty and I went down to the pool for an hour. Betty was flirting with a couple boys but I tried to stay out of it. I wasn't listening too closely; I was watching people walking around - a favorite activity of mine but I thought I heard their names as Benny and Ricard.
I didn't see it but Benny had bought another round of Margaritas. Betty pinching my arm suddenly brought me back to earth.
"Kathy! Where were you? I was talking to you but it seemed like no one was home."
Blushing, I smiled to hide my embarrassment, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking how much fun it was at Xcaret today. What were you saying?"
"Benny got us another Margarita. Be nice now and thank him."
"I'm sorry for not noticing. Thank you for the drink."
I was a little more involved in the conversation now and noticed that whenever Benny mentioned Ricard's name he used the French pronunciation. I had four year's of high school French so I wanted to try it out.
Making a guess I asked Ricard in French where in France he was from. He became animated and started talking very fast. After getting him to slow down I was able to understand him fairly well. He was from the south of France, near Nice, and the pronunciation was different from what I was used to. I felt more confident with talking; he didn't have any trouble understanding me at all.
I noticed another man sitting at a nearby table looking at us with interest; he seemed to be listening to Ricard and I talking in French. He made eye contact with me and stood up and walked over. He was very attractive with dark, almost black wavy hair worn a little long. He was tall, maybe a couple inches over six feet, slim and looked a little older, maybe around twenty-five and was quite handsome, almost pretty. He really reminded me of Sal Mineo in "Exodus;" my mom had rented that movie once and I had watched it with her.
He picked up my hand and kissed it as he talked in French with a clear Parisian accent; he sounded just like my French teacher! I was confused when he took my hand and didn't know whether to stand or sit. He was telling me what a beautiful woman I was and what a lovely accent I had. I was getting quite flustered when he turned to everyone else and introduced himself.
"Good evening, I'm Alain Allègre. May I sit with you for a few minutes? It's so sad to drink alone."
He waved at the bar for another round of drinks. I tried to tell him I didn't want any more — I was already feeling light-headed. He just looked at me and told me what lovely eyes I had. We all talked and the discussions became more animated as the new drinks were delivered.
He was fascinating to listen to: he had been all over Europe and talked intimately of different cities. Besides his native French and his colloquial English, he also spoke German and Italian fluently and passable Spanish.
About halfway through my third Margarita I knew I had already had too much. I remembered what Betty's dad had said so I stood up and excused myself. Betty said she would finish her drink and meet me in the suite.
Alain stood up when I did and took my elbow and walked me to the elevator, "to keep the wolves from bothering such a beautiful lady," he had said as he put his hand on the small of my back.
Speaking French again, he said, "It was so nice to meet such a wonderful woman. May I see you again?"
I mumbled something... I don't remember even if it was in French or English. I knew I needed to go up and lie down; I was feeling more than a little dizzy now. He smiled at me as the elevator doors closed.
When I got to the suite, no one was there so I went to my room and took a hot shower and then let the cold water run for a few minutes. It felt good and my head cleared somewhat.
I went into the living room of the suite to watch a movie. Betty came in a few minutes later laughing in an excited way.
"I guess you found an admirer, huh, Kathy?" she teased.
I guess I turned red 'cause she kept giving me a hard time.
Finally, I snapped at her, "I'm tired and I'm going to bed now." I guess she felt bad so she came over and gave me a hug.
"I'm sorry, Kath! I wasn't serious. I was just happy to see you talking to a boy and having some fun."
"Oh, it's okay Betty. I think I had too much to drink and the way he kept looking at me made me a little nervous. You are so comfortable with people, I really envy you!"
"Honey, I've been telling you that you are very pretty. You need to loosen up a little and be open to making new friends. Listen! I have a great idea. Let's go down to the spa in the morning and we'll get a new look! Mom told me they are very professional and can do wonders for a girl's image."
I was too tired to protest so I nodded and went on to bed.
The next morning, having forgotten what she had said, I was surprised when she dragged me down to the spa. She had been there once with her mom and knew one of the women working there.
"Gisele, we are turning ourselves over to you. Make us even more beautiful that we are now!" Betty commanded.
Gisele laughed and said, "With such pretty girls I should have an easy task."
