Chapter 1

Have you ever had one of those days? You know the kind I mean. The day where everything goes wrong and you wish you'd stayed in bed? String several hundred of those days together and you have my life.

Honestly.

It's always something. I can't remember the last day I had where I didn't forget something, lose something, ruin something, or put my foot in my mouth in a most embarrassing manner. Today's crisis was my cell phone -- and the current lack thereof. I pawed frantically through my purse, stirring the contents in the vain hope my small, red phone would magically appear. My hair kept obscuring my vision so I grabbed an elastic band that churned to the surface and pulled my curly, brown locks up into a ponytail. My phone, sadly, was still nowhere in sight.

"Just what are you looking for in there?"

I was too distracted to pay much attention to the person asking the question, but it sounded like someone behind me. I didn't pause in my frantic search to look at the man I could now feel peering over my shoulder.

"My cell phone. It was here yesterday and now I can't find it. I've got to call Jen and let her know I can't make it."

My frantic search ended as a sudden vision of my phone, sitting on the coffee table at home, floated to the surface of my memory. I groaned at the realization that, once again, my day was going straight into the dumper.

"Here, use mine."

A large hand, rough and callused, appeared in my field of vision. I took the cell phone he offered, shot him a grateful smile and quickly called Jen. I was supposed to meet her an hour ago for lunch. Needless to say, I wasn't going to make it. After explaining the situation and listening to her laugh at me for a full minute, I hung up and returned the phone to the man standing there beside me.

He was grinning like a buffoon, looking at me expectantly. Something about him was vaguely familiar but I couldn't seem to put my finger on it. No time today for mysteries, say thanks and move on.

"I've got to go. Thanks for letting me use your phone." I turned to continue on my way. If I hurried I might have enough time to grab a slice of pizza before heading to the dry cleaners.

"Lindsey! You're not just going to walk away from me, are you?"

I turned in exasperation and stopped dead in my tracks. Wait a minute, he knew my name. How did he know my name? I looked at the man who was smiling at me and actually saw him for the first time. He was tall, maybe 6'4", dark black hair, beautiful olive skin, with the most incredible brown eyes, very Mediterranean looking. It was the eyes that drew me in -- and that smile. I knew that smile, I was sure of it. Damn it, why couldn't I make my brain work?

"I know it's been a long time, Lin, but surely you haven't forgotten me?" His smile changed to a scowl, one eyebrow quirked much higher than the other. It was the eyebrow that did it. Something in my head clicked and suddenly I knew who I was looking at.

"Josh? Is it really you?"

His answering smile was all the confirmation I needed. With a yelp, I launched myself into his arms. He caught me and swung me around as I laughed in delight.

"It's about time, Lindsey. I've been standing here for ten minutes. I didn't think you were ever going to recognize me!"

"Jesus, Josh, you've grown at least eight inches since the last time I saw you, not to mention the weight you lost. You don't look like my Josh anymore."

"I had a growth spurt in college. I didn't lose any weight, just grew into it I guess. I'm not the only one who's changed. I almost didn't recognize you with shorter hair and boobs."

"Very long hair is a pain in the ass and you're not the only one who had a growth spurt."

I pulled, rather self-consciously, on my tight tee shirt. Normally I was kind of proud of my boobs, but I wasn't sure I wanted Josh scrutinizing them. Having a guy you think of as your brother checking out your chest is just a little icky.

"So how the heck are you? It's been what -- four, five years since the last time I saw you?"

Quickly, I thought back to the last time I had seen Josh. It must have been the summer after sophomore year in college; we'd been out of school three years now. Oh my god, it really had been five years.

"I'm okay, Josh. Busy. You know how it is. I would love to catch up with you but I'm late as usual and I have to get these errands run today. Do you have an email address or something you can give me and maybe we can get together later?"

"Same old Lindsey -- always on the run. Do you have anything scheduled for this evening?" I quickly thought about my schedule and shook my head no.

