Episode 2: A Rebirth at Midwinter

By the time she got back to the apartment, Nuria was trembling with frustration and so overwhelmed with conflicting emotions she couldn't hold onto a thought long enough for it to fully form before another one took its place.

She slammed the apartment door and stormed across to her own room. She glanced at her roommates' bedrooms long enough to see that Carla had her "DO NOT DISTURB" sign on the door and Pearl did not. Fuming, she spent a second being angry at Carla for having a man when she didn't. She didn't know who she was so angry at and it was nice to have someone to direct it at. She looked around the apartment for something else to be angry about, but it looked like her roommates had neatened the place up with the expectation of possible company. She stormed across the living room to her own room and slammed that door on her way in, hard enough that it dislodged a small avalanche of books, perilously stacked at the best of times, onto the floor. Growling to herself, she crouched down to pick them up and stack them back where they had been. One of these days, she would have to rearrange the stacks so that this didn't happen again. But now was not the time.

She was less than half done with repiling the books when a quiet, tenative knock came from her door. Nuria sighed, not really wanting to deal with anyone tonight, but not wanting to hurt her friends' feelings, "Come on in," she said.

Pearl stuck her head in hesitantly, "Are you sure? If you'd rather be alone, I can..."

"No," said Nuria, "It's okay. Come on in."

Pearl crouched down next to her to help gather the books. For a few minutes, neither of them spoke. When Pearl did speak, she said, "Are these in any particular order or is it okay to just stack them biggest on the bottom, smallest on the top?"

Nuria chuckled, not so much a sound of amusement as one of relief, "I barely have the room to keep them at all, much less organize them."

"Well," said Pearl, "Now that you're going to be working, you can buy some taller shelves and maybe put one or two in the living room. I can move a couple of CD racks into my room. It would be nice to be able to get to them when Carla has a... that is,"

Nuria's laugh was more genuinely amused this time, "It's all right," she said, "You don't need to walk on eggshells around me."

"Sorry, Miss D," said Pearl, "It's just that I have no idea how to deal with you dating. I was starting to think you were getting ready to enter a convent."

Finally, the wall of tension broke. Nuria laughed heartily, "No," she answered, breathing a sigh that seemed to draw tension out of her back and shoulders, "although that would probably make my mother happy. My older sister is a nun, working in Guatamala with orphans or plague victims or something, or maybe Ghana. I only get the news from my mother and she's a little confused these days."

"Really?" asked Pearl, "How is it that you've lived here for a year and I didn't know you were Catholic?"

"I'm not Catholic," said Nuria, reaching into the space under the shelves where a few paperbacks had slid, "My family is--ultra-Catholic. Two of my uncles are priests and so is my younger brother. Even when I was a teacher, I was the black sheep of the family. My folks almost threw me out at sixteen when they found my," she sighed, "when they found out I was using birth control."

Pearl seemed to mull that thought over, "So," she asked finally, "I'm guessing it didn't go well tonight? Please don't tell me J. X. Wolffe is a big jerk. I really like his stuff."

"No," said Nuria, releasing a second wave of tension she didn't know she was holding from her shoulders, "Not a jerk at all." Placing the last book on the stack, she sat down heavily on the bed, "It was worse."

Pearl's eyes widened, "Did he try to rape you?"

This time, Nuria's laugh was loud and heartfelt with a faint edge of hysteria to it. Afraid she would disturb Carla and her guest, she got it under control. Wiping a tear from her eye, she said, "No. To the contrary, he was a complete gentleman."

Nuria thought she would have to explain further, but Pearl caught on immediately, "Oh, you poor thing," she said ernestly.

Nuria stood up to slap dust off of the front of her borrowed dress, then began to pace, absent-mindedly trying to find the hook between her shoulderblades at the top of the dress's zipper, "It's just so frustrating," she said, growling the last word, "I've been fine for years--didn't even think about sex much, thought I was past that."

Pearl stood against the doorframe, tracking Nuria with her eyes, "Past sex? I would hope not."

"No," said Nuria, "not past sex. But able to enjoy it, when I found the right person, without it driving me crazy. I used to be... oh," she flopped back down on the bed, "you don't want to hear this."