They gave us the full treatment: facials, manicure, pedicure and then styled our hair. She cut a couple of inches off mine and then did a more up-to-date look. I was impressed! I almost didn't recognize myself and had a quick thought of how Alain would like the new me. I quickly told Betty how nice she looked and tried to put Alain out of my mind.
Betty's dad was going to play golf and she and her mom were going shopping. I was left alone so I went down to the pool and sat around in the shallow end sipping on an orange juice. I was being careful not to get my hair wet. I decided to get some sun so I laid down on one of the lounges and quickly fell asleep.
There was a shadow covering my face as I gradually woke up. As my eyes opened a little I could see Alain looking at my body. Remembering the swimsuit Betty had made me buy my skin turned a bright red. I'm sure he thought I was sunburned!
His eyes as he looked at me had a strange look, one almost predatory. I had spent one summer when I was twelve at my uncle's dude ranch outside Coeur D'Alene and had been in the barn. There was a big grey tomcat that had a mouse trapped between his large paws. He would play with it, let it escape and suddenly pounce on it again. As Alain looked at my body, barely hidden by the brief swimsuit, I felt like that mouse. My body gave an involuntary shudder and Alain saw/sensed the movement and looked at my eyes.
His face was suddenly transformed by a bright smile, his facial muscles relaxing from an unnatural tightening and his eyes changed from a hard obsidian black to a soft grayish-black with a kind, caring cast to them.
"Kathy, how nice to see you. I can see the ice in your drink is melted; can I get you a new one? What are you drinking?"
I sat up, a little confused by the heat my body had absorbed from the unforgiving sun. I gathered my wits as I pulled the towel over my shoulders and over the brief top of my suit.
"It's just orange juice but I really could use a fresh one — with lots of ice please?"
He walked over to the bar and I put my on my filmy swimsuit cover-up. It was pretty transparent but I felt better. I had had enough sun so I grabbed my stuff and moved to the shade. A few minutes later Alain came back with my drink and something for himself.
"Here, try this," he said as he handed me my drink and sat on the chair next to me.
I took a sip from the glass; the drink was cold and refreshing.
"What is this? It's delicious. I know it's got orange juice but it has something else that's really good."
"I'm glad you like it. It is orange juice and it has just a little champagne in it for flavor. I like it on a hot day like this but I like it even better with breakfast."
I hadn't had very much alcohol before but this tasted pretty weak. We sat there and talked for an hour of so and I had a couple more of them. Alain told me they were called mimosas. When I asked, he agreed that they were mostly orange juice.
"When it's hot like this, you shouldn't drink too much alcohol."
We were switching back and forth between English and French, and I quickly became more comfortable with my French. It was fun to practice and I did better than I would have expected.
From the way he had been looking at me I expected him to make a pass or something... although I wasn't really sure what a 'pass' was. Betty had talked about it a lot but no one had ever done it to me. Betty had assured me that I would know when someone 'put a move' on me (her words).
But Alain was as nice as he could be and I felt reassured. About five he stood up and told me he had to meet a friend.
"I hope we can meet again. You are a shining light in my dull existence. I lack the words to do proper justice to your beauty but if I may borrow from Shakespeare, you are "An Angel; or, if not, an earthly paragon."
With that he kissed my hand again, put his hand on my cheek for a minute, gently kissed both of my cheeks and walked away.
I stood there, my face some kind of pink, feeling a little bewildered. The last of what he said was in French except for the quote from Shakespeare. The quote from "Cymbeline" I was familiar with from helping with set decoration for a play last year at school.
I gathered my stuff, feeling a little light headed as I stood up. I made it up to the suite but no one was there. I fell down on the bed feeling terribly sleepy all of a sudden. I was a bit dizzy again with the ceiling spinning around slowly. I turned over onto my face and feeling better fell into a deep sleep.
CALM BEFORE THE STORM
"My grief lies onward and my joy behind."
- Shakespeare Sonnet 50,14
I guess this was going to be a regular thing, Betty bouncing up and down on my bed so full of cheer at some ungodly hour. Well, I thought so anyway until I realized it was after nine and I hadn't had dinner the night before. There were two other things that hit me all at once: I had a terrible headache and I was starved — even though my stomach felt a little queasy.
