Chapter 12: Sisters Know Best!

Back at Kathy's place, I put the coffee on and hit the shower. Dressing up, I went to the kitchen and found Kathy, dressed in her peignoir, with a cup of coffee. From the looks of her disheveled chestnut hair, I realized she must have gotten out of bed a short while ago. Filling a cup for myself, I joined her in the living room.

"Morning, Sis."

With still sleepy eyes, she regarded me, before responding with a soft voice. "Morning. You were out?"

"Yeah. Jogging. Say, how important is the breakfast with Mom and Dad, this morning?"

"Your car is there, so I thought we would have breakfast with them, before you picked up your car."

"Do they know what you were planning?"

"Nope. We need to be there early this afternoon for tea, and for dinner. That was the original plan. What's up, Mitch?"

"Nothing, Kathy. Slight change of plans. Let's have breakfast here. The car can wait."

She perked up at the change of plans, but instead of coming up with questions, she decided to see what I was planning. I could tell she was excited, but trying to keep it under control. Giving her a kiss, I took her cup, which was still half full, and said, "Get your cute butt in the shower. In the meantime, I'll get the breakfast ready. Time's a wastin'."

While her mouth was hanging open at the sudden turn of events, I walked to the little kitchen and started rummaging in the fridge to see what she had. Seeing she was still sitting there, I said, "Come on, Kathy. I know you like your eggs warm. Get movin'."

Without a word, she left the living room, while I got busy setting the table and preparing the breakfast. I started a fresh batch of coffee, while waiting for the toast, then started on bacon and eggs. By the time she was back from her shower, dressed in jeans and a sweater, I was putting the bacon, eggs and toast on the plates. Like me, she had an appetite, and enjoyed a good breakfast. Sometimes, she had to be careful, as she had a tendency to put on a few pounds, especially when her studies took so much time that she didn't exercise. But, she didn't shy away from eating like some girls I had known. After we finished, I collected the plates and placed them in the sink. Filling up our cups, I picked up an ashtray and settled in the chair, lighting a cigarette. I could see she was getting impatient.

"You're wondering what's up?" I stated the obvious.

"That's an interesting way to put it. What's with all the cloak and dagger, Bro?"

Despite her words, and cool exterior, her brown eyes were alight with curiosity, barely hiding her excitement. I smiled inwardly, watching her trying to keep her excitement under control. I couldn't help but wonder how formidable an adversary she would make if she had learned how to control her emotions. Still, she was more than I could handle at times. From a very early age, she had been a precocious child; her sharp mind surprising me at the most inopportune moments. As I thought about that, I was startled by another discovery. She hardly hid her emotions, but especially her love and affection towards the people she loved, and that included me. Even when we were engaged in a battle of wits, she didn't try too hard to hide her love. On the other hand, I would try to keep a poker face, not to give away what I was up to; sometimes resorting to the use of any and all tools in my arsenal. After the training I had embarked upon so long ago, controlling my emotions had become something of a second nature. Still, she managed to break through my cool exterior, quite often, and I had let her, especially when the battle was about trivial issues. But, over the last several years, I had erected better defenses when she tried to probe me about my life and the past; I just wasn't ready to talk about certain subjects.

With those thoughts, I decided to make an effort to be more open with her in the coming discussion. At least, it didn't involve anything related to that summer, and I relaxed more. With a reassuring smile, I said, "No cloak and dagger, Kathy. If you don't mind, I have some questions. I would appreciate if you keep this talk between us."

Ignoring my words, she asked, "What's on your mind, Mitch?"

"I'm curious about something we've not talked about much."

"Like what?"

"My training. You haven't said much about it through the years, but at times... I had the feeling you didn't like what I was practicing."

She thought about her answer for quite some time. I guess the subject must have come as a surprise, after so long. She also knew I had been and still was serious about my martial arts training.

"Why do you ask that, Mitch?"

"We know each other well. At least, we knew each other well when we were young. I'm curious about why you've felt the way you did, you do. Am I wrong in saying you didn't like my training very much?"

"I never understood why you sought the training, why you felt the need."

"I didn't seek it. Initially, I came upon it by chance at a time when it looked useful. I found it helped. Later, I continued because I enjoyed it, and learned a lot."

"You mean the bullies at school, when you were young?"

"You knew about them?" I asked, unable to hide my surprise at her question.

She nodded.

"What did you know?"

"Sometimes, one of them would catch you out of the school and tease you, then beat you up. I know you evaded them most of the time, but sometimes you were beaten. Then you met that Japanese guy and started to train with him. I didn't know what you were doing, but I could see you were calmer, and not as scared. You were beaten a few more times until, one day, you paid one of the bullies back."

