Chapter 838

SIMPLY, GENIUS!

I took down my Rebel flag (which you CAN’T BUY on EBAY any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off my front window. I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch. I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN BUY on EBAY) (is there something wrong here) and ran it up the flag pole.

Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I’ve NEVER FELT SAFER and I’m saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.

Plus, I bought burkas for me to wear when I shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way, and security can’t pat me down. If they say I’m a male wearing a burka, I just say I’m feeling like a woman today.

Hot Damn ... Safe at last.

This compliments of J & B.

A college class had to write a short story in his new words as possible. The instructions were: the short story had to contain the following three things:

(1)religion

(2)sexuality

(3)mystery

Below is the only A+ short story in the entire class.

“Good God, I am pregnant: I wonder who did it?”

This compliments of r.d.merch

An Indian was standing in line at COSTCO with bag of potting soil. A white man in front of him turns and asks, “Planting something?” The Indian says, “Nope, tryin’ to buy our land back one bag at a time!”