Chapter 33: And They're Off

For the first few months, nothing would have mattered. I gave speeches and interviews, attended rallies, fairs, livestock shows and anything else with a stage. I could not really attack Mrs. Custler's record because she did not have one. On several normally controversial issues, e.g. gay and lesbian rights, we had the same position. I tried to pick at her few public statements and get her to poke her head out in the open. Time and money spent talking to Thomas Riley produced nothing better.

Through the late spring and summer, it was very tedious. I had little money coming in and only my own time as a resource. Though the national picture was looking good for the Republican party, I was not their fair-haired girl. Their money went to more promising situations. We made jokes about trying to spin straw into video cable, but only managing an elephant's tail.

As a sidelight, we played word games with my opponent's name. There were many unfortunate possibilities, "Custler Fuck" being the most obvious. I gave strict orders to never use the phrase, even in-house. However, using "CF" in a graphic was fair game, as were any rhyming words (can you believe there was a professional hockey team called the Ducks?). We had contests to see who could come up with the wittiest play on Mrs. Custler's name. My personal favorite was, "No AC to DC", which I had printed on bumper stickers.

If it seems childish, it was. Through most of the spring and summer, I was down at least 20% in polling. Since my personal money was also tight, I spent almost as much time in Concord on business as I had the year before. That is why I was in Concord when the raw sewage encountered the rotating ventilation blade. My part was being sandbagged by a scandal on live local news. The bit would later win an award.

As scandals go, it was small change. Mrs. Custler's son was pulled over for running a stop sign. The moving violation escalated to driving under the influence of narcotics and marijuana possession. Candace Williams was Concord's alternative to 60 Minutes. She liked to surprise politicians and attorneys on live television, typically using closely held information. I was getting my morning coffee when she accosted me. Like the day I did my orals at Dartmouth, poor poker faces gave me a heads up.

ABC local reporter: This is Candace Williams. I am with Republican candidate Jo Richards. Ms. Richards, what is your reaction to Conrad Parsons' arrest early this morning?

Me: I assume you are asking me because you think it has some bearing on the campaign. Why do you think that?

CW: You do not think it is important that your opponent's son was arrested for possession of narcotics?

Me: I take it you are referring to a small amount of marijuana as 'narcotics'. While I do not condone his actions, Mr. Parsons is an adult. He will deal with the justice system as an adult, not as his mother's son. Other than as a distraction for Mrs. Custler, I do not see it as having a bearing on her campaign. I plan to make no mention of it.

CW: So you have no comment?

Me: No. I made my comment. Other than as a distraction to Mrs. Custler, I do not see Mr. Parson's arrest as having an impact. Was there anything important?