Pearl sat down next to her, one hand on either of Nuria's arms, "If I didn't want to hear it, I could have stayed in my room. Besides, Carla and I have been dying to find out about Nuria Delgado. It's hard to even make you blink, no matter how outrageous we get, but for yourself, you seem like a bit of a..."

"Prude?" Nuria supplied.

Pearl shook her head, "The closest I can come to it is 'castrated.' Prudes hate sex, but to you, it seemed like not even an issue."

Nuria wanted to point out that many castrati had led full and active sex lives, in many cases even moreso than their more intact peers, but decided now wasn't the time for a lesson. Instead, she smiled, "I'm not a prude and I'm not a eunech," she said softly, "Before I got married, I was... pretty wild--wild enough that I was probably headed for a big fall. In college, I burned a lot of bridges and got a reputation as an easy touch. After I graduated, I behaved myself for a while, but I got involved in something ugly with another teacher... a married teacher. If it had gone on much longer, it would have gotten out. It was already a rumor. Then, I met Pedro." She smiled.

"From what you've said," opined Pearl, "He sounded like an amazing guy."

"I haven't told you the half of it," Nuria said, "Strong and smart, a teacher like me and a volunteer fireman. He fell madly in love with me and stayed that way. When I laid out my whole, ugly history to him, he said, 'Oh, no. My fiancee loves sex. Thank God I found out before I married her.' I could never shock or embarass him. The closer we got to the wedding, the more scared I got. I acted out. I tried to make him leave me. But, he was on to my game. The hardest he ever..." Nuria realized what she was saying and flushed crimson. When she looked up, Pearl was blushing, too.

Nuria smiled, "I bet you never thought that the House Matron could make you blush."

"I didn't think anybody could make me blush anymore," admitted Pearl, "but, please. Go on."

"The honeymoon lasted two years," said Nuria, "if he hadn't died, it might have lasted forever. It was... it is very hard to be without him. She saw Pearl getting ready to speak, but cut her off, "No, it was a long time ago. I knew him for three years, six years ago. Since then, I only considered seriously getting involved with a man once and it was like I was back in college again. After a month together, he went travelling without me and I slept with a coworker. I would probably have lost my job over it if he hadn't taken all of the responsibility onto himself and left for another firm."

"They would have fired you for sleeping with someone from work?" Pearl asked, "Can they even do that?"

"They would have fired me for having sex with someone at work," Nuria corrected her, "And that they can do. They probably would have made it look innocuous, too--misuse of official facilities, like I was stealing office supplies or something."

"So, let me guess," said Pearl, "You were staying late at the office one night, working in close proximity. He leaned in. You got the scent of him, turned into a kiss. That kind of thing?"

"More or less," said Nuria, "except that it was two o'clock in the afternoon."

Pearl stared at her, not speaking.

"It was in my office with the door closed," said Nuria, standing up and looking for the hook again, "but somebody must have figured out what was going on. After that, I decided to buckle down and behave. As long as sex is not a part of my life, I'm fine. I barely miss it. But, when it is a part of my life, it makes me crazy. Everything becomes sexualized. When Quentin asked me to join him for dinner, I didn't even think of it as a date until you two started teasing me. Then, after everything he did for me, I figured taking him to bed was the least I could do. That probably would have been fine. I've had a couple of one-night stands since the last affair and was able to compartmentalize them. But then, I started to look forward to it. And I totally misread the situation. Quentin had a crush on me when he was my student, but he still thinks of me as his teacher, untouchable. I wanted to throw myself at him, but I never would have seen him again. Would you unhook this for me, please?" She asked, the last sentence coming out in a frustrated rush.

Pearl rose, a crooked smile on her face, and walked around behind Nuria. She stood a good nine inches taller than Nuria and had to bend a knee to reach down and unhook the dress, "So," she said, lowering the zipper, "Once you start thinking about sex, you just can't stop?"

Nuria started to answer, but felt Pearl's hands slide inside the dress, rubbing the heels down from the corseting of the bra to where her fingertips rested lightly on Nuria's bare bottom. Nuria closed her eyes, "Don't do that," she rasped.

"Why not, Miss D?" Pearl asked, "Don't you like girls?"

Nuria leaned back against the taller girl, "I'm not up to being teased tonight. I don't..."

