This was written for a contest on another site after hearing complaints why it was not possible. https://www.wattpad.com/457627623-contests-a-fandom-in-time-challenge/comment/3003835036/replies/2168968392 I chose to send Jesus back 200k years from today...
He awoke after what in truth was a rather good night’s sleep, some would even say a heavenly night’s sleep. It was immediately obvious something was amiss. There was no light by which to see. Darkness so black as though light was heretofore unknown. Then the realization came he was not breathing, nor even had eyes to see the darkness. In fact, it was as though all his senses were missing.
This would certainly have panicked most other men, but He asked Himself, what would I do? Then He called out, “Father?” Knowing there was no reason to raise His voice, because His Father would hear, and yet not really using His voice, more like using his mind and knowing His Father wouldn’t actually hear Him but would know He called.
“Yes, Son?” His Father said.
“Where are We?”
“In a place before there was a universe,” His Father said.
He had suspected it all along.
“When are we?” He asked since He rarely visited their current location and it all seemed alike to him.
“About 198,000 years before You were born,” His Father said.
“How did We get here?”
“I always was and always am; but You were sent here,” His Father said.
“By the fallen one?” He asked. “Why?”
“I know, of course, but now is not the time for blame or judgment,” His Father said. “As for why, it is to get a good short story.”
He could sense a smile come over His Father and said, “You like it when they are creative, do You not?”
“Yes,” his Father said, “it brings me joy.”
“You should have gotten one of them to help when You gave them Your Word.”
“I did,” his Father said, “I told it to one of their most creative.”
“That is likely why it sounds so unbelievable.”
“What is unbelievable?” His Father asked.
“I thought You were all knowing?” He replied.
“Do not answer a question with a question, people will think You are a Jew,” His Father said. “And of course I know. I am trying to help You tell a good story. What is so unbelievable?”
“My conception and birth for one,” He said. “It sounds like a monstrous lie invented by an unwed mother. And the manipulation to make the cuckolded father-but-not father a descendant of the house of David. Why would it even matter if he was not the actual father? Just more complications. Almost like what they call product placement in the time from which they sent me. And how old was mother at the time? It makes You sound like an adulterer and a pedophile. Do you realize people cannot even write stories involving fictional girls that young having sex any more?”
“She was old enough for those times. Kids are such sissies any more. So is mankind in a way, no more Old Testament justice. I shall not go into how difficult finding an older virgin would be. They married them off young back then, and there was no way I was going to have your mother be some hideous looking wench. Think of the ensuing portraits,” His Father chuckled. “I needed a way to keep your mother safe. An unmarried pregnant woman in those times was open to charges of adultery and could have been stoned to death. Having your step-father betrothed to her and protecting her seemed like a good solution. I am not sure why he needed to be from the house of David, but it sounded pretty good at the time.”
“You should have chosen one good at closing plot holes,” He said. “Then there would not have been a need for a virgin birth, or if there was, why not just have sent her out into the wasteland for nine months and had an angel look after her and tend to her basic needs? Drop Mana from heaven like you did for Moses people for decades. And they would have explained some of the major complications instead of petty little rivalries where people even forget at whom they were angry.”
His Father knew the answer already, but was in a bit of denial and asked, “Like what major complications?”
“Let us see. Where did Cain’s wife come from after he was sent wandering? Why is there no explanation about fossilized remains of dinosaurs. For that matter, why has the entire fossil record and geological record been ignored? Carbon dating gives results older than the Bible says the Universe has existed. You created the laws of science. You had to KNOW that your creations would figure a bunch of them out, and they would disagree with what your inspired ones wrote as Your word,” He said.
“How sure are you my creations have really figured out the laws of science I created?” His Father asked.
He wanted to throw His hands up in the air, but there was no air and He had no hands.
He asked, “If You want to be believed and get Your due worship, why do You make it so hard to believe? Why do You sit back and ignore Your creations?”
“I told them all they needed to do, a long time ago,” His Father said. “Remember, I even had them write it down. The book is still a best seller. Why would I need to make public appearances?”