Chapter 9

The next two weeks for Sondra were miserable. She had cheated. It was plain and simple -- well perhaps not so simple. This was no affair, drunken or otherwise, with a neighbor or even a stranger in a bar. This was out-and-out debauchery. She had discussed it with Brenda, allowed her friend to masturbate her to orgasm in a crowded restaurant, then willingly spent the night in the arms of a stranger, giving her body to him in every conceivable manner, and finally stripping naked in front of over a hundred people and then allowing, even begging, several of them to violate her at their pleasure. And the hardest thing to accept of all -- she had enjoyed every minute of it and wanted more. Could she live a lie? Could she go back to her previous life as if nothing had happened? She had tried for the last two weeks, keeping it bottled inside her, trying to act as if everything were normal. Perhaps the hardest had been the evening when Brad had returned from the west coast trip. She found it all but impossible to meet his eyes and after getting the kids to bed he had wanted to make love. So eaten with guilt had she been that she had begged off, as she had done ever since. How much longer could this go on, she wondered? She knew this secrecy was impossible, the guilt as well as the yearning would eventually eat her up, yet how could she possibly admit to what she had done? How would Brad react? He would certainly have every right to throw her out, take the kids and banish her from their lives forever. She felt as if her heart would break at the thought of losing her children. And Brad, despite his inattentiveness and preoccupation with work -- she loved him with all her heart. If only she could take back the events of the last few weeks. If only she could return to the time before she and Brenda met at that cafe. If only...

Sondra shook herself. Engaging in this idle wishing was an exercise in futility. This morning she had decided that she must take action. She wasn't sleeping and she found herself drifting away from both Brad and the kids, a rudderless ship, foundering on the shoals of guilt. Yet it seemed impossible -- how could she make such a decision when no matter what course of action she took would result in the destruction of her marriage and family?

Her dilemma still unresolved, she felt her heart beat heavily in fear as Brad drove up and, with attache case in hand, entered the house.

"Hi honey," he smiled, his arms enfolding her as their lips met.

"Brad, I..."

"Where are the kids?" he asked looking around.

"I... I haven't picked them up yet."

"Why not? tomorrow's a school day."

"I called and asked your parents to keep them for a couple of days. I also called the principal and told her Cindy and Ginger would be missing a couple of days of school."

"Why in the world would you do that?" he asked, a quizzical look on his face.

"Because..." she had committed herself, but could she possibly go through with it? "... because we have to talk. there's something I have to tell you."

"Must be something important."

"It is."

"Well, how about I take you out to eat and we can discuss it over dinner?"

"No, I've already fixed dinner and... I think we need to discuss this here... in private."

"Okay, let's eat and you can tell me what's on your mind."

"I..." she felt she had to get it out this minute if she was to have any hope of telling him, yet she welcomed the reprieve, momentary as it might be. "Okay, come on in to the dining room."

They shared the simple but tasty meal she had prepared and twice she started to confess her adulterous adventure, yet twice she faltered and allowed the conversation to turn in other directions. In the meantime, Brad related his latest case and especially how disappointed he had been that she had not gone with him on the west coast trip. This only added to her guilt and made her confession that much more difficult. Just when she thought she had worked up the nerve he smiled and suggested, "How about some after dinner wine?"

Again she faltered, choosing to acquiesce instead of blurting out what she knew she must eventually tell him. They shared the wine, both mellowing a bit.

"I know," he said playfully with a gleam in his eye, "why don't we play like you did go with me and we're alone in a motel room?"

"Brad, I don't..."

"Oh, come on," he chided, "Go put on something sexy and let's go to bed."

"Brad, I don't think..."

"Why not?" he asked. "After all we have the house to ourselves and I haven't seen you in something revealing in a long time."

"I really don't feel..."

"Come on Sondra! Let your hair down and let's enjoy each other."

"But there's something I must tell you!"

"Then tell me in bed. Go put on that black negligee that I got you and meet me in the bedroom."

"I don't think that..."

"Come on Sondra! Lord knows you say I don't ask often enough."

"But..."

"Just do it. You can tell me your news in bed."

Knowing this was wrong in so many ways, she felt herself once again deferring to Brad. Climbing the stairs she felt like a condemned prisoner, climbing the gallows, her execution awaiting.

Her heart heavy, she changed into the negligee in the guest bedroom. Ordinarily if Brad had asked she would have changed quickly then hurried into his arms. Tonight, however, she struggled to put on the revealing outfit, not sure whether she and Brad would ever make love again after she shared her devastating news. By pure force of habit she glanced at her reflection in the full length mirror on the closet door. While she should have been pleased with the beautiful face and gorgeous body revealed beneath the sheer nightwear, she felt only dread in knowing she must confess what she had done with that body. Slowly she approached their bedroom, pausing one last time, hoping against hope that some miracle might save her from the tempest ahead. But sadly there was no miracle and Sondra slipped into the bedroom, dark except for a small lamp on the night stand next to the bed where Brad lay waiting clad only in a pair of silk shorts.

"God, you're beautiful!" he breathed motioning her to come closer.

"Brad, I..." she started hesitantly.

He took her wrist and gently pulled her onto the bed where his hands began to roam.

"Please Brad! We have to talk!" she cried, pulling away.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't realize..."

"No, I'm the one who's sorry," she interrupted, her eyes finding his. "Brad I..." tears misted and her heart jumped to her throat. "I've... been unfaithful."

There was a moment of stunned silence, Sondra as surprised that she had finally said it as Brad was to hear it.

"You... what?" he asked, not sure he had heard her correctly.

"I've been unfaithful to you."

