Chapter 1: The Start of the Slythering Slope

The Professor sat at the table staring at the frothy beverage sitting before him. Butterbeer! Real, actual, magical butterbeer! He couldn’t believe it. He’d been waiting almost 30 years to taste it. And now finally could, as much as he wanted. For the length of the school term, at least.

Things had moved so quickly since the owl had arrived outside his office at the end of the previous spring semester. He knew what it was as soon as it landed outside his window, but wasn’t sure why it was there. Liam, his best friend since age 2 and a powerful academic wizard, usually sent him WE-mail, the wizard form of email communication that was compatible with his smart phone. So, this was strange.

The Professor opened his window and let the owl in. It dropped a small scroll and then took off back through the open window. He quickly opened the scroll and scanned the contents:

Upon the recommendation of Dr. Liam Arthur Blackburn, PhD, Distinguished Professor of Magical History at Oxford University, you are cordially invited to spend the 2017-2018 academic term at Hogwarts School for Wizards and Witches as the inaugural Weasley Chair for Muggle Studies. This newly endowed position was created to facilitate understanding of the muggle world among the students at Hogwarts.

Should you choose to accept the position, you will be awarded a generous honorarium, as well as room and board at Hogwarts, a generous research budget, and a research assistant for your time as the chair.

Your duties will include teaching several sections of Muggle Studies to upper level students preparing for their OWLs, and mentoring and supervision of one of the four Houses, to be determined at a later date.

Hmmm, The Professor thought, Ravenclaw, hopefully, or Gryffindor would be good too. Just not Slytherin. Anything but that.

If you choose to accept the position, simply utter the phrase “studio excepto!” while holding this scroll and we shall take care of the rest. Feel free to take your time to decide, but let us know within the next fortnight.

Warmest regards, Abernathy MacAlden, Headmaster, Hogwarts School for Wizards and Witches

The Professor started at the scroll for a few minutes, digesting the information. He’d wanted to visit Hogwarts ever since the fateful day Liam had received his scroll, forcing him to choose between his best friend, his home in the U.S., and eventually his mother and the exciting world of magic and wizards. Liam’s mother had been adamantly opposed, as her distant relatives had come over on the Mayflower and burned witches at Salem. Liam’s father, born and raised in Belfast, had been all for it. The fights were epic, but eventually Liam choose magic and his mom chose to divorce Liam’s dad. He still spent summers with his mom, and the two best friends stayed close.

Those summers felt like old times, at least as long as Liam could not do any magic outside of school. That didn’t stop him from regaling his best friend with endless stories of the craziness of Hogwarts, the excitement of Quidditch, and all the secrets of the Wizarding world. Technically, Liam wasn’t supposed to have told a non-relative all of these secrets, but they had been BFFs since before they could walk, so it only made sense.

The Professor was brought out of his reminiscence by a ping from his computer. He looked at the screen and saw a Google chat window from Liam.

WizzardOfBlahs: Hey dude, the owl should have arrived by now. Are you going to take the offer? I had to pull a few strings, but I was able to convince them they needed a muggle to do this right and that you were the perfect choice. TheProfK: It did! I still can’t believe it’s true. But thx for pulling strings and

recommending me. I was scheduled for a sabbatical next spring, but I can put that off. TheProfK: And why are you on GChat? You at your mom’s? WizzardOfBlahs: Yeah, she was having some minor surgery, but demanded I be here to help her recover. I don’t mind, I just wish she would let me use some potions on her, but she’s as stubborn as ever. I can’t even access my WE-mail unless I sneak off to the coffee shop. WizzardOfBlahs: Anyway, I gotta run, but take the position, you won’t regret it, I promise you.

The Professor signed off, turned off his computer, held up the scroll and said the magic words...

“Excuse me, Professor? Hello? DId someone hit you with a stupify spell?”

The Professor looked up from his butterbeer and found himself lost in a pair of gorgeous brown eyes twinkling behind a pair of hipster glasses. Shaking his head to regain his thoughts, The Professor took in the vision of beauty before him. Long brown hair with shimmering highlights that had to have some sort of magical help, tight t-shirt for some wizard indie rock band showing a fair amount of cleavage, tucked into a tight pair of low-rise jeans. If it weren’t for the fact that they were sitting in the Leaky Cauldron, he would have easily assumed she just a regular teenager.

“You’re the new Muggle Studies Chair at Hogwarts, aren’t you?” she asked sitting down opposite him. “I had a vision that you would be here, but divination was never my strong suit. I also had strange feelings of dread and warning about you, mixed with opportunity and excitement, so I couldn’t wait until we got to Hogwarts to meet you.” The mass of brunette waves and curves stuck out her hand toward The Professor and said, “I’m Adeline, but my friends call me Addie. I’m to be your Research Assistant for the year.”

The Professor groaned inwardly, wondered if she’d cast an erection spell on him, and couldn’t decide if he should thank or curse his lucky stars for bringing him such a vision of probably not 18 yet research assistantship. “Nice to meet you,” he finally stammered.

Addie explained that she had already been at Hogwarts and volunteered to bring him from London since he couldn’t take the Hogwarts Express with the rest of the students. She didn’t need to use her wand to bring The Professor under her spell. He gazed at her as she filled him in on how they would get to the school, her interests in potions and the healing arts, how she’d spent the summer reading up on muggle medical techniques, and her hopes to one day engage in research combining magic and muggle technology.

Eventually, she said it was time to go, so The Professor gathered up his things and followed her toward the flu network. He swore she put an extra wiggle in her well-shaped behind, but that might have just been the butterbeer.

It sure was going to be an interesting year, he thought.

Slytherin? That can’t be right! The Professor started freaking out. He asked the Headmaster to ask the sorting hat again, there had to be some sort of mistake. Abernathy assured him it was not a mistake and that many a talented and famous wizards and witches had come from House Slytherin and that they would benefit tremendously from having a muggle living amongst them.

Accepting his fate, The Professor asked how to get to the Slytherin boys dormitory, only to be informed that the living quarters were no longer segregated. Apparently the sexual revolution had come to Hogwarts in the time since Liam had been here. Abernathy called out to a young witch that had been standing in the doorway. “Pixie here will show you to your quarters.”

The Professor stood up, turned around, and saw trouble personified in the body of a goth’d out witch with a spiky pixie cut, purple hair, numerous facial piercings, and magical ink tats on her forearms that danced like the top fold photo on the Daily Prophet. The Professor’s little snake perked up and they both wondered if she was a Parselmouth what her parseltongue would feel like slythering around his cock.

Pixie shook his hand, rubbing the inside of his palm with her middle finger and said to follow her.

Maybe House Slytherin wouldn’t be so bad afterall.

The Professor was not prepared for what he saw upon entering the Slytherin sleeping quarters. His neck was already sore from trying to take in all the sights of Hogwarts while keeping up with Pixie, who skipped along the moving stairways with practiced ease. He was even more shocked by the painting that served as the gateway to House Slytherin. Pixie stopped for a moment to enjoy the view.