"Then let's have dinner tonight, okay? I'll order in a bunch of our favorites and we can eat at my place. Seven work for you?"

I agreed and we went about exchanging phone numbers and email addresses. He gave me a card with his home address on it, told me jeans were fine, and to bring my appetite. I gave him a quick hug and promised to be on time. His skeptical smile mocked my promise of punctuality as I hurried on my way to the dry cleaners.

I spent the rest of that Saturday scurrying around, trying to get my "To Do" list down to a reasonable size again. Josh was never far from my thoughts. It was strange running into him after so long. He had changed so much from the Josh I remembered.

Josh and I had met in junior high. He had attended the local Catholic school for elementary school, but transferred to the public school for junior high and high school. We met in homeroom that first day of seventh grade and became friends pretty quickly. How could we not, when we shared almost every single class and were seated in alphabetical order. Joshua Horton and Lindsey James were right next to each other on every teacher's roster.

It was more than that though. We were friends because we were kindred spirits. We shared the same sense of humor, loved the same types of books and music, and neither one of us fit in with the really popular group. Josh had always been average looking and awkward, where I was tall for a girl, completely undeveloped in the chest area, and did my best to remain unnoticed by the rest of the world. It wasn't long before we were best friends. We told each other everything and spent every free moment together. It was never romantic and whenever one of our other friends made such a suggestion, we both grimaced. It would be like kissing my brother -- completely gross.

Our friendship was the most important thing to both of us. Our romantic relationships with others never seemed to last. We were more interested in talking with each other than with whom we were dating. It was sad but true. It was during college that we started to grow apart. We went to different schools in different states. Busy schedules, limited funds, and limited time always seemed to make phone calls impossible. During our junior year in college, Josh's family had moved out of town. Even our summer reunions were a thing of the past after that and our friendship became a casualty of distance and neglect.

That evening, I was running late, as usual. Thankfully, both of my roommates were out, so I could rush around our tiny apartment without disturbing anyone. Determined to keep my promise and arrive on time, I pulled on a clean pair of jeans, my favorite cardigan, and hurried into the bathroom. I checked my face in the mirror and decided I just didn't have time for the war paint. Josh would remember that I hated wearing make-up anyway, so why bother? My shoulder length, dark brown hair only needed a little fluffing for the soft, loose curls to perk up. Same hazel eyes as always, never the true green I yearned for. It was time to go if I was going to be there by seven. After flicking out the lights, I headed downstairs to catch a cab for the ride across town.

I dug the card Josh had given me out of my purse and gave the address to the driver. As the cab moved across the city I studied Josh's card: JWH Designs, Custom Woodworking and Restoration.

Woodworking? Josh? He had always messed around with tools and wood as a teenager. I remembered the time when Josh had drafted me into helping him strip the oak trim in his parents' dining room. For me, it had been a miserable weekend of sweaty, backbreaking labor. Josh loved it, every single minute of it. I shook my head, hardly surprised he had made a career of it.

The cab pulled up in front of a huge warehouse near the waterfront. This area of the city was undergoing a transformation as individuals and businesses bought up the old warehouses and converted them into lofts and storefronts. Josh had always been two steps ahead of the pack: it made sense that he was living here. The warehouse looked to be still in the process of refurbishment, but the potential was there. I paid the cab driver and made my way to the door. Before I could put my finger on the buzzer, the door swung open and I was engulfed in a huge bear hug.

"Lindsey! I was half afraid you were going to cancel on me. I can't tell you how happy I was to see that cab pull up." I swear he was trying to squish me to death.

"Josh, let go. My ribs can't take anymore."

Finally, the pressure on my ribs eased as Josh stepped back from me. His hands didn't release me. Instead they slid to my shoulders as he bent and dropped a kiss on my lips. Okay, what the heck was that all about? Josh never kissed me on the lips. Cheek, yes -- lips, no. Before I could decide what was going on, Josh released me and started pulling me towards the stairs.

