Chapter 38: A Walk In The Past (2)

I finished my dinner while watching the TV. I wasn't in the mood for company, and I knew I had to get out of the flat in a hurry, before Gil or somebody else dropped by to go to a disco, or with some other plans. I took my plate to the sink, and washed it absent mindedly, while trying to figure out what I wanted to do. Once I finished doing the dishes, I changed into jeans and a t-shirt, and took a long walk by the shore. An hour later, I returned, knowing I wasn't going to be disturbed by any visitors. Anybody who was likely to drop by was probably out, having some fun somewhere. Changing into shorts, I went to the living room, put on the radio, then picked up a book and settled in the armchair. Some time later, I took a break from my reading, and opened a bottle of beer. I checked the TV, but there wasn't anything interesting, so I returned to my book. Around eleven o'clock, I went to bed. I had an uneasy sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke up, feeling thirsty. When I went to the kitchen, I noticed a faint light in Rei's bedroom window. Her curtains were closed. Taking a coke out of the fridge, I sat in the dark in the living room, with a view of her window through the screen door of our balcony. I wondered why she was up so late. My watch said it was 3:18 AM.

Couldn't she sleep, either? Was she thinking of...

As the questions ran through my mind, I felt guilty for putting her through what might be tormenting her. Maybe my guilt was irrational, but I couldn't help myself. From what little I had come to know about her, she didn't need any trouble from me. I considered visiting her, to comfort her, but thought better of it. From her reaction to me in the afternoon, I knew I wasn't welcome.

In the dead of the night, the silence was oppressive. I reached over to the small radio, and put it on. The soft music streaming from the FM station seemed too loud, and I put the volume down as low as possible, letting it fill the silence without being distracting. I lost track of time, sipping my coke and listening to the music with half an ear. My mind was busy with my options, especially about the future, but I didn't know what to do. I kept running in circles, but was unable to find any answers to how I could get over the obstacles that stood in my way. One more year of school, then almost a year in the army, then finding a job... Besides that, I didn't know what Rei wanted or expected from me, and she seemed unwilling to talk about it. As I wondered why she was reluctant to talk about things, I noticed the light go out in her bedroom, and checked my watch; it was almost five.

Sleep tight, my love. I'm sorry for whatever I've put you through. Please forgive me.

There was a lump lodged at the back of my throat, and I took a sip from the last of my coke. Was it fear of losing her, or something else, I had no idea. I almost felt like crying. The thought of crying made me even more uncomfortable, like a 15-year-old going through the pains of first-love. But, it wasn't far from the truth. She was my first-love. I hadn't felt what I felt for her for anybody else. Despite my age, the strength of my feelings for her made me feel helpless. Going to my bedroom, I put on my shorts. I was going to put on a t-shirt, but decided against it. I wanted to feel the early morning breeze. Taking my cigarettes, I quietly opened the screen door that led to the balcony and stepped out. As I expected it was cool, almost cold, and I shivered when I felt the soft wind caress my body with its cold, moist fingers, carrying the salty smell of the sea that I loved so much. The birds were chirping, filling the quiet of the early morning hour. It was dark, but the sky was already turning a lighter tone; the fake dawn putting in an appearance before the real one would follow it. I stood leaning against the wall, facing the beach a hundred yards away, trying to discern the horizon. Although I felt tired from lack of sleep, I didn't feel like sleeping at all. I debated taking my morning jog on the beach, now, but...

In an hour, there would be more light. Then I would jog. Perhaps take a swim afterwards.

I wasn't sure how long I had been standing there. I was on my third cigarette when I looked to my right and saw that the light was back on in her bedroom. Even though the dawn was still some ways away, it was getting lighter and I had missed the light turning on in her bedroom. The thought that she hadn't been able to sleep brought my barely suppressed guilt to the surface again, from its hiding place that lurked so near.

"Please, Rei. Go back to sleep, and get some rest. Come on, baby. I'll watch over you. Just go to sleep, and dream sweet dreams," I urged her mentally, trying to put her to sleep by sheer will power over the short distance, through the window and the curtains that separated us physically. But, it didn't help. Worse, I felt like a prisoner, and despite the view of the beach, the balcony felt like my prison cell. I wondered what Rei was feeling. Somehow, I had the image of her feeling as trapped as I was, inside her own bedroom, behind the four walls that surrounded her. Was that why she was unable to sleep?

