Chapter 13: Phil Collins

Debby and I couldn’t make the next party, at Dan and Cindy’s. We had gotten free tickets to see Phil Collins at the Coliseum and were going there, instead. Or I should say Debby won free tickets, which was a crazy story in its own right.

She won them only about a week before, the Monday before the party and the concert. I had tried buying tickets everywhere, but the concert was one night only and had been sold out within hours of going on sale. Debby really wanted to go, but we resigned ourselves to waiting for the next time.

Then, that Monday morning, the craziness began. I was driving to work listening to the local rock station. Bob and Bill were blasting out their peculiar brand of insanity. I’m a diehard fan of their morning show from way back. They had been on just about every morning show on every station in the last two decades. Sooner or later, they’d do something monumentally dumb, like the time they made a wakeup call to the governor’s ex-wife and asked for the lieutenant governor and get canned. But somehow, they also found a way back to another station, usually with a pay raise and unbelievable invective over their latest dismissal.

So anyway, I’m listening, and they offered two tickets to Phil Collins to the first woman over eighteen who showed up at the studio naked. I started laughing as they switched to reading the news. Then, they announced a winner.

Bob: Okay, we’ve got a lady who just walked in the studio. Are you claiming the tickets?

Bill: Hold on, Bob, she can’t claim the tickets. She’s out of uniform. Or in uniform, I should say.

Bob: I’m getting to that; I’m getting to that! Jeez hold your horses. Excuse my partner, Miss...

Debby: Debby.

Bob: Debby. Bill is rude and crude. What’s your last name?

Debby: Uh, do I have to say?

Bill: Afraid your mom is listening in?

Bob: Or your boyfriend?

Debby: Yeah, I guess so.

Bill: Which, mom or boyfriend?

Debby: I don’t have a boyfriend, I’m married. (Laughing) (Holy shit! It was Debby! But was she naked? I pulled off into a mall parking lot to listen.)

Bob: Now Debby, Bill was correct earlier. There were two parts to this contest. You not only had to be the first woman to come in...

Bill: Yeah, you gotta be naked.

Bob: Right. Now you’re wearing a raincoat. What’s underneath?

Debby: Uh, nothing.

Bill: Nothing? Nothing at all?

Debby: Well, I am wearing my shoes.

Bob: You always drive around in nothing but a raincoat?

Debby: No! I was driving to work...

Bill: You work in nothing but a raincoat?

Debby: I work in a leotard. I’m an aerobics instructor. I took it off in your parking lot.

Bob: Fu ... BEEEP! ... that! Let’s see.

Bill: Come on, you do want the tickets, right?

Debby: Okay, here goes. (Rustling of cloth as Debby removes her raincoat) How’s this? (Silence for a moment)

Bill: Holy sh ... BEEEP! ... Jesus Christ!

Bob: Yeah! Wow!

Bill: Debby, I just gotta ask, just how big are those things?

Bob: You’re married, right? Getting divorced soon??

Bill: I saw first. So, what are your measurements, Debby.

Debby: I’m 38-24-34.

Bob: What’s your cup size?

Bill: Can I measure?

Debby: No! D. (Laughing.)

Bill: Jeez! And get this, all you guys listening. Debby’s a blonde, but only on top. We don’t know if she’s a natural blonde or a bleach blonde.

Bob: Yeah. If you’re too stupid to understand, that means she’s shaved her c ... BEEEP!

Debby: Can you say c ... BEEEP! on radio?

Bill: No. And you can’t say t ... BEEEP!, p ... BEEEP!, or c ... BEEEP! either.

Bob: Yeah, these are the rules we live by. See that guy in the engineer’s booth?

Bill: Wave at Joey, Debby.

Debby: Hi, Joey! (Engineer sends sound of applause over radio)

Bob: Those other guys in there are from the sales staff. Don’t you weasels have jobs?

Bill: Most useless form of life known to man, salesmen. Rank right up there with lawyers and politicians.

Bob: Wave to the weasels, Debby.

Debby: Hi, guys! (Engineer sends out sound of wild cheering) Hey, my hubby is a salesman. (Thank you, Debby!)

Bill: Our condolences.

Bob: Now, don’t be a nitwit. He’s probably very nice for a salesman. Right, Debby?

Debby: (Pouting) Yeah!

Bill: Let me guess, he’s hung like a horse, right.

Bob: You really are a nitwit. You can’t say that on the radio.

Bill: Hey! They didn’t beep me! Salesmen are weasels. And saleswomen are weaselettes. Probably dress like you, Debby, in order to make the sale. (I wish!)

Bill: Bob, be polite to the naked lady. You have to be subtle. Like, Debby, when you and what’s his name...

Debby: Dave. (My middle name)

Bob: When you and Dave are playing hide the salami, are we talking foot-longs or are we talking Vienna sausage?

Debby: (Laughter and shrieks)

Bill: What a wiener! You’re so full of baloney!

Bob: You see, you have to be subtle. Debby?

Debby: It’s basically a salami. You know, long and hard and thick, and real juicy and spicy. (Thank you, Debby!)

