It's time to vote for your favourite story and author in this year's clitoridesawards. [ X Dismiss ]
Home « Forum « Story Discussion and Feedback

Forum: Story Discussion and Feedback

Life Imitates Art? 'Sit with Us' app connects bullied high-schoolers

Harold Wilson

I saw the headline on this piece this morning, and was immediately reminded of the app from G. Younger's "Stupid Boy":

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/a-more-perfect-union-sit-with-us-app-unites-students-fights-bullying/

Replies:   Capt. Zapp
Capt. Zapp

@Harold Wilson

IMO, the only real way to fight bullying is to fight the bullies. Running off and reporting it to someone else just makes you look weaker. Better to stand up against them. It worked for me. After six years of being the target of bullies in school, I finally knocked one on his but with a couple of missing teeth. Never had a problem with any of the bullies after that.

Replies:   JohnBobMead
JohnBobMead

@Capt. Zapp

After six years of being the target of bullies in school, I finally knocked one on his but with a couple of missing teeth. Never had a problem with any of the bullies after that.


That works if you are anywhere near as physically capable as they are.

For me, fighting back just added to the amusement value, as I had no skills in that area, and they outweighed me by rather a bit, and none of it fat.

I didn't rat them out, my parents did. Didn't have much impact in public school, but at the private high school I attended, they were invited to not come back the following year; there were other infractions on their part that pushed it over the line, ultimately, but bullying me definitely contributed to the end result. It did not reflect the character that the school was attempting to instill.

Given that I was on financial aid, and their parents were paying full tuition, principle was involved. It's a pity that one of them had a sister who chose to not come back after that year, she was so embarassed by her brother's behaviour; she was good people, and I will admit to occassionally wondering whatever became of her. Her brother, not so much.

I did run into his sidekick several years later, and it appeared that not being allowed back had served as something of a wakeup call in his case; he was quite civil, and seemed genuinely interested in how I'd been getting on.

Actually, the few others who had bullied me who I came across in later years all seemed to have straightened themselves out in the end, which I was glad to find out.

sunkuwan

I was quite surprised by the low amount of bullying I got when I was in school. I sure as hell wasn't popular. Chubby, nerdy, poor and all.
Sure I had instances where I was ridiculed, taunted or harmed, but it was more like a short pecking order "fight" than anything more sinister.

I can only go from my memories of the 90's in Germany. There really wasn't a big emphasis on cliques. In German schools, you have the same schoolmates from grade 1 through 4 and 5 to 10. So your class was your clique. There were few Clubs (really, non-existent) and school-sponsored sports (sports clubs were formed and administered from villages and cities), so there wasn't any way to form jocks. Until you are scouted by a professional (paying) club, you are nothing special. Cheerleaders are also non-existent.

So even if I got ridiculed someday by a classmate (low-cost clothes), chances were, we would laugh together the next day or he would defend me against some asshole from another class or upper class.

All in all, reading about US High-School lets me feel grateful that I didn't get such an awful treatment.

Capt. Zapp

@JohnBobMead

That works if you are anywhere near as physically capable as they are.


Not so. The bullies in my case were all members of the various athletic groups where the closest I came to athletics was being in the marching band sharing the same field.

In my situation, it was a matter of being put in a position where I could not avoid them. Even a mouse cornered by a cat will fight.

Replies:   JohnBobMead  Not_a_ID
JohnBobMead

@Capt. Zapp

Even a mouse cornered by a cat will fight.


You were successful in besting them physically, so they left you alone in the future. It wasn't a safe amusement anymore.

I wasn't successful, so it just increased their enjoyment, my futilely struggling with them. It was hilarious, from their perspective. And a real power rush; they were eighth graders, and I was a freshman; middle schoolers dominating a high schooler, oh such a heady sensation!

I couldn't avoid them; I was in a one hour each way carpool with them every school day for nine months; there were six of us from Salem, Oregon, attending Catlin Gabel School in Portland, Oregon, that year [1975-1976], so the parents organized a carpool.

So there was no way I could bypass them. I still can't believe their sticking chewing gum in my hair while my father was driving; he really lit into them, but it didn't faze them any. I think it actually added to their enjoyment. If he did anything physical to them, he'd have gone to jail; words didn't have any impact.

There was definitely a class component involved; they were wealthy doctor's sons, while my father was a self-employed bookkeeper and my mother a social worker. Dad was the first member of his family to attend college [he had a Masters degree], and I think the first generation that completed high school. I think they were insulted to have to associate with me for two hours a day; their parents were not that way at all, so I don't know where they got that attitude.

sunkuwan: On the whole, it wasn't that bad, really. For a couple of years in Junior High I got hassled a lot, but no actual violence. The year I just described was by far the worst. And it was also the last; no one bullied me after that. I'm still in contact with many of my classmates from High School.

