Chapter 6: Doing vs. Wanting

Monday February 3, 2014 – Freshman Year

I had been feeling off all day Monday. I think the reality of life in New York finally sank in. That life had nothing to do with how I lived or wanted to live. The drugs and violence were not a part of my existence. The twins had been hurt. They came close to something truly awful happening. When I got home from school, I called Tami. She got onto the video chat and could tell something was wrong.

"Is it your Mom?" she asked.

"No, actually she is coming home tomorrow."

"That's great news. I bet you can't wait."

"It's really good news," I said. "I need to bounce something off of you."

"Sure, what is it?"

"I'm thinking about quitting modeling."

"Why, what happened?"

I told her about the weekend. She just listened.

"Do you know what really made me think of this? I think it's changing me. I was pushing all weekend to make more money. I worked the party Friday night with that one goal in mind. Then I pushed to do more jobs on Sunday. I made more in one weekend than my parents make in a year. When I first started this, it wasn't about making big bucks. It was about getting a part-time job that would help out.

"Now I'm jetting around, working like crazy to get noticed. Don't get me wrong. I have had a ton of fun. I have met some amazing people. But this business grinds people up and spits them out. I saw more drugs being used this weekend than I've seen in my life. And believe me, this time last year I saw a lot of drugs. But it was only pot. I saw people doing things that I have no idea what they were doing. The sad part was that it was right out in the open and nobody cared.

"I'm scared that I'll lose what makes me, me. Tell me, when did I ever care what I wore or what my hair looked like?"

Tami shook her head.

"David, I hear you. I also know you. What you never realized is that you attract this craziness. You're never going to be normal. People are always going to know who you are and be attracted to you. You have to accept that. That is a part of you.

"What is not a part of you is the whole New York fashion lifestyle. You're a small town Midwestern boy at heart. I know you like working with Mr. Hill. I also know you have become good friends with Sandy and Devin Range. I think you just got sucked into the New York scene," Tami consoled me.

"So what should I do?"

"You're such a 'stupid boy'," she scolded me. "Stop going to New York. Slow down. Focus on high school and playing sports. Hell, take some real girls out. Quit chasing models. Come visit me and run rampant through the female population here at Wesleyan. I don't know. Quit taking everything so seriously. Pull out your goals and reread them. You're a smart boy, figure it out."

I smirked.

"I might have to change the goal of being financially comfortable. Being rich might be nice."

"I'm going to tell you a secret David. I know what makes you different than other people. I have watched you since we first met. You're a doer not a wanter. Okay, wanter is probably not a real word. Most people want things. You ask them and they will tell you that they want to be successful, happy, secure, and more. But they don't do the things that are needed to make those wants happen."

I gave her a confused look.

"Let me see if I can help you understand. Let's talk football since you're a dumb jock," she said winking at me. "You're a freshman that never played a down of football before the year started. We all found out that you were pretty good after your first JV game. Are you with me so far?"

"Yes."

"On a lark you become the backup quarterback. You take the scout team and run up and down the field on the number one defense. Then Magic got hurt. You were getting your asses handed to you. You come in and almost win the game. That same weekend, you go to Kentucky and impress them enough that they offer you a scholarship. Do you know how many freshmen they have offered? One."

I did not know that.

"Then they bring in a coach to help you. This all falls into the lucky or unbelievable realm to this point. But this is where you excel. You bore down and did the work needed. No one else on that team put in more effort than you did. You figured out what had to be done and you did it. No one can take that away from you. No one else was getting up early to run drills. During school hours, you were doing strength and conditioning and still getting straight 'A's. You were going to practice with everyone else. Playing the games and on weekends working out and getting more conditioning and practice in.

"You put your life on hold. You were doing what others wanted to do. You do that in every aspect of your life. You don't just want. You figure it out and you do it. You have always been that way. Remember when you wanted me to play little league with you? I wanted to, but I let things stop me. I gave you a bullshit excuse that I didn't want to be the only girl. Plus I told you that girls didn't play little league. You made it happen. You got Eve to agree to play. Then you worked the system to get us in."

