Silvery grey eyes opened slowly and stared through a curtain of hanging blonde hair at the bed five feet below the waking girl.

"Oh poo!" Luna Lovegood said emphatically as she realized where, and more importantly, when she was. "Mummy, we need to talk and then we need to conference in Grandma to change the plan that she has me following, it just does not work."

If anyone had been able to see the one they called Looney Lovegood at that moment, they would have seen her eyes turn completely white, followed by her body taking on a golden glow. However, since Luna had taken the precaution of warding her bed while sleeping, as well as sleeping up in the canopy that hung above her bed since soft and comfy air made a much better mattress than the one on her bed that had things like itching powder, flobber worm larva, and skittering eldies covering it, though she seemed to be the only one to see the eldies. If one of the muggleborn students had observed her sleeping arrangements, they would have told her about gravity and why it was impossible to sleep the way she did. Her response would have been to say that Gravity and she had a great friendship, but they had mutually agreed not to interfere with each other unless it was mutually beneficial. Then she would have skipped away in the time needed for the resultant brain reboot that said muggleborn student would have to go through.

While Luna's body was still very much located in the physical location of Hogwarts Castle in Scotland, her consciousness was transported elsewhere to a bright white room that held her mother Selene Lovegood.

"What is it you wanted to talk about, my daughter?"

"You know what I am upset about, mummy. I got sent back again because of the stupid plan that the stuffed shirts in celestial management came up with. First they let the interfering old goat lover put him in a home with no love; even though he continually spouts the rubbish that love is the power that Tommy boy knows not. Then they allow Dumbledork to set up his tests to sharpen his weapon in case his plans go awry, and they let Ronald 'I have broomstick, wealth, popularity, and penis envy' Weasley constantly derail the direction that he is supposed take. And don't try and tell me it is because Ronald is his first friend, because even a friendless emotionally crippled sadist would drop him as a friend after the second betrayal without intervention from someone."

"Another thing is the whole 'I am responsible for the whole world and so I need to have a messiah complex and sacrifice myself to save the sheeple who turn on me every time the wind shifts or a rafdibbler farts' attitude that the old reprobate made sure Harry had. What exactly is the point of allowing the twisted old man to try and make Harry into another dark lord like he did Tommy? Does someone in the pantheon owe Fumblebore a favor or something? There just seems to be no rhyme or reason to the way that it seems that every supposedly responsible adult just ignores the condition Harry is in when he comes back to Hogwarts from his summer at the Dursleys. I know that Poppy is constantly being obliviated after she treats Harry for his injuries; and McGonagall has been conditioned to believe that the sun rises and sets out of Dumbledore's ass, but really, is everyone that blind?"

"Bumblebee, take a deep breath and then tell me what you want to do. I know that the last few times through your aunt insisted you just help Harry through his trials without interfering, but now that we do not have to follow the stupid paths set forth by meddling old men, we can choose any path we want."

With a squeal of delight, Luna jumped into the arms of her mum, wrapping her arms tight around her mother's neck with a grin practically splitting her face. When she pulled back to look in her mum's eyes, she saw the same mischief in those eyes as she saw reflected in her own. "Mum, I think that we should, to paraphrase Harry, Luna-ize the plan with heavy doses of Harryistic feats of luck and magic. Now here is my plan..."

Sometime later, after Selene Lovegood had recovered from the ache in her side from laughing uncontrollably, she began to add her own touches to it until both mother and daughter came to an agreement as to how Luna would guide Harry through his tasks while ruining the plans of all the evil old pedophiles who wanted Harry for themselves. With a final hug and a warning to watch out for Nargles, Luna was sent back to her body in the physical world, and in doing so, started a chain reaction that would be felt in every corner of the globe.

Chapter 1 ยป

Story tagged with:
Magic / Fan Fiction / Humor /