by Culbreth

To those of you considering or now involved in adultery, let me tell you how high the price can be.

Remembering back to the fateful Saturday morning I returned from my sordid and inexcusable adventure into adultery. The hurt I could see in my husband's eyes could not be measured by any means. Those magnetic blue eyes that drew everyone's attention were now looking into my soul. My rambling words of how this didn't mean anything and how much I loved him were being bounced back by his cool, logical response and deep sadness that reminded me of how unexplainable what I did was.

I sat in the chair and my mind traveled back to college when I met Early. Unbelievably handsome, star and captain of the football team until he injured his knee; Phi Beta Kappa and valedictorian of our class. How he could ever fall in love with me, neither I, nor any of the other girls could understand. After we began dating, he was always completely committed to our relationship, even though, I could see the open invitation he was offered by many more beautiful than I am. My father, after meeting him, was more than a little protective of his little girl with this dynamic charismatic Mr. Early. So much so, that when we announced our engagement, he insisted on having an airtight pre nuptial agreement. Drawn up by his law firm, paragraph five of the document provided that in the event of adultery by either party, the other party would be granted an uncontested divorce, custody of any children, ownership of all properties both real and personal including jewelry, furniture, homes, cars, and virtually everything except clothes. In other words, if you wanted to screw around on my daughter, you are going to be left with nothing. Little did anyone suspect that this might be me? Our marriage was the social event in our town. Everyone had to meet this handsome, famous person they had often read about. I am sure there were many more people than we invited, that attended our wedding, just hoping to get a look at, or to meet Early. Our honeymoon was unbelievable. He made love to me in a way that I later described as only so marvelous and fulfilling that I often felt my spirit leaving my body and looking down at my contentment. After college, we came back to my hometown. Early was offered a job by a prominent local business and though he had far better offers, he decided, in deference to me, to take the job so we could be near my family. My father talked his old friend John Jensen into hiring me at his accounting firm. Early loved children and both he and my parents wanted us to start a family right away. But, I wanted a chance to prove how successful a businessperson I could be. While Early, quietly advanced to Manager then Vice President with out much acknowledgement from me, I was totally obsessed with my own agenda. Certainly I was nowhere nearly as smart or business wise as my husband, but I would never admit this to anyone. I was committed to becoming a partner at my firm and without my father's influence. I could vision my own importance and success. This inward and selfish personality was the beginning of my downfall.

Six months ago John Stickner joined our little firm. He was from back east and you could tell he was a "player". He quickly closed two new accounts and received large bonuses for his effort. He new things about our business that made us look like bumpkins. While being jealous of his accomplishments, I secretly watched him and his actions. I pleaded with Mr. Jenson to give me a chance to with the Melrose account. This was a prize account that every accounting firm in the state was after and my chance to prove I too was a "player". Mr. Jenson, probably in deference to my father, a boyhood friend, and the fact that we had little chance of landing this account, gave in to my request. He asked me to run my proposal by John Stickner. I worked relentlessly on this proposal and submitted the preliminary draft to the CFO of Melrose on time without John Stickner's review or advice. The CFO called me a couple of days later and I was embarrassed in that part of the proposal was not sent. He also called attention to several questions in the request that were not responded to as well. At this time, I knew I had better run it by John. He was more than glad to help me and we worked constantly for two days revamping my work. He showed me some new and innovative ways of improving the financial picture at Melrose and when we finished, I was more than impressed with the final product. We got a call Thursday morning from the CFO and he tentatively approved the awarding of the account to our firm, pending review by their legal counsel. Everyone at our firm was so excited. John gave the entire credit to me, by simply not saying anything about his contribution. I was now a "player". I was clearly on cloud nine. I thought of immediately sharing this with Early, but remembered he was in meetings all week with some kind of important negotiations. I would call him tonight and tell him. Mr. Jenson called me and practically guaranteed me a full partnership if this went through. This meant a great deal to our firm and would be by far our largest account. I couldn't even imagine the amount of the bonus I would receive. Perhaps Early and I could get that vacation cottage we had often dreamed about. John came by my office and suggested we go out to lunch to celebrate. I gave my secretary the rest of the day and Friday off because of all the hours she had spent on this project. She said something about did I know what I was doing and I responded, I'm just going out to lunch with John.