"What are you talking about?" he asked incredulously.

And for the next few minutes she told him everything: Her chance encounter with Brenda, hearing of the society, being introduced to Joubert and her willing seduction and finally her debauchery at the hands of the society masters and mistresses and her mystery lover in front of the society onlookers only to then be rejected for membership. As the final words spilled out, Sondra could no longer meet her husband's eyes.

"After the vote they... drove me back to my car. They told me I would never hear from them again." Again there was silence as Brad absorbed her confession.

"You... enjoyed it?"

"Brad, I'm so sorry..."

"I asked if you enjoyed it?"

A long pause "... Yes. It was... erotic... exciting... but..."

"Did you enjoy being fucked in the ass?"

"Brad, please..."

"I want to know if you enjoyed being fucked in the ass!" he commanded.

"I... yes," she stated, her voice so low as to be all but inaudible.

"Did you cum?"

"Oh, Brad..."

"I'm getting tired of repeating myself Sondra. You've just admitted that you've been whoring around! Now I want some straight answers! Did you cum when Joubert or that guy you couldn't see fucked you in the ass?"

"... Yes."

"Which did you like better?"

Sondra considered her answer for several seconds.

"Joubert was... more romantic. With him it was more like a seduction. His foreplay was..." she started to use the word "wonderful," but decided upon another, "... experienced. He seduced me into wanting him, built my expectations. The other man, the one who took me while I was blindfolded, was more forceful, it was more like I was being raped."

"But exciting?"

"... Yes. I've always had a fantasy of being raped -- I guess every woman does -- that is, not injured, but taken while helpless to resist. He was rough, but he didn't really hurt me, yet I knew he could have done anything he wanted. When he raped me... back there... it was painful but... exciting."

"Even more than Joubert?"

"... Yes, even more than Joubert. Joubert enabled me to orgasm. The man who took me while I was blindfolded forced me to orgasm. I wanted to orgasm with Joubert but I could have held back if I had wanted. The other man simply overpowered me both physically and emotionally and pulled the orgasm from me. I felt helpless to resist and helpless to prevent cumming."

"How did that make you feel?"

"At the moment it was happening I was mindless. He was taking it from me and I couldn't stop him, yet I've never orgasmed like that. I'm sorry, Brad, but they... were the most intense climaxes I've ever had. Afterward I knew I should feel used, resentful, but I didn't. I just wanted him to take me again and again."

"In your ass?"

"... Yes. Joubert introduced me to anal sex and I discovered then how much I liked it, but it was the other man who brought me to climax again and again while deep in my rear. Neither of us even touched my nest yet I couldn't help myself. The thought of him forcing his way into me -- into my rear -- made me so excited I orgasmed repeatedly. Oh, Brad, I'm so ashamed!"

"What are you most ashamed of, that you cheated on me, that you enjoyed being raped in the ass, or that the society rejected you? And don't lie to me Sondra -- our marriage depends on you're being honest!"

Sondra tried to quickly analyze the choices to choose the one Brad wanted to hear, but was unable to decide which would save her marriage.

Yes, of course he wanted to hear that she was ashamed of cheating on him, but he also knew they had both been inattentive to the needs of theother at times. Cheating just might be the wake up call he needed to realize he had to pay more attention to her and her needs.

She also had to admit that it had been devastating to her to be rejected by the society. The thought that she simply wasn't good enough to satisfy them all as to her sensuality was a terrible blow to her womanhood. Yet the society was behind her now. She would never hear from nor see them again and, in truth, she had been attracted to membership out of the same desperation which drove her to cheat in the first place. She was willing to give them her body any way they wanted, to as many as they wanted, and in full view of the membership, but it was not what she preferred. Secretly she knew she debased herself at the initiation so that she might have have some private time with Joubert and her mystery lover. She loved the depravity, but she also cherished the romance which she wished to share in private.

As to her newly discovered propensity for anal sex, it was the least understood of all. She and Brad had been somewhat inventive when first married, but when he had mentioned it early on, she had shied away, afraid of the pain and the stigma attached to that part of her body. Yet now why should she be ashamed of simply discovering a new sexual pleasure even though she had discovered it in the arms of another man all of which lead back to her infidelity and why she had committed it.

"I... honestly can't say Brad. I feel ashamed of each, yet there is a reason for each."

"All right, I can accept that. Now for an even harder question. Which did you enjoy the most: cheating, the society orgy or anal sex?"

"That one isn't so hard at all," she replied. "I never enjoyed cheating. I felt only guilt when I thought of you. I won't lie, the society, the seduction, the mystery, the defilement by strangers was the most erotic experience of my life. But the anal orgasms I experienced first with Joubert and then with that mystery lover were the most unimaginably mind blowing pleasures of my life. Never has anything taken me to such heights emotionally and I've never experienced such a complete loss of control of my body -- the orgasms so intense I couldn't stop them, my body convulsing with pleasure."

"So if you had to choose one?"

"I'd choose the anal sex."

"Well, at least you're being honest."

"Why should I lie about anything now?"

"One last question. Do you want to save our marriage?"

"More than anything!"

"Then strip and put your hands behind your back."

"But..."

"Just do as I say."

Sondra complied and felt the velvet straps secure her wrists. Next came the blindfold and she lay naked and helpless.

"Brad, I..."

"Quiet! he rolled her over roughly, her face buried in the bed while he shoved her knees under her forcing her rear high in the air.

"Brad, please... !"

"Shut up! You want it in the ass?"

"Brad, I..."

"Not that it matters, because I'm going to ream that little ass of yours until you beg me to stop and then I'm going to ream it some more."