"C'mon, dinner's getting cold and I'm hungry."

"You never change. My mom used to shudder when she heard you were coming over. You always managed to empty the fridge."

"Hey, I was a growing boy. What did she expect? At least I got rid of the leftovers."

The stairs were killing me and Josh just kept climbing like some energizer bunny on steroids.

"Hey, how about a tour?"

Maybe he would stop and give me a chance to breathe. Josh was not fooled for an instant.

"Food first, tour later. It's only a few more flights."

At my groan, he scooped me up into his arms and continued bounding up the stairs. I'm ashamed to say I shrieked like a girl.

"Joshua Horton! Put me down this instant!"

Josh just laughed at my demand and continued climbing. I lost count of how many sets of steps he climbed but it wasn't long before he set me down outside a huge steel door.

Geez, he wasn't even winded. Just how strong was he? I looked at his lean form and marveled at the strength he had just exhibited. Gone were the days of ordinary, awkward, Josh. The man standing in front of me was completely unexpected and I was unsettled at the difference. He caught me looking and grinned as he opened the door. The grin did it. That was the Josh I knew, and I relaxed as he led me inside.

"You know that an elevator would be useful..."

My voice trailed off as I stepped through the door and into Josh's loft. It was, in a word, stunning. Rooted in place, I turned to look at the enormous, open interior. Pale oak floors, mixed with gleaming stainless steel accents and warm, rich colors combined to make Josh's loft worthy of some fancy magazine. The view of the waterfront from the wall of windows was just as amazing as the loft itself.

"The old elevator was dangerous. The new one is due to be installed any time now."

"Your place is amazing, Josh, truly amazing."

"Thanks. I did most of the work myself. It took me a long time. I did our old smorgasbord thing for dinner. I hope that's okay."

Josh pointed to a low table in front of the sofa. Chinese food, pepperoni pizza, and hot wings, all of our old favorites were there. My stomach rumbled audibly and Josh laughed.

"Sit. I'll go get us a couple of beers and we can dig in."

We spent the next couple of hours eating and talking, catching up on the years we had missed together. After dinner, Josh gave me a tour of his loft and the one directly across from it. The one across the hall was mostly unfinished, encompassing his workroom and office, while the loft he lived in was a completely finished three-bedroom, two-bath work of art.

"Josh, how can you afford this? It's huge and your workroom is the same."

"My grandfather owns the building. He doesn't want anything to do with it and was going to tear it down. I explained about the growth in this area and convinced him to keep it. I agreed to move in and oversee the renovations in exchange for the top floor. When it's done and ready for tenants, a full time manager will be hired to take care of the rental section, but I hold clear title to these two lofts."

"Do you have any idea how lucky you are? My apartment would fit in a corner of this place and I have two roommates. Not to mention the view you have -- I'm so jealous."

"I know how lucky I am. Thank god the zoning allows me to have my workroom here too. I don't even want to think how much rent I'd be paying for that space somewhere else."

I continued to grumble about his good fortune as he showed me around his loft. After spending a few more hours talking about his work, my pitiful job, and our lives in general, I called a cab to take me home. Josh walked me down to the cab. Before I could climb inside, Josh enfolded me in a warm hug and rested his chin on the top of my head.

"Hey, Lindsey? You know I'm not losing you again, right?" The soft question brought a smile to my face.

"I'm not going anywhere, Josh. I've missed you too much to let you go twice."

"I'm glad that's settled. I'll call you tomorrow."

He drew away and dropped another kiss on my lips before helping me into the cab. The whole way home I tried to decide why I could still feel his lips on mine. After all, Josh was just my friend -- right?