There had been one kid earlier on who sought me out whenever he saw me to whale on me, but he thought that I'd beaten up his sister; it wasn't me, but I understood where he was coming from. The last time I saw him he appeared to have realized it hadn't been me, and was quite friendly. That wasn't a case of bullying, from my perspective; I quite agreed that if I'd done what he thought I'd done, he was justified; it's just that I was innocent. So I never felt any animosity towards him, just tried to avoid him out of self-preservation.

Replies:   Capt. Zapp
docholladay

@JohnBobMead

That works if you are anywhere near as physically capable as they are.


Heck I was the 4 eyed small walking natural target for bullies in all of my schools. I was definitely smaller in size and as a rule weighed less. I did find that a well placed foot in the balls as an opening move tended to end their desire to fight. Their problem was when I got to that point I kept on kicking any an all potential targets on their bodies. Everyone else was safe from my attacks however. I ended up with a reputation and the bullies were treated as angelic victims of my violent reaction.

Replies:   StarFleet Carl
Capt. Zapp

@JohnBobMead

he really lit into them, but it didn't faze them any. I think it actually added to their enjoyment. If he did anything physical to them, he'd have gone to jail; words didn't have any impact.


I made the mistake of running from bullies in view of my father. He lit int ME for running and gave me the option of fighting the bully or him. My dad was over 6'3 so I went for the smaller target. The bully's father tried to intervene but was stopped by MY father. The fathers ended up talking while us boys fought.

For a couple of years in Junior High I got hassled a lot, but no actual violence.


See, there's a difference. In my case, the bullying was physical. 'gum in the hair' is little kid stuff. Going home with bruises is what I'm talking about. They KNEW I wouldn't fight back... until I did. The leader, his 'gang', and a couple of their friends got me surrounded and started in on me. I had no choice but to defend myself. NOBODY saw me hit him. HE ended up flat on his ass. I had a sore hand and no more problems with them.

Not_a_ID

@JohnBobMead

I didn't rat them out, my parents did. Didn't have much impact in public school, but at the private high school I attended, they were invited to not come back the following year; there were other infractions on their part that pushed it over the line, ultimately, but bullying me definitely contributed to the end result. It did not reflect the character that the school was attempting to instill.


For me my "Bullying" were rather brief and not overly common. Of course, family genetics probably helped a bit in that department. As that meant I trended strongly towards being one of the larger children in the class every year. From Kindergarden all the way through my Senior year. For that matter, when I hit the 10th grade and entered our 3 year Senior High School(9th graders went to Junior High) I was bigger than most of the Seniors on the (State Champion) Varsity Football team.

Of course, being part of the (pep) band probably helped to a large degree too. The Cheerleaders and Jocks at my school actually were able to rub more than a few brain cells together. They loved the pep band in a good way because we made it so much easier for the cheerleaders to "pump up the crowd," so we were treated well by both groups.

But going back to the limited elementary school bullying I encountered, I have memories of the girls in my class turning his life into something of a living hell for the next day or so. I don't even remember what he did, I do know I wasn't particularly bothered by it, but evidently others felt otherwise and acted on their own. He did leave me alone after that though.

Too bad I was young, dumb, and completely oblivious to potential opportunities I evidently had at the time.

Peer pressure is probably the most effective measure against bullying that there is. The problem is many peer groups actually turn out to be the bullies more often than not. Which makes it a very hard line to walk along. "Adult supervision" can't be everywhere, and isn't perfect even at the best of times.

Not_a_ID

@Capt. Zapp

Not so. The bullies in my case were all members of the various athletic groups where the closest I came to athletics was being in the marching band sharing the same field.


See my previous post on this. The Jocks LOVED the band program in my high school, if only because of the pep band turning up at football and basketball games. Rather than being targets for victimization by the jocks. We were more likely to be targets of protection by the jocks when it came to that stuff.

But then even according to our teachers at the time, my graduating class was more than a little bit unusual in regards to their tendency to look out for each other. Of course, we had jocks taking AP Honors classes, Honors students who were druggies, drama students who also were top-tier jocks(male and female), and so on and so forth, so the social pecking order at school was more than a bit weird.

We did have a transfer student come in try to live out the high school pecking order that Hollywood loves to portray. Only problem was one of the (male) "dorks" she targeted for ridicule happened to be one of those Drama and Athletics types who was popular with everyone. She wound up transferring to the school across town.

It was funny when she turned up again a semester later for one of the classes they'd bus people around for, and hear her wax about "how accepting" our rival school was, and how mean spirited, judgemental, and "all about what (designer label) you wear" so on and so forth trying to lay on the guilt trip on us. (We were the more affluent of the two High Schools) Completely ignoring one of the top female athletes in the school(who was very popular, and also part of the Drama Club) sitting in that same classroom, rocking an ensemble she'd acknowledged came from the Salvation Army thrift store earlier that same day. That girl should probably have been put up for some kind of award for epicly comedic bad timing and targeting for her commentary on things at that school. I don't think she ever figured out why nobody at my school ever took her seriously.

