86: Stabilizing

Rhonda had great news for us at our production meeting Friday afternoon. Fridays were really the only time we could all get together for a meeting. Elaine spent most afternoons preparing her material for the next morning's show. She was getting good stuff from Nicki's writing team and adding to it freely. Of course, on Friday the tape still had to get to WIUB-TV for broadcast by three, but Joyce took it and left Rhonda free. Nicki would only be with us another week before she had to return to Brown.

"I've figured out why talk show hosts don't do a show every day," Rhonda said. "Call me dense, but one of the things Professor Schwartz said in our first class Monday sat me back on my ass. He said that part of my job in managing the creative process is to manage my asset base. I thought he was talking about cameras and lighting and stuff. But then he started in on how the biggest asset we have in production is the talent. I thought it was dehumanizing to think of people that way at first, but I understand a little better what he meant."

"I remember that lecture pretty clearly," I said. "I had him for five hours Monday since he teaches the Telecom Management course, too. He included the line about asset management in that class as well."

"In our case, we have three top level assets," Rhonda continued. "And everyone else, please don't take this wrong. Everyone has a job to do and does it well. But without our talent, we don't have jobs. The first is Brian. We built our entire studio based on the asset he brought to the table. He continues to draw a high percentage of our audience. That means, of course, that Elaine is our second asset. Just the stretch of trying to find people to replace her as guest hosts should have told us right away that she is something special. But we have a third asset that is just as important. Nicolette. It's not just the words you bring, sweetheart. You know what they say about monkeys writing the Bible, or Shakespeare, or something. The words are the product of your talent. You are on a creative edge every day. And I can't believe you are writing a novel at the same time!"

"Thank you, Rhonda," Elaine said. "I agree with what you say, though it is a little embarrassing to think of myself in those terms. I don't really see how it changes anything. We have a job and we need to get a show out every day."

"But my responsibility is to both protect and capitalize on my assets. We've made a bunch of money off you guys, but I haven't been very good at protecting you. If we keep up the schedule we have at the moment, we won't have a second season. Everyone will be burnt out. Hell, we might not make it through the first season. We've only been back two weeks since our holiday break and already people are stressing," Rhonda said. "But we have some resources that I've overlooked. We are going to cut production to four days a week." We all sat back. It might not seem like a lot, but a twenty percent cutback in your workload can be significant.

"Can we do that contractually with our syndicate?" I asked. "Didn't we promise them a new show daily?"

"Yes, we did," Rhonda said. "That's where the forgotten asset comes in. We fulfilled our obligations for shows prior to going live and combining Chick Chat with Young Cooking. What none of us realized is that we still have fifty-three episodes finished and in the can that have not been distributed. Fifty-three each of Chick Chat and Young Cooking. Fifty-three completely new shows that have not had a first run. More than a year's worth of shows at one a week. We'll need to do a small amount of re-editing to splice the shows together and might need to record a few transition speeches. We'll need new titles and credits. But that's a day off each week for our talent. I hope that helps with the stress."

"But Rhonda, we're already taking a day off with guest hosts," Elaine said. "Are you saying that Brian and I will only have to work three-day weeks, or are we going to stop bringing in guest hosts?"

"Three-day work weeks, honey. Can you survive on that or do you have so much creative material that you need the extra day to get it all out?" Rhonda said. Elaine hopped up from her chair and pretty much attacked Rhonda where she was sitting. She dropped into Rhonda's lap and laid a kiss on her that raised the temperature in the studio. "Elaine!" Rhonda squeaked.

"I hope your schedule is free tonight," Elaine said. "I plan to lick you until you pass out. That's after I've given every one of your toes a tongue bath." Elaine kissed her again and Rhonda's hand automatically came up to grasp a breast.

"Maybe we should finish the meeting first," Rhonda gasped.

"If Elaine can't last the night, I might just get my first taste of pussy," Nicki said. "Rhonda, you are wonderful."

I wonder if I'll get a chance to show my appreciation, too.

The new schedule went into effect on Monday. It was a good thing because I had to act as an executive producer for Redress. I was called into a meeting before a 'special master'—a lawyer deputized by the judge to review claims and make recommendations (which are almost always accepted) to help the judge out—with the lawyers and LWN on Tuesday. Everyone had been collecting and organizing their facts since the judge reduced the case to civil claims at the meeting before Christmas, and the special master had received thick binders of material from both sides. The special master had no difficulty dismissing—well, recommending dismissal, but recall what I said about 'almost always accepting'—LWN's suit as petty and frivolous, nor in castigating Art for wasting court time with a countersuit. He decided the two suits cancelled each other out and dismissed them. LWN tried to object that they needed us to cover their legal costs. The special master's scowl as he picked up our suit to re-open it silenced the protests and we were all told to go home and do something creative.