Sheesh! She had never said a word.

"You knew all that, but you didn't say anything."

"I knew you felt humiliated. You would spend some time before coming home, so I knew you didn't want to talk. We were close, but this was your private war. You were stubborn and proud. I didn't want to lose you because of your pride. I got the feeling you didn't want any interference. I didn't want you to worry about who knew about it, like Dad, Mom or me. You had enough on your plate, without me or anybody piling more on top of it. You wanted to keep it a secret, so it stayed a secret."

"I'm sorry, Sis. It must have been hard on you."

"It wasn't as tough as trying to keep Mom and Dad from discovering what was going on."

"Jeeez! Sis! Why would you do that?"

"Several reasons. I was scared of losing you. I didn't want you to blame me for telling on you. I was also scared that you wouldn't be allowed to play outside. I knew you liked to do that, and I liked playing outside with you. You know how overprotective Mom was. She still is; that hasn't changed," she said with a strained smile.

With a laugh, I nodded. "Understatement of the year, Sis. What else?"

"I had seen how some of the other kids got it worse, when they complained about the bullies. I didn't want things to get worse than they were for you. If Mom got involved, she would have raised hell, but I didn't know if it would have solved the problems. It might have just made things worse, as it did for some of the kids. You had it easier than some others," she said, her eyes moist.

"Kathy, it's OK! You did the right thing. You know it was the right thing. Come on. We're adults now, and we know how nasty kids can get. You should know that."

"That doesn't make it any easier. Even after so many years."

"It's all right, Kathy. It's over. I survived. As you said, I was lucky."

She nodded, trying to compose herself. When she calmed down, I asked, "What did you know of the pay back?"

"I was really surprised when I heard about it. I couldn't believe you had beaten him. But, when I saw that nobody bothered you again, I realized it was true, after all. I was so happy; I wanted to jump up and down in joy. That prick got what was coming to him."

"And you knew that what I had learned helped?"

"Yes. But, I expected you to stop. I didn't see any reason why you would continue. I was also scared that you would turn into one of those pricks, with what you were learning."

"Why? I never sought a fight with anybody."

"I know. You were calm and controlled, but you were starting to change. You were reserved, and distant. You didn't make friends easily. You had friends, but unlike other kids, you weren't friends with many kids. You also started to spend more time with your instructor, practicing, instead of playing with other kids."

"But I spent time playing with you, or with Mom in the kitchen, cooking, talking."

"I know, but I didn't understand why you devoted so much time to your training, instead of playing with other kids, doing fun things."

"Did you ever think about how much I enjoyed practicing?"

"I could see that, especially with Tai Chi. You still practice that?"

"Yes, I do."

"A few years later, when you moved on to other training, with the swords--I don't know what it's called--you didn't enjoy it that much?"

"Kenjutsu. No, initially I didn't enjoy it. Later, I got something out of it, but my heart wasn't in it."

"Why did you continue, Mitch? With something you didn't enjoy?"

"It was necessary. I needed to learn about something. It served its purpose. But I get the feeling, you didn't like to see me practicing Kenjutsu. Is that right? Why were you concerned? What bothered you about my Kenjutsu training?"

"Initially I didn't think much about it. But when I came back--after the first year in boarding school--and saw you practice, I didn't like it."

"What do you mean, Kathy?"

"I had seen you practice Tai Chi. There's a beauty, a grace in it. Have you ever seen yourself practice? If you have, then you know what I'm talking about it."

I smiled at her comment. "Kathy, I know there is beauty and grace in it. I've watched my sensei when he practiced, and I feel it when I practice. But, there's more to it than what you see from outside. You should realize that by now."

"Yes. I believe so. But there was none of it in your sword practice. Well, not always. When you did that special meditation, and practiced... it was... scary."

"The sword practice, with the special meditation... was scary?"

"Yes. When I asked, you explained that you were doing a special meditation, sinking into the depth... I didn't like that. It scared me."

"The Void," I corrected her. "What was the difference? What didn't you like, Kathy? Can you explain?"

She went quiet, thinking, trying to put what had bothered her into words.

"When you were practicing, it was smooth, but there were also flaws. I don't know much about how it should be, but I could see there were issues, as if something was out of place or slightly out of alignment. It's difficult to explain. I could see things that weren't as graceful as your Tai Chi performances, as if you were faltering. Does that make sense?"

"Sure. It was imperfect. I wasn't very good with Kenjutsu, although I made progress, and reached a level that I was comfortable with, and my sensei said as much. So?"