We left for lunch in John's car and went to Foster's, where all the important people go for lunch. We sat at a special table requested by John and he ordered a bottle of their best Champaign. I was so high on my success that I didn't even pay attention to all the toasts I drank. After lunch, John suggested we go to his house. He has a huge hot tub in a spa room and we could further celebrate my success. We both called in to the office and reported out for the rest of the day. I usually report any changes in my schedule to Early, but I told the receptionist to tell him if he called I was very busy and would call him tonight. We usually touched bases around 9:00PM when he was out of town. John gave me directions to his house and told me to bring my bathing suit and a change in case we went out to dinner later. I wasn't sure about this, but I really owed him a lot for my success and I just didn't want to be alone with all the top of the world feelings I had. I went home and packed an overnight bag with my bathing suit and other things. I got to his house about 6:30 PM. He was waiting for me in his bathing suit with another glass of Champaign. I noticed he had somewhat of a pouch for a stomach and was not nearly the hunk Early was. He showed me to the changing room and I put on my sexiest suit. Just wanted to impress, I guess. He had some snacks and an ice bucket of Champaign set up near the spa. We got into the tub and he was seated somewhat uncomfortably near me. A couple more glasses of wine, and it didn't seem to bother me as much. Before I knew it, it was 9:00PM. I excused myself and got my cell phone and tried to call Early. When I reached his Hotel, they told me he had checked out earlier that day. That was very strange, so I tried his cell phone. When he answered I asked him about the hotel telling me he had checked out. He said there were some minor changes and asked me where I was. I told him I was at home and had just finished cleaning the kitchen. I had just a moment to reflect on the lie I told as I was sure he would not understand why I was at John Stickner's house. How could I possibly know he was sitting in the family room at our house while I was talking to him. I shared with him my success of today and told him how much I owed John for helping me out with the project. He said he was sorry he was not there to celebrate with me. I told him we would make up for it when he got home Sunday Morning. I told him how lonely our bed was going to be without him in it tonight. We disconnected and I went back to the spa. John had a fresh glass ready for me and suggested I share with him a pick me up type pill called X. He assured me it was not addictive and I would not in anyway be out of control. I believed him and wanted him to think I was sophisticated. Besides, "I owed him one", he kept saying. As soon as the pill started to take effect, I knew I was in trouble. John started to become touchy and feely. I didn't have to will or ability to stop him. I felt him remove the top of my suit and began to squeeze my breasts. I closed my eyes pretending it was Early but it didn't work. He was mauling them, not the gentle touches I was used to. I was more out of it than not when he coaxed me out of the spa onto a nearby lounge. When he laid me back, I felt my bottom being removed and he immediately went between my legs. I looked up and his suit was off. I saw his erection and noticed it wasn't nearly as large as Early's is. He began kissing and biting my breasts and then proceeded to my privates and continued his ministrations. It was somewhat uncomfortable as he was just too rough. The pills kept me in a state of semi-consciousness and I couldn't even resist even though now I knew what was inevitable. He entered me rather roughly and began assaulting my body without any thought of anything but his own satisfaction. Again and again the abuse continued until finally I simply passed out from the combination of too much wine and the pills.