I didn't want to think about what might be keeping her awake; with every passing second, I was feeling more and more caged, so I decided to go to the beach. I collected my cigarettes and lighter, putting them in the pockets of my shorts, and went back inside. In my bedroom, I changed into my swimming trunks, put on my sneakers, and took my towel and shorts. I was going to take my keys, but then decided against it. The door was open, and the screen door was locked with a simple hook. Unlocking the screen door, I opened it and stepped out, before closing it behind me, quietly, and leaving it unlocked. There wasn't anything of value in the house, and it was a very safe neighborhood.

I went down the stairs quietly, and walked the short distance to the beach. I put my towel and shorts on one of the lounges, and took off my sneakers. For a long while, I sat there, my toes digging into the cool sand, as I watched the arrival of the dawn. It was one of my favorite times of the day. I always enjoyed watching the dawn break in the distance. The almost satin like quality of the sea, as the soft breeze made little ripples, carrying the smell that I was so familiar with, rich with iodine and salt... the ticklish and cool feel of the fine sand between my toes... the dizzy feeling I got when I lit the first smoke of the day...

Banish the thought! You just put out your third cigarette. You're getting out of control lately!

Before I could give in to the temptation, I stood up, walked to the wet sand, started to jog, trying to find some calm in the solitude offered in the simple task of concentrating on a comfortable pace, and listening to the sounds of my feet hitting the wet sand. As I ran my body warmed up considerably, and I increased my pace. After a few miles, I turned and jogged back, stopping some distance short of where I had started. I walked to catch my breath, letting my heartbeat return to normal. I was by my regular spot, where there was a relatively smooth and firmer surface, and began my Tai Chi practice. By then the first rays of the sun had broken the horizon, lighting it with beautiful tones of red. After I finished my practice, I walked into the sea, taking my time to get used to the cold water, and dove. Going some distance under the water, I surfaced, letting out a gentle scream of joy, finding an almost childlike pleasure in being in the sea, frolicking. With steady strokes, I swam for 10-15 minutes, before making my way back to the shore. I dove once more, surfacing closer to the shore, and stood up, walking the rest of the distance to the lounge. I felt reborn, and alive. After toweling off, I collected my belongings, and went to the showers to wash the sand off my feet. Putting my sneakers on, I walked back to the flat.

My first stop was my bedroom, to change into boxers and shorts. Then taking the wet towel and my swimming trunks, I went to the living room, to hang them on the wash hanger at the balcony. As I stepped into the living room, I almost had a heart attack. I stood frozen to the spot, before I could find my voice.

"Rei! What are you doing here?"

She was sitting on the far corner of the big couch, with her legs tucked underneath her. She looked tired; her face was a bit haggard. It felt like a knife twisting in my guts seeing her like that.

"I... I wanted to see you, Mitch. I couldn't... I couldn't wait anymore," she said, with a hesitant voice.

For a moment I didn't know how to respond, and trying to gain time, and collect myself, I said, "Can you give me a moment? I want to hang these."

She motioned me to go ahead.

I was on automatic pilot, and I took my time hanging my swimming trunks and the towel on the nylon rope. Back inside, after a quick glance at Rei, I moved to the kitchen. "Tea will be ready in a short while, Rei," I said, as I filled up the kettle and put it on the stove, using that simple activity to calm myself down. Eventually, though, I couldn't find anything else to do to postpone the coming moment, and walked to the living room. I sat in an armchair opposite to her, wondering about the surprise visit. Her eyes were swollen and red, and it was clear she hadn't slept, and perhaps cried some more during the night.

"I'm sorry I came in unannounced. I was at the stairs, and saw you on the beach. I was going to wait outside your door, but finding your door open, I let myself in. Do you mind?" she asked with hesitation.

"Of course not, Rei."

We had a long silence, and I waited patiently.

"You're early this morning. What time did you wake up?"

I debated whether I should lie, but decided against it. "Around three." Seeing her expression change, I hastily added, "I went to bed early last night. Sometimes, I feel restless. Happens now and then. I guess I must have had enough sleep."

I could see she wasn't convinced; her expression didn't change, but she didn't make any comment.

"I couldn't sleep at all," she said, watching me with an intensity I hadn't seen before. She most probably guessed that I might have noticed the light in her bedroom. I nodded.

