Chapter 126

From a Friend of J & G

Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and get lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented, but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives. The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation. He asks the first guy what his job was. “I’m an employee at the shooting range” he replies. “Then we’ll shoot your dick off!” the prince says. “I’m a fireman” the second guy says. “Then we’ll burn your cock off!” says the prince. The third guy smiles and says “I’m a lollipop salesman”.

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea-captain. “What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?” “Throw out an anchor, sir”. “What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?” “Throw out another anchor, sir”. “And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?” “Throw out another anchor”. “Hold on,” said the Captain “where are you getting all your anchors from?” “From the same place you’re getting your storms, sir”.

A proud mother telephoned a Sunday newspaper to announce she had given birth to eight children. The line was bad, and the operator didn’t hear the message. “Would you repeat that?” the operator asked. “Not if I can help it” said the mother.

An American tourist was riding in a taxi in Israel. As the taxi approached a red light, the tourist was shocked to see the driver drive straight through without even slowing down. Surprised as he was, he didn’t say anything, feeling himself a ‘guest’ and not wanting to make waves. The trip continued without event until the next intersection. This time the light was green and, to the American’s dismay, the cab driver brought the vehicle to a grinding halt. Unable to contain his astonishment, he turns to the driver: “Listen” he says “when you went through the red light, I didn’t say anything. But, why, in heaven’s name, are you stopping at a green light?!” The Israeli driver looks at him as if the American was deranged: “Are you crazy?!” he shouts. “The other guy has a red light - do you want to get us killed?!”

Little Johnny brought a box wrapped with a red ribbon, to school, as a present for his teacher. He handed it to her. She started to guess what was inside. “Chocolates?” she asked. “Nope”. “A Cake?” Johnny shook his head “No”. Then the teacher noticed some liquid dripping from the corner of the box. She caught a few drops on her finger, put the finger in her mouth, then said “Ah, I know-dill pickles”. “No” Johnny said “it’s a puppy”.

A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his homosexuality and decided to come out of the closet. His plan was to tell his mother first so on his next home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had realised he was gay. Without looking up from her stew, his mother said “You mean, homosexual?” “Well ... yes”. Still without looking up: “Does that mean you suck men’s penises?” Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under his nose, snapped: “Don’t you EVER complain about my cooking again!”