Chapter 15

Once again, I stood on the stage in the dining hall. Lord Oliver and Elk joined me. I went through the preliminaries and called Lord Morgan to the stage. I had no idea what he would say.

“We’ve faced a lot in the last day. I am here to talk to you all about how I best think we can face the next day.” Interesting, he was taking an informal approach. I’d half-expected a Brenhaven lord sure in that house’s confidence leading the population to safety. “Last night, Lady Ashley saved this community. There’s no doubt: ask anyone on the core team what they felt. Last night’s losses in the nursery and throughout the community are a tragedy.

“That was at midnight. Consider Passion Mill after the longest part of the night—shadows strengthened by our losses, no boundaries, the web of our connections in tatters. I do not ask you to consider what we would face: we would not be here to face anything.” His words swept through us all, limbs turning to ice. I had not considered that as the shadows spread darkness, their darkness grew more potent. I don’t think I could have taken any more pressure last night.

“We did not face that final night because Lady Ashley threw herself into slut so deeply, with such little regard for herself that she risked scarring her connection to slut and never reaching her again. Many others were essential to our survival; we shall offer our thanks shortly. Standing there, I watched my lover tumble off a cliff she might not climb, hoping I had enough rope to bring her back. I shall not face that again.

“Obviously I’m not the only one who chooses not to face last night again. Lady Ashley and Oak Leaf have brought additional lovers to offer us strength. Those who are tired and who have offered all the passion they have might rest. Oak Leaf is strong, and they have brought their best.

“I decided it was time for me to face my fears and do my part. As you have heard, I’ve been researching shadows and demons over the last several years. There’s a lot to learn about web connections and building strength from how demon brides connect with their mates. There is even more to learn from how demon brides give strength to their mates and others to stand strong against the shadows outside a boundary.

“It is time to put that research into practice. Passion Blossom from Market Landing has agreed to help us. She faces a lot of vulnerability and fear coming to Passion Mill. Few whores would work to try and capture the positive aspects of demon techniques and bring them to a community in need. Few would face the taint of being associated with anything of demon brides. Yet she has agreed and together she and I face the vulnerability of sharing this work in Passion Mill’s aid.

“I understand that many will want nothing to do with using such powerful web magic, particularly given where we first encountered it. Passion Blossom is in a separate building, part of the web, but surrounded by its own boundary. If you are confident in the strength Oak Leaf brings, then offer anything you can so that the light of your passion might mingle with theirs. However, if you feel you need to shine brighter than ever before—perhaps to help purge depression or shadow-touch—then join Passion Blossom this evening. If you would risk facing something new to bring even more light into Passion Mill’s web, come join us. It is a risk, but the risk of an intense joining between lovers, strong in slut, open in their vulnerability. Your soul is safe.”

I was amazed. Everything he said was true. That was important: Lord Morgan had been involved in Passion mill’s web enough by this point that some would feel any dishonesty. Also, his conviction behind what he said would spread through the web. Even so, the picture he had painted in the community’s mind would be far more comforting than the picture I saw. Naturally, there were questions.

Lord Morgan was doing fine until Sweet Clover stood and asked, “My lord, have you actually joined with Passion Blossom and tried this demon-derived web magic?” Lord Morgan was flustered. He looked at me, confusion in his eyes.

This at least I could handle. “Clover, I have,” I said. “I will not lie: it was intense and a challenge.” I chuckled. “Although, I think I was given the advanced version, both to build a safety margin and to feed as much strength as we could into the web through me.”

“What of Lord Morgan?”

I had given him the time he needed to recover. “I was there standing as safety for Lady Ashley. My turn is tonight,” he said.

If his idea of standing safety was to stand there uncomfortably while the demon chased me to carry me away and eat my soul, we needed to have a long talk. Clover was still nervous, although she no longer appeared ready to question the venture in front of the community. I hoped she would take advantage of Passion Blossom. She could benefit with strength to stand strong given her loss. Also, she was well connected in the community.

Perhaps I might help nudge her in the right direction. “Although, Clover, I failed in one thing. She would not pee for me. Might you do me the honor of reporting back on her taste and scent?”

“You think I might succeed where the Lady Ashley has failed?”

“Not if you don’t try.” She would fail of course, but in attempting, she would open to the connection.

“Well then, try I will.”

Soon Lord Morgan turned the meeting over to Lord Oliver. He had researched the day carefully and honored those who had worked to rebuild and maintain the boundary and web last night. Many helped hold things together so that we stood there still.

After the meeting, Elk Unstoppable cornered Lord Morgan and I, directing us to the defense manager’s office. “My lord and lady, I think it is time I am offered an explanation.”

“For what?” I asked, nervousness of the probable answer filling my stomach.

“What’s really going on in that shed?”