Yes, Josh called the next day-- and the day after. Then I called him. Soon it was as if we'd never lost track of each other. We talked on the phone everyday and saw each other every few days. Josh would have to leave the city every so often on business, but he always made sure I knew where he was going and when he'd be back. My roommates teased me about my new "boyfriend" and Jen wanted to know when she was going to meet him. My explanation of "we're just friends" was mostly ignored by my roommates and by Josh. He never failed to hold my hand during our outings and he continued his new habit of dropping kisses on my mouth unexpectedly. He didn't push the matter and I came to expect this new habit of his, though I still didn't think of him as my boyfriend.

Josh was due home from another of his business trips, so after work I headed to his place. After picking up his mail and ordering dinner for the two of us, I curled up on his couch to wait. I have no idea how long I slept before Josh shook me awake.

"Hey sleepyhead, wake up. Dinner's here." Josh tousled my hair and pulled me to my feet to help with dinner.

"When did you get here?" I didn't remember him coming home or the food delivery. Just how long had I been out?

"About 20 minutes ago. It's a good thing because the delivery guy was getting a little upset."

I groaned at my lapse. "Josh, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I sat down to wait for the food and the next thing I know, you're waking me up. One of my co-workers has been out with the flu, so I've been working late trying to keep everything caught up."

"Lindsey, why do you work in that cube farm? I'll never understand how someone with your creativity and talent ended up in one of those terrible places."

"It pays the rent. How else am I supposed to earn a living?"

"If I remember correctly, you're a gifted writer, an amazing photographer, and the quilts you used to make belong in a gallery. Take your pick."

The laugh bubbled out of me before I could stop it. "You can't be serious. Josh, I haven't done any of those things since college. The last time I picked up a camera was for one of my classes. There's no way for me to make a living doing that."

Josh tossed me a look of disbelief before he walked to a group of photos he had hung on the wall. He pulled one down and brought it to me.

"Look at that and tell me what you see."

Puzzled, I looked at him in confusion before looking at the picture in my hands. It was a portrait of Josh, his brother, Mark, and his sister, Pam. I had taken the picture outside of their parents' house after completing my first photography class.

"My parents treasure that picture, Lindsey. They took it to a lab and had it blown up. It hangs over their fireplace. They had copies made for my grandparents and all of my relatives. It's one of the few things they took with them when their house caught fire last year. Look at it and see it for what it is. It's not just a picture you took. It's an incredible portrait of us that reflects our individuality, yet expresses our bond as a family. Do you realize how rare it is for a photographer to capture that?"

I looked from the picture to Josh in amazement. His eyes bored into mine, alight with the fire he generally reserved for his own work.

"You need to get back to this, Lindsey. I know you love it. It was your major, for crying out loud. Why not pursue it and do something you love, rather than killing yourself in that dead-end job?"

"There wasn't exactly a flood of job openings for a photographer when I graduated. I took the job in the cube farm to tide me over until something better came along. I never did find something better and it pays the bills, so I've stayed."

"Then don't work for someone else, open your own studio and freelance. You could move in here, God knows I've got the room. There's plenty of unused space in the other loft for you to put in a studio and darkroom. You wouldn't even have to pay rent."

I know my mouth was hanging open. My own studio? I hadn't ever allowed myself that dream.

"Promise me you'll think about it, Lindsey. You deserve better than that boring data entry job."

It was the easiest promise I ever made.

Think about it, I did. Constantly. Obsessively. I bought equipment catalogs and made lists of material and supplies I would need. I ran startup cost projections by the dozens. I researched the market and tried to decide whether I could really do it. Most importantly, I dug my cameras out and started using them again.

I couldn't believe how good the weight of the camera felt in my hands, how beautiful the world looked through that viewfinder. My technique was rusty but the joy photography gave me came through clearly in the shots I took. Josh was right; I needed to do this. But how? I still wasn't sure I could make it work.

A couple of weeks after that conversation with Josh, one of my roommates announced she needed to talk to Jen and me.

Jen, Barb, and I had all been living together since we graduated from college. Barb and Jen were both blonde and beautiful. I always felt mousy around them. Barb had been dating her boyfriend, Andrew, for about a year. Jen, always something of a flirt, had a new guy each week. As different as we were, we got along well and had very few problems in the years we had been living together. I knew instinctively something was up. Jen was as antsy as I was. We exchanged a significant look as we settled on the sofa in front of Barb.

