Twofer - Cover

Twofer

Copyright© 2006 by Lazlong

Chapter 1

Well, yeah, I got drunk last night, but this is ridiculous. I've heard of people seeing pink elephants. I've heard of people having tremors from too much booze. I've even heard of people hearing strange voices in their heads, but they weren't playing with a full deck.

Was I? I couldn't be, but I didn't feel any different than I normally did when I had a hangover. <Just who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my head?> I asked mentally.

<My name is Sarah Jenkins and I don't know what I'm doing in your head. Give me a break, will you? I'm just as confused as you are.>

<How did you get in here, or am I just going crazy?>

<You may already be crazy for all I know. You're certainly not very polite.>

<Look, No one asked you to invade my mind. How did you get in here anyway?>

<I have no idea how I got in your mind. The last thing I remember is that I was... I was in an auto accident.>

<So, are you like trying to take over my brain and my body or something?>

<No... I mean I don't know any more than you do and I'm just as shook up. We need to try to figure out what's happening here. Who are you anyway?>

<I'm Andy James. I'd have thought you'd have known who I was, since you came into my mind, uninvited.>

<Believe me, I'm just as sorry to be here as you are to have me. No, that's not quite right. If my body was killed in the accident, then I'm very glad I'm here, even if you don't want me.>

<Okay, let's try to figure this out. Where were you when you had your accident?>

<I was coming down Preston Road, near Fremont Street. I was just driving along, minding my own business when some idiot came shooting out of a side street and hit me right on the driver's side door. I remember seeing his headlights and I remember the sound of the crash. That's the last I remember until I awoke in your brain.>

<When did this happen?>

<It was around 2:00 AM on August 13, 2005.>

<That was last night. Really this morning. At that time, I was passed out at a party in the house on the corner of Fulmar and Preston.>

<I think it was probably Fulmar that the idiot shot out of. You said you were passed out. Had you been drinking?>

<Big time. I think I had put away most of a fifth of whiskey.>

<Do you usually drink that much?>

<It's none of your business, but I usually don't drink much at all.>

<Why were you drinking so much last night?>

<Again, it's none of your business.>

<I beg to differ with you. I don't know if I'm stuck in your body permanently or not, but if I am, anything you do to your body is my business.>

<Okay, I was drinking because my girlfriend dumped me.>

<Why did she dump you?>

<She said I was a nerd. Hell, I've always been a nerd. She knew that when she started dating me.>

While we were carrying on this mental discourse, I had gotten up and swallowed a half a dozen aspirin and drank two large glasses of water.

<Is this your apartment?> Sarah asked.

<Yeah.>

<It's a pig sty. How can you live like this?>

<The way I live is my business. I don't need some damned woman telling me how I should live.>

<Apparently it's my business too, now. Obviously you need someone telling you how to live.>

<Would you just shut up? I need some time to think about this.>

<Okay, just a couple of questions, then I'll leave you alone for a while. First off, how old are you?>

<I'm nineteen and I'm a sophomore in computer science at UC Berkley.>

<Okay, that answers questions one and two. Are you married or do you have a girlfriend?>

<Neither. My girlfriend just dumped me, remember? That's why I got drunk.>

<Ah. Okay, let's both of us think this over. I don't know if this is permanent, but if it is, we're going to have to learn to live together.>

<Just shut up for a while. If you're still here in an hour, let me know and maybe we can talk some more.>

Okay, I didn't plan to, but I went to sleep. It was nearly three hours later when I awoke. I felt a lot better and my head didn't ache as badly. For a moment I completely forgot about my unwanted visitor.

<Hi, Andy. Feeling better?> Sarah asked.

<Yeah, except that you're still here. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound so rude, but how would you have liked it if someone had invaded your mind?>

<I've been thinking about that and I can understand how you feel. I really am sorry.>

<I don't guess it's your fault. This isn't going to be easy though. Do you realize how hard it is going to be for me to sit down and take a shit when I know you're in there, watching me?>

Sarah giggled. I'll swear she did. The funny thing was, I could feel the giggle as well as hear it mentally. I didn't give her a chance to make a snide comment. <How old are you and what did you do before your accident?>

<I am... or was an instructor in computer science at Berkley. I was twenty eight years old. Say, can we turn on the TV or something so we can find out about the accident?>

<Sure. They usually don't talk about accidents on the news though, unless it was something spectacular. Maybe we should go out and get a newspaper.>

<That's probably best. You'll have to put some clothes on first though.>

<Yeah, I also have to take a pee. I don't suppose I could talk you into closing your eyes while I pee, could I?>

Sarah giggled again. <If I closed my eyes, I'd be closing your eyes as well. Then, you'd probably paint the entire bathroom. Besides, I'm going to see your cock someday. It might as well be today.>

I couldn't refute her logic and I really did have to go. I went into the bathroom and went about my business. When I had finished and had tucked myself away, Sarah said, <You don't have anything to be ashamed of, Andy. You have a lovely cock. I wish my boyfriend's had been as nice.>

I didn't know if she was teasing me or not, but somehow I didn't think she was. I brushed my teeth and finished dressing. I walked to a little restaurant that was close by and bought a newspaper from the machine that was out front.

My stomach was feeling better, so I went in and ordered breakfast. I wasn't too surprised when I saw that the accident had made page one of our local rag. It led off by saying that Sarah Jenkins, an instructor at UC Berkley had been killed in an auto accident early this morning.

