Sex Guide to the Universe
Chapter 1

Caution: This Science Fiction Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa, Science Fiction, Humor,

Desc: Science Fiction Sex Story: Chapter 1 - A little sex farce and spoof. This is a re-edit of one of my oldest stories.

Michael Slunk blood boiled. His face was redder than a convertible corvette carrying two hot blondes down the I-10 going all the way from Texas to Hollywood. If Michael Slunk was a cartoon character steam would come out of his ears and an egg would fry on top of his head. The object of his wrath stood in front of him trying to explain.

"Now, Mr. Slunk," the object who was the construction foreman said. "I'm just doing my job and that's to tear down your house. Progress, you know."

"And just what's going to replace my house. I can't live in a shoe store!" yelled Michael. He looked down from the front step of his modest two bedroom house at the man.

"There are many apartments available on South side. We have to make way for a new Warehouse Porn Club store," the object said.

"What? Another chain porn shop!" raged Michael. "They have fifteen stores in San Antonio already."

"Calm down, Mr. Slunk." The foreman knew he should have taken a longer break. "This is a Warehouse Porn Club store. The other stores are all Porn Warehouse Club stores." The foreman enunciated the store name slowly.

"Competition, you know," he added brightly like the purple head of an erect cock.

"What?" screamed Michael, unsatisfied with the answer. "Did you know there's an elementary school just around the corner? Did you know that?"

"When the children grow up," the foreman explained, "and they have a need for porn, they'll already have one in the neighborhood to provide that service. It will keep the economy going in this part of the city. All part of city planning, you know."

And with that the foreman turned and walked away. He'd need two or three lunch breaks just to make it through to the end this day.

Michael tried to say something else before he was out of earshot, but he just stammered. He was in a daze. It was as if his mind was severely stunned by seeing Rosie O'Donnell in a bikini. You just don't recover quickly.

"Hello, Michael," a new voice said.

Michael turned to the voice. His frustration rose even higher.

It was Forny Perfect.

Michael first met Forny in a local bar about three years ago. She was a small redheaded woman, yet she could drink any guy in the bar under the table. She'd compete with 4 or 5 guys one right after the other, but she always seemed unfazed by alcohol.

Forny had somehow attached herself to Michael that evening and he couldn't completely get rid of her. Forny was attractive and all, but she was lawyer. Worst of all, she was a personal injury lawyer. Michael always thought she should lie and say she was a prostitute, an exotic dancer, or a newspaper journalist. All those occupations would be slightly more respectful than a lawyer.

It wasn't that Michael disliked Forny, it was just that there was always something slightly odd about her. He could never quite put his finger on it. Maybe it was the way she stood a little too close to him when he talked to her or that her breasts seemed a different size and shape everytime he saw her. Maybe it was that she always asked about his sex life. Most likely it was her uncanny knack to show up at inconvenient times. Like now.

"Michael," said Forny, "Can you come with me? We need to talk."

"Well, I'm kind of busy right now. They want to destroy my house," explained Michael "Can we talk later? I'll call you."

Forny sighed. She was distressed. She didn't want to have to spend the time convincing Michael of her need.

"It's really, really important," said Forny. She flashed her teeth in a big smile.

That was another thing that bothered Michael about Forny. Why was it that when she smiled her BIG smile, he felt like he saw her cleavage even when she was wearing a heavy raincoat? Forny rarely wore anything that actually revealed anything, yet in his mind he seems to have a detailed memory of her breasts.

"But my house," Michael protested, weakly.

"Oh, don't worry Michael. You worry too much. After all they're going to destroy a lot more than your house," answered Forny, confidently.

"What?" said Michael suddenly alarmed again.

"Michael. Come!" Forny waggled her index finger at him. She turned and started to walk away.

Michael, not sure what to do next, decided to follow her since it was at least something to do.

Forny turned her head and was pleased to see Michael following her. She waited for him to catch up.

"What do you mean they're going to destroy a lot more?" Michel asked, as they walked away.

"It's all going," Forny replied.

"The block?" asked Michael.