"But my Dad helped."

"Don't you get it? I never said you have to do things alone. You find the right people and let them do their job. You went to your Dad and told him what needed to be done. Your Dad is a doer also. He took your vision and made it happen. The key is, it would never have happened without you doing.

"You did the same thing with the team you put together for recruiting. You realized you needed help," Tami said.

I rolled me eyes at her.

"Look at me!" That caught my attention.

"I'm not joking around here. Do you know when you will be truly unstoppable? That will happen when you make a conscious decision to share your vision with a team of like-minded people. When you take all of us wanters and show us how to be doers."

She took a deep breath.

"So, should you stop modeling? Absolutely not," she told me. "Accept that you will do things others just wish they could. Accept that you can do anything you set your mind to. Accept that you are special. Quit being a whiny ass and accept that what happened this weekend was not your fault. You were not even there for God's sake.

"I commend you for recognizing that New York is not your kind of town. But don't condemn the whole town because the fashion industry has some problems. You made some good friends in Adrienne and Tyler. They have your back. Find a way to make it work. I know you can.

"The other thing you need to do is take another look at your goals. Don't put limitations on what you can accomplish. That is what people that want do to justify why they aren't doing. I want you to be filthy rich. Someday I'm marrying you. I think I could have expensive tastes. So get cracking. You don't want to lose me to some rich plastic surgeon."

"Well, as long as it's for you, I think I could be rich."

"See, you just need the proper motivation. Now I'm done yelling at you. I want some scoop."

"Come on. You know everything. What scoop could I have?"

I was such a retard. My brother told me to keep my mouth shut...

"Suzanne tells me that you two did something new. Care to share with your best friend."

"First of all, why the hell would she be telling you about that? Second, I'm not kissing and telling. Third, if you really want to know I can show you."

"Oh, no you will not. I would have to be several kinds of crazy to allow you to do that to me."

"Did she say she had a good time?"

"Well, I suppose so."

"Then don't knock it until you try it."

"That is you best argument? Good luck with that."

"Tami, I thought you trusted me."

"Nope not happening ... Wait a minute. How did you turn this on me? You're supposed to be giving me scoop not talking me into stuff."

"You told me to be a doer."

"I think somebody is a little too full of themselves and needs an ass kicking. I'm going to call Cassidy. I hear she has not filled her quota for the week yet."

"Okay, I'll be good.

I don't know how she does it, but she always says the right thing. I needed her to get me back on the right path. Yep, I knew I loved that girl for a reason.

Tuesday February 4, 2014 – Freshman Year

I could not wait for this day to end. Magic actually kicked me out of seven-on-seven practice because I was not concentrating. Mom was at home. Her flight landed around two this afternoon. I made it home in record time. We had a house full. Word had gotten out. I walked into the kitchen to find Mom talking to everyone. She looked tired. She saw me right away and got up and gave me a hug.

I had a big smile on my face and tears in my eyes. She gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"I missed you," she whispered fiercely.

"I love you," I countered.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek and she got a tight smile. She took my hand and led me into the office and shut the door. She now wrapped me into a tight hug and shuddered. I could tell she was crying, which was not helping me get under control.

"Baby, I have some bad news," she started. "Terri lost her battle Sunday."

"Oh God, I'm so sorry. I know you cared about her. I can't believe it. She seemed to be doing well."

"She was a very sick girl. She bounced back right before you came. She was so looking forward to meeting you. I guess I bragged on you a little. She had been so lonely. That is why your Dad and I basically took her in."

"That's so sad."

"It is. You spending time and being her friend meant a lot to her. She told me to tell you not to be sad. It was her time. She did make a final request of you."

I just nodded. Whatever it was I would do it.

"She asked that you help me."

"Of course I'll help you."

Mom smiled.

"I knew you would. What I want to do is help cancer patients when I get better. I'm not talking about anything grandiose. I want to volunteer and spend time with teens with cancer. I want you to help me."