Betty told me I had to get moving because Benny and Ricard were taking us to Isla Mujeres for the day. We were going to El Garrafón, a park on the west end of the island.
We rushed through breakfast and took a taxi the short distance to the ferry. I was both surprised and somewhat uneasy that Alain was there. No one else seemed to pay much attention to him; they just accepted his presence. He was very nice about it and asked if it was okay if he tagged along. When we got on the ferry he sat next to me. The boat was crowded so his leg was right up against mine. I tried to move over a little but Benny was right against me on the other side.
It turned out to be a lot of fun. The snorkeling was fantastic and the trees were teeming with parrots. For lunch we took a taxi in to the downtown area — about three blocks by six blocks. We ate at an Italian place that had delicious thin crust pizzas. Betty ordered a beer - I think it was Victoria - for both of us but I didn't like it. Alain said I should try a Cuba Libre. I didn't know what it was but it tasted like a coke on ice although maybe a little sweeter. It was easy to drink so I had a couple of them.
We went back to the park and mostly just lay in the sun. Alain was nice to me. He knew I wasn't much of a drinker so he suggested I try a gin and tonic. He said he would have the bar guy make them very weak and assured me they would be refreshing on a hot day. I liked them better than the other thing, the Cuba something. That was too sweet but this was refreshing. It had a nice clean taste. Alain was nice and got me another one whenever I was thirsty. Betty was drinking Margaritas and I didn't want to drink that - it was way too strong for me!
The ferry was even more crowded on the way back and the water was choppy. I was squashed between Alain and Betty and I kept bouncing against Alain. Several times he put his hand on my leg to steady me. It didn't seem right but I was feeling so relaxed... I had never felt so mellow before.
We got back to the dock in Cancun and Betty said we should all go dancing later. We had to meet her parents for dinner and afterwards she wanted to go to Poco Loco for dancing. Betty said it was a very famous nightclub with entertainment and live dance bands. I didn't want to go until she said they had live acrobats, something like circus show in Las Vegas. I had never seen it or even been to Vegas before but Betty had been there with her parents and had told me many times how fantastic it was.
We had a nice dinner with Betty's mom and dad at the hotel and went up to the suite for a nap. The show didn't start until 10:30 at night! I had never gone anywhere that late and I was getting excited. I didn't think I would be able to sleep but I dozed off in a few minutes.
We were meeting the guys there so Betty and I took a taxi.
"Kath, this place is so neat. Don't worry about the cover charge; mom gave me the money for that. Besides the show, this is a disco — but they don't have a dance floor! People dance on the walkways, tables, chairs, just about any place they can find. It is really wild and you will love it."
The guys, Benny, Ricard and Alain, were waiting for us inside the entry. We watched the show first. After the acrobats, they had impersonators of Madonna and Brittney Spears. It was funny - at least I was laughing a lot. Alain was nice and kept bringing me more gin and tonic whenever I ran out.
We started dancing and somehow got separated from Betty. Alain and I were towards the back of the club and mostly dancing. Everything seemed a little hazy — maybe we were just dancing slowly - and the lights were very dim in this part of the club. I felt light headed again; it wasn't unpleasant at all. I kept giggling over nothing but Alain didn't seem to mind.
He kissed me a couple of times and it seemed sweet. Alain kept bringing me drinks but since they were mostly tonic water (as he kept assuring me) it was okay.
"Alain, I feel a little bit dizzy!"
"It's okay, honey; it just that it's kind of warm in here. Have one more drink and I'll take you back to your hotel."
TERROR IN THE NIGHT
"Rape is not just pushy lovemaking."
- Mason Cooley
I was having trouble breathing. I felt... disoriented, hurt. I was dizzy and nauseous. I came slowly to realize something heavy was on me, pummeling me. I fought to open my eyes and what I saw made me close them in anguish. Alain was raping me! I tightly closed me eyes, wishing I were anywhere but here, that I was anyone but me.
I felt no pleasure, only disgust and pain. And shame. Oh, God, help me!
The weight on my body shifted, went away. I heard Alain stomping to the door, and then a loud creak and a soft thud as the door closed.
