Forum: Story Discussion and Feedback

"Schrödinger did it for the pussy."

Leave out the first "that" and see if it isn't better.

I would usually write "wore" rather than "was wearing," but it depends.

If she was wearing 'depends' you'd find her sexy?

I would usually write "wore" rather than "was wearing," but it depends.

In this case it's about perspective. Yes both "was wearing" and "wore" are past tense, but it's more than that. If you use the phrase "was wearing" it gives you the perspective that you are living the story THROUGH the narrator rather than "wore" which, at least in my opinion, comes across more as a storyteller giving you information.

It's a slight difference but definitely noticeable.

If she was wearing 'depends' you'd find her sexy?

There are people into the adult baby thing.

Judge not the kinks of other lest your kinks also be judged.

I would usually write "wore" rather than "was wearing," but it depends.

You wouldn't want to write "she whore". Unless her virtue was financially negotiable.

I went from admiring the OP's perfect sentence reference to now doubtful and confused. So... back to normal.

Yeah, That's a GREAT sentence!!!

"Schrödinger did it for the pussy."

But did he do it for the live pussy or the dead pussy?

But did he do it for the live pussy or the dead pussy?

Yes

Schrödinger's uncertainty principle: You can't know whether the pussy is alive or dead until you let it out of the bag.

You wouldn't want to write "she whore"

Of course not, it would be redundant. 'Whore' is by default female - a guy would be a "man 'ho"

Also, in other uses it would be "she whored..."

More than two would've been overdoing it.

Presumably the opposite also applies

"[...]the pain got good to him." (Spider Robinson. Not sure which of the Callahan's books it was from...)

More than two would've been overdoing it.

But Jim likes to have a comma about every 5th word.

Clearly, I would hope, my injunction, or at least caution, against more than two commas, at least as expressed, would not imply this is true in all sentences, but merely in one which, in all other respects, was identical to the example.

Channeling Sir Humphrey?

Spider would fit in here. He wrote a long essay called 'Spider Against the Hax of Sol III' on his time as a book reviewer.

Tv Tropes lists 'So Bad its Good' and a sub genre, 'Narm', for melodrama that becomes unintentionally funny, named after a character who is having a stroke and says 'numb arm, narm, narm, narm'.

A whore charges, a man 'ho does it for free. A man 'ho is a slut, a gigolo is a whore. Most professionals are freelance casuals. The English language is so imprecise.

"She was wearing a thick flannel nightgown which was so far from sexy that it was sexy."

The best thing about English is there is always another word!

Guys think girls are sexy in just about anything. I could never feel sexy in adult underwear. The only advantage is for a guy since it's tear off underwear but the girl's wetness may not be arousal! : (

Well...

I was once doing a Flash challenge for Ruthie's (anybody remember her pay story site?). I forget who was helping me edit my story - Mr. Slot maybe? -, but the challenge was to write a complete story, with characters, within 100 words. I wrote a delightful story, but couldn't get it down under 110. Slot took the story and pared it down to something like 97 words, with no problem.

For those of you who want to be wordsmiths, writing 100 word stories will sharpen you up.

RCM

I think

Go take your meds AJ, you're doing it again..!!

:)

Haiku can be difficult also. Don't forget your characters though, and your audience. Yikes!

@Rev_Cotton_Mather

Haiku can be difficult also.

Is that the Japanese greeting Bond gives his equipment supplier?

No, it's Samurai Jack greeting the immortal, demonic wizard who is his main foe.

Schrödinger's uncertainty principle

That's Werner Heisenberg. Schrödinger's cat is about quantum superpositioning.