Forum: Editors/Reviewers Hangout

3rd Person Limited question

SaiDiaS 🚫

I'm working on three stories currently -- switching between each when I get stuck on the other. One of the stories I'm working on is re-re-write of my very first story, "Family Secrets - Nights." Right now, I'm re-writing it in third person limited( or third person deep POV) and I want to know if these two parts work, in third person limited.

Sai's heart raced seeing his mother's light-skinned face slowly turn red. He needed to help her! But then, just as her mouth swallowed Joseph's cock whole, she pulled her juicy lips off of it. They lingered on the tip before releasing it with a pop.

and

His mother had been with him for most of the day. Maybe before he woke up? Sai had a habit of sleeping in. If there was no pressing need to wake up early, he'd gladly sleep most of the morning away.

Replies: awnlee jawking Switch Blayde

awnlee jawking 🚫

@SaiDiaS

They look okay to me. They don't reveal anything that Sai wouldn't have known.

AJ

Replies: SaiDiaS

SaiDiaS 🚫

@awnlee jawking

When I had my editor look at it, he had changed it to italics and from Sai's inner-monologue instead. And I wasn't sure why. This was his response when I had about it.

3rd person limited is an inherently confusing approach. Once you start using inner thoughts, you might as well stick with that as the primary way for us to get inside of Sai's head. Once a narrator starts describing an anchor character's feelings from a distance, it's jarring to have them suddenly start narrating that same character's thoughts from basically zero distance.

Again, this is nitpicky. Most readers don't understand these concepts, and don't care. I just think having a narrative voice at a consistent distance from the character makes the writing sound better.

Replies: awnlee jawking Switch Blayde

awnlee jawking 🚫

@SaiDiaS

I reckon most authors don't care either. He does have a point though.

I found some blogs on the subject via Google:

Weiland

Fiction University

mythcreants

AJ

Switch Blayde 🚫
Updated:

@SaiDiaS

3rd person limited is an inherently confusing approach. Once you start using inner thoughts, you might as well stick with that as the primary way for us to get inside of Sai's head.

I disagree with both of those statements.

First, 3rd-person limited is not a confusing approach. It's rather straightforward.

Second, in 3rd-person limited, most of the thoughts are in the narrative. It's only when you want to emphasize a thought, a thought you want to stand out, is when you write it as a direct thought. So you don't have a lot of direct thoughts. What's that mean?

Joe entered the dark house. Where was everyone?

Joe entered the dark house. Where the hell is everyone?

In both examples, Joe is asking himself why the house is empty. In the 1st one, he's simply wondering where everyone is so it's not that important. So it's part of the narrative (in the same tense as the narrative). In the 2nd one, his thought is a big deal which is why the word "hell" is in it. As a big deal, it's a direct thought (in the tense of his thought, usually present).

And you can have 3rd-person limited without deep 3rd-person.

Replies: SaiDiaS awnlee jawking

SaiDiaS 🚫

@Switch Blayde

So, in the excerpt from my story that I shared, it worked?

Replies: Switch Blayde

Switch Blayde 🚫

@SaiDiaS

So, in the excerpt from my story that I shared, it worked?

Those excerpts could be in a 3rd-limited or 3rd-omniscient story. There is nothing there to indicate which.

awnlee jawking 🚫

@Switch Blayde

Is the editor comparing 3rd-person limited distant with 3rd-person limited deep/tight?

AJ

Replies: Switch Blayde

Switch Blayde 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Is the editor comparing 3rd-person limited distant with 3rd-person limited deep/tight?

That wasn't clear to me.

Switch Blayde 🚫
Updated:

@SaiDiaS

I'm re-writing it in third person limited( or third person deep POV)

By the way, it isn't 3rd-person limited or 3rd-person deep. Deep isn't a POV. It's a variation of 3rd-limited.

When you write "deep," you immerse the reader in the POV character.

If you write, "Joe saw the door close," the reader is watching Joe see the door close. From outside of Joe. That is not "deep."

Now if you write, "The door closed," then the reader sees the door close because the reader is immersed in Joe.

Replies: SaiDiaS

SaiDiaS 🚫

@Switch Blayde

When you write "deep," you immerse the reader in the POV character.

I about that, but with this I can't really avoid not using words like see, hear, look, or anything of that sort. The first top part of the story -- where the excerpt is from -- The perceptive character just walked on seeing his parents and brother have sex together, and he's staying there, without being caught, watching them.

This is the longer part of the first excerpt I shared:

A sharp slap landed on Ann's plump round ass. "Now, that's how you ask!" John said, laughing. He moved forward slightly, aiming towards his mothers sopping cunt, thrusting his cock inside.

Ann buried her husband's cock back in her mouth, groaning hard as her son launched his hips forward, impaling her pussy. The momentum from John's thrusting, pushed her mouth down. Her face turned red. Joseph's cock stuffed her throat, choking her.

Oh shit, she's choking!

Sai's heart raced seeing his mother's light-skinned face slowly turn red. He needed to help her! But then, just as her mouth swallowed Joseph's cock whole, she pulled her juicy lips off of it. They lingered on the tip before releasing it with a pop.

She quickly gasped for air. A small smile formed on her lips, and her eyes stared into Joseph's. John kept pounding at his mother's cunt. He was growing tired; sweat built on his forehead, both from the summer's heat and his exertion. John stopped for a second, letting Ann wiggle her hips on his cock. After catching their breaths, they both returned to their tasks.

Replies: Switch Blayde

Switch Blayde 🚫
Updated:

@SaiDiaS

I about that, but with this I can't really avoid not using words like see, hear, look, or anything of that sort.

I doubt anyone can and still have a readable story. It's a technique, not an absolute rule. Like "show don't tell" doesn't mean never tell. And I think of close 3rd-person (deep) like showing.

Reply to topic

Forum: Editors/Reviewers Hangout

3rd Person Limited question

WARNING! ADULT CONTENT...