Chapter 10

14

Hearing Sarah's voice, Julia nearly bolted, one foot already over the threshold. Yet, despite her abrupt dismissal, her imagination was still held by the thought of atoms colliding with other atoms within her brain, leaving behind a residue of thought and emotion which could be collected and read by the professor's mysterious machine. The deep suspicion that someone had caused her brother's death had faded somewhat, replaced by the thought that, by her own actions, she might never know the entire truth... because those blanks could only be filled by gaining more knowledge of what the professor had discovered, and experiencing it herself.

In a flash of insight, she knew she finally had a reason to see the future that might stand up to the scrutiny of both the professor and his wife.

As she realized this, Sarah caught up to her, placing a hand on her arm as she stood in the doorway. Julia allowed herself to be pulled back into the professor's office, and Sarah shut the door gently behind her.

They stood facing each other silently for a few moments. Sarah noted Julia's slightly slumped posture, the stance of someone physically drained who manages to keep going through sheer determination. Sarah could see a gritty glint in Julia's eyes that she interpreted as a refusal to acknowledge defeat; Julia might have been temporarily deterred from her goal, but Sarah could see that the desire to reach it still burned within her. For that, the older woman was glad.

In Julia's eyes, Sarah radiated concern and gentleness. Yet, as she watched the professor's wife watching her, she saw more of what lay underneath her motherly aura: a keen intelligence that studied and analyzed everything, as well as an underlying hint of steely resolve. As each second crept by in silence, Julia formed an image in her mind of a caring, loving woman who, because of the person she was married to, had had to become the person responsible for ensuring the needs of the household. While the professor worked on his esoteric physics and eloquent soliloquies, Sarah made sure that everything else was maintained and cared for. Sarah dealt with the everyday and the mundane, and it was obvious to Julia that she often was left with the final decision on the way things would be carried out. The hint of steel in Sarah's gaze was, to Julia, just the necessary armor developed by those who learn the absolute necessity of being able to say "no"... even to those they love.

As if sensing that they had both gained all the insight into the other that either could stand for the moment, Sarah again took Julia by the arm, this time guiding her to a chair in front of the professor's desk. When Julia was seated, Sarah took the other chair in front of the desk, turning it slightly so she could face the younger woman without having to twist her body.

"The first thing you need to understand," Sarah began without preamble, "is that you scared Leland beyond measure when you picked up that knife. In all the years that we have been inviting the chosen few into the kitchen for our final decision, you are the first ever to actually physically threaten either of us. I'm afraid that I was more concerned about you than I was about the knife, and," she smiled ruefully, flexing her right hand, "I am lucky that my hand is still all there. Still, given your suspicions, I might have done the same thing. I hold Leland much more responsible for what happened than I could ever hold you.

"However, as I said, Leland saw you swing that knife at me, and now he is feeling some doubt about all that was said as we sat around the breakfast table. The fear he felt for me overwhelmed him physically as he was talking to you, which is why I brought him a chair; I was afraid that he might actually collapse before you relaxed enough to enable me to get to his side. In the end, he decided that the best course would be to let you leave, so that we - you and the two of us - could have some space in which to think things through, and decide whether we should really go forward from here."

Sarah leaned toward Julia, clasping her hands together so that her index fingers were steepled and pointing toward the younger woman. "I just need you to know that I have no doubts about your character or motives. It is my feeling that you should push forward, because there is something you need to see in your future that could help you make decisions in the present." Noting Julia's eyes widening as she said this, Sarah laughed, a light and almost musical sound that seemed to echo in the quiet. "No, Julia, I don't know your future, anymore than Leland does. In fact, since I don't think it's been stated clearly, there is a principle limitation of the machine that you should know - the only future you can see is your own. Obviously, since your present has intersected with ours, then it is possible for either Leland or me to have used the machine to 'see' you coming into our lives. But the only person who can see your future is you, Julia.

Sarah stood up and moved behind the professor's desk. "I said I needed to give you something, though really there are two separate items." Opening the top right hand drawer, she removed a sealed envelope and placed it on the desk. Then, opening a small wooden box that vaguely resembled a humidor, she removed a round metal disk that was similar in size and shape to half-dollar... if a half-dollar were half an inch thick and completely smooth on all aspects of its surface. Holding the disk in one hand, she picked up the envelope with the other and moved around the desk to stand in front of Julia.

"Leland will likely be very angry with me for giving you this, but I cannot let you leave without it." Sarah held the disk out to Julia; though she hesitated briefly, the younger woman finally lifted her right hand from the chair arm and turned it over. Sarah placed the disk firmly in the middle of Julia's palm. "The disk is, for lack of a better description, a miniature particle collector. When and if you decide to do so, you will need to secure it to your head in some fashion for 48 hours. The disk will collect some of the subatomic particles that escape your brain during the course of those 2 days, creating a sort of 'signature' that can be used to identify and collect other particles. In other words, you'll be creating a sort of subatomic 'magnet' keyed to the unique patterns of your own brain. Once the 48 hours are up, you'll need to return the disk to us, either in person or by mail. That is when the process of allowing you to see the future will enter its more technical stage... one that will be explained to you when the time is right.