"Who's teasing?" Pearl asked, her voice a hot puff against Nuria's neck, "I don't know about you, Miss D, but I got pretty worked up tonight. If Carla hadn't finally managed to hook up with that guy Emil she's been talking about forever and needed a ride home, I would have found myself a man, but I decided to be a good friend instead."

Nuria leaned farther into Pearl so that the taller girl's hands went around her waist to the belly, her eyes still closed, "If you call me Miss Delgado one more time, I will scream," she announced.

Pearl laughed and slid her hands free long enough to pull the straps of the funeral dress off of Nuria's shoulders, letting it drop to the floor.

"I shouldn't," Nuria whispered, "It wouldn't be fair to you. I'll still probably sleep with Quentin. It's just..."

"I don't want to be your girlfriend," said Pearl, her fingertips tracing lightly over Nuria's taut belly, "I'm not going to ruin anything for you. Nobody needs to know what happens tonight except you and me."

Finally giving up the fight, Nuria raised her arms, her hands finding the back of Pearl's head, drawing her down into a kiss as she turned in the younger woman's arms. She'd kissed girls before, gone much farther than that. But, it had always been a show, a set piece for the benefit of someone watching. Everything had been choreographed. This kiss was not choreographed. It was primal and atavistic, an expression of the evening's expectation and frustration. Pearl kissed her back just as fiercely, her hands roaming freely up and down on Nuria's body. Even as Nuria reached up to unzip Pearl's dress, she said nervously, "I still prefer men, you know."

"Me, too," said Pearl, kissing Nuria's shoulder as she began to undo the series of clasps that kept Nuria's bra on, "But there's only one in the apartment and I don't think Carla's in a sharing mood, tonight."

"After you gave her a ride home, too," mocked Nuria as she lowered Pearl's dress, "Some friend." She placed a line of kisses on Pearl's sternum and stomach, stopping at the line of her friend's panties, "I've never actually... I mean not for... not in a results-oriented sort of way."

Pearl laughed, drawing Nuria up into another kiss, "Take notes, then. There will be a test later." She pushed Nuria, now completely naked, back on the bed. She kissed Nuria's throat and neck, traced a line down one side of the collarbone. By the time that her mouth reached Nuria's nipple, Pearl's fingers had traced up her thigh and now teased the darker woman's clit with her fingertip. Nuria, already wet with anticipation, sighed and pushed against Pearl's finger and mouth.

"Careful," said Pearl, brandishing her free hand to display freshly-enameled red nails, "If I don't take it slow, I could scratch you up pretty bad and you wouldn't feel the worst of it until tomorrow."

Nuria nodded. With one hand, she pushed Pearl's head back down to her breast. Pearl's other hand massaged Nuria's other breast. Already, Nuria felt the last of her control slipping away. Her emotional miasma drained away in a wave of gratitude. She now admitted to herself that, at soon as Pearl had knocked on the door, she'd entertained the idea of seducing her roommate. Without this, she would have been miserable and frustrated for days. Nothing she could have done for herself would have mattered much. Only real, human contact could do that.

As Nuria lay there, her hips rising and falling gently, Pearl's mouth traced down her ribs and belly. Nuria began to breath more heavily in anticipation. Pearl, perhaps sensing it, teased her, placing a ring of kisses from the top of Nuria's public triangle, across both thighs and back. When Pearl's tongue darted out and licked her perineum, Nuria moaned loudly and, with the hand she had let restr on the back of Pearl's head, guided her tongue inside of herself. The pleasure was intense and immediate, exploding outward like a starburst.

Pearl pulled away, "Easy, hon. You're going to break my nose. You're like a teenaged boy."

"Sorry," said Nuria, forcing her hand to relax, "It's just..."

"It's flattering," said Pearl dismissining Nuria's concern, "just take it nice and slow. We've got all the time in the world." She licked Nuria playfully, letting her tongue probe deeply, briefly causing Nuria's to spasm in surprise and pleasure.

"Two years is a long time," said Nuria by way of explanation. Then, she found herself unable to speak as Pearl's tongue expertly found another delicate spot inside of her. Nuria found herself reaching desperately for a pillow so as not to disturb Carla or the neighbors or people down at street level for that matter. Even moaning into the pillow, it came back to her frightfully loud. She writhed hard, her body arching as if an electrical current were running through it. Her orgasms came hard, one after the other, like tiny starbursts originating wherever Pearl's tongue touched her.