Barb didn't keep us waiting. Her news was wonderful and it burst from her immediately. She was moving in with Andrew when our lease was up next month. Jen and I jumped up and down, excited beyond measure and so happy for Barb. Andrew was perfect for her. It wasn't until later that it hit us both. With Barb gone, we would have to pick up her share of the rent or consider moving ourselves. After talking about it some, we decided to think on it for a few days before making a decision.

The next day, I mentioned Barb's news to Josh during our daily phone conversation. Needless to say, I was a little surprised at his reaction. I've never heard someone whoop with delight over the phone before.

"Just what is so great about this?"

I could not keep the ice from my tone. Personally, I was less than happy at the prospect of trying to find a new roommate, or worse yet, having to move.

"Don't you get it, Lindsey? This is your chance. Move in with me. We'll build you a studio and a darkroom in the other loft. You can use all the money you'll save on rent and utilities for equipment. Start packing. You're moving in here at the end of the month."

"No Josh. I will not sponge off you."

"Fine, you can pay for groceries if it makes you feel better. You're over here all the time anyway. You already have a key. It makes perfect sense. I'm not taking no for an answer, Lin."

We fought about it for a while longer, but the more we talked, the clearer it became. Josh was right. This was my chance to do something with my life. After getting him to agree to split some of the other expenses, I agreed to move in. Now I just had to tell Jen.

She took it pretty well. She didn't scream. She didn't yell. A look of sheer terror crossed over her face at the thought of trying to find two new roommates or a new apartment in less than two months. Other than that, Jen held it together pretty well. I could see the panic lurking behind her eyes and I felt awful to be the cause of it. I called Josh and gave him the report.

I was in my bedroom, talking quietly to Josh. I was hoping to keep Jen from hearing and possibly upsetting her further. No such luck. Have I mentioned I can't ever do anything right? Jen heard me. She came charging into my bedroom, her temper at full boil.

"Is that Josh? Are you talking to him right now?"

Holy crap, was Jen mad! Her blue eyes flashed and her normally cheerful tone was completely replaced with anger and frustration. Startled, and a little frightened of her in that moment, I admitted I was indeed talking to Josh. She strode over to the bed and ripped the phone out of my hand.

"Hello Josh, this is Jennifer. Since you've managed to deprive me of my only remaining roommate and my best friend all at the same time, the least you can do is meet me for a beer. Be at The Bullfrog in a half an hour."

She didn't even give him a chance to reply, just threw the phone back at me and said, "We're leaving in ten minutes. You're buying."

I watched as she stormed out of my room, slamming the door behind her.

"Josh? Are you okay with this?"

"I think I'd better be. She didn't give me a choice."

The Bullfrog was a popular bar and brewery in town. Jen and I would go there every few weeks; more for the fantastic food than the brews. Don't get me wrong, the beer was great-- but they served the best hot wings on the planet. It was Friday night and the place was packed as Jen and I made our way along the bar. I could see Josh sitting about halfway down, placing an order with Roy, the head bartender. Jen and I knew Roy casually and I breathed a sigh of relief. Roy always made sure that everyone had a good time. Josh glanced up and beckoned us down to where he had managed to grab three seats together.

"Well, is he here?" Jen was calmer now, but there was still an edge to her tone.

"Yeah. C'mon, I'll introduce you."

We waded through the mass of people and finally managed to grab the seats Josh had saved us. Josh dropped his customary hello kiss on my lips before I had a chance to introduce him.

"Jen, this is Josh. Josh, this is Jen."

They studied each other long enough that I began to worry. Josh looked as though he had been working. Sawdust sprinkled his hair and his clothes had seen better days. Jen took her sweet time looking him over. Finally, she broke the silence between them.