Chapter 25

The next morning at Polly's. Friday, 11-June [Sarah]

Sunlight was shining in my eyes, waking me. I felt happy.

I haven't felt like this for weeks.

I stretched, feeling so good. Hungry too. Such a big bed. Luxury.

Big bed? Where? Robert?

I sat up in panic, half out of bed. The curtain fell back a little to shut out the dazzle in my eyes and Robert, already dressed came over, reaching out for me. He kissed me and held me tight while my panic subsided.

"So many firsts, " he said, "First 'good morning' kiss." He kissed me again and I kissed him back.

"I'd been hoping for more than a kiss," I said, pushing against him.

"I know. You've got wandering hands." He kissed me for a long time, slowly, not trying to rouse me. I felt loved.

"You're not using a contraceptive are you?" He smiled down at me. I hadn't thought! God girl! All those things your mother told you! Sheer cold panic. I counted back and looked at him horrified.

"Well... I'm not safe... I'm not safe yet. Not till next week, the doctor said. And I'd just have... Oh, Robert! That would have been a mess wouldn't it? How could I?"

He looked gravely down at me, while I shivered with terror. I might have ruined everything. An abortion? Killing Robert's baby.

"I could never have killed your baby," I said and then a warm wave of pure love for this just-avoided child washed over me. I looked up him. "Well, not a mess - but a distraction."

"That's why I'm up and dressed. I did look in the bathroom, in case there was a stock of condoms for the guests, but - there's everything else."

"Are you serious? If you'd found a condom, would you have made love to me?"

"I don't know?" We were both laughing. "Probably! You were quite urgent. Were you really asleep?"

Well! Things are looking up.

"Yes. I don't remember a thing. What a shame! But..."

"No! I know the chemists are open now. But no. Look, we need to talk. Go and have a pee and whatever, then come back to bed for a while."

I sat on the loo. Well, my digestion seemed to be back in working order. Perhaps that would cure my spots.

"Tea or coffee?" Robert called. What luxury, having our own bathroom.

"Coffee - is there anything to eat?" Dabble in the bidet. What a funny feeling. Robert was carrying two cups and some biscuits back to the bed. I slipped in and he sat on the edge, passing me shortbread.

"Polly does her guests well. Just like a hotel. There are four biscuits. They might stave off your hunger till breakfast." He put his hand under the duvet and laid it on my tummy. "I can hear your stomach growling. Can we talk? While we're alone." I nodded, rescuing crumbs from my breasts.

I had an awful thought, "Robert?" I pushed back the duvet and lay back. "Am I attractive? Oh!" struggling for words "I mean I'm not - sexy - no breasts or hips - not like... " His mouth cut off my gibbering.

"You'll do. I think I quite like your body." He looked at me thoughtfully for quite a while. "Not beautiful, that suggests someone... heavier, rounder. You're exquisite... I think that's the best word... and your skin is a lovely colour."

Thank you for not mentioning the spots.

"Tony knew, didn't he, when he made that dress for you. He saw you as something pre-classical - Diana... no one of her nymphs in the morning of the world. I spent two hours looking at you, after my cold shower, while you slept. Like Daphnis looking at Chloe. I woke you up, because I'd finished thinking and because time is getting on. Not because I was tired of looking at you. No, I think you will do very well. No worries on that score. "

I was in a trance. "I hadn't really expected that. I'm glad you like it. All yours. I think I like your body too, but I haven't had a proper chance to look. What do you want to talk about?"

"I've been thinking hard and I have a - proposal, what else. Assumptions - "

Gosh! A tutorial in bed!

"We want to live together."

"Agreed."

"You want me to keep teaching you and I want that too."

Nod.

"We want to be lovers and that will have to be soon. Otherwise we will have an accident."

I nodded enthusiastically, sitting up to concentrate.

"We would both like to stay here - my house - this university."

Another nod - this was easy. Why was Robert faltering, loosing his thread? Looking down, Whoops! I was sitting cross-legged and my little pink lips were poking out among the curls. Quite fetching, I thought. I settled myself decorously. We looked at one another and smiled. Lots to learn about each other. What fun.

"Right, those are my assumptions. Let's consider the consequences..."

A knock, gentle. "Do you want breakfast." Barbara. Robert raised his eyes to look at the ceiling.

"Come on in. We're all decent." Robert said. I slid back under the duvet. Barbara came in looking round hopefully. I shook my head.

"Still no luck."

"Well, you both look all right. Do you want breakfast up here?"

Robert looked at his watch, then at me. "No. We'll come down."

He looked at me. I'd rather have stayed where I was.

He went on, "... because I've got a game of snooker booked before lunch and that's an hour's drive..."

He was still looking at me. The world was beginning to intrude. I started to move, acquiescing.

"And I expect Sarah needs some clothes from her room!"

Can't go poshing in jeans and tee shirt.

I was out of bed, heading for the bathroom. "I give in. I expect the maids want to do the room." I turned round and they were both looking at me.

Whoops. I'm getting used to going about naked.

"Don't do the room, or let your mum do it. I'll clean up when I get back. Just no time now it seems. I don't expect they'll let me play snooker anyway."

Good exit line, that.

I started washing.

"No, I am not unmoved." I heard Robert say. Barbara must have telegraphed some question about my nakedness. "I bathed in cold water this morning. I'll not be staying here tonight."

What! Well, perhaps best not. But it is getting urgent.

I thought about last weekend. I'd been clinging to Monday then and that hope had failed with a vengeance. But things were better now.

So much better, I can't believe it.

Monday then.

Gosh! I'm blushing.

I was suddenly wet between my legs and this was my last pair of clean knickers.

"Barbara, " I heard Robert say, "Sarah's starving - me too. Can we have breakfast downstairs? But we need to talk..."

She replied, "That's all right. Table's set and everyone else has gone to work. You can have the dining room in peace. I'll chaperone you from afar and lip read the interesting bits."

I came back from the bathroom drying my face. Robert was biting his lip, worried, looking at Barbara, thinking. His eyes flicked to me, away, back. They were focussed well below my eye line, waist line.

He can't keep his eyes off me. Must be OK.

His eyes met mine and we smiled at each other.

"You do need chaperoning." Barbara said.

Robert was serious. "We need retrospective chaperoning." He sighed. "I shouldn't have slept with Sarah. Regardless of what we did or didn't do. Look Barbara. Don't tell anyone that we shared a room."

I was just fastening my belt, ready at last.

Feet in slip-ons. Ready. Now what is Robert on about. Barbara looks puzzled too.

Robert led the way out of the room, talking over his shoulder to Barbara.

"No. Absolutely serious. I have a duty of care to my pupils that definitely excludes sleeping with them. When the college decided to move into the twentieth century a couple of years ago and admit female undergraduates there was a great to-do about the state of immorality that would result. And that was only worrying about the students. We were supposed to keep them apart - not sleep with them. Sarah might get away with being sent down for a term but I'm likely to get the sack. And here I am - compromised. So try not to let anyone know. Don't lie. If you get asked, tell the truth. But you don't need to volunteer the information. And tell Polly. Explain, so if she does talk to - well - Benjamin - the caveat goes with it. Please. There are some people who might have a reason - or a wish anyway - to want me gone. The Bursar for one."