It was over too soon, Nuria thought, but a glance at the clock told her differently. Pearl lay next to her, her head on Nuria's belly, her fingertip still gently stroking her clit. Nuria looked at her roommate and pet her damp hair, "You poor thing. Your jaw must be ready to fall off."

Pearl chuckled, "I do my best work with an enthusiastic audience. Did you take notes?"

Nuria smiled, "I didn't have time to study, but I'll do much best." She guided Pearl up to lie next to her on the narrow bed, their bodies pressed together by necessity and affection. Pulling Pearl's head to hers, she kissed her friend deeply and passionately, subtly taking the lead. She ran her hand down Pearl's back, across her belly, up to her breast. She chuckled throatily to herself. She would kill to have Pearl's breasts. She felt almost boyish next to her friend. Lowering her head to Pearl's nipple, she licked and sucked. Pearl sighed with pleasure. Nuria nipped at her playfully and was rewarded with a gasp. Her fingers found their way down between Pearl's legs and she slid one in up to the knuckle while another traced lazily along the clit. Pearl began to writhe appreciately, making little animal noises in the back of her throat. Pearl's hand snaked back towards Nuria's pubic triangle, but Nuria slapped it away.

"If you do that," Nuria said, "I'm never going to be able to concentrate on what I'm doing."

Pearl chuckled, "Always the perfectionist."

Her mouth at Pearl's waist, Nuria hesitated, kissing just above the hairline, then around it. Faced with the actual task, she found it rather daunting. After a minute or so of teasing, she felt Pearl's hand on the back of her head, guiding her insistently downward. Despite her nervousness, she soon found her rhythm. Realizing that she didn't require pinpoint accuracy, she gave into her enthusiasm, bringing a finger in and out while she kissed and sucked the clit. Pearl was soon moaning loudly, bucking against her. Feeling daring, Nuria teased a second finger into Pearl's anus. Pearl wrapped her legs around Nuria's shoulders, locking her ankles together. Pearl's thighs wrapped around Nuria's ears so hard that she had to pull away.

"Easy," said Nuria gently, smiling, "or one of us is coming out of this injured." Pearl nodded, her eyes glistening. Nuria returned to what she was doing. Pearl's whole body was trembling with pleasure again. By the time Nuria finished with her, Pearl was drenched in sweat, her hair plastered to her face. Nuria wrapped herself aroudn Pearl, arms around her neck, legs around her thigh. Before she rested her head on Pearl's solar plexus, she licked off the sweat pooled there. She lay there for a long time, listening to Pearl's heart and feeling the aftershocks of pleasure as they raced through the blonde's body.

"Earlier," said Pearl, just as Nuria was starting to doze off, "I thought you were exaggerating when you said you could scare a man away by throwing yourself at him. You really don't hold anything back, do you?"

Nuria who hadn't meant she would scare Quentin away like that at all, smiled at the compliment nonetheless. Before she could formulate her response, she was asleep.

-=-

"I'm making breakfast," said Carla, "do you two want any?"

Nuria looked up. She hadn't moved much during the night. In the indirect sunlight from her one high window, she knew that it must be obvious what had happened there. Of course, if Carla hadn't heard anything, she must be completely deaf. Still, Nuria wished she had something to cover herself with.

"Scrambled eggs?" Pearl asked sleepily.

"My specialty," said Carla.

"Is Emil still here?" Pearl asked.

"Yeah," said Carla, "but not for much longer. He's got to work today."

"Grab me a robe then, please," said Pearl.

Carla withdrew. Nuria chuckled, "Are you getting shy all of a sudden? I seem to remember you flashing the pizza guy because it would 'make his day.'"

"That and we get pizza really fast now," said Pearl, stretching against her, climbing over her. Emil's seen me naked before, in the club. But, it would give the wrong message today. Carla really likes this guy. You've heard her talk about him incessantly. She might keep him. I don't want her thinking I expect her to share this one?"

Nuria's eyes widened, "You've expected her to share others?"

"No," said Pearl, "but once in a while, we go out looking for a party and only find one good guy between us. If we're not going to get serious... the guys have never objected to an extra participant."