“Why do you ask?”

He sighed with frustration. “Somehow an abduction with Mane as Lady Ashley’s minder turns into a citation for the deceased Mane and the appearance of a previously unexpected whore with very strange requirements about a boundary.”

He continued, “Ashley, we could see the frustration in your eyes half the time you looked at Mane. Yes, sometimes tempered by compassion; sometimes only the compassion showed. However, none of the core team would believe Mane was your favorite. If Morgan had research he was performing why didn’t he mention it last night at dinner, or when he talked to me before minding you with Stone?”

I took a deep breath. “I’m half tempted to tell you that you shall not be told. However things are precarious enough that we cannot afford more doubt in the community. Also, while Baker’s Finest Pride had the wrong approach, I have made mistakes. Lord Oliver is here; if after hearing this, you wish to ask him to replace me, he will doubtless consider what you have to say. Regardless of his decision there will be no ill-will between us. However, while I remain in charge of this emergency, what I tell you now will be treated as an Oak Leaf secret on pain of your life.”

He nodded, shoulders slumping.

“If you asked the question, your guess is probably correct. Lord Morgan found his demon, Lady Lucinda, and Flowing Mane offered himself as her mate. She agreed to use the strength she gained from that to push back the shadows at Passion Mill. Our souls are in fact safe: she will not mate tonight.”

Abruptly Elk collapsed into the chair. His mouth worked, starting several sentences, but not quite getting as far as putting voice to any. Eventually, he found his voice. “You brought a demon bride to Passion Mill? You brought her into our boundary at a time of weakness? You thought I might guess that?”

“Yes. Look, the situation is worse than we expected. She told us how shadow touch really works.”

“You brought a demon into the community? I’d have better luck naming everyone you will ever fuck in your entire life than guessing that a lady for Oak Leaf and a scholar renowned for researching how to kill demons would bring a demon bride into a boundary.”

“I’ve actually never written much about how to kill demons,” Lord Morgan said.

“You haven’t?” Elk asked. “Then what was the point of your paper?”

“To write about demons and their mates.”

Elk shook his head. He paused, a look of astonishment filling his face. “wait! You actually believe this is going to work. You think that this demon—Lucy—is going to save our community?”

“Yes,” I said. “Her name is Lucinda, although we should refer to her as Passion Blossom. Yes, she is here to push out the shadows. We think she can.”

“I don’t know what to do. I ought to run out that door screaming that you have brought a demon into the community, regardless of the forfeit of my life. Except I had a guess—I was almost certain—about what you were doing and it wasn’t a demon. I figured you were working to give people some hope until the end, and you’d decided that something mysterious would help with that. I figured you found a whore who believed the extra boundary would be enough to protect her.”

“Giving people hope until the emergency is over is a lot of this. The hope will help give them the strength to carry through,” I said.

“Not the emergency. The end of Passion Mill.”

“Why give people false hope? Besides, we can stand strong in the light of passion. The hope is real.” I paused. “Elk, depression and hopelessness are one of the signs of shadow touch.”

“So what should I do, go spend time with your demon?”

“That would be a good idea. Talk to her; see if you trust her; join as lovers if you are comfortable with that. Then decide whether to trust me or bring your concerns to Lord Oliver.”

“Does he know there’s a demon here?”

“Yes.”

“I suppose I’d better go play with the demon. Can’t very well ask others if I’m not up to it myself.”

“When this is done,” Lord Morgan said, “have you considered studying to be defense manager and replacing Flowing Mane?”

“No, my lord.”

“I think you have the necessary consideration for your community, you’ve show organization today, and you have the connections and trust of the community.”

“Thank you my lord. I will consider. Now, though, a demon, or shall I say extraordinary whore, awaits.”

On the way to Passion Blossom’s shed, Lover’s Joy on River’s Bank caught my eye. He looked concerned. It might actually be better if Elk had time with Passion Blossom without me present. I waved the others on and stopped to talk to Lover’s Joy.

“What is on your mind, Lover’s Joy?”

“My lady, I’m glad to see you safe and back at Passion Mill. I was worried.”

I thanked him, but he seemed to have more on his mind than my safe return.

“My lady, I’ve been wondering ... Stone said you—” He stopped, his entire face blushing red.

“Stone said many things about me.”

“Did you drink from a water pot?”

“Yes.”

“Stone said that was an act of slut. How?”

I collected my thoughts. “I’m not really sure that it was. At the time though I thought it was a necessary part of finding slut. Stone took joy in trying to diminish me. I think he found growing as I asked a challenge; he was afraid. He wanted to bring that fear to me. Perhaps he wanted to be understood; perhaps he thought that if I found sufficient fear, I’d admit what I asked was impossible.”