Before we could continue, the whistle of the kettle announced the water was boiling. I moved to the kitchen and turned off the stove, then prepared two cups of tea for us, and took them back to where we were sitting. She took her cup, and patted the empty spot next to her on the couch. I sat down, sideways, facing her, and we drank our tea in silence, lost in our thoughts. Despite the physical proximity, there was an invisible wall between us, separating us, isolating us from each other. I didn't have the courage to try to break it down. She seemed so... I couldn't find the right words to describe it. She just seemed so closed inside herself, so withdrawn from the whole world, trying to find a safe haven, some place where she could find some kind of shelter or hide in. After finishing my cup, I took it to the kitchen and left it on the counter, and on a whim, I went to my bedroom. I took two clean sheets and a pillow, and returned to the living room. Seeing me return with the sheets, and the pillow, she gave me a quizzical look.

"That couch opens to a bed. I want you to catch some sleep, Rei. It will be cooler in the living room until noon, and you need some rest," I replied.

She looked like she would object, but then she stood up without a word, and helped me open up the couch and prepare the bed. I left the living room, so she could undress if she wanted to, and went to the bathroom to do my morning ablutions. When I was back, she was in the bed, with a sheet covering her. Her clothes were piled on one of the armchairs.

"You're not going to sleep?" she asked.

"Don't worry about me. I'm OK. I can't sleep anymore," I said. "Please, get some rest."

"Thank you, Mitch," she said. "Can I... Can I have a kiss?" she asked hesitantly.

I walked to the bed, and leaning in I kissed her, running the tips of my fingers over her cheek. "Sleep tight, Rei."

She smiled softly, giving me a warm, loving look, before she closed her eyes. I took the book I was reading last night, and pulled one of the armchairs so that I wouldn't be facing Rei, but would be able to keep an eye on her. Strangely enough, I felt I would be intruding on her privacy if I watched her sleep. Under the sheets, she was naked, and I didn't want to be reminded of the fact. With all the things that had happened since yesterday, sex wasn't something I could bring myself to think about at the moment, and I didn't want any distractions. She was restless for a while, then settled down and fell asleep. I tried to concentrate on the book, but my eyes strayed to her several times, taking in her sleeping form. She was sleeping on her side, facing me, and as she fell deeper into sleep, her features relaxed, and for the first time I felt a sense of peace, and returned to my book. Perhaps I was tired, and hadn't realized it, or perhaps the book wasn't that interesting, because I fell asleep while reading.

I woke up feeling stiff. I didn't know how long I slept, but from the amount of light, I guessed it was very late morning. Remembering Rei was sleeping, I stirred carefully, trying not to make any noise, and turned to check on her.

"Good morning," she said. She was sitting with her knees pulled up, and her chin resting on them. She had the sheet around her, partially covering her nude body, almost carelessly, and her arms were crossed around her knees. She looked rested, even though her eyes were still puffy.

"Morning," I replied. I tried to loosen my stiff neck. "When did you wake up?"

"Not too long ago. Do you have a stiff neck?"

I nodded; still busy trying to work the kinks out.

"Come here. Let me see that," she said, moving away from the edge of the bed, to make some space for me.

I sat on the edge, with my back to her. She ran her fingers on my neck trying to feel the knots. "What were you doing?" I asked.

"I was watching you sleep. Does that hurt?" she asked, pressing a spot on my neck.

"Yeah."

She worked on it for a few minutes. Then, she wrapped her hands around my chest, and began kissing my shoulder. She kept kissing me all the way to my neck. After the kisses, she rested her cheek against my shoulder and she held me tightly in her arms. I felt her body trembling, and I knew she was crying, very quietly. A little bit later, I felt the wetness of her tears. I wanted to take her in my arms and comfort her, but she was holding onto me with such intensity, I decided to wait, and let her tears run their course. I put my hands on her hands, and let her cry. When her trembling subsided and her hold on my torso relaxed, I turned to gather her in my arms. As I faced her, she clutched my face and kissed me hungrily. I felt the sheet slide down her body, and was hesitant to gather her naked form in my arms, but she had other ideas. As we continued to kiss, she fell sideways, pulling me with her. While she kept her lips locked to mine, she was busy trying to get the rest of the sheet off her body. Then her hand went to my shorts, urging me to get naked with her. Breaking the kiss, I took off my shorts and boxers, while she rolled onto her back. When I was naked, she pulled me between her legs. We kept kissing with a hunger we hadn't felt before, and our hands were busy holding onto each other, squeezing, caressing, igniting our passion. She sneaked her hand between our bodies, and took hold of my hardness, then guided me into her opening. With a cry, I entered her, receiving an answering cry from her.

"Agh, Mitch... Yes..." she urged, wrapping her legs around my waist. With her heels, she tried to force me inside her.