"I bet," said Nuria, standing up and putting on her own bathrobe, a warm almost-housecoat that seemed absurd in the current circumstances. Opening her closet, she said, "I have a robe you can wear to get as far as your room decently."

"No," said Pearl, "I want to see which one Carla gets for me. If it's my silky, red one, she's not as serious about this guy as I think. If..."

Carla knocked at the door. When Pearl opened it, Carla handed her a thick, terrycloth robe that Nuria thought would not look unusual on her sister, the nun, "I guess we have our answer," she said. Carla just looked at her, puzzled.

"Come on," Carla said, "Breakfast is getting cold."

-=-

Emil didn't have much time for breakfast or conversation. He spent most of the time talking to Nuria and petting Carla. He was, it turned out, an art teacher in Spanish Harlem.

"You're very brave," said Nuria, "I was too afraid to teach in those schools."

Emil nodded, "The rules are very different from an ordinary school. Now, I spend most of my time fighting to get enough supplies. I spent six weeks with little more than a ream of printer paper and a box of number two pencils--and I bought the paper myself."

Nuria tisked with him at the sorry state of public education in the city. Even in the suburbs, ten years ago, she'd had to deal with inadequate and out-of-date material, but it had never been so bad.

When Emil left, Carla stood with him at the door and kissed him passionately and intensely. Neither one of them seemed to want it to end. Finally, he tore himself away, promising to call after work. Carla closed the door, then leaned against it, smiling contentedly.

She came back to the table, sat down, and took a deep draught of coffee. She looked at Pearl, "I know I've said this before, but I will say it again. You are a screamer."

Pearl lowered her head in mock humility, "I tried to keep it down. Did Emil say anything?"

"It turns out that he's an incredibly sound sleeper," said Carla, "at least, once I get through with him." She smiled in self-satisfaction. Then, she sat up, looking angry, "I can't believe you didn't keep him here long enough for me to meet him--or at least come and get me long enough to say hi. Emil would have understood."

"Who?" asked Pearl.

"J. X. Wolffe," said Carla, "You didn't have somebody else in there, did you?"

"No," said Pearl, elongating it into three syllables. Nuria was already starting to blush, "But, we didn't have J. X. Wolffe in there, either."

Carla looked from one of them to the other. Slowly, realization dawned on her face, "No..." she said, mimicking Pearl's pronunciation, but with more wonder in her voice, "That was just you two?"

Pearl didn't speak, but seemed to be smirking at Nuria's discomfort. Carla turned to the ex-teacher, "That was just you and Pearl last night? You were lou-oud."

Nuria managed to make eye contact. Carla also seemed amused.

"I quite like your young man," she said, "How did you two meet?"

Carla answered, but not until she'd finished laughing, "He teaches at my little brother's school. My brother takes private lessons with him. When I was visiting with my folks, I picked my brother up sometimes. We got to talking and he's a really nice guy--all respectful and stuff and smart. He asked me to model for him and I was all whatever. You're cute. If you want to get with me, just ask. I might say yes. But, he was like no. An' he meant it. He painted me for like two weeks an' he never tried nothin', even when I got all friendly. Finally, I hear he's at this party in Jersey last night, so I head down there and show him I don't jus' like him when he's painting me. Some other girl was mackin' on him, but I managed to get him away thanks to my home girl here, who had the getaway car." Breathlessly, she finished, "I really like him."

"Well," said Nuria primly, "He certainly seems to have a deleterious effect on your pronunciation and grammar."

All three of them laughed, but then Carla said, "Sorry, Miss D. It all happened up in my old neighborhood and in North Jersey, so I've got it all in my head in the vernacular."

That was the end of that discussion. They made small talk over dishes. If Carla were perturbed at either of them, she certainly didn't let it show. Nuria was just finishing her coffee when the doorbell rang. She answered the door to find a delivery man standing there with a dozen red roses in a vase. Carla and Pearl were immediately oohing and aahing over them. When Nuria opened the card, she gave a little gasp. Both roommates looked at her questioningly.

"They're not from Quentin," she said, "They're from Sean--my other student I met with last night."

"Damn," asked Carla, "What happened last night?"

"Nothing," protested Nuria, "at least not with Sean. I'm going to help edit his book. That must be what these are for."

"I don't know," teased Carla, "That's not what red roses mean to me."