“I’m so sorry, my lady. I didn’t know. I didn’t mean to...” He trailed off.

“Joy, you are not Stone. Your care is welcome, but you did not do those things.”

“I did, sort of.”

“Explain.”

“I thought it sounded hot. I imagined you doing that, got excited. I would never wish to diminish you. I thought about how amazing it was that you could just do that; I doubt I could.”

I smiled. “It could have been an act of slut. Only Stone’s approach made it otherwise. Consider two points. First, I can think of little in the way of fantasy that would be wrong to stoke a slut’s desire. Second, your goal was very different. Why did you imagine me drinking?”

“I thought it was slutty; I thought it would be hot to watch you. Then I realized that I didn’t understand why it was slutty. I just thought it would be hot to see a lady brave enough to do that in front of a commoner.”

“That alone would make it the work of slut and lover.”

“So you don’t mind that I pictured you doing that?”

“Not at all.”

“Will you do that? I mean not now of course, but some day?”

I considered. “I have healing to do; what Stone tried will take effort to recover from. However, last night was a very special time. I drink pee often enough, but generally only from those I feel a strong connection to, or with whom I am doing very important work. I’ve only drunk from a water pot a couple of times.

“However, healing from my time with Stone will be important. I probably do need to make sure that I do not always think of Stone when I think of a water pot. Oh, and fuck, I need to be ready to respond to a gift of support Oak Leaf gave me this morning. So, it seems there is at least one bucket brimming with urine in my mouth’s future; think of me with fondness and lust as you imagine me drinking from it.”

“Ah,” he said, “it was too much to hope that you’d do that twice in two days.” The bright smile of a new adult taking joy from his lover’s hopes lit his face. “It would have been so hot to watch you, but at least I can lust after your vision before my mind’s eye.” His smile was infectious. “I suspect when I am ready to face the trial of that drink, I will see you before me, that smile on your face as I bend forward. How could it be anything but lover’s work to embrace a difficult experience for someone so eager and open?”

“Really?”

“Yes. You are so different than Stone in this.” That was the truth; with someone eager and happy to join, I could face down Stone’s legacy.

For that matter, if I choose, I could drink from a water pot twice in two days and get the hardest part of the healing behind me. Although it felt wrong to ask so much of a lover so young: healing is not easy for anyone involved.

Of course we were asking a lot. Everyone in this community had lost friends, siblings, children and playmates last night. Everyone would be doing difficult healing in the months ahead. He might as well see that the emotionally rough side of being a lover led to growth too.

“Fuck it all,” I said. “In truth the only reason I cannot face a water pot tonight is my own fear. If you are up for something challenging, I can try now and invite you to participate. We’ll find Lady Michele; I will not shoulder you with supporting me alone. I will doubtless cry; I may not actually be ready for this now. You will see more openness from me than you are like to commonly see from any noble.”

He squared his shoulders. “How can I help?”

“Be there for me; honor what I can do. If you find it hot, celebrate it. Accept that this is a struggle and provide any support you can.”

“Yes, my lady. I will, but why is this hard for you?”

“It was bad last night just after the nursery disaster. I was half out of my mind, throwing myself into anything in hopes of surrendering enough that it wasn’t my problem or fault. Stone was not kind with my vulnerability. Even that might have been too much. But later, his disrespect and disregard for the gift of the vulnerability I had offered turned into the disdain that drove his betrayal of the community. He valued my gift of openness to him so little that he would have shot me and did take me against my will. It’s hard not to find echoes of that in all our interactions.”

“My lady! I am so sorry.”

I didn’t know what to say in response. It felt like I should reassure him, perhaps even apologize for being hurt. That could not be right so I simply nodded in acknowledgment.

We began looking for Lady Michele. He spoke. “Should I join Passion Blossom?”

“I think she will be talked about here for the rest of your life. It will be an adventure; good parts and bad. People will be changed by the experience of meeting her. Would you rather be part of that, knowing that the full scope of the adventure will only come out over time, or would you rather listen from the sidelines?”

As anyone who has spent any significant time riding men of that age would guess, little could keep him away from Passion Blossom that evening.

We came across Michele. “Michele, I’d like your help reminding myself that even something like drinking from a water pot can be slut’s work. If you’ll guide the experience, Lover’s Joy here would like to watch and support.”

“Certainly, my lady.” She raised her voice and shouted, “Everyone, come join and see how much of a slut Lady Ashley can be drinking from the water pot!”

She looked confused and worried as she saw the expressions on our faces. “What?”

“Smooth-Tumbled Stone from Three Rivers Confluence had me drinking from the small water pot in his room as part of diminishing me, turning me into his toy, punishing me for asking him to grow. This will not be easy; I’m not sure I can do it. I was not planning on a large audience.”