"Gosh, Art. I'm sorry you didn't make anything off this," I said. "How much do you think LWN had to pay their lawyers?"

"Probably close to a million dollars as long as this has gone on. That's the going fee for gross stupidity," he laughed. "Remember what I told you about loss leaders?"

"Yeah, but I'm hoping not to be in this position again," I said.

"Too late," he said, looking at his watch. "According to the timetable, John Smith was picked up this morning and charged with criminal trespass and vandalism. There was a positive match of his fingerprints to those found on the bottle recovered from the River of Life. The criminal charges might get him a fine and/or jail time. They don't do you a bit of good. So as he was leaving his arraignment this morning, he was served with civil papers seeking damages, costs of restoration, and recompense for emotional hardship. Since the Star paid him for the stories and photos, they are implicated as co-conspirators and were served this morning at the same time."

"Oh man," I sighed. "John Smith? Is that his real name?"

"Yes. It's no wonder that he writes with the byline Chase Sanborn. No one would give any credence to a John Smith."

"Will you make anything off this one or am I going to owe you even more?"

"We've started with a demand for twenty million. I figure that they will work their way to a settlement in about three or four months for two million if we drop the charges. I'm figuring on some profit from this one."

"Art, just let me remind you that I'm totally in love with your daughter and I treat her like a queen," I said. He chuckled.

"Just like she deserves," he answered.

"So you and Brian have the baby in your room with you? That works well while she is still very young. I know new parents have a lot of anxiety built up over being separated, even by a thin wall, from their newborn. Do you have a nursery to move her into? You'll want her in her own room so you can resume your normal marital activities," Dr. Metcalf said. She'd taken all the critical measurements and was pleased that both Dani and Xan had gained a little weight. Xan seemed alert and happy. Then she'd asked to see the baby's room. We'd taken her to the master bedroom.

I was trying to frame a response that would let the pediatrician know that we really didn't need her help in determining how we slept. Just then, Matthew came charging into the room.

"Papa, papa, papa!" he said. "Horsey. Ride. Madrina." He was so excited that he could hardly contain himself. Rhonda was standing in the doorway laughing.

"You want to go for a ride with la Madrina?" I asked.

"No." He shook his head and then his little hands started fluttering as he explained in sign that he had gone for a ride with Rhonda and was on the horse by himself. He tried to keep up with words as he signed, but his hands were faster than his mouth could make sounds. I laughed and signed back how proud I was of him. "Big boy! Like Ellie!" he declared boldly. I picked him up and swung him around. In the process, he spotted Xan in Dani's arms. He reached toward her. "Baby Xan." Xan reached out a hand and clasped his fingers. Matt giggled.

"I was under the impression that Xan was your first child," Dr. Metcalf said.

"My first. Brian's second," Dani smiled. Rhonda held out her arms and Dani placed Xan in them. I set Matt on the floor. "Go with la Madrina, little one," Dani whispered as she kissed Xan's head. "She has nice warm goat's milk for you." Rhonda turned and left with the two kids.

"Was that the little boy's mother?" Dr. Metcalf asked.

"I'm sorry. That was really rude of me. I didn't introduce you to either my son or la Madrina," I said. "Dor is still at work. Rhonda tries to spend time with the kids every afternoon."

"What is la Madrina?"

"The godmother," Rose supplied as she came into the room. "Rhonda is la Madrina to all the kids in the clan."

"How many is that?"

"Currently five. Dor is almost six months along with the next one."

"Dr. Metcalf, so I don't repeat my rudeness, please let me introduce our matrón, Rose Davis. Rose, this is Xan's pediatrician. Isn't it cool that she makes house calls?" I said.

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Metcalf," Rose said. She turned to me and gave me a quick kiss. "Did you happen to mention to the others that we have a guest so they shouldn't get ... uh ... too comfortable after class?"

"Um ... We were the only ones here when Dr. Metcalf arrived," I hesitated.

"How many people live here?" asked the doctor.

"Fourteen," Rose answered. "Well, right now there are fifteen, but Nicki has to go back to Providence for her last semester this weekend. She'll move in permanently next summer sometime. Whenever she and Liz get back from their road trip."