I was in her perhaps a few inches, and when she urged me, I pushed in, slowly entering her, until I was completely inside her. She was moving against me, squeezing my arms, and kissing me ferociously, and I was consumed with the same hunger. I started to move in her, picking up speed. Our coupling was short and intense, with an ever-increasing urgency, as if... as if we were making up for lost time. As if we were afraid, this might be the last time we would be together. I didn't know. The only thing I was aware of was our bodies... how we moved against each other: with desperation and hunger. In less than ten minutes, I was filling her with my seed, as she kept calling my name like a mantra, broken only by her panting and moans. We were gasping, breathless, and sweaty with our short but furious joining. I didn't even know whether she had come. While I was trying to figure that out, she clutched my neck and pulled me in for a kiss, moaning into my mouth, and I felt the tremors running in her body. At first, I thought she was coming, but after the kiss, when I looked at her face, I saw her eyes squeezed shut, and tears running down. Unable to bear seeing her like that, I kissed her, and slipping my arms under her shoulders, I held her in a tight embrace. She wrapped her hands around my neck, and pulled my head to her neck, and I kept nuzzling and kissing her neck, as she cried quietly. It wasn't the first time I had seen her cry, but it was the first time she had cried in bed, after making love. Slowly her trembling stopped, and she kissed my cheek.

She whispered, "Thank you, Mitch."

I didn't know how to respond, because I didn't understand what she was thanking me for. I was thankful that she had come back.

"I missed you, Rei," I said, but she cut me off with another kiss.

I was lost in the feel of her body, but also caught in her emotional storm. Even though I had come, I was semi-hard, and I didn't want to lose the connection we had. I was scared that our bond would be severed if I slipped out of her channel. Maybe she felt the same way, because as soon as she quieted down, she kept moving against my body, wiggling in my arms, and I responded in the same manner. Her eyes were luminous, soft, and needy. Her hands were all around my body, touching, caressing, as I held her. We kept moving against each other, rubbing our bodies, as if trying to strengthen the bond between us, and eventually I regained my erection. When she felt my hardness, her hips got active, urging me, and I started to move in her slick channel. I supported myself on my elbows, with my hands under her shoulders, holding onto her, and she held my face, and kept kissing me. We weren't slow, but we weren't fast, either. She rolled and hunched her hips, and we synchronized our movements. The hunger was still there, barely restrained, and it drove us along the final stretch. This time I felt her climax; she tried to arch her back, her tits crushed beneath my chest, her eyes squeezed shut, and then she let out a soft moan. Her channel collapsed around my shaft. I kept stroking into her, moving in her slick channel, wet with her juices and my seed from our previous coupling. A few strokes later, I followed her, spilling my seed once again in her depths.

We were breathless with our efforts, and she was wrapped around me, sighing her pleasure while she kept moving against me, as if she couldn't get enough of me. I didn't think I could ever get enough of her. Eventually, she let her legs stretch, allowing me to roll us onto our sides. We held onto each other, and shared long kisses. Her hand was busy on my back, caressing me, and we panted into each other's mouths. Then, her foot joined her hands in their caresses, moving up and down, from my buttocks to my knees. Eventually, we slowed down in our ministrations, and she nestled her face under my chin, relaxing against me. For a short while, we dozed off, entwined to each other.

Her stirring woke me up. Seeing me awake, she kissed me, lovingly, tenderly. After we lazed in the bed, she sat up, and got out of the bed. She waited for me to get out of the bed and, when I was on my feet, wrapped her arms around me. We held each other and, with a soft kiss, she said, "I don't want to leave you, but I have to go."

When I gave a questioning look, she kissed me. "Thank you, Mitch. I... I'll see you... later," she said, after the kiss.

Extricating herself, she put on her clothes. When she finished dressing, she realized I hadn't made a move yet, standing there, watching her. She took a step, and moved into my arms again. Then, pulling back, she locked her eyes with mine, giving me a tender look. I still didn't know what to say, or whether I should say anything.

"Thank you for... for taking the hurt away. I don't know what I would have done without you," she whispered, and ended it with another kiss.

Gently, she slipped from my embrace, and without another word, she left my flat.

I wasn't sure where things were heading, or where the things we had done had left us, but I found some solace that we still had some kind of a bond, and she was aware of it. More than that, I was happy that she had found some comfort. Yet, the room felt very empty, almost lifeless without her, and I felt lonely. Turning around, I lay on the bed, and pulled her pillow to me, clutching it, and buried my face in it. Her warmth was fading, but it still carried her scent, and I inhaled it deeply, trying to suffuse my soul with what she had left behind... lavender and cinnamon...