"Absolutely! I'm on board. Let's get you well, first, though."

"I talked to the doctors. I'm going to take some more tests this week. It looks like the cancer has slowed down. They are going to give me a couple of weeks off. If things don't improve, I'll need to start chemo again."

I could see the determination in her eyes. I knew she was going to beat this. We went out and joined the others. It felt like a missing piece of me had returned. When we went back in, I found Dad and we hugged each other. I was complete again. My family was home.

Wednesday February 5, 2014 – Freshman Year

At lunch, the usual gang was gathered. I was talking to April about going on a date Friday night. Cassidy and Jim wanted to double date. Actually Cassidy's dad insisted on her double dating. Suddenly I had Tracy wrapped around me, sobbing. Something was terribly wrong. I looked at April and could tell she had no idea what was going on. No one else seemed to have a clue.

Tracy was crying so hard that she couldn't tell me, so I just held her. The bell rang and April said she would stop by the gym to tell my PE teacher what was going on. Soon the second lunch period started and everyone was giving me and Tracy strange looks. No one seemed to want to get near us, but we were the center of attention.

I was surprised when I saw Mary Dole, Tracy's Mom, come in and sit down. I gave her a confused look.

"What's going on?"

"Bill Rogers was released earlier today."

"I thought he was in until he became 18. How did he get out?"

"Part of it is my fault. I talked everyone into not charging Bill for when he attacked Jim and Tracy. I didn't want her having to relive everything. His lawyer got him back on probation. I guess he knew this was a possibility because he was a model inmate."

"Please tell me that he is not coming back to school."

Her lips got tight and I knew he was. I helped get Tracy to her car. Mary thanked me for being there for Tracy and left.

After our hour of hell with Cassidy, the seven-on-seven team got together. We had our tournament on Saturday. There were going to be sixteen teams in a double elimination tournament. So we were assured of at least playing two games. The biggest problem was that we didn't have anyone to practice against. Magic had tried to get the varsity team to join us, but Brad said no.

"I have been reviewing the playbook that David got us," Magic said holding up a binder. "We don't have enough time to learn a complicated defense. I know most of you have only played offense. I want to keep this simple. We are going to play a four two one zone."

He put me in center field. He put Kelly and Ed on either side of me. We were the fastest three players on the team. In the front row he put Mike and Bert on the outside with Tim and Wolf on the inside. Jim was the odd man out and was not playing defense.

"The front four guys are responsible for their quarter of the field. The outside back two have a half each. David, you're free to roam the field. You're our last line of defense, so don't let them get behind you."

"I apologize right now, because we all know at some point that is exactly what will happen," I told them.

They gave me some ribbing about being a slacker and the cause for the impending defeat.

"Knock it off," Magic scolded us. "Mike and Bert, the sideline is your friend. Take an inside position and force everything into the sideline. If you have a chance I want you to break on the ball and get an interception. We can be aggressive because the big dork behind you can keep us in the game."

Everyone gave me looks.

"Wolf and Mike, I want you to keep everything in front of you. This is tag football, so all you have to do is get a hand on them. Ed and Kelly, they will try to overload a zone and slip someone deep. Your jobs are to pick them up. David you are responsible for anything that gets past the rest of them. You key off the quarterback."

We all nodded.

"Now the good news is you only have to play defense for four seconds. That is all the time the quarterback has to pass the ball. This will mean that everything will be quick. The quarterback is not going to have time to go through a complete read progression. It will be a three step or less ... set and throw," Magic coached us.

We spent the rest of practice with Magic playing quarterback and Jim moving from offensive position to the next so that Magic could show us how to handle different plays. At the end of practice, I pulled everyone together.

"On Saturday I want everyone to just have fun. I want to win, but we have only been working on this for a few days. The good news is that most of the other teams are in the same boat. There are two things I want to tell you that do not relate to Saturday. The first is that Bill Rogers is out and coming back to school," I told them.

Jim said something that can't be repeated.