The room was half dark from a light in another room. The walls and ceiling were tracked with mildew, making crazy bizarre patterns. There was a lizard, motionless, frozen on one wall, staring at me as if I were invading his home. The sheets were... disgusting. Suddenly queasy I staggered to the light, hoping it was a bathroom. I retched a little but nothing came up — it came to me suddenly I had nothing to eat since lunch. I washed my face off with the rusty water from the faucet. The towel was too filthy to use, so I half walked, half crawled back to the room.
My clothes were in a bunch on the floor and I struggled to put them on, starting to be aware enough to feel panic that Alain would come back. I couldn't find my shoes and my purse was on a dresser scarred with the burns of countless cigarettes. The front window was open, the curtain in rags fluttering in the faint breeze off the ocean. Hearing voices in front of the room I moved quietly beside the curtain. It sounded like Benny and Alain talking.
"So you have the camera and lights ready?"
"Yeah, shall we get started?"
"No, she's stupid drunk now. We want the films of the rape showing her fighting, showing the pain and anguish on her face. The pain is what sells these movies. Give her another hour and try to wake her up. Stick her in a cold shower if you have to.
"The stuff for her to wear is in the bag here. You know the shots I want. Rip her clothes off but not too fast. Make it good! I've had my pleasure — even though she was more or less comatose. Have Ricard take her first. You will have to change the sheets so it will look like she is a virgin. After the shot splash a little of the chicken blood to make it look good. If Arturo ever finds out I've been taking them first he'll have my balls.
"When you finish, clean her up, put on her own clothes and take her to the yacht. Jesus will take her to Aruba. I think she is scheduled for Colombia — one of the drug guys wants a new toy. You okay with everything?"
"Yeah, Klaus. It's not like we haven't done this before."
"Okay, I'll take off. One of you stays in front of the cabin until you are ready to start filming to make sure no one comes by. Let her sleep for a while to give her a chance to sober up a little. Give her a cold shower if you have to. And goddamn it, Benny, leave her alone until you start filming!"
I froze for a minute, shocked and scared at what was said. Indecisive, I looked around the room and seeing my shoes in the corner I started moving. I grabbed the shoes and my purse and went into the small bathroom where I had remembered seeing a window. It was tight but I managed to wiggle through. In back of the cabin, there were some debris and palm trees and off to the side I could hear the pounding of the surf.
As quietly as I could, I moved until I reached the sand. In the distance I could see some bright lights, maybe a mile away. Looking over to the cabins I could see a porch light and someone standing there smoking a cigarette. I carefully moved down the slope to the edge of the water until I couldn't see the light anymore. I walked hunched over for about five minutes and then started running, falling a couple of times, running for the lights.
It took a long time before I could see a hotel taking shape. I slowed as I got there and saw people dining under a large palapa with the hotel looming in the darkness. I made it over to the bathroom by the quiet swimming pool, finally throwing up in the toilet. I was shaking and felt cold; my brain seemed numb. I cleaned up as best I could and walked through the hotel to the lobby. I asked a young man standing by the front door for a taxi. He assumed I was a guest and asked where I wanted to go. He took me out front and opened the door for me.
Riding back to the hotel, I stifled my sobs, not wanting to alarm the driver. I tried to put it all together but parts were just a blur. I did remember that I had started feeling woozy at the club and hadn't drunk several of my drinks. I remembered Alain going to the rest room and I was feeling full so I put my drink on another table and took an empty glass. Another time I took my glass to the ladies room and dumped it out.
I understood now that Alain had been lying to me all along and that the drinks were a lot stronger than he had said. I guess I had been very naïve. More than that, I had just been plain dumb. But I think dumping those drinks saved me from some horror even worse than what had happened. And Benny calling Alain, "Klaus?" What was that? I was starting to get scared again. Finally the taxi pulled up in front of our hotel. I gave the driver some money Betty had given me and I put the change in my purse without looking at it. The clock on the taxi showed 3:22.
The door opened and I got out to face the rest of my life!
"How cams't thou in this pickle?"
- Shakespeare, The Tempest V, i,281
As I entered the lobby I saw Betty's parents, Tal and Allison, standing there with a man with grey slacks and a blue blazer with the hotel logo on the pocket. I walked up to them, suddenly trembling and I started crying. Allison put her arms around me, holding tight. Somehow they got me up to the suite.
