by Busterbear

Early took a deep breath, shuddering with sobs. He heard children laughing, the tinkle of tools in the shed next door, and the busy trees in the breeze. He screwed his face up, trying to shut out the world that paid no heed to his pain, his shaking anger.

He heard the sliding door open behind him. Susan's arms came round under his arms and she stepped in close to hug him, chin resting on his shoulder.

"Please listen," she sobbed," please listen to me!"

She hugged him even tighter. Her clenched right hand pressed into his solar plexus. It pushed against the pain in his belly. Her breasts pressed into his back, softly easing his anger. Susan's hair brushed against the back of his neck; her sobs tightened the pressure of her hand on his pain as if it was trying to reach it.

God! How he still loved this woman!

All he could think of was how she had cuckolded him. He would always be a cuckold. He felt such a fucking ass because he knew he still loved her! "Ok, now, just take it easy and listen," he thought.

Feeling him relax, just a little was enough to give her hope, enough to strengthen her resolve, enough to moan with relief. She stood her ground.

He reached for her left hand and held it. It was trembling, like his knees. Her hair tickled his neck again and then again. He pictured his wife. He didn't want to look, couldn't look at her; he wasn't sure what he would see.

"I'm going to resign, I'm not going back, as of now," Susan sobbed. "My ambition, the exhilaration at finding the way through the labyrinth of possibilities opened up to me was like a drug. I was on a high. We were working in his house. The next day, the offer of the partnership, the excitement, my involvement, my relief with the solution made me lie, made me deaf to your words on the phone, made me want physical relief. It was like a drug. It wasn't John. It wasn't you. It was me. It was me! I was overwhelmed; it was me, nobody else. I have been so selfish these last 48 hours, I lost a friend and I don't want to lose you! I have never been unfaithful to you before. I don't think I could ever do it again. It hurts too much, God, how it hurts to see you hurting so..."

Susan sobbed again. Holding on tighter; she moved her chin closer to his ear. Her breath tickled his ear; her sobs echoed in his head. He could feel the pain in her voice, the pain coming from what she had done to their love.

"I'm going to resign. I don't want that partnership to be the focus of my life. I want to bear your children, I want to be your wife, I don't want to be that cold manipulating lawyer, I hate her, I hate her for this..." She sobbed, and then wailed softly, deep in her throat. "... the horrible lies, the deceit, I was on a high, drugged! I can't trust myself with that anymore. I'm not going back, I won't go back!"

She moved, laying her cheek on his shoulder, sniffing. "I'm going to stop the pills, Early. I don't want that kind of security anymore. I want your child, your children. I want to be the mother of your children. I love you with all of my heart, only you, and will 'til the day I die."

Early had to turn his head to hear her muffled voice. His heart pounded, knowing what her job meant to her. He knew the effort she had put into qualifying, remembered all those evenings with work spread out on the bed. He understood her pride in being a good lawyer. Even more so, he knew the drug of going into battle and winning; conquering the fear, the glorious relief of succeeding, the almost uncontrollable euphoria driving the body to sex to celebrate.

Her hand was still trembling. He felt the rings. He gripped her hand, the diamond pressed into his palm.

"I'm selling the BMW" Susan was back at his ear. "I'm selling the laptop; I don't want anything to do with the lawyer. Please don't move our bed, please don't. I couldn't bear it. I'll wait for you, here, forever, I'll wait my love!"

The picture of the BMW parked at the man's house came back to him. So many questions... he wanted so many answers. Her words had touched him; no... her attitude. no... her certainty. He had to look at her. Her eyes would tell him. He had to look at her eyes.

He moved his hand on hers and pried it off with his thumb. He began to turn and Susan let him, holding tightly his thumb.

She looked him straight in the eyes, just as he was into hers. He saw the sorrow, her fear, her love for him, the flicker of hope and the resolve. He saw the way she held her head, at peace with her resolve, humble, trusting him with her love.