I don't remember anything until late the next morning. John told me he had called the office and said we were not coming in today. The receptionist asked how we could get in touch and he told her she couldn't. The same scenario continued the entire day until later that evening he remembered I needed to call Early or there might be a problem. He helped me with some coffee and found my cell phone and dialed for me. He told me what to say. I barely remember telling Early how lonely our bed was. John had remembered me saying that the night before. I passed out again and the next morning I woke with John passed out next to me. I was naked and I could see in the large mirror the bruises and bite marks all over my body. The drugs had worn off enough for me to realize I had a serious problem. I felt pain in my bottom and checked and found quite a bit of blood coming from my rectum. I had been anally raped. Early had never asked me to do this. I quickly fixed my hair and got dressed and got out of there before John awoke. I barely remember driving home. I couldn't wait to get home and repair myself. At least I had most of the day before Early got home. I stumbled into the house and noticed unwashed dishes. I couldn't believe I did that. Then I noticed the stove was on and the teapot was warming. Was there someone in my house? I went into the den and immediately got the poker from the fireplace. I looked around and there was Early sitting in his favorite chair. The room was dark even though it was late morning. All the drapes were pulled. I screamed when I saw him. You scared me to death; when did you get home? He looked at me for quite a while and calmly responded, "a couple of days ago". I almost collapsed and fell into a nearby chair. Why didn't you call me? Where have you been staying? I was scrambling for things to say. He answered; I did call your office, your cell phone and here. I was staying in that big lonely bed you told me about. I was devastated. I couldn't get my breath. I was sobbing and crying and trying to make him understand that nothing happened that would in any way affect us. I kept telling him how much I loved him. He looked at me tried to get me to explain. I could only say that I felt I owed John for his help and just got in over my head. He wouldn't believe anything I said and flatly accused me of spending two nights in another man's bed and destroying our marriage vows. He said a lot of other things to me that I don't remember. I do remember him saying he still loved. Maybe I could build on that statement and get out of this terrible situation. I knew my marriage was in great jeopardy. He stood there for a while and then walked out onto the patio. I heard him say again he loved me as he went through the door. I took his going out as the opportunity to go upstairs and clean myself up. I rushed into the shower and scrubbed and scrubbed myself. I couldn't remove the bruises and bite marks. I was still bleeding from my rectum. Believe it or not I could even feel John's fingerprints on me. Even today I cannot clean them from my mind. I quickly found a douche and tried to clean the smelly semen from inside my body. I got out of the shower and put on my robe and began to look for Early. He was nowhere to be found. I tried his phone, but noticed it on the table when it began to ring from my call. Our phone rang a couple of times, but it was not Early.

He didn't return home until later Saturday night. He went to the guest room without speaking to me. I softly knocked on the door, but he did not respond. I told him I desperately needed to talk to him. He responded it was too soon. The pain was to sharp and just looking at me was more than he could handle today. Sunday was just as bad. He got up and went to church without asking me. My father saw him and asked if I was sick. He said I was. He came back only long enough to change clothes and left again. I cried for the two days. My body ached from the abuse and I was still bleeding. The bruises were deep and an awful color. At least Early didn't see them. When he came home late, he again went to bed. I slept fitfully with continuous nightmares. I didn't imagine that the nightmares had only just begun.

I heard Early leave for work Monday morning. I knew I couldn't face anyone in my condition so I called out sick again. I noticed the receptionist had somewhat of an attitude when she took my message. Later on in the morning I got a call from my secretary. She said it was very important that I come in to the office by 3:00PM. Mr. Jenson was requesting a conference with me. I asked what it was about and she said she had no idea. Her voice sounded strange and not her usual warm self. I foolishly thought, maybe he wanted to congratulate me for the Melrose account. I got myself up and got to the office about 2:30.

When I went past the receptionist she looked the other way and did not respond to my "good afternoon". I went to my office and asked where Jennifer was and was told she was meeting with Mr. Jenson. That was strange since she never met with him without me. I looked in John's office and it was empty. At least I didn't have to face him. Promptly at 3:00 PM, I got a call to come to Mr. Jenson's office. When I went inside, I saw my father was there along with my secretary Jennifer. What was he doing there? Mr. Jenson asked me to sit down. He explained that my father was there for several reasons. He was acting in his responsibility as corporate legal counsel as well as a long time friend and my father. He began to explain what has transpired over the last few days:

Friday the receptionist made a complaint that she was being asked to lie on my behalf, to my husband, while I was having an affair. That was the reason I was out of the office the past two days while my husband was out of town. I looked at my father and he refused to look at me. He just stared away.

This morning he got a call from the corporate attorney from Melrose. He asked him if he had seen my proposal. The answer was no. He suggested that He do so promptly as what I had proposed was highly illegal and his company would never again entertain doing business with our company. My secretary told him of John's awareness of the document.

Next he called John and confronted him about the proposal. He lied that it was all my work and he tried to talk me out of it. When asked about the affair, he said I had thrown myself at him. Mr. Jenson has reviewed the two contracts done by John and found the same type fraud and immediately terminated him. A security guard escorted him out.

My secretary had confirmed that I went out to lunch with John and she warned me that this was trouble. She tried to reach me at home and on my cell for two days to see how I was. She couldn't reach me either.