"That was when you were doing your normal practice. When you did your special meditation and started the practice... it was perfect, and it was scary. I was watching the same guy, but it wasn't the same guy. It was as if... as if there was another person that looked like you had taken your place. There was an intensity that wasn't there before. That wooden sword was like a big fan, sweeping the air in a blur, seeking, ready to destroy whatever dared to cross its path."

She finished her description, very much agitated, her last words almost whispered, leaving me speechless by the strength of her emotions. I could feel and taste her fright like a physical thing. I was going to respond making light of her description, but one look at her face was enough to convince me that would be a mistake. Her hands were curled in a fist, the knuckles white.

"Kathy. Please, calm down. It was just practice. An advanced form of exercise. Nothing more," I said softly.

"I remember you describing it as a place where no emotion or thought resided. Do you have any idea how that sounds?"

"I think I have an idea, Kathy. But you have to admit, you have no experience to compare with or judge what it is. You're using conventions, things you know, to make comparisons and pass judgment on something that doesn't fit into anything you've known before, or fit to any criteria that will make sense to you. There's nothing in your experience that will allow you to understand or measure what you're dealing with. It's like trying to describe colors to a person who was born blind, and even that analogy falls short of describing the situation."

She was quiet, trying to understand what I said, but the conventions she had known didn't allow her wrap her mind around it. Well, I had experimented with it, and experienced it, and put it aside for so many years, because... because I hadn't been sure how I could use it. I knew if I tried I could sink in the Void, and that knowledge was enough. I tried to explain again.

"Kathy, you've seen me do exercises to attain calm. That place is beyond that level of control. For what it's worth, I haven't practiced it much and put it aside some years ago."

"Why is that, Mitchell?" she asked.

She was sharp and once again her aim was true, scoring a perfect bull's eye.

"I guess I'm as bound and limited by conventions as you are. Because of my other training, I was willing to investigate it. To tell the truth, I was scared the first time I tried to sink in the Void, because I didn't understand it. The next time, I understood what it was and wasn't scared of it, but... well... I didn't see any reason to practice it more. However, it has its uses. I know that. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

"No, Mitch, I don't. I'm scared. You picked up your sword yesterday... and are taking it with you. Are you going to practice that thing again?"

Her voice was thick with emotion, and I was racking my mind to find a way to explain and comfort her.

"Sis, you work in Emergency and see people come in with all sorts of things. They are scared, because they don't know what's wrong with them, or they think the worst. Right?"

She nodded. She was hanging on every word, her attention focused on what I was trying to tell her.

"But you know more than they do. Most of the time, you know what's wrong with them and how it can be fixed, right?"

She nodded again.

"They might be scared, but are you?"

She shook her head no.

"Exactly. They trust you to fix their problem, because you have the skills, the knowledge, and experience. What's more, with every passing day, your skill level is increasing with your knowledge and understanding. In short, you're improving."

She was quiet for a while, mulling what we talked in her mind.

"OK, Mitch. I understand what you're saying. Because I don't know and don't understand what it is you're dealing with, I'm scared. How do you know what you're dealing with?"

"Ahh, Sis. You're missing one crucial thing. You have your basic knowledge, and on top of all that, expertise on several subjects, and you keep on learning. What about me? My training was the same. And like you, there are times when I'm not sure about something, so I proceed with caution, but unlike you, I'm not putting anybody at risk when I make a mistake. I don't even put myself at risk. Come on, Sis. You know me. The Control Freak!" I said with a smile.

That quip finally earned me a small laugh, but she was still apprehensive. When I looked askance, she shook her head.

I insisted. "Come on, Kathy. You were the one who wanted to talk. We are talking. Are you going to quit on me, now?"

"You don't want to talk about... that," she replied, pointedly.

"This is about what you said yesterday? Me, shutting people out?"

She nodded.

"And you're thinking this is a result of my training? Especially that particular thing I learned?"

She nodded again.

"Kathy, I'm not ready to talk about some things, yet, but I can tell you this much: my training, especially the Void, has got nothing to do with it. I quit practicing it a long time before that... summer. That training has its uses, but shutting people out isn't one of them. You have to take my word for it. I think you know me well enough to know that I'm telling you the truth."

She nodded, then asked, "May I ask one question?"

"Only one?" I teased.

"Yes, Mitch. And I hope you can answer it," she said with a reasonable tone, urging me to give it a serious consideration.

"No promises, but I'll give it my best effort," I replied in the same reasonable tone.

