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Cookie review request

ELakenPalm

I have posted a new chapter to my story "Cookie". My main reason for posting on this site is to hear critique and read reviews of my story. I would appreciate anyone checking out the story (or just the latest chapter) and giving me their opinion. Thanks.

jr88
Updated:

I read through your posted chapters, and although "Cookie" is very well written, it just isn't for me. It starts off dark, and only seems to be getting darker. I'm generally not a huge fan of stories where life shits on the protagonist constantly, especially since there seems to be no hope for her situation to improve.

I think my biggest issue with the story though, is that it just doesn't really feel believable to me. The abuse from Cookie's father and the rest of her family is plausible, but the fact that the teachers are complicit, even going as far as to put her in the boys' gym and sex-ed classes seems ridiculous to me. Maybe that's a time period thing, and it would have been possible in the 50s and 60s, but I doubt it.

The last chapter was the worst, in my opinion, because you offered hope that things might start to get better, only to kill off the character who might be able to help Cookie. (I know that Mrs. Vi is a real person, so you didn't really kill her off, but it amounts to the same thing.)

I do think the story is compelling, which is probably why it affected me so negatively. I have rated it a 10 because although I didn't enjoy the subject matter, I did read through the whole thing hoping that things would improve for Cookie, and felt engaged the whole time without any technical errors standing out to me.

I may read Chapter 25 when you post it, but if things don't improve for Cookie, it'll probably be the last chapter I read.

Replies:   ELakenPalm
ELakenPalm

@jr88

Thank you jr88. Your critique is well founded and appreciated. I understand that this isn't everyone's cup of tea but I wanted to generate empathy and emotion for Cookie and it does seem I have done that.

awnlee jawking

A cookie in Britain is slang for pussy (female, not feline).


That's one I'm not familiar with. Could it be regional?

AJ

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son

@awnlee jawking

A cookie in Britain is slang for pussy (female, not feline).



That's one I'm not familiar with. Could it be regional?


It's not common, but I've heard cookie used that way in the US.

Dominions Son

I've just found it on some slang websites. It seems to be mainly US. I wonder whether it's a variant of coochie.


My experience is that "cookie" for vagina is mostