Happy Harry Last of the Hoboes
Chapter 1

Caution: This Erotica Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa, Science Fiction, Slow,

Desc: Erotica Sex Story: Chapter 1 - On a dark night in Los Angeles, the mutilated body of a homeless man is found in an alley. Happy Harry, along with other Druids, shows up to investigate. A huge hole is about to open in the universe.

A quarter moon hung low on the horizon when the patrol car turned onto the street. Cruising slowly down the street, it paused at the entrance of each alley. Officer Joe Morrison was at the wheel of the car. The bar crowd had already gone home and the streets were clear of traffic. The searchlight on the patrol car banished dark and illuminated that which did not want to be seen. Joe's partner, Jim Strom, operated the searchlight.

They'd checked out a dozen alleys already and hadn't seen anything more interesting than two cats fighting. Bored, Jim said, "Let's get some coffee."

In the shift briefing, the Sergeant had given everyone strict orders to keep their eyes open for anything suspicious on their patrol that night. They were to check all of the alleys and investigate anything that seemed out of the ordinary. The Sergeant confirmed the rumor that a serial killer was on the loose. Licking his lips, Joe thought about coffee. He said, "Just a couple more and we'll head over to the diner."

When passing the next alley, Jim noticed a strange shape on the ground when he had shined the spotlight in that direction. It wasn't so much the shape as the placement that bothered him. Usually things didn't get dumped in the middle of an alley, but off to the side. This thing was in the middle. Jim said, "Back up a minute."

Joe backed up the car and Jim shined the spotlight on the mass. They couldn't tell what it was. Jim asked, "You think we should check it out?"

"I guess we'd better," answered Joe. He backed up and then went forward to pull into the alley. They'd driven twenty feet into the alley when the headlights showed them the body. Joe thought about the paperwork and wished they hadn't found it.

Swearing softly, Jim called into the dispatcher their location and what they suspected. Joe parked the car. Leaving the power on, he turned on the lights atop the car so that others could find them. He waited for Jim to finish reporting into the dispatcher before getting out of the car.

A rat, smelling blood, stuck its head out to investigate and then scurried away when it saw the activity. The two cops stepped in front of a patrol car with their hands on their guns as they approached the body. The flashing lights lit the scene in bursts of blue and white. Joe knelt down by the body and shook his head at the mess he found.

Jim looked over the shoulder of his partner at the body. He should have checked the rest of the crime scene, but a cursory glance had convinced him the alley was empty. Jim stood up and reached for his walkie-talkie to call in their find. He stepped away from his partner and headed towards the car not particularly wanting to look at the ugly scene any more than was required to satisfy his doubts.

"Who was killed?"

"Some homeless fuck," answered Jim startled by the unexpected voice behind him. A fraction of a second later, Jim was flying through the air. He hit the wall with a resounding thud. The thought crossed his mind that they'd allowed the killer to sneak up behind them and he was fully convinced that he was about to die.

When he landed, he looked up at the figure leaning over him. A gold medallion around the neck of the robed man seemed to glow in the dark. His stomach sank when he realized that his assailant was a Druid.

The Druid, eyes flashing with anger, held his staff so that the hook was positioned over the pistol. Jim's hand was unable to reach the handle of his gun. It was just as well. No one would believe that he'd had to shoot a Druid in self-defense.

Hearing the noise of Jim hitting the wall, Joe turned and saw the Druid. The gold medallion around the neck of the Druid was clearly visible. Dismayed by the scene, Joe said, "Oh, shit."

The Druid said, "Don't insult the dead. I asked who it was!"

Realizing that he had thoroughly angered a Druid, Jim knew his career as a cop was about to end. He might as well start filling out applications as a security guard at the local malls since that was as close as he'd get to being a cop. Resigned to his fate, he said, "I don't know who it is. It's a homeless guy."

Having made his point and gotten the information he desired, the Druid backed away and looked around the alley. He spotted a baseball cap a dozen feet from the body. He walked over to it and crouched down to examine the hat. The inside of the baseball cap was lined with foil. In a voice filled with anger, he said, "It's Mad Hatter. This is one of his hats."

Another voice sounded in the alley. "I'm surprised to see you here, Harry."

Joe put his hand on his gun thinking that for a dark alley in the dead hours of the night, there were a lot of people appearing out of nowhere. He glanced over at his partner wishing he'd at least get out his flashlight and illuminate some of the shadows. He asked, "Who is it?"

Happy Harry turned to face the location where the voice had come from. It was dark and he couldn't see the speaker, but he knew with the certainty of his gift that he wasn't in danger. Harry stood and leaned against his staff. Believing he knew the identity of the man, he said, "Come out here where I can see you."

"I've always considered you to be a happy sort of person," said the man as he stepped out of the shadows. He pointed at Jim as he added, "Throwing cops around? That's not your style."

Having his guess confirmed, Harry said, "Ed Biggers. I should have known. What are you doing here?"

Realizing that the situation had just become very complicated, Joe grabbed his walkie-talkie to report that there were now two Druids at the crime scene and that the Police Chief should be informed.

"I was called to come here," answered Ed walking over to the body. He knelt down and examined the area. Applying his gift, he searched the area for anything that didn't ring true. The entire area looked blank, as if it had been erased.

"What do you think?" asked Harry.

Disturbed by the damage done to the body, Ed said, "This looks bad, real bad."

The sound of footsteps echoed from the far end of the alley. It sounded like three people walking together. Ed stood up and watched the dark without concern. Three red-robed Druids, walking side by side, appeared when they reached the limits of the headlights of the police car. They were not smiling.

Ed greeted them. "Hello, Victor, Jimmy, Harold."

From his position on the ground, Jim watched as the number of Druids gathered in the alley grew to five. Awed by what it suggested, he said, "Oh shit. This is a fucking disaster."

Victor Markovich, a red-robed Druid who worked for the ATF, said, "Hello Ed. I haven't seen you since that land scam in Atlanta."

Jimmy Lee, a red-robed Druid who worked for the INS, said, "It looks like we have a mess here."

Harold Powell, a Federal Marshal, looked over the area using his gift. Shaking his head, he said, "He wasn't killed here, but I don't see where the killer went. This is strange."

Victor knelt down and examined the body. Disgusted by the sight, he took in the orderly pattern of puncture marks. He said, "He's been stabbed repeatedly, but it doesn't look like it was done by someone out of control. It looks almost intentional."

Harry looked down at Jim and asked, "How many have there been like this?"

Knowing better than to withhold information, Jim answered, "He's the fifth. We've had one a night."

Shoulders sagging, Harry walked over to the body. Looking down at it, he said, "Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to the victim. He was called the Mad Hatter by the folks on the street. They called him that because he lined his hats with aluminum foil so that the mind readers couldn't listen in on his thoughts. Basically, he was harmless. He was a scared paranoid, running from his fears rather than confronting them. He'd been in a hospital until last week. They released him when they ran out of beds."

Ed put a hand on Harry's shoulder and said, "I'm sorry, Harry."

"Nothing anyone could have done."

Sirens sounded in the distance. Jim stood up and dusted off his uniform so that he would be halfway presentable by the time the Police Chief arrived. He stared at the five Druids gathered in the alley and shook his head. The shift had started like any other. Now he was in the middle of something big and all he wanted to do was get out of there. He mumbled, "We should have gone for coffee."

Harry pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his nose. He hated losing one of his people like that. The idea that four others were dead as well made him angry. He stood and walked over to Jim. Staring at the man, Harry said, "You and your partner are going to be helping us from now on. You're going to put on rags and guard one of the homeless hotels until this gets cleared up. Do you understand me?"

"Sure," replied Jim thankful that it wasn't something worse.

A squad car pulled into the alley, its lights adding to the cacophony of colors. One of the cops got out. Jim could hear on his walkie- talkie the other cop reporting into the dispatcher confirming that they were at the crime scene and that five Druids were present.

The cop approached Jim and Joe. When he started to say something, Jimmy Lee raised a hand and shouted, "Quiet."

The Druid stood in place for a second with his head cocked. Pointing towards the end of the alley, he shouted, "There's someone down there."

Jimmy took off in a run towards the end of the alley. One of the other Druids had followed on his heels. Before they had covered a dozen steps, automatic gunfire broke out shattering the silence. Bullets strafed the area where the Druids had been gathered. They scattered, but the only cover afforded within the alley was the two police cars thirty feet away.

Ed headed for the police car, grabbing Joe as he ran. He found himself behind one of the cars with Harry and two of the three cops. The officer who had just arrived was face down on the ground ten feet from the car.

Harry felt his stomach where there was a dull ache. His hand was wet and he was sure that he hadn't pissed himself. He said, "I think I've been shot."

"Me too," said Ed. There was an odd gurgling noise in his chest. He fished around in the pocket of his robe and pulled out his cell phone. He hit the speed dial for the house.

Joe was holding his side. He said, "Shit, shit, shit. We should have gone for coffee."

"Oh God Joe. Are you okay?" asked Jim looking at the ashen face of his partner.

There was a lull in the gunfire. Harry peaked around the end of the car as another round of bullets tore into the body of the car. He pulled back after seeing that one of the other Druids was lying on the ground in a pool of blood. Angry, he said, "Someone is targeting us."

Expecting a reply, Harry was surprised when Ed didn't say anything. He looked over at Ed Biggers finding that he was slumped over by the side of the car; the cell phone on the ground by his open hand. Hearing a noise of someone talking, Harry picked up the cell phone and asked, "Who is this?"

"Mary Gold. Who is this?"

"Ed has been shot. We need Kelly," answered Harry as the world began to swim in front of his eyes. He twisted his head as if to align it with the moving ground. Before falling over, he said, "Make sure she's protected."

Hundreds of sirens broke out from around the entire city. The cop in the car had done his job before succumbing to a hail of bullets that had struck the windshield of his car. The blackness descended and Harry never heard Mary Gold say that Kelly was already in the area.

Harry woke feeling a warm glove wrapped around his cock. For a moment he was confused, but then he opened his eyes to find Kelly riding his cock. She was hunched over and looked very uncomfortable. Her movements were awkward. Taking in her posture, he realized that it wasn't a natural position. Following her right arm down he saw that she had a hand wrapped around Ed's cock. Her left hand was wrapped around the cock of the cop. He grunted, "Take care of Ed."

"Come for me," said Kelly. Her voice was strained.

Harry started lifting his hips into her to increase the stimulation to his cock. It helped a little, but he was still a long way from coming. He complained, "What a horrible time not to suffer from premature ejaculation."

Kelly laughed, but didn't allow her laughter to interfere with riding his cock. It did have the effect that it relaxed him. Soon he was reaching an orgasm and came within her. As soon as his orgasm was over, Kelly climbed off his and settled on Ed's lap. She held out her hand and said, "Here's a little souvenir for you."

"Thanks," said Harry as he accepted the bullet that had been in his abdomen. It was a horrid piece of metal and would have been the death of him if it hadn't been for Kelly. Seeing that she couldn't ride Ed and help the cop, Harry stood up and moved the cop closer to Kelly. She smiled at him for his consideration. He turned away to allow her to provide her service to the Goddess undisturbed.

The area was filled with cops. He estimated that there were forty or fifty of them standing around. A good dozen of them were watching Kelly as she moved atop Ed while jacking off the cop. Harry was furious. He walked over to them and shouted, "Turn around, you bastards. She's saving lives and she doesn't need you leering at her."

Ashamed, the men turned around or found other things to occupy their time. Harry took a moment to examine his surroundings. The one cop who had fallen in the alley was covered with a sheet. There was another sheet a little way up the alley. With a knot in his stomach, Harry walked over. He lifted the sheet and saw that the dead Druid was Victor Markovich.

Turning to one of the policemen in the area, he asked, "Where are Jimmy and Harold?"


"The other two Druids," answered Harry. The entire alley was lit up and filled with police cars.

"I don't know anything about two other Druids," answered the cop. Seeing the expression on Harry's face, he said, "Sorry."

Harry nodded and looked down the alley wondering what had happened while he had been unconscious. A man wearing a rumpled suit and a badge came over to where Harry was standing. In a tone of voice that suggested he was barely containing his temper, he introduced himself. "I'm Terry Brockman, the Chief of Police."

"Hello," Harry answered moving back to the body of Mad Hatter. He looked down at the poor homeless man who had been caught up in exactly the kind of thing that he had been terrified would happen to him. It made him wonder if it was prescience rather than paranoia that had been the cause of the Mad Hatter's problems.

"What in the hell happened here?" Terry asked. Although he knew that he was dealing with a Druid, the fact that he'd lost two officers made him a very unhappy man. When Terry was unhappy, heads rolled. At the moment, Harry's head was just as good as any other one.

"Something really horrible has happened," Harry answered. Looking over at the Chief of Police, he asked, "Were all of the other victims of the serial killer homeless men?"


"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Harry asked with anger in his voice.

"They were just bums."

"The fellow on the ground here is the Mad Hatter. The poor guy was scared of everything and everyone." Harry sniffed and then said, "Most of the time, he hid from view. If you didn't know where to look, then the chances were good that you'd never see him. He wore aluminum foil under his hat so that evil mind-readers wouldn't be able to find him. His greatest fear was that he would end up in an alley cut to pieces."

"That's nice," said Terry wanting to get to the topic of what happened that night.

"All he wanted was to be left alone. Of course, I didn't leave him alone. I did what little I could for him and I know he appreciated it. You might say that I was his only friend. He liked fried chicken a whole lot. He'd tell me where he was just so that I would know where to put out a bucket of the stuff for him. He liked the mashed potatoes and the baked beans, but not the Cole slaw. Occasionally, I'd add corn on the cob, but he never told me if he liked it or not."

"What's the point?"

"He couldn't say the word ambulance. It came out more like amblance. When he was really nervous, he'd tug on his right ear with his thumb and fore finger. He'd jump when there was a sudden loud noise. He was a gentle soul. He used to like kittens and little puppy dogs. He fed the squirrels when the weather was rough. Knowing the little things about a man lets you become friends with him," Harry said. He looked over at the Chief of Police and said, "I wouldn't be surprised if every one of those victims in your morgue was a friend of mine. Never say they were just bums to me again."

There was a hint of a threat in the last sentence and the Chief of Police took a step back. He cleared his throat and asked, "So what happened here?"

"Someone killed him. Then they went after the Druids who came to investigate his death. Your men were innocent bystanders, just like Mad Hatter here."

The discussion was cut short by the sound of a huge explosion at the far end of the alley. Everyone ran for cover. Harry found that he was back behind the same car where he had taken cover after the shooting had started. Ed Biggers and Kelly Carter were huddled together on one side of him and the Chief of Police was on the other. Ed asked, "Who's missing?"

"Jimmy and Harold. Victor is dead."

Shaking his head, Ed said, "The murder in the alley was a trap. Someone is hunting Druids. It's not over yet."

The Chief of Police was about to ask a question, but decided that he'd learn more by listening than talking. Of course, he didn't have much chance to listen as he had to direct efforts on the scene. Every fifteen seconds he had to respond to some question.

Angry, Harry said, "They're using my people as bait. I'm not happy."

Kelly shifted and said, "I've healed three already tonight. I don't know if I can do more."

Looking down at the hole in his robe, Harry said, "That's quite a gift you've got. I'll admit that I enjoy it, but to be honest I'd rather not require it."

Kelly laughed and said, "Maybe the next time we're together, you won't require it."

"It looks like Ed and I need new robes," Harry said as he stuck his finger through the hole.

Ed asked, "Where's Ling?"

"I'm under the car."

"What are you doing under there?" Kelly asked.

"I'm waiting for someone to stick their head up so that I can kill them," Ling answered. There was a moment of silence and then she added, "Looks like your two missing Druids are on their way back here."

A truck pulled up at the near end of the alley. The Chief said, "It's about time. That damn SWAT team is a day late."

Two more red robed Druids entered the alley from behind the SWAT truck. Harry looked over at them and said, "Eric Turner and John Markum are here."

"There are seven of us here?" Kelly asked. It was a rhetorical question intended to suggest the size of the effort.

Grinning, Ed said, "The Magnificent Seven."

Looking over at Ed with a grin, Harry replied, "I'd say it is the Mediocre Six and the Magnificent Kelly."

From under the car, Ling said, "Harry sure can pile it on when he wants."

The Chief of Police looked under the car to look at Ling. She was busy scanning the tops of buildings through a very large scope on a sniper rifle. The weapon, more than the woman, surprised him. Even the SWAT sharpshooter didn't have a rifle of that quality. He wondered where she had gotten it.

Harry asked, "Would you rather have me say the Mediocre Six, the Magnificent Kelly, and the Deadly Ling?"

With a definite tone of amusement in her voice, she said, "Don't make me laugh, I'm liable to miss."

Jimmy and Harold reached the car. Kneeling down, Jimmy said, "Who ever was doing the shooting is dead. He blew himself up when we broke down the door."

Harold said, "I caught a good look at him before Jimmy pulled me out of the way of the blast. He looked like an Arab."

Nodding his head, Eric said, "We've got some sleeper cells here that were missed after the Fusion Foundation workers were kidnapped. When we heard what was happening over here, we figured it might be related to the work we are doing. Just to be on the safe side, we decided to swing by and offer our help."

John Markum looked down the alley and asked, "Who was killed?"

Harry answered, "Mad Hatter, Victor Markovich, and two cops. No one has told me their names yet."

"I liked Victor," Eric said while rubbing a hand over his eyes. He had just lost a good friend. Sighing, he said, "If you don't mind me suggesting it, it would be nice if you'd find someone gentle to tell his wife. They were about to celebrate their twenty-fifth anniversary."

Ed picked up his cell phone from the ground and wiped the blood off it. While he called the Druid College to get Oliver to send someone to Victor's widow, Kelly moved over to check out Jimmy and Harold. Harold had a small burn and some cuts from the blast. Jimmy was unhurt.

The Chief of Police went over to the SWAT truck to get the men inside to set up a secure perimeter. This entire operation was becoming a headache. The press was already gathered in the street behind the SWAT truck. A shiver went through his body at the idea of telling them that two cops and a Druid had been killed. They'd kept quiet about the serial killer, but that secret was about to become public. He'd be hearing from the mayor anytime now.

When the Chief was finished with the SWAT team, he returned to the alley to deal with the Druids. At least they would be easier to deal with than the press.

Harry stood up and said, "It is time we took care of Victor's body."

"You aren't going anywhere with that body until my men finish their work here," the Chief said.

Eyebrows raised, Ed looked over at the man and said, "You do realize that a Federal Agent was killed tonight, don't you? Victor was ATF."

"Oh, shit." The idea of the Federal Alphabet Soup showing up was like a punch to the stomach. Looking around at the number of red robed Druids he realized that the Feds were already there.

Grinning at the look of horror on the cops face, Eric said, "I'm ATF and I guess that would put me in charge here."

"I've got to ask this and I know the answer is going to kill me. What agencies are represented here?"

"IRS and CIA," Ed answered.


"INS," Jimmy answered holding out his ID.

"FBI," John answered.

"I'm a Federal Marshal," Harold Powell answered.

When no one else said anything, the Chief asked, "What about the rest of you?"

"I'm a nurse," Kelly answered shrugging her shoulders. She could have become a member of the Surgeon General's office, but had never tried to do that.

"I'm the last of the Hoboes," Harry replied proud of his past.

Ling came out from under the car and looked him in the eye. There was a dangerous tone in her voice when she said, "I'm Ling. I don't work for anyone. I protect my family and friends. Ed and Kelly are family. Harry is a friend."

The Chief looked at the rifle she was holding and shook his head. The small oriental woman gave off a threatening aura. He didn't know what to make of her. For half a second he wondered what would happen if he were to try and hit Ed. A shudder went through his body when her eyes narrowed. He decided that he didn't want to know. He turned to Eric and asked, "Are you formally taking over the investigation?"

While the discussion about who was in charge raged in the alley, Jim and Joe, the two cops who had discovered the body, were sitting on the ground near the SWAT truck with their backs resting against the building. Joe was tracing the bullet hole in his blood- stained shirt and shaking his head in disbelief. He said, "I was shot. I know I was shot. She even gave me the bullet."

"You were shot," agreed his partner. He had never seen anything like it and still couldn't believe that the woman had healed all three of the wounded men by having sex with them. He shook his head and said, "If I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't have believed it. Do you have a scar?"

"Yes," Joe answered after opening his shirt and examining his side. There was a little round scar, very faint, where the bullet had entered his side. It was just enough to prove that he had been shot. His wife would discover it as soon as he removed his shirt. Looking over at Jim, he asked, "How am I going to explain this to the wife?"

"I don't know what would be tougher to tell her. That you got shot or that you were healed because a woman had sex with you."

Joe laughed. It was a weak laugh and hinted at a poor joke. He said, "Might need her there when I tell my wife. She'll need to heal me after my wife is done shooting me."

The men were quiet for a moment as they thought their thoughts about their shift. After Joe had finished buttoning his shirt, Jim said, "How do you think the wives will react when we tell them that we are going under cover for the next few days as homeless men?"

"Not good."

It took almost two hours to clear up the mess in the alley. The fire department put out the fire that had resulted from the explosion. The bodies had been taken to the morgue and the cop cars had been towed off to the impound lot as evidence. Crime scene tape had been strung everywhere possible. The Druids had submitted to interviews about the entire episode.

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Story tagged with:
Ma/Fa / Science Fiction / Slow /