Chapter 1: Sex Addict's Anonymous

"So there you have it, doc. I mean, Argie and me, we kinda made up, ya know?"

Dr. Gladstone: "No, I don't. Why don't you tell me how you made up, John?"

"Um, okay. She, um, found out about my extra curricular stuff, but you know that, right?"

Dr. Gladstone: "Yes, we've been over that earlier. Please continue."

"So she found this guy and screwed his brains out to get even."

Dr. Gladstone: "Do you think she got even?"

"Hell no, but she got a taste, you know? A nice taste if you ask me."

Dr. Gladstone: "You didn't object to her... having intercourse with another man?"

"Actually no, I mean at first I was pissed. But when I thought about it... well, it seemed fair, and I looked at it as a means of making up with her."

The doctor waited patiently and after a moment, John continued.

"The fact is we had lunch... Argie and me. I can't say how relieved I was to hear her say "the marriage isn't dead." He avoided mentioning the fact that he'd been pathetic in her presence until she had uttered those very words.

Dr. Gladstone: "That's very promising, John. Anything else?"

"Um, yeah. I admitted that I had a problem with sex to her. I... um, because, err, I was desperate, you know? So Argie says, "She's discovered that she likes fucking around too." She says she met this guy... let him pick her up. They went to a motel... do you need to hear all this?"

Dr. Gladstone: "Just what you need to tell me to convey the situation. There's no need to embarrass yourself, John.

"Yeah, um, well... she says, "I loved the way he did me."

Dr. Gladstone: "A powerful statement. But remember what they say about a woman scorned."

"I didn't scorn her!"

Dr. Gladstone: "Think about it, John."

"All right, all right, maybe I did... from her point of view. Anyway, she says, 'Our marriage isn't over, but I don't want you running around screwing anything you see.' And then she took me on a fuckin' roller coaster ride, saying, 'But I'm not saying you can't see anyone else either. I liked being in bed with this guy, I didn't think I would, but you forced me to find out if I was still attractive to other men.' "

Dr. Gladstone: "And then?"

"Then she told me I could keep screwing around."

Dr. Gladstone: "She did? Were there any conditions?"

"'Course there was. She says, 'I can do it with... whoever, and she'll do it with her boyfriend of the moment." He paused, and then added, "Said we need to make a schedule so we don't step on one another's toes."

Dr. Gladstone: "So you reached an agreement."

"Um, yeah, we agreed to let each other know... you know... when we're going with somebody else. Then we went home and jumped each other's bones."

Dr. Gladstone: "Is that where you two left things?"

"Well, she did this fabulous strip. She'd never done nothing like it before. For my part, I pulled out all the stops, had her coming and going. She met herself three times before she straightened out," he said smugly. Anyway, we agreed to take it one day at a time."

Dr. Gladstone: "What about Sex Addicts Anonymous?"

"Oh, right. I promised her I'd look into it. Probably join."

Dr. Gladstone: "That's an excellent idea, John. You'll see the benefits of talking about the problem almost immediately. Further, it will go a long way in convincing Argie of your sincerity."

"Hey doc, what's with the sincerity bit? I mean, Argie as much as told me I could screw anything that walked past me, as long I tell her about it. We even discussed the possibility of having a threesome once in a while."

Dr. Gladstone: "She actually broached the subject?"

"Well, actually I told her that, I'd tolerate her men; and she does the same with respect to my women. She was okay with it, went so far as to say, 'What about broadening the criteria a little?' " He paused for a moment, then continued, "See, I knew having two men at once was her favorite fantasy, and all."

Dr. Gladstone: [After a long silence] "I see. Well, then, do you have the number for SSA?"

"SSA?"

Dr. Gladstone: "Sex Addicts Anonymous."

"No."

Dr. Gladstone: [Sound of paper being torn off pad.] "Here, I'm sure you're going to find it very interesting. Let's be sure to talk about it at our next session."

"Sure, Doc, hey, does that mean our time's up?"