The blue blazer guy came up also; he was in charge of security for the hotel. I was able to gasp out part of what happened. Allison got a blanket and wrapped me up while Betty's dad and the security guy, Oscar, Tal had called him, went out in the hallway to confer.
Tal came back a few minutes later.
"Kathy, we need to do a couple of things if you feel up to it, okay?"
"I'm cold and I don't feel good." It didn't come out like that; I was shivering and stuttering badly.
"Okay. Allison, please call down for some hot chocolate. Kathy, you need to have a doctor come see you. Can we do that first?"
I nodded. The chocolate came up in a few minutes and just as I finished it the doctor arrived. She took me into my bedroom and had me sit down.
"I'm Doctor Alvarez but please call me Taña. Do you know what a rape kit is?"
I nodded and she continued.
"Okay. I'll take a swab for the police and I'll give you an exam. Then you can take a hot shower and we will get you to bed. Okay, Kathy?"
I nodded again and at her directions went into the bathroom to take my clothes off and put on the heavy terrycloth robe. I came back and lay down. The exam was a little uncomfortable but was over very fast. She was gentle and kept talking with a soothing voice, explaining what she was doing.
"Okay, chica. I don't see anything major. You do have some bruising and a small tear in your vagina that will need a couple of stitches. I want you to take a hot shower and clean up before I do that. I understand a woman will be here shortly to talk to you. I'll tell her she has five minutes. Cancun has a special unit for sexual crimes and all the officers are women. The one coming to see you is Maribel Peña, and I have worked with her before. She is very nice."
The doctor left to get the policewoman and was back in a minute.
"Kathy, this is María Isabel Peña, but she would like you to call her Maribel. I've explained to her that she should just ask you urgent information right now. Do you feel up to this?"
At my nod, she sat in a chair over by the window.
"Kathy, I'm sorry this happened to you. Do you know who did this?"
"Yes, it was a man called Alain. I think his last name is Allègre. But I heard someone else call him Klaus."
Maribel looked at me sharply. "Is he in his mid-twenties, tall, long dark hair?"
I nodded, and added, "His hair was wavy, like it was styled and he was nice looking, almost pretty."
"Can you tell me briefly what happened?"
"He had been coming around and was very nice to everyone. He introduced himself to us when he heard me speaking French. Oh, and by the way, he also speaks some other languages: Italian, and I think German for sure. His Spanish was okay but didn't seem fluent.
"He would have me try drinks that he said I would like. He told me that they didn't have much alcohol, but I can see now he was lying to me. Last night Betty and I went to Poco Loco and he and two of Betty's friends, Ricard and Benny met us there. Alain kept bringing me drinks and I guess he was trying to get me drunk. I wasn't feeling good and he said he would take me back to my hotel, but I must have passed out. I was able to get rid of a couple of the drinks... thank God I did!
"I woke while he was... was on top of me. He... oh, God!"
"That's okay, Kathy. Can you tell me where this happened?"
"It was about a mile or so down the coast from the hotel where I took the taxi. I think that was in Playa Del Carmen. There was a palm tree by itself on the ocean side of the place and it leaned towards the water. I'm sorry... I can't... "
"Maribel, I think she has had enough for tonight. You can talk to her again in the morning. Kathy, please take this pill now. You should sleep fine."
I took the pills and... the bright morning sun was lying to me about bringing sunshine into my life.
THE FIRST DAY OF NEVER
"Weep I cannot, but my heart bleeds."
- Shakespeare, The winters Tale III, iii,50
Betty was next to me on the bed; she must have been there all night. Her face was streaked with tears and the pillow was damp. Her skin was mottled with red splotches. It was clear that she had cried a great deal when I had disappeared. Knowing Betty, I was sure she blamed herself.
I quietly eased off the bed and into the shower. With the water as hot as I could stand, tears came to my eyes as I thought about last night. I started sobbing but something came over me, something hard and implacable, something with... hate in it. I knew I would cry no more but I would carry last night in my heart forever. What happened last night was not Kathy; I was someone different!