Replies:   AmigaClone  Capt. Zapp
AmigaClone

@Not_a_ID

hear her wax about "how accepting" our rival school was


I wonder if that meant that she was able to successfully bully those she considered "inferior".

Capt. Zapp

@Not_a_ID

The bullies in my case were all members of the various athletic groups where the closest I came to athletics was being in the marching band sharing the same field.

See my previous post on this. The Jocks LOVED the band program in my high school, if only because of the pep band turning up at football and basketball games. Rather than being targets for victimization by the jocks. We were more likely to be targets of protection by the jocks when it came to that stuff.


I was not suggesting that my participation in band was a reason for being bullied. I only mentioned it because I was NOT an athletic person at all. I was an outsider since I was not a 'local'. I did not have the appearance of one who could defend himself, nor did I attempt to do so if there was a way to avoid violence.

JohnBobMead

I have to admit, I always did feel that, compared to the horror stories out there, what I experienced was pretty mild. Other than the one kid who thought I'd beaten his sister, it was tormenting me, not anything physical. Snatching my hat and playing keep away with it, knocking my books to the ground, that kind of thing.

And considering I got it worse than anyone else, we really didn't have a problem with bullies at the schools I attended.

This wasn't the result of agressive policing by the administration or anything, we just didn't seem to have anyone running around who felt the need to pound someone for the fun of it, or set out to make their lives truly miserable.

Even what I experienced, it was never bad enough that I really didn't want to go to school, it wasn't that constant a thing.

It happened when a couple of kids saw the opportunity and were in the mood to play with me, but they had enough other things to do that it was a sideline activity to them. I was purely a target of opportunity.

I don't think they ever deliberately sought me out for the express purpose of tormenting me. At least, it never felt that personal.

Except for the kids in the carpool, and even there, one was the ringleader; the other wouldn't have done anything on his own, but he was really under the sway of the other kid. And even there, it was just that I was so damn convenient a target. Tormenting me was a way to pass the time. Again, it was when we crossed paths; I don't think they ever sought me out, but they didn't have to, since we were in a carpool.

Salem, Oregon, was really a pretty mild place in the 1970s. A nice enough community, it was just that there was nothing to do there.

The public transit ran Monday through Saturday, first run something like 7:30AM, last run 6:30PM; purely a commuter service, and outside the morning/evening commuter period, hourly.

There was the Y; I don't remember if it was the YMCA or the YWCA in this case, it was open to anyone who purchased a pass, and it was right next to the public library, until they built a new city government complex and relocated the library there.

A couple of the High Schools had swimming pools; one of them was enclosed, so it was open year round.

There was one movie theater, with a couple of screens. The drive-in movie theater did more business, I think.

It was the state capitol. The state penetentiary was also there, as well as the state hospital. Thus, all the government retirees lived there. Getting school levies passed was always a pain, as a result.

We used to drive down to the municipal airport to watch them launch weather balloons. That was the height of excitement.

And for a couple of days each year, there was the Oregon State Fair. This was long before they started bringing in big name singers and such, livestock was the attraction. And the midway, and the rides. Equestrian exhibitions.

Just checked; still no racetrack. Major indoor go-kart dirt track, though. They have to periodically de-merge their facebook page from the track in Salem, Indiana.

Great place to grow up, but boy, do the kids ever want to leave!

StarFleet Carl

@docholladay

I did find that a well placed foot in the balls as an opening move tended to end their desire to fight.


Pretty much, and I used it to similar results. I tended to be more along the lines of the sleeping giant. You could do a lot of stuff and not get me riled up. But when I hit my limit ...

Let's see, second grade, I found one of my antagonists in the bathroom (we didn't have doors on the stalls), grabbed his head and introduced it to my knee.

Sixth grade one of my antagonists found out that his head wasn't as hard as the window frame on the school bus.

Also (since our junior high was in a different town, so we had two different elementary schools come together), I had an antagonist from the other school that found out his face wasn't as strong as the brick of the school building.

Then in ninth grade (back to a different town) I did a flying kick into the middle of the back of a senior that was harassing me and then broke two of the floor tiles with his forehead.

Note that I was the tall, uncoordinated, heavyset, four eyed nerd that was way too smart for my small (less than 250 students in the entire high school) town. I hated physical exercise, but I could dead lift about 600 pounds. (Mind you, I was 5'10" and 170 when I was in 8th grade (1974). When I came home from AIT in '82, I was 6'2" and 200 lbs.)

Back to Top