Dr. Gladstone: "I'm afraid so, John."

The next afternoon, twelve hours celibate, John went to a Sex Addict's Anonymous meeting that he'd found in the local newspaper. There were about eleven people seated as he eased past a rumpled man of about forty years of age and sat down.

A well-dressed man, John guessed was fiftyish was speaking while holding a bible in his left hand. "Temperance, we are solemnly instructed," the man said, "is the moral virtue that moderates the attraction of pleasures and provides balance in the use of created goods. It ensures the will's mastery over instincts and keeps desires within the limits of what is honorable."

John took a moment to glance at the others in attendance, and noted only two were female, one middle-aged woman; and one in her early thirties.

'I'd fuck her in a New York minute, ' he thought, ' then turned his attention back to the speaker.

"The temperate person directs the sensitive appetites toward what is good and maintains a healthy discretion," the speaker said with a great deal of emotion.

"Thus what is a temptation to me is of little moment to you; what is gluttony to you is merely gustatory satisfaction to me; what is lust to you is merely natural sexual desire to me. And who is to differentiate the one from the other?"

Once again, John turned his head to study the audience. He was surprised to find all of them listening attentively, and decided to do likewise.

The speaker paused, and then resumed his emotional talk.

"There is likely to be difference of opinion, too, about how many instances of erotic craving constitutes lust. At what point does natural and normal sexual desire turn into disordered, frenetic, and insatiable sexual urge?"

'This guy's a wannabe preacher, who cares what he thinks?' John thought and took a furtive glance at the thirtyish woman. She was a brunette, slim, with a modest chest. He couldn't tell if her legs were nice, or if she had a great ass, and decided it didn't matter. She was the only enticing morsel here and would have to do.

Droning on, as far as John was concerned, the speaker continued: "We might disagree on the number of instances required for us to call a pattern of activity lust—once again, disagreement about degree. But I think we can reach consensus about what lust is—agreement about kind. Those who are governed by their gonads are filled with lust. Lust is defined by one source as the "disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure."

"Although there would be strong dispute in today's world about the exact nature of lust, there is no question but that expressions of lust such as rape will be and must be universally condemned. That is, in essence, the principal point I want to make here: We may well disagree over the precise meanings of what is temperate or intemperate. But in the case of clear and extensive departures from the norm, we remain capable of saying, 'This action is clearly contrary to restraint and to self-control; it is disordered and inordinate. It is wrong.' "

And that was how the speaker left things, clutching the Bible to his chest; he nodded appreciatively, comforted by his own words and sat down.

Almost immediately a man two chairs away from John stood and said, "It's been three months and six days since I drifted over the line. My name is Edmond, and I'm a sex addict."

The group responded as one, saying, "Hello, Edmond."

John gave the man his total attention, wanting to hear from a self-confessed addict.

"Thanks to God and my friends here in this fine organization," Edmond said, "I have found a way to live. I needed help desperately when I got to the rooms of Sex Addicts Anonymous. I arrived, pretty much like everyone else here: lost, broken, and alone; no plan or direction and really no one in my life who could help me make sense of my life. I'm twenty-seven, probably more boy than man... a two-bit bartender, a proven loser, with four different kinds of sexually transmitted disease. I've quit promising my family... what's left of it... to clean my act up, go without sex until the right partner comes along—only to have random sex and begin the craziness again."

"You've all heard me tell my story... probably several times over, so I won't do it again today. But I will tell it again and again so I don't forget how bad it can be."

"It's just... well, when I hear one of you tell your story I'm suddenly filled with hope and gratitude and I'm reminded of the changes that occurred in my life and of the magic in the world—and that's a good thing for this sex addict. Maybe... I even want to go out and spread a little of that good in the world. Anyway, thanks for being here for me."

Polite applause followed Edmond to his seat. John got up and got himself a cup of coffee, and as he found his chair, the brunette he had been eying, began walking to the podium. John congratulated himself on being right. She had a great ass and well developed legs. She was also attractive as she stood hesitating before them.