And so it went for about twenty minutes. They broke for announcements, and Debby, “the naked announcer”, read a Public Service Announcement. Meanwhile, Joey the engineer, who is actually the third member of this travelling zoo, is doing mock voices. Calling in to give sulphurous denouncements of the proceedings were Titus A. Drum, the station manager, Ann L. Retentive, from the FCC, a spokesman for the station’s law firm, Lettus, Rapeham, and Thensum, and the Reverend V.D. Spredder from C.R.A.P (Citizens Revolting Against Pornography). Finally, Debby had to leave to go to work, so I put the car back in gear and headed down the highway myself, with a huge and throbbing hardon. But I was intrigued by the final moments.

Bill: You know we provide a limo to take you there and back.

Bob: Ever done it in a limo, Deb?

Debby: Uh, well, not exactly...

Bob: What the hell does that mean?

Bill: Yeah, I mean either you have or you haven’t.

Bob: So, have you or haven’t you.

Debby: Uh...

Bill: Come on, tell us!

Debby: Jeez! Okay, already. It was after my hubby and I got married. We were riding in the limo from the church to the reception. I was wearing stockings and panties, not pantyhose. And Dave pulls me onto his lap, and you know...

Bob: No, we don’t know.

Bill: Yeah, tell us.

Debby: Jeez, guys! Well, he put his hand up my dress. Get the picture?

Bill: Was it fun?

Debby: (Giggles) Oh, yeah! But the chauffeur had a reeaal funny look when we got out.

Bill: So, Debby, you plan on wearing this outfit to the concert?

Bob: Yeah, the band would really get into that!

Debby: (Laughing) No, I don’t think so. But I do have this real slinky strapless red dress. Maybe I’ll wear that. (Good idea!)

I never let Debby know I had heard her on the radio. She asked me a couple times if I had been listening. Actually, she simply asked if I had listened to the show, she never said she had been on it. I told her I was listening to news on another station. She shrugged her shoulders and seemed to believe me.

The first time she asked me, she was naked. After teaching the morning class that day, she showered and dressed and came over to my office to see if I wanted to take her out to lunch. My cock hadn’t deflated an inch since that morning, and the way she looked wasn’t helping matters. She was dressed in regular ‘street clothes’, a tank top, denim miniskirt, and high-heeled sandals. While I wasn’t sure about panties, I could tell she wasn’t wearing a bra or stockings. I kissed her lightly and walked over to my office door. Silently closing it, I turned the lock as quietly as I could.

“Jimmy? What are you doing?” Debby asked as I took her in my arms.

“Rather than lunch, I think we need to burn off a few calories,” I told her.

Debby giggled as I reached down and unzipped her skirt and pushed it off her hips. She was wearing panties, a tiny lace thong affair. “Sounds good to me.” I never stopped my movements and promptly had pulled the tank top over her head and pushed the thong down her thighs as far as I could while standing. Debby was eagerly unbuttoning my shirt. I helped take off my jacket and tie, then pushed my wife to her knees before me. Grinning, she undid my pants and had my straining member deep in her mouth before the belt loops had passed my knees. Initially, only her mouth worked me over, as she pulled my shoes, socks, and pants off, then she put her fingers to work scratching my pendulous nuts and pumping on my cock. It didn’t take long at all for Debby to bring me to an orgasm that had the blood pounding in my ears.

Debby stood up, licking her lips and swallowing, and kissed me, giggling. “What if someone comes in?”

“Then they’ll see you getting assfucked over my desk,” I told her. This morning’s radio show had really turned me on, and I was already hard again. “Turn around, bend over, and assume the position.”

Debby smiled and trotted over to my desk. Bracing her arms on the edge, she spread her legs wide and looked back over her shoulder, grinning. Since she was still wearing the heels (and only the heels!), her ass and pussy were at just the right height for me. My cock was nicely slick from her mouth so I knew it would slide in easily. As I positioned the head at her asshole, I spread the cheeks with my hands and the little rosy ring opened invitingly. I plunged in, not waiting for it to open fully, but Debby didn’t complain a bit. Instead, she pushed back as fast as I pushed in. This was a really vigorous fuck, each of us bucking against the other, Debby’s tits swaying crazily, my balls slapping the inside of her thighs. We came within seconds of each other, and I had now left an equally large portion of jism at each end of her alimentary canal.

This was my second cum in a row standing up, and I was feeling a bit wobbly, so I went around my desk and sank into the chair. But my cock wasn’t tired, it was pointing at the ceiling almost as soon as I had dropped in my leather armchair. Debby laughed lightly and came around the desk after me. “Is this the chair you take Emma in?” she teased. Emma is my secretary, weighs at least 250, and is old enough to be my grandmother.

“Only when I’ve had my Wheaties,” I replied. “Jesus, the woman would crush me.” We both laughed at the thought.

Debby was sitting on my lap and idly stroking my erection. “I just can’t kill this thing.” Swiveling around, she threw one leg high in the air over my head and was in a position facing me, straddling my legs. I carefully lifted her and, as she dropped her legs over the arms of my swivel chair, lowered her sopping wet pussy onto my cock. I pulled the chair close to my desk and pushed Debby backwards. She rested her elbows on my desk and began to squeeze her cunt around me. I leaned in and began to chew and gobble her tits, like she had done to Denise that night. Debby began to moan and whimper, and before I was done and had spewed into her twitching cunt, had thrust a knuckle into her mouth to stifle the cries of pleasure.