Mr. Jenson now has the entire staff working on damage control. The actions John and I were responsible for could easily put our company out of business. Our reputation in this business was certainly greatly damaged. Based on this and with my father's full consent and knowledge, he had no choice but to terminate my employment immediately. I was stunned, shocked and speechless. My father looked at me and asked if Early knew. I hung my head and quietly responded, yes. I told him I wanted to explain and he responded that now was not the time or place. He suggested that I contact a lawyer, not from his firm, to see how great the mess I had gotten myself into was. I could barely walk out of the office. I went back to my office and someone had packed my personal things into boxes. I started to cry when on the top of one of the boxes was Early's picture.

I don't even remember driving home. When I pulled into the drive, my Mother's car was there. My father was afraid in my condition, I might hurt myself, so he called her to come to my house. He told her the circumstances and the terrible mess I had made of my life. He called Early at work and filled him in about what happened at the office. My father apologized again and again. Early barely responded. He told Early my mother was with me and he didn't need to be there. He seemed relieved. I started crying uncontrollably again when I saw my mother. She had a hard time looking at me but waived me into the house. I sobbingly tried to talk to her but nothing I said made any sense. I was babbling, crying and almost in shock. She took me inside and held me while she took off my business clothes. She immediately saw the blood and was shocked. I had bleed through my clothes. She asked me was it my period; I told her no and tried to tell her what it was. She called our family doctor and family friend and told her about the need for discretion and asked her what to do. The doctor said she would stop by on the way home later today. When she arrived, she examined me both my mother and she were shocked by my bruises and bites. The doctor asked if I was raped. I responded not exactly. I needed two sutures to close the wound in my rectum. The pain was still more than uncomfortable. She said to come to her office in 5 days to have the sutures removed. She gave me some samples for pain and an antibiotic. What I needed was rest, warm sitz baths for my rectum and probably a counselor. My mother asked her not to report it to the police until we had more facts. She agreed.

Early and my father reached our house at about the same time. My father shook his hand and again told him how sorry he was for this entire mess. He let Early know more about what happened at the office. Early was, while outwardly stoic, was in shock. My mother told him how depraved the entire situation was and my physical condition. He grimaced when hearing about the bruises and the other damage. I came into the room while they were talking about me. I couldn't even respond to the simplest of questions. My actions had destroyed the lives of those who loved me the most. The shame I felt was unendurable. They gave me some sleeping pills and put me to bed. I went to sleep almost immediately. I was in and out of consciousness for days; waking only when the nightmares punished me again. Every time I looked around, Early was there. Sometimes he was holding my hand, other times he was giving me my medicine. I still couldn't look at his face without seeing those empty blue eyes. I don't know if he slept or not. It didn't look as if he did. This vibrant, physical, marvelous man was totally beaten. My guilt was overwhelming. My own selfish, thoughtless ego had gotten us here. How would we ever survive?

We found out later, John left town shortly after being terminated. He was just one step ahead of the warrant from the New York District Attorney's office. There were a number of fraud charges he has to answer. We didn't hear from him until much later and then the destruction he caused was even greater.

I was placed in a mental hospital for my depression. It was three months before I was released. Early visited me every day and participated in my therapy sessions. With medication, at least I was able to function. Going home was something I looked forward to and dreaded immensely. I really hadn't been alone with Early except for just moments at a time. We never discussed my behavior of those two days. The entire town knew the horrible story. This was just too much to keep quiet. Early had to endure the looks and disrespect he saw from everyone. How he stood up to all this is a testimony to his strength. He continued with his job, went to church, served on various committees and boards without complaint or looking for sympathy. His favorite was the Teen Center he had proposed and had built with all corporate money and given to the community. This was a place that teenagers could go and be safe. They had counselors for both school work as well as behavioral and other problems. This was a model for the entire country. Its success was more than demonstrated by the reduction of Teenage crime by a whopping 57%; Pregnancies were reduced by almost 80%; the school grade average was improved by 25% and so on. You had to earn your way into membership to this center by good school attendance, being drug free (voluntary drug testing was done), staying out of trouble and being a friend to all other members. In just a few weeks, the governor was coming to town to present a special award to Early. I was expected to attend.