Jokes and Giggles - Cover

Jokes and Giggles

Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt

Chapter 263

Thursday night he gradually woke up stiff as a plank in hospital's ICU, tubes up his nose & down his throat, wires monitoring every function & all around his head, hell of a pain over his left ear and a Drop Dead Gorgeous

Nurse hovering over him.

It was obvious he'd been in a serious accident. She looked deep & steady into his Eyes and he heard her slowly say,

"You may not feel anything from the waist down."

He managed to mumble in reply,

"Can I feel your tits, then."?


A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his model 1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with an 8 round magazine, and yelled, "Who in here has been sleeping with my wife?"

A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, "You need more ammo."


Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred!!!!!!


CHILDREN WRITE ABOUT THE OCEAN.

There's a lot going on in the ocean that we didn't know about!

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily

Richardson She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head...

(Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?

Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

 
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