<Awh, shit!> Sarah said. <I had a nice body too. This really sucks, you know. My own body was killed, now I'm sharing a mind with someone who doesn't want me there.>

<Sarah, it's more that I was just surprised and a little scared that someone had invaded my mind than it was that I didn't want you.>

I know it wasn't much, but I really didn't know what to say to her. The article went on to list Sarah's achievements during her twenty eight short years on earth. I was surprised to learn that the driver of the other car had been at a frat party, too. The paper said he had a blood alcohol level of .21. It also said they had found traces of cocaine in his blood.>

Sarah was quiet for several minutes, then she asked, <Did you know the guy?>

<His picture looks familiar. I may have been in a class with him or something, but I didn't know him.>

<You said you had been drinking a lot at the party you went to. How did you get home from the party?> Sarah asked.

<I have no idea. Some of my friends must have brought me. I don't remember anything after I was sitting on a sofa and drinking one last shot of whiskey.>

<Thank God for friends, > Sarah said.

<So, what do we do now?> I asked.

<Well, I was thinking about this as you were sleeping. Whether I'm here permanently or not, you have to go on with your life as if I wasn't here. You can't let anyone know I'm here, or we'd end up in the loony bin.>

<Yeah, I'm smart enough to realize that. This isn't going to be easy though. I'm not very active sexually, but I know if I had ended up in your body and you started blowing your boyfriend, I'd have gotten physically ill. How are you going to feel if I get lucky with a girl?>

Another giggle from Sarah. I was really getting to like her giggles, both the sound I heard in my brain and the feeling I got through my entire body.

<I was bi-sexual, Andy. A little carpet munching wouldn't bother me at all. I've never had a cock before, so I have no idea how that will feel.>

<Pretty damned good, > I laughed to myself. <Well, it's not something we have to worry about right away, anyway. I think I told you my girlfriend dumped me.>

<Yeah, only about four or five times. That's something we'll have to work on. It should be you dumping a girlfriend, not her dumping you.>

<If you could help me in that respect, maybe it won't be so bad having you in my brain after all.>

<Stick with me, honey, and I'll get you more pussy than you ever imagined. One thing though. From now on, it's safe sex or no sex.>

<Yeah, well, I guess I could live with that.>

<I'd rather live with safe sex than die with wild, abandoned sex.>

<Amen.>


We did a lot of experimenting that evening. We got to the point where Sarah could feel everything I was feeling, both physically and emotionally. At first, it felt like an invasion of privacy, but then it just got to feeling natural.

Somehow, Sarah still had all of her memories. Neither of us knew how.


Terry Jacobs called me that evening and asked how I was doing. I remembered Terry had been at the party last night, so I asked him how I had gotten home.

Terry laughed. "Me and three other guys loaded you into your car and I drove you home. We got you in and flopped you on your bed. I put your keys on the kitchen counter and left."

I thanked him profusely. Terry is a nice guy. He was my roommate last year and we had actually become friends.

It was nearly midnight when Sarah said, <Our body needs sleep. I'm afraid you abused it pretty badly last night. After learning all I have about you, Andy, I just wish I could kiss you goodnight.>

God, I wished the same thing.


When I awoke Sunday morning, I immediately looked for Sarah. She was there, but she was still sleeping. I laid there for a while, musing about what had happened. At first I had been angry that my mind had been invaded. Then I became resigned to it. Now I would miss her terribly if she was gone.

Is it possible to fall in love with someone who doesn't even have a body? I think it was happening to me. The only problem is, there's really nothing I can do about it.

<Good morning, sunshine, > Sarah said as she mentally stretched. <Did you sleep well? I slept like a baby.>

<Yeah, I slept well. As you can tell, I feel pretty good this morning.>

<What would you think about starting running and maybe start an exercise program?> she asked.

<I've never been much of a guy for exercise, > I said.

<We've got a good body here, Andy. If we treat it right, it could last us another eighty years. Treat it badly and we'll be dead by the time we're sixty.>

<Yeah, I guess you're right. Let's start out easy though. Maybe I'll get used to it and not give it up in a week.>

<We'll start out easy, but I have to warn you, I'm going to nag you to keep it up. Someday you'll thank me for it.>

I had to smile. I'll bet she could be a nag.

<Also, I want to work on integrating our brain a little more. I don't want you to give up your personality and I don't want to lose mine. It would be nice if I could share your memories and you could share mine though.>

<I don't know about that. There are some things I'd just as soon you didn't know about.>

<We all have things like that, Andy. The problem is, with you and me, we're going to be closer than any married couple ever was. No matter what you've done in the past and no matter what you've thought, it all went into making you who you are today. From what I've seen so far, I kind of like that guy.>


So, we started the day by walking three miles. It didn't kill me, but my body sure felt it. Sarah and I both groaned as we sat back down on my sofa.

<You see, this is why I don't exercise, > I said. <I get so tired and sore, that I just don't feel like doing it a second time.>

<That's because our body is so badly out of shape.>

<When did it become our body?> I asked.

<When I moved in.>

<Sarah, you know. If I had to have someone else move into my mind, I'm glad it was you.>

<If I had to move into someone else's mind, I'm glad it was yours. Now, we need to try to work on this sharing memories thing.>

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