"Jim missed the last third of the season because of that jerk. When he comes back, I plan on having a few words with him. I would ask that you guys back me up. I don't plan on getting into a fight, but he needs to know that we are not going to put up with his intimidation of anyone, specifically Tracy and Jim."

Everyone gave their assent.

"The other thing I want to talk to you about is something Coach Hope and I discussed. I want to win three straight state championships. I also want to see other sports have similar success. I want people to equate Lincoln High and champions."

You could almost feel the excitement.

"I would like to get together Sunday afternoon and we figure out how we are going to do that. We can't do this alone, so I'm going to invite some other people to help. If you know of anyone that might want to join us, please invite them."

"Is it okay if I come?" Magic asked.

"Of course it is. Why don't you see if Kevin wants to come also?" I asked him.

"He would love it," Magic said.

"Are you sure you want me?" Ed asked.

We were still not really talking since the crap he pulled last semester.

"Ed, you're part of the team. We may not exactly be friends right now, but I would like to work on changing that."

"I agree," Ed said as he came to me and we shook hands.

Friday February 7, 2014 – Freshman Year

At lunch, I felt the hair on the back of my neck go up. I saw Tracy's eyes get big and I turned to see Bill Rogers making a beeline to our table. I stood up and met Bill before he got there.

"Dawson, I hear you are looking for me."

"That's right Bill, I am."

You could hear a gasp from the lunch room as people moved back. I heard Cassidy tell April to go get her Dad.

"So what do you want tough guy?" Bill sneered.

"Two things ... the first is, you will stop dealing drugs around here. We don't need that here. The second is you will leave Tracy Dole alone."

He glared at me.

"I'm not done with that slut. She is mine."

"That is where you're wrong. She does not belong to you ... She chooses not to be with you. So get it through your drug addled brain. It's over."

Bill was never a deep thinker. He lived life by fear and intimidation. I had just challenged his world view. So in his mind, he had to take me down. I had anticipated that and figured I would let him take the first shot. I was willing to get suspended if it gave me a chance to beat some sense into him.

I also remembered our last two encounters. Over Labor Day weekend, he had punched me at the pool. I had been scared to death. A couple of weeks later, I had kicked him in the balls. Still, I had been afraid. This time, not at all.

I saw him pull back to punch me. Cassidy had been working with us for a few weeks. While it wasn't going to make a huge difference, it did prepare me and allowed me to react and to deflect his punch. I twisted at my waist and brought both my arms up to push the punch to the side.

Before he could take another swing, Cassidy made her move. Bill was on his knees and she had him wrapped in the same choke hold Brad had been in. I knew that if Brad could not get out of it, Bill had no chance. I wasn't going to stop her either.

There was dead silence as Bill went limp and Cassidy let him go and his head bounced off the floor. That was when Coach Hope came running in. I motioned for Cassidy to step back into the crowd. Coach Hope looked around and saw that Bill was out cold. He checked him and he was okay. He then turned to me.

"What happened?"

"He attacked me," I said.

Kevin Goode stepped forward.

"That's right coach. Bill started it. David had to defend himself."

Bill started to come back around. He was disoriented.

"I'm going to fucking kill you!"

Coach Hope picked him up by the scruff of his neck and put him in an arm bar that had Bill squealing.

"I don't think so son. You and I are going to the office. Your days at Lincoln High are numbered if you continue this kind of behavior," Coach Hope told Bill as he marched him to the office.

When he was gone, I gave Cassidy a hug.

"Thank you, that was about to get ugly."

"Hey, quit hugging on my girlfriend," Jim teased me.

I let her go and grinned.

"Hey, Cassidy has met her quota for the week. We're all safe until Monday," I teased her.

April smacked my arm.

"I haven't met mine yet. So you be nice to Cassidy," April warned me.

By the end of the day, I was relieved that I had not been called into the office. Word was that Bill had been suspended for three days. He had been put on notice that if there was a repeat performance he would get expelled.

