Chapter 7

“What! He just disappeared! What!” said Rodney.

“Yes, I went into the back to get something. When I came back, he was gone. It was my fault I guess,” she said. She had a sheepish look about her.

“Claire? Is there something else?” he said.

“Maybe, she squeaked. We, I, suggested that we needed to be careful about confusing the baby. I suggested that the baby call him by his name for the time being. Just for the time being, Rodney, I swear, I didn’t mean to hurt the guy. Honest,” she sobbed.

“What? I’m not clear here. What do you mean?” he said. “What exactly did you say that he objected to? He did object to something right?”

“I suggested, you know that, we have the baby call him Mister Jimmy. I thought it would be best for now, rather than have her call him dad or daddy so soon. You know so as not to confuse her,” she said.

“That doesn’t sound so bad to me?” he said. “Did he understand that it would not be that way forever, just until the baby was ready to learn the whole thing?”

“I don’t know. I guess not. When I thought back to it, what I said, I guess it was my tone more than the words. I just don’t know,” she said.

“Tone?” he said.

“Well, I kinda made it sound like it had to be the way I wanted it to be, suggested it be,” she said. “He may have thought I was, well, pushing him into some kind of second class daddyhood or something. In fact I’m sure that what he thought, erroneously thought,” she said.

“Fuck!” he said. “He may never come back now. We have to fix this and fix it now or it’s over for all of us. Claire, he’s just not ready to face up to any negativity.

“How did he get home? Surely he didn’t just walk back thirty-five miles to the row,” he said.

“I don’t know. He just walked out. I don’t know how he could have walked. If he had some money maybe he took a cab, but I just don’t know, really,” she said.

“If he did it was probably his last bucks. Look I’m going to try and track him down. Maybe give him back his cab fare if he took one if he’ll even accept it which I doubt. Do something. Okay.

“Look, I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’ll call if I’m going to be gone too long. Okay?” he said.

“Yes, good that’s good,” she said. “And do call. I will be waiting for your call.”

“I will,” he said. He grabbed his keys and coat and hurried out.

If he’d taken a cab, he would already be back on the street, he thought, and maybe at that truck park that Don had said he was shacked up at when not cruising the boulevard.

It was a Wednesday, but it was late in the day; the gates to the truck park would likely be locked up tight, But if his quarry could get in so could he; well, he hoped he could.

The drive had taken almost forty-five minutes; well, the traffic at 6:00 P.M. was always problematical. He saw the park off to the right and at the end of an industrial cul-de-sac. He also saw a man, not his man, moving about inside. He wasn’t sure, but he thought it might be one of his bud’s associates on the row. He parked and approached the fence. He could see how they got in. The fence was partly separated from the post it had been attached to. He called to the man.

The man approached and looked him up and down recognition seemed to register with him.

“You were with the woman, Jim’s old lady, ex-old lady,” he said.

“Yes, I’m the asshole that took her from him. Name’s Rod. Any chance that James is around?” he said.

“Yeah, he’s cold. He’s huddled up in the back. If you can crawl under there, I’ll take you to him, said the man whose name, he now remembered, was Mack.

“I’m Mack. I got Jim’s back. Bear it in mind,” he said.

“Okay. But I’m not here to cause the man any problems really,” said Rodney. The other man nodded.

I saw him coming before he saw me. I thought about just cutting country and leaving the park. But it was cozy at night and I didn’t have any place else to go that was worth a damn. Besides this was my house. No penthouse for sure, but it was mine not his. I wasn’t gonna be doing the leaving he was.

He finally saw me and came up to the niche I’d carved out for myself in the back of the overhang.

“Whaddya here for, Rodney? Slumming?” I said.

“Jim, you know that’s not so. Any chance you’d have a cup of coffee with me,” he said.

“Yeah sure, just let me put on the coffee in the kitchen back there and we’ll adjourn to my study. How’s that,” I said. I was so humiliated him seeing me like this that I couldn’t help but be snotty and snide.

“Jim, please. The diner down the street in ten. Okay?” he said. Oddly he didn’t wait for me to respond. He just turned and headed back toward the fence.

The Rooster, was a seriously greasy, greasy spoon that only the most desperate of hungry losers like me would ever eat at. But well, the coffee was pretty much generic, so nothing was going to be lost by having a cup with my favorite asshole in the whole world. I followed him, but not too closely.

He was already seated when I arrived. He even had the coffees poured and waiting.

“I’m paying,” he said. “So no false pride bullshit, okay?” I shrugged. He’d be paying for damn sure. I sure as hell couldn’t afford it, not even a cup of coffee. I did have three dollars left in my pocket, but that was strictly for emergencies, not for luxuries like coffees at the Rooster.