I walked out of the bathroom dressed and dry eyed. Betty had heard the shower and was sitting in the chair with her robe on. She looked at me uncertainly for a minute, then rushed and held me tight, whispering over her sobs.
"Kathy, I'm so sorry. I feel so bad we got separated; it was just... "
Pulling back a little I wiped her tears off.
"Betty, it wasn't your fault. It just happened... I made a mistake."
I added more to myself than to her, "A mistake I'll never make again!"
We talked for a while - until someone knocked on the door. I'm not sure either of us felt any better but no one was crying now.
Opening the door I let Taña, the doctor in. I could see Maribel sitting on the sofa in the living room part of the suite.
"Kathy, you need to talk to the police woman some more. Maybe with your help we can catch them. Before we go out I want to make sure you are all right. Do you have any pain from the stitches?"
"No, it just itches a little."
"I'll give you some antibiotic cream — it will stop any itching and make sure there is no chance of infection. Are you okay to talk?"
I responded with an abrupt "yes," a coldness in my voice.
Taña looked at me for a minute, a soft sadness in her eyes and led me into the living area.
I told them in more detail everything that had happened, a sour bitterness creeping into my voice.
I don't remember too much of it now — just the hate and bitterness that had taken over that part of me that was supposed to be soft and full of love. It's mostly just flashes of that day and the next before we were able to leave for home, mostly things Maribel had to say:
We caught Ricard and Benny as they were leaving on a boat. We will videotape your depositions so you can go back to California.
This is unfortunately becoming typical, this targeting young, vulnerable girls.
Klaus - you knew him as Alain - has apparently left the country. I know a guy that owes me a favor that can get a message to Arturo - that's Arturo Mendoza - about what he has been doing with the girls. I wouldn't want to be Klaus — Arturo is not a nice guy.
I've talked to Oscar Fuentes, the security manager at the hotel here. We have been working on a program to work closer with the hotels, both on security measures and making the hotel staff aware of 'situations'.
There was more but I guess I've blocked it out of my mind.
We got home and it was hard with mom. She was furious with Betty's parents; she blamed them. Betty wasn't comfortable coming around and we started drifting apart.
I was in my room most of the time — I'd try to read but I just kept starting at the page, the words becoming unfocused. My doctor was treating me for depression but I drifted through each day, one like another, days tainted with a nebulous darkness.
It all came together, and apart, on the day I found out I was pregnant. It took a while for me to figure out what had happened but Mom must have pulled in the garage as I cut my wrist. She had a funny feeling when she came in the house; she couldn't describe it, just that "things didn't feel right."
She got a bandage wrapped tightly around my wrist. That combined with the blade being not too sharp and my pathetic swipe kept me alive until the paramedics arrived.
I had to do some counseling... it seemed to help some. What surprised me, I mean really surprised me, was that thought that I had about killing two people. I started getting interested in having a baby, becoming a mother. I started focusing on my little boy (somehow it seemed like it must be a boy) and that was a distraction for me. I stopped thinking so much about myself and started thing about the baby.
Mom seemed to be about as depressed as I was and wasn't much help. She had kind of accepted what had happened in Cancun and even my being pregnant. What really bothered her was my trying to kill myself. I told her over and over that I was over that and that I was falling in love with my baby. I think she accepted that, at least in her mind, but she still watched me constantly and didn't want to leave me alone.
I don't know how things would have turned out but everything changed when I was about four months along. Mom was talking to her brother in Idaho and lost it and started crying. I was reading a book so I picked up the phone and talked to Uncle Sean. I told him what had happened and about the baby and all. By that time, mom had settled down and talked to him again, for a long time.
The next morning at breakfast, the rest of my life happened!
"Honey, Sean wants you to move to his ranch to have the baby. Afterwards you can either stay there or come home. I think it will be good for you to get away from here and see new faces. He has babysitting for his dude ranch customers so that will help a lot. He said he would find a job for you; he mentioned he needed a hostess for the restaurant. What do you think, Kathy?"
Well, I thought it sounded great. The one time I had spent the summer there, I had loved the place and my aunt and uncle. The cowboys had fussed over me, both teasing me and watching out for me.
A week later my mother made the long drive to Idaho. She stayed for a couple of days and we parted in a vale of tears when she left.