"Yep," Forny replied.

"The gas station?"


"The elementary school?"


"That asshole!" exclaimed Michael.

"What?" asked Forny.

"He lied to me. He told me a Warehouse Porn Club store was going to help the economy because an elementary school is nearby, but they're going to destroy the school. Where are the clients, huh? Tell me?"

Forny liked Michael, but one of the frequent problems she had with him is she often had no idea what he was talking about and she suspected he didn't either. This was one of those times.

They were a couple of blocks away from his house now.

"This way," Forny said, turning right into an alley.

The alley looked a bit unsavory to Michael.

"Why are we going this way? Where are we going?" Michael asked curiously.

"Curious" was not a word Michael would use if he realized Forny Perfect was not a personal injury lawyer, but actually a journalist for the universe-renowned "Sex Guide to the Universe". The Sex Guide was a smaller version of the top selling 'Guide to the Universe' since it included only the parts pertaining to sex. However since most of the beings in the universe where having sex or thinking about sex, the Sex Guide was only 5 MB smaller than the full Guide. The Sex Guide also cost a little more. The publishers discovered that people were willing to pay extra to eliminate the occasional non-sex references that spoiled one's enjoyment of the Guide.

Forny went behind some crates and boxes. She started to lay out a blanket on the ground.

"Where did you get that blanket?" Michael asked.

"I was carrying it, " Forny replied calmly, as she straightened the blanket out.

"No, you weren't!" insisted Michael

"Yes, I was," replied Forny with composure.

Forny start to pull up her shirt.

Michael saw her exposed belly.

"What are you doing?" Michael asked, as she kept raising her shirt up. Panic was in his voice.

"You need to get undressed, Michael," Forny said, evenly.

"Uh... why?" Michael asked.

"The world is coming to an end," Forny said.

"Is it?" said Michael

"Yes," replied Forny

"And it's better to be naked when that happens?"

"Yes. Get undressed. I'll explain in a few minutes."

Michael didn't trust her, but he started to undress anyway.

He was amazed to see fantastic fiery red pubic hair on Forny. He always thought she colored her hair.

Michael stood in his underwear. Forny was completely naked.

"Everything off, Michael. And lay down on the blanket," Forny said.

"So this is it? We're going to have sex?" asked Michael."

"Michael," said Forny, exasperated. "Now! Please?"

She motioned for him to pull his briefs down.

"So, are we?" he asked again, as he started to pull down his briefs.

"Michael!" Forny said. Time was short.

"Well, are we?" he continued to ask, as he lay down. "It's just I've never been naked in an alley before."

"Yes, Michael. We are," Forny finally replied.

Michael had never viewed Forny in a sexual way. She was just this friend who always gave him a headache when she showed up.

Forny lowered herself on top of Michael in the "69" position.

"Lick my pussy, Michael," Forny instructed.

Michael started to tentatively lick his tongue out onto her pussy.

"I thought you said something about an explanation of why we're doing this now?" Michael said.

"Lick harder," Forny said. She ground her pussy into his face. "An orgasm makes the teleport and the hyper jump less disorienting."

"Ah," Michael said, as if he understood. He licked Forny's pussy deeper and harder. "The hyper jump..."

"Yes, Michael," Forny cried out "You're doing it, you're doing it. Oh, Great Hump of Wednesday, I'm going to cum!"

Forny's body shook powerfully on top of Michael. He was surprised she came so fast. Suddenly, his head swam. It felt like Forny had swallowed his entire dick and balls into her mouth. Deep in his brain, Michael felt himself cum intensely without actually ejaculating.

Forny opened her eyes. It was dark. Sleeping Michael's gentle breathing tickled her pussy. She rolled off of him and lay next to him without waking him up.

There were sounds in the distance of beings moaning. They were preparing for the hyper jump Forny knew. In a few minutes, Forny heard a cacophony of orgasms and she felt the spaceship move into hyperspace. Forny had escaped Earth, but she still felt far from safe.

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Story tagged with:
Ma/Fa / Science Fiction / Humor /