“If you can afford it,” I said.

“No problem big guy. I’m fucking rich. I could help make you rich too if you’d let me. But you’d have to have half a brain to allow me to do something that big for you, oh, and a helluva lot less false pride,” he said.

Trading barbs like we were kind of reminded me of earlier times before all of the betrayals and lies and hurt.

“Yeah, well all of the hurt and betrayal kind of gets in the way of all that,” I said. “I will admit to thinking about your offers when the nights really get cold. But, my buds would also have to be getting rich before I would abandon them. They’re honest and true to me. You know, unlike you and the woman,” I said.

“Boy oh boy, she really stung you today, didn’t she? She didn’t mean to, Jim. Really she didn’t,” he said.

“Forget it. I will,” I said. I wouldn’t forget it of course, but it seemed like the smart thing to say at the moment. He nodded.

“You gonna keep coming around to see the baby, your baby?” he said. Now he was getting serious.

“You mean is ‘Mister Jimmy’ going to be coming around to see the baby who isn’t supposed to let on that it’s his baby?” I said.

“Jimmy, she screwed up. She didn’t mean to. It’s all uncharted territory this. She was just trying, I don’t know, to get things organized in a useful way.”

“Hmm,” I said which was the same as saying nothing.

“Look, if I have my way this little confab might last a while. Can I get you something, I mean even a donut?” he said. I laughed.

“Look around you. Do you think that even a loser like me would be eating anything they serve in here?” I said.

“Actually, yes,” he said, smiling.

“Touché,” I said. “Fact is I’ve eaten here lots. But it was always against my better judgment.”

“Going back to something you said a few minutes ago,” he said.

“What?” I said.

“That you’d consider taking a hand up from me if I included your buds. That a true thing?” he said. I looked at him hard.

“Let’s talk about something else, okay. I’m not into making decisions for other people today. And, in any event I just can’t be around the woman on any level not required by law or basic humanity, not anymore, not after today,” I said.

“Man, so you are actually thinking of shining your daughter on! I mean because of my wife’s dumb remarks. That right?” he said. I didn’t answer him immediately, I just stared at him.

“Not sure,” I said, finally.

“Fuck!” he said, loud enough to garner some stares from the few diners in attendance around us.

“I don’t know, Rodney. It was pretty clear to me that she really doesn’t want me to have any influence or any say when it comes to my daughter. Oh yeah, very clear to me. And, like she said, and I agree with her on this one, she didn’t want me to be confusing the baby, my baby girl. I would never do that not on purpose,” I said. “Her assuming I would or even might, hurt a lot.” My tone was earnest, not bitter, but earnest. I wanted him to take the message home to his woman; that was important to me.

“Jim, I can see where you’re coming from. It must be a little bit scary you coming so late into the baby’s life and all. It has to leave you feeling vulnerable. By the same token she—no I’m going to say it—we are a little bit scared too. We’ve become used to a certain way of acting, believing, doing, all of it and really would have a tough time adjusting to any major changes in our situation. And it’s not you so much as us.

“I’m gonna ask you, no beg you, to do some stuff you shouldn’t have to do, Jim,” he said.

“Like what?” I said.

“Jim, one: I need you to be there in the baby’s life, be around. How much will be your choice totally. Claire and I will support whatever it is and how so much ever it is that you decide. We owe you that, yes we do. Two, you gotta cut my wife some slack. She’s consumed with guilt over what she did to you, what we did to you; and she is mortally afraid that in your anger that you might try to use the baby as a weapon to get even with us. Truth is I worry a little about that too. Can you understand where I’m coming from, Jimmy. I really need you to,” he said.

I had to admit he was being very persuasive. Everything he said was right on. Of course I wasn’t sure about his opinion of how my ex was thinking. But, it made sense at least on some level that he knew what he was talking about, so maybe. Still that said, if he hadn’t stolen my wife from me, I wouldn’t be coming so late into my babies life; I’d have been there from the git go, and he wouldn’t. But, even having only been with my kid for a very short time; I found myself attached to her, go figure. I made a decision.

“Rodney, okay. I’ll try to cooperate. You make a good case. But, on my side of the deal I need you to talk to her and make sure she really is willing to allow me access to my baby. If I’m going to be running into roadblocks every which where; then, I will just opt out. I do not need any more of what I’ve so far had to deal with. I mean any more of it,” I said.

“Understood and done. Do you have any notion of when you might be coming over again?” he said.