I took a drag from my cigarette, waiting for her question. Nothing could have prepared me for what was coming next--training or no training. It wasn't a bombshell. It was the fucking A-Bomb! My clever sister was either very lucky, or she must have studied strategy better than I had.

"Does Dana know about your past?" she asked with dead calm. For all purposes, she could have been asking about the weather: "Isn't it hot, today?"

I must say my reaction wasn't elegant. The cigarette smoke got caught at the back of my throat, irritating it something terrible, and I had a coughing fit. When I managed to gather a semblance of control, I took a sip from my coffee, trying to sooth my burning throat. In the meantime, my sister was trying to hide her laughter (and not very hard, I must add).

You, little witch! I'll get you for this!

For God's sake, the shit she had pulled was incredible. No warning at all, and then... Slam dunk!

Before I could say a word, she came back, adding insult to injury. "If this is your best effort, Mitch, I better take a rain check."

"You witch! You just earned a payback. I'll get you for this."

"It was worth it. Thank you for your elegant answer."

"Kathy, that was below the belt. What did you do? Spend the whole night planning how to ask this question?" I retorted with an irritated tone.

"Come on, Mitch. You were closed up for a long time. Suddenly, you're relaxed, almost happy. It turns out you've met a new girl who happens to be a flight attendant. You're not walking around with a chip on your shoulder. Then, we sit and talk about something we never talked about. What pisses me off is that, you've talked about your past with some new girl, instead of talking with me."

"Hold it there! Not one more word. This talk is over!" I said, sternly, before standing up.

I wasn't really angry, but I was scared where the talk would lead. When Kathy started on the subject of why I would talk with Dana about my past (there had been no precedent), she could have easily stumbled upon what exactly happened during the flight.

Unless, she has it worked out already... she had the whole night to think about it.

That thought filled me with dread. I made my way to my room to pick up my jacket. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to keep fending off Kathy.

Shit! Everything was going so nice. Why did you do that, Kathy?

I sat on the bed, examining my feelings. I hadn't been angry about what she did. I was shocked, but now, I resented it. Mostly because she was going in a direction that would open a whole can of worms, and I wasn't ready for it, yet, if ever.

"Mitch, I'm sorry."

I looked up and saw her standing by the door, her arms crossed, with a sad and scared expression on her face. When I didn't respond, she said, "Mitch, I'm sorry. Please, don't do this. I didn't know what I was doing."

"Really? You didn't know what you were doing? From where I stood, it didn't look like that at all," I replied, unable to keep the resentment from coloring my voice.

"I'm sorry, Mitch. We were just having fun, and it was too good an opportunity to pass up. I didn't expect--" she replied with a small voice, before I cut her off.

"Not one more word, Kathy. You're on probation. I mean it."

At that her face fell, her eyes getting moist. She tried one more time. "I'm truly sorry, Mitchell. I'll promise anything you want. Just don't do this. Please? You know I keep my promises."

She would never give a promise, unless... Oh, no! Come on, Kathy. I love you. I'm not going to shut you out, but...

I tried to calm myself. Then, with a tired sigh I said, "Kathy, I love you. I want to make you happy, but... you really don't know when to stop. I'm at fault as much as you are. Please, tread a bit more carefully. I don't want promises, but don't take that as carte-blanche, OK? That's not the Kathy I know. I want back that clever, scheming she-devil who drives me crazy; my Kathy."

At that, she rushed at me and I was flattened on the bed, with her straddling me and painting my cheeks with kisses. Then she sat up, still straddling me and gave me an embarrassed and guilty look.

What, now?

"Out with it. Since I seem to be in a forgiving mood, out with it," I said.

"I have a confession to make, but promise you'll not hit the roof."

"Kathy, you're in no position, and you know that. I said I'm in a forgiving mood."

"I hope you'll not get angry with me when you hear this. It's about this Saturday."

"Go on."

"It's about, Sarah."

Oh, brother! I hope it's not what I think it is.

"Tell me you didn't cook something with Sarah?"

She nodded apprehensively.

"God, Kathy! And how long were you going to keep it a secret?--Never mind that--What did you cook up this time?"

"Well... she doesn't have a boyfriend... anymore. She had one, but she broke up." She waited to see how I would react.

"Very cute, Kathy. She had a boyfriend, but not anymore. You think you can explain away what you said about Sarah, with this little detail?" I asked, amused at her antics.

"I learned it from you."

"Kathy!" I warned her, reminding her of her current situation, but she wasn't going to heed it.

"What!!! It's the truth, and we both know it. You're a master at it," she retorted.

"OK. I'm not going to get into a discussion on this now. Go on. What else you've got planned?"

"Well... She's interested in you."