After Cassidy put us through our paces, Coach Hope was waiting for her. He now knew she had been a part of it but hadn't said anything ... yet. At seven-on-seven practice, Jim and I speculated on whether or not we were still on for our dates tonight. I was counting on Jim going because he was our ride. Neither April nor I were old enough to get a driver's license.

When I got home I took a shower and got ready for my date with April. By now my clothes from New York had arrived. I called down to the house and Mom and Angie came up to help me pick out what to wear. I was surprised when they picked out a light tan jacket and matching pants. They had me put on a deep red light weight crew neck sweater and my penny loafers.

"Do you guys think this is too much? I mean April will probably be in jeans and a t-shirt."

"No she won't," Angie smiled.

They knew something I didn't. What else was new? I just shrugged and figured I would go along with it. When Jim picked me up, he was in jeans and a t-shirt. He glared at me when I got in.

"Crap, we have to go back to my house, so I can change."

"Didn't Suzanne tell you what to wear?" I asked.

"Shut up, I thought she was teasing me."

We both chuckled. When we got back to his house he ran upstairs. Suzanne came out and checked me over.

"You look very nice. I think I'm jealous."

I smiled at her and gave her a hug and a kiss. Jim came bounding down the stairs. He had changed his shirt.

"Quit kissing my sister you horn dog. I better not catch you kissing my date tonight."

"Then close your eyes when it happens," I said.

"You boys have fun."

I kissed Suzanne one more time and we both hurried to the car. We picked up April. Angie had been right. She was in a nice knee length dress that matched my red sweater. We then headed to pick up Cassidy. I asked Jim to wait in the car. He gave me a dirty look, but did as I asked. I rang the doorbell and Coach Hope answered the door. He gave me a strange look.

"Good evening Coach. Is Cassidy ready for her date tonight?"

"Oh, hell no. Cassidy! Get your butt down here!"

She came down in a cute sun dress. I gave her a big smile.

"Are you ready for your big date?" I asked.

"Yep, let's go."

Her dad was having none of it.

"Hang on there, Missy. You didn't tell me that you were going with this guy."

"Daddy, I'm going with Jim. David is taking April. We talked about this," she said giving him her best teenage girl look that said he was brain damaged.

He followed us out to the car finding Jim waiting with a big smile on his face. Coach Hope made a rude gesture that had Jim and me laughing. We loaded into the car with me joining April in the back seat and Cassidy taking shotgun.

The plan was to visit the next town over; where the State University was. Jim had made reservations at one of the nicer steak houses. After that, the girls wanted to hear a band that was playing at a bar near campus. They also allowed under-age patrons in before ten o'clock. Of course, once you were in...

Dinner was fun. Everyone was friends and got along. The meal was very nice and I picked up the check. I could see the relief in Jim's eyes. I was sure he could pay his half, but it would eat up most of his money. I told him he could buy our drinks tonight. I figured sodas shouldn't put too big a dent in his wallet.

We got to the Thunderbird early enough so that we didn't have to wait in line or fight for a table. They had a DJ playing and everyone was just hanging out. Then he started a new song. Both girls got really animated and wanted to dance.

"Come on Jim, dance with me," Cassidy pleaded.

"No, I'm terrible," Jim said.

He was not budging. I grabbed both girls' hands and pulled them onto the dance floor. I saw the look of thanks on Jim's face. Once we got on the floor several other girls joined us. I saw one other smart guy in the middle of five cute college girls. When the song ended, April went back to the table but Cassidy made me stay out with her. I looked over at April to make sure she was okay with this and she just gave me a smile. It was a slow song so we went into the traditional high school sway.

"You were bad tonight. Daddy about had a heart attack when he thought you were taking me out."

"I know. I was just having fun."

"That's okay. He's a big boy. He can take it."

We lost ourselves in the music. Another slow song started and Jim was brave enough to cut in. I was surprised when a blond girl claimed me. I looked confused.

"Hi, I'm Leslie. I go to church with April. She told me to dance with you."

"She did? Why is that?"

She blushed.

"I begged her. She knows I have a crush on you. Don't worry. I don't plan on stalking you, much."