"Hmm. I admit the house looks large, but it didn't seem to have enough bedrooms for that many people," Dr. Metcalf. "And you already have a child's room as well?"

"Oh, Matthew and Dor usually stay at Casa del Agua over in the village. He has two more moms and a dad over there."

"Do you have any idea how strange all this sounds?" Dr. Metcalf asked. "I have encountered many kinds of family units in my career, but it sounds like yours is unique."

"We do have a unique family, Dr. Metcalf," I said. "We really aren't trying to confuse you. We should give you a full rundown on the whole clan."

"Please let me do it, Brian," Rose said. "With the number of children we expect to have running around here, it would be good for our pediatrician to get to know us. Why don't you and Dani go downstairs to help feed the children. Theresa and Dawn are there with Ellie and Leslie, too. You can warn everyone who comes in to keep their clothes on." Rose took Dr. Metcalf by the elbow and led her out of the master and toward the stairs. "Let's start at the top. As I said, there are currently fifteen living here, but I hadn't actually counted Xan yet. There are 40 that live on the ranch proper and..." Rose's voice faded as she led Dr. Metcalf to the big bedroom. I turned to Dani and kissed her softly.

"Let's go play with the babies," I said.

Jan Metcalf, the 'doctor' honorific having been dropped during our conversations the past two hours, sat with us as we finished dinner Thursday evening. Leave it to Rose to turn a visiting pediatrician into a new friend of the family. She was probably about our parents' age, somewhere in her mid- to late-forties. We'd invited Casa de los Caballos to dinner when it became obvious that Dawn, Theresa, and the children were not going to get away to fix dinner at their home. Doreen was with us as well and Ellie and Matt were seated at a children's table right next to us. Leon had gone back home with Sugar who said she had dinner in the oven for Lionel, Lamar, and Donna. The two little ones carried on most of their conversation in sign language which meant they were quiet through the meal.

"None of the children are deaf, though, are they?" Jan asked.

"No. It's Theresa's fault they sign," Dawn laughed.

"I read an article..."

"So many conversations start that way!"

"Really. This one was quite well researched," Theresa continued. "In fact, I went in to the university library and checked the citations. I'd heard about teaching children sign language, but hadn't given it much thought. This article had several interesting tidbits that I'd never considered. Notice how quiet they are while the adults have a conversation. It turns out that very young children grasp language and meaning long before they are able to control the verbal mechanisms to communicate. Granted, their early signs were not clear, either. But it gave them another option for expressing themselves than simply crying or screaming in frustration. I don't think the two of them or Leon are any more advanced intellectually than other children their age. They simply have better communication skills."

"Of course, that put the burden on the rest of the clan to learn sign language," Nicki said. "I think it's a lot easier on those who are here full time than those of us who are separated. It took me two weeks to catch anything they were saying when they first started. They thought I was a little backwards."

"That must be difficult," Jan said. "You are leaving again this weekend, aren't you?"

"Yes. But I have an advantage now. I have a deaf friend at Brown. We sign all the time. Unfortunately, my sign vocabulary is not all appropriate to use around the children!"

"We have to get that into a monologue," Rhonda said. "Elaine, what do you think about a whole dual language sketch?"

"I wonder if we could do one where I am saying one thing and signing something completely different?" Elaine suggested. "Except only hearing people who sign would get it."

"What if we had a whole audience of hearing impaired people?" Jennifer asked. "There are whole clubs of them in Indianapolis. They never get invited onto television." The conversation kept going around the table as Jan talked mostly to Theresa, Dawn, Doreen, and Danielle. It was a lively dinner.

"Mommy, potty," Matthew said. Doreen turned to him.

"Do you need help, honey?" Matthew shook his head.

"Big boy!" He took off at a run. I noticed that Rhonda was right behind him to make sure the potty chair was ready for him.

"Mommy, potty," Ellie said almost immediately.

"Can you wait for Matthew?" Theresa asked. Ellie shook her head. Theresa scooped her daughter up and ran upstairs. She'd have to hold Ellie's hand so she didn't fall in.

"That's amazing," Jan said. "Most children are just getting to the pull-ups stage at this age."

"It's the reward system," Dani laughed. "They've been good all afternoon and aren't used to seeing all their parents in clothes."

"Oh, no," I moaned. My fears were realized ten seconds later when Matthew came streaking past the table to the play area in the family room. Ten seconds later, Ellie went past. Both were bare-ass naked. Rhonda and Theresa showed up right behind them waving the kids' clothes.