"They're lovely," said Nuria, "but Sean's not interested that way. He purposely left early last night so that Quentin and I could be alone."

She had barely put the flowers down in the center of the kitchen table when the doorbell rang again. This time, a different deliver person handed her a spray of hot house orchids, also in a vase.

"These," she said, checking the card, "are from Quentin."

"How romantic," said Carla, "I wonder if they'll duel."

"It's not like that," said Nuria weakly, "Okay, it might be like that." She sighed, "I guess I'd better figure out what the hell is going on. But, I have too much to do this morning. I have to get dressed and get to the office and, oh shit, I have to call the bookstore manager and let him know I won't be in on Monday."

The manager took her news with relative equanimity and took the opportunity to ask her out, since they weren't going to be working together. Nuria considered it momentarily. She remembered him, a tall, earnest black man with a shaved head. She suspected he'd be rather capable in bed.

"I'm flattered," she said finally, "and if I were single, I would say yes, but I'm seeing someone."

"I suspected as much," he said, "Well, good luck to you. When you've got a whole stable of big name clients, I hope you'll throw a book signing or two our way."

"Will do," said Nuria, "and thank you." She hoped she hadn't ruined one more outlet for overqualified job-hunters everywhere. She made a mental note to do something for him as soon as she could. Then, she was off. She shooed Pearl out of the bathroom and took a quick shower before putting on her last clean interview suit. By the time she'd called for the car, she felt like she could almost believe that the last two years had never happened. Carla had tried gamely to stay awake long enough to see her off, but finally wished her a mumbled good luck, went back to her room, and fell asleep.

Pearl hugged her at the door, kissing her firmly on the mouth when she looked up for one, "Knock 'em dead," she said, "and if you need some release, don't throw anybody over your desk. You come home and let Pearl take care of you."

Nuria nodded, unsure of her ability to speak. Finally, she said, "That's very sweet of you."

"Yeah," said Pearl, giving a crooked half-smile, "It's a real sacrifice on my part."

Nuria kissed her, "Say that again when I've sucked up all of your life energy to keep me young."

Pearl nodded, "Yeah, but what a way to go, eh?"

Then, Nuria was out the door. She looked at herself in the mirror on the elevator's back wall--charcoal grey suit, white blouse, severe bun, heavy black trenchcoat, lightly-smoked glasses with gold frames, stylish but professional, skirting androgyny without falling into it. She felt a rush of confidence.

In the car on the way over, she leaned into the plush backseat. They'd only sent a towncar, but it was the first time in a year she'd been in a car where the seatcovers weren't naugahyde. Even small luxuries were to be savored.

The offices of Aqueduct Books took the top three floors of an ancient-looking building off of Columbus Circle. From reception, she was led through (in order) layout, customer service, technical support, editorial, then a no-man's land of cubicles where there seemed to be no rhyme or reason as to who sat next to whom. All of this was narrated by a chipper young woman who spoke in clipped, efficient tones and was dressed more professionally than anyone else they saw, moreso even than Nuria. Finally, they entered a second cluster of editorial offices, took a shortcut through an employee kitchen, and ended up in a conference room where everyone was dressed professionally.

They introduced themselves by name and function. Kate Bakersfield turned out to be a wiry, intense-looking redhead in her mid-forties and dressed in a red suit with black accessories, the only break in the room's otherwise monochrome dress code. She introduced herself as the publisher.

"Marcie," she asked Nuria's guide, "Would you ring up the caterers and see where the food is? It should have been here already."

Marcie managed to give the illusion of clicking her heels and kowtowing with only a single inclination of the head, "Yes, ma'am. I'll take care of that now."

"Marcie," she said to Nuria, "is one of our most amazing interns. When she goes back to school, this whole operation will probably come crumbling down around our ears. Any time you can't figure out how to do something, ask her."

Kate, two greying men in grey suits, and a severe-looking man, probably approaching forty, sat on one side of the table, Nuria and a younger man, blond man in a black suit on the other. Kate Bakersfield asked, "Have you brought representation?"

Nuria fought down the urge to panic. For a few seconds, she forgot what the word 'representation' was a euphamism for. But, the man sitting on her right said, "Miss Delgado, I'm Andre Furst. Mr. Edwards asked me to make myself available to you today if you required representation. Naturally, you are under no obligation to accept my assistance."