"So I'm safe then."

"Maybe."

I just shook my head. When the song ended we all headed back to the table. I gave April a kiss to let Leslie know the score. April winked at me and talked to her friends. A couple of other girls that she knew from church had joined our table. I needed to go to the bathroom so I excused myself. When I got back I saw that several tables had been pulled together and a bunch of new girls had joined us.

Jim gave me a look that had me nervous. When I got close, I about ran away. There was Missy Stone and seven other girls from Wesleyan. Before I could run, one of them spotted me. There was a chorus of "David!"

Several of them jumped up and wanted hugs. Missy kissed me on the cheek. She whispered in my ear.

"Your girlfriend is nice."

I felt some relief that they were not going to make April feel uncomfortable. That didn't mean they were letting me off the hook. When I sat down, Cassidy helped them out.

"So David, what is this special boob cream, and why haven't you shared it with us?"

I think Jim went as red as I did. I figured what the hell. In for a penny...

"Cassidy, I thought you liked your figure. If I had known you wanted bigger breasts we could have worked something out."

Now it was her turn to go red. April reached over and squeezed my hand. I leaned towards her and whispered in her ear so only she could hear.

"You, my princess, are already perfect."

That earned me a deep kiss. The girls were giving me moon eyes when we finally quit. Jim had gotten smart and was kissing Cassidy.

The band came out and the girls all jumped up and went to be in front of the stage. Jim moved over to sit by me. He gave me a funny look.

"Did you really tell them that your essence would help their breasts get bigger?"

I looked at him seriously.

"I'm just trying to provide a service. Young girls need to feel good about themselves."

"Yeah right, and you are just trying to get laid."

"Well, that too."

April had a midnight curfew. So at a little before eleven, I suggested that we get going. I wanted to have a little alone time before we got home. As Jim drove us home, we made out in the back seat. It was all pretty tame stuff. Jim found a place to park so he could make out with Cassidy.

When they were distracted I found out what Beth and Cassidy had been warning me about. April had the biggest nipples I had ever seen. I now understood the loose sweatshirts. They were thick and as long as the tip of my pinky. They were also very sensitive. The moan she made when I found them was unmistakable. I heard Cassidy and Jim giggle.

Then I couldn't help myself; I started to tease her breasts. I wanted to see these nipples. I had her worked up enough that she allowed me to set them free. Her moans changed to cries of passion. The smell of aroused teenage girl began to flood the car. Dang it, I wanted her bad and we had to get her home. I groaned and slowed things down. We started to get decent.

I saw Cassidy's head pop over the back seat and I stuck my tongue out at her. We all gathered ourselves together and we took April home. As soon as the car stopped she bolted for her front door. She was inside before I even got out of the car. I got back in.

"Do you think she's mad at me?" I asked.

"No. I know she isn't. This is just new to her," Cassidy reassured me.

They dropped me off with plans for Jim to pick me up at seven the next morning. That gave us an hour to get ready for our first game. Cassidy wanted to go out again Saturday night. I told her if April wanted to go I was in.

Saturday February 8, 2014 – Freshman Year

We arrived at the Fieldhouse at seven-thirty. I had promised breakfast for everyone, so we had Mickey D's specials with OJ. It was fun to be getting ready to play some football. This was the part I liked the best. It was a good thing I bought an extra dozen sausage biscuits, because they were complaining they were still hungry. I had hid them in my duffel bag and made Jim and Mike promise not to tell them. I was going to save them for after the first game. That wasn't happening.

Coach Hope found Magic and told him what the plans were for the day.

"You are listed as Lincoln II in the brackets. I made sure we would be in different brackets. This way we can meet in the finals."

Magic gave Coach a look.

"More like your boys don't want to get beat early by us."

It was Coaches turn to give Magic a look. We all tried not to laugh. We were up first on field two. There were four fields marked off at forty-five yards each. There would be no field goals or extra points in this tournament. Only touchdowns would be scored, which would count as seven points.