Chapter 38

The closer we got to Casa de Cord the antsier I got. I didn’t want to see the woman. I did want to see the children. But the woman, not a fucking chance, not after the way she treated my wife, my real woman! But, I supposed I was going to have to.

It’d been almost a month since I lost my true love. I had never felt so lost, not even after Abigail had left me. I don’t know why I was comparing them, but I guessed it was inevitable. Go figure.

He pulled into the drive and helped me get my chair the heck out of the back and set it up for me. I didn’t need his help but there was no use in telling him that. Arguing the point would just have delayed me getting it set up.

Done and in my chair, he held me up from going up to the ramp, a ramp he’d had put in for me. Sam, I’m going to ask you to please, well, be mellow. Just let things take their normal course. Everyone in there is mortally afraid that they are going to hurt you more than they already have, or make things worse than they already are for you. So please, okay? Let the past bury the past. She’ll undoubtedly tell you how sorry she is. And, no it’s not scripted, so I really don’t know what she’s going to say; just that she is going to say something; that’s a given, okay?” he said.

“I guess,” I said. But, the girls and Ron?” I said.

“They’re here and the new husbands too. Things might be a little confused at first, but they’re here, and they will likely have questions. Just go with the flow and let them take care of you,” he said. I nodded.

“Dad!” came the chorus of greetings from the girls. Ronnie held back a little, but he did give me a little wave. I waved back. He was my young man.

I was surrounded and it made me feel—something—safe maybe. Yes safe is what it was.

The woman wasn’t in evidence. I wondered at that. I was ushered into the dining room. Food was already prepared. I was hungry, psyche ward vittles were not my kind of dining pleasure. We ate and talked, and the girls made sure I knew that they were there for me and were so sad that “our” Rina was gone to heaven. The whole scene was surreal, well it was for me.

I got kisses from the both of my daughters and a hug from my son. The husbands more or less remained in the background after tendering their formal greetings. It had to be supper strange for the two of them. The early dinner having been taken care of the crowd of them all kinda slipped out of the room. I was strangely alone. Well, I was for maybe half a minute. Then she was there, and she never looked more beautiful, not that I could recall at any rate.

“You look good,” I said, not quite sneering my accurate but coldly informal greeting.

“Thank you,” she said.

We kinda stared at each other for the longest time. It was after 3:00 p.m. She looked up at the clock and went back to staring at me.

“Could I interest you in a beer or maybe something stronger?” she said.

“Whiskey,” I said. It was early but not that early. She left me for a short two minutes and returned with a bottle of Gentleman Jack and a couple of old fashioned glasses.

“I see it’s one thing you bothered to remember,” I said.

“Of course,” she said. Gentleman Jack had been my favorite whiskey back in the day—before I left for the Middle East.

So far neither of us had said anything meaningful. We sipped our drinks and just kind of watched each other. She set her glass down and looked at me.

“I was a shit the last time we saw each other,” she said. I didn’t respond to her remark.

“Can you find it in your heart to forgive me—twice?” she said. I tendered her a confused look.

“Twice?” I said.

“Yes, once for you and once for Rina. I cannot believe I was so mean to that good woman,” she said.

I didn’t say anything. She apparently took it for a “no” answer.

“I understand,” she said. “At least you felt positive enough to come here today. I was deathly afraid you wouldn’t.”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“Huh?” she said.

“I don’t know if I can forgive you, and I certainly don’t know if I can forgive you for what you said to my wife,” I said. “I just don’t know.”

“I understand,” she said. “Maybe someday.” She had a hopeful look on her face.

“Yeah, maybe someday,” I said.

“Sam, your loss: can I say how sorry I am for you. I may not have been a very good person, I mean the day of the wedding, but I well...” she said.

“Whatever. And it is my loss. You have no idea,” I said.

“On that score, Sam, I think I do. I know how much my leaving you cost you. And now you losing that wonderful girl ... it’s got to be just awful for you. And then, you doing what you did. Sam, no matter what, never even think about doing something like that again. Promise me, sir, please,” she said.

“I was out of it, lost. Still am, but I’m coherent now. It’s all, life, just kind of gray, and I know that makes no sense; well, to anyone but me. But no, I will not be doing anything like that again.”

“Sam, you have a family, this family. And that includes me. And it most certainly includes the Girls and Ronald. And Sam, you are their dad. I know Owen thinks of himself that way too; and I know you have fought tooth and nail against that kind of thinking, but the reality is it is your seed that brought them to us, all of them.