The year was 1999 around June if I remember right I just got off work and was headed home for a nice weekend with the family. I was aware of home invasions in our neighborhood but like everyone else I thought it wouldn't happen to us. I was just pulling into the driveway when I noticed a curtain moving I thought it was odd to have the curtains closed on a beautiful day like this so I walked with caution to the front door.
I opened the door slowly when a large hand grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into the house, I had just caught myself when I heard the cocking of a gun, I'm not expert on guns of any kind so I can't say what was being cocked. I had just turned around and was about to yell at the intruders when I felt the most unbearable pain in my life. I found it odd that the sound of the shot was delayed by a few seconds. It's also very odd what people think of as they lay on the floor dying, the first thought was regret I thought back to my first crush in elementary school. The girl was named Holly Graves and in my minds eye she was perfect. But I was shy and didn't talk much to girls but man did I like to watch them. Holly was nice to me along with her friend Lesley.
They would let me chase them around and catch them me being shy never had any idea what to do when I caught them. Anyway my regret was I never talked to her and told her how I felt.
I was on my back going through the flashes of life before my eyes when things started to go real dark. The next feeling was sorrow, I felt sorry for myself because I was not the brightest man around, anybody else would have called 911 but not me I have to be stupid and think I can handle it. I was thinking, if I get a second chance I swear hell will be afraid of me. That's when things went black.
I'm sure you have heard of the near death experience, you know the long tunnel with the bright light at the end. Well that's where I was when I became aware that the pain was gone. You know what you never hear about are the other tunnels going in different directions well I'm here to tell you now that there are other tunnels. I was floating along down the tunnel when all of a sudden I take a left turn and there was a light but now it was red, I mean red as dark as blood. I have never seen a light that red before. I knew where I was going I just couldn't figure out why. I was a good guy and never hurt anyone.
Then it hit me like a truck the Devil was going to chew me a new one for what I said as I was dying. I was nervous now man. I guess what they say about being careful what you wish for. I knew I should have cursed someone but damn it who do you curse when you're dying and have no idea when you will leave.
I was to busy cussing myself out to notice that I stopped moving, you know what that's like when you know people are waiting for you but you are in your own world and you have a feeling your being watched.
I'm here to tell you that is a feeling you don't want when you're in hell or limbo or wherever I am. I shook my head and was afraid to look at any one thing so I looked down at the floor but there was no floor it was just blackness. I freaked out and said, "holy shit there's no floor." And then I heard laughing all around me.
I looked up and was going to say, "fuck you too." but bit my tongue when it was the Devil himself sitting on a thrown of dead bodies laughing at me. Then I heard another laugh to my right I looked there and there was nothing there that laugh got louder. And I thought look up dip weed and I did and I swear to God himself, it was God sitting there or should I say rolling there laughing so hard I thought I saw tears in his eyes.
I was feeling pretty damn mad and said, "ok you two what is so funny." God said, "we just love it when you mortals realize your not standing on a floor or ground and it's been so long since we have brought a mortal here."
"Well then I get to laugh at you then for creating a president named Bush who in the hell names anybody bush when there are a million and one other names to choose why bush." I said.
God being the clown he is was pointing at the Devil and saying, "the Devil made me do it."
I lost it right there I was laughing so hard I think I wet myself. We were all laughing so hard I never noticed another being next to me trying to catch his breathe.
I finally calmed down and asked, "ok now that that's over with why am I here."
God started by saying, "well we heard your last plea and thought why not let you have your second chance and do us a favor at the same time."
As God was talking I thought a chair would be nice to sit in and sure enough a nice lazy-boy chair popped into existence right behind me and I sat down and listened.
God said, "my brother and I talked it over with our cousin and came to a decision drugs are killing to many people that could have been something. Did you know in 1974 a man died that could have been another Hitler? but no he has to do drugs to see his future. Lucifer and I along with death want you to start killing drug dealers and pushers then when you get more experienced the supplier will be your target."
"Oh I see you want me to be a walking breathing death?" I asked.
At that moment death put his hand on my shoulder and said, "hay this is what I do and I like it."
I said, "sorry death."
He says, "no hair off my ass."
"Ok let's say I do this what are the rules?" I asked.
Death said, "I knew he wasn't stupid at least he knows there are rules even for us."
"Your right there are rules but you are the exception to the rules because you made a dying wish for a second chance." God said
"Ok I'm get my second chance, but who is going to stop every federal agency in the States from hunting me down?"
Lucifer finally decided to speak right then by saying, "I will have a few of my followers keep you out of their hands. And before you say it yes I have followers in high places."
I raised my hand and said, "ok you have followers in high places but what about the bible pushers that knock on everyone's door trying to recruit followers?"
God said, "I have that covered if they try to stop you they will be part of the brain dead."
God also said, "there is one rule that will condemn you to hell though." I said, "ok can I know the rule before I do it,"
God grinned and said, "gee I don't know what do you think Lucifer?"
And Lucifer grins and says, "sure bro." tell him.
God looks at death and says, "Death what do you think?"
Death says. "I say tell him he needs to know if he is to work for us."
God looks me square in the eye and says, "you can't kill any innocents."
I look back at him and say, "ok but How will I know who is innocent and who isn't?"
Death looks at me and mumbles something and then says, "it's done you will know when you look and anyone."
God looks at me again and says, "our mother Gia will be sending one of our lesser sisters to help you. Only mother will know who she is and we have an idea but can't say anything to you."
"Can I ask a few questions?" I ask.
They all say, "sure."
I think for a minute and ask, "will I have any powers or am I just a killer?"
They all look at each other for awhile like a Tele-conference or something. Lucifer says, "ok here's the deal the longer you do our work and do it right you will get a psychic ability oh lets say every five years or so."
"We will not say what ability you will get, but it will be as needed." Lucifer says.
"I can deal with that."
Lucifer nods and says, "like you have a choice."
"I almost forgot I have no knowledge of weapons or anything like that."
God shakes his head and says, "oh yee of little faith give an old man some credit would you."
I grin and say, "3.5 % annually."
God said, "damn he got it one."
Death slaps me on the back and says, "way to go man no one ever got in one your not so stupid after all."
"I try to be funny when life is too serious, which is a lot," I said.
"Ok DW it is almost time for you to go, when you get back a lot of time will have passed so listen to our lesser sister and she will guide you ok. Anything else before we send you to work?"
I say, "not right now but maybe later. Oh hay that reminds me how to I get in touch with you?"
God says, "ever hear of prayer?" and starts laughing.
I say, "ha ha I have done that a few million times."
God says, "yes I know DW Sorry I couldn't answer yours all the time."
"I kind of thought you hated me or something."
God gets up and walks over to me and hugs me and says, "no I don't hate you little brother."
God hears me say, "huh?"
God says, "mother wants you in our family if you do the right thing. If you do the wrong thing, I would hate to be you little brother."
I sit down and close my eyes and think wow I am a deity or will be. As I lay there thinking I begin to hear what sounds like a heart monitor I try to open my eyes but the light sends pain straight to my brain. I groan and I hear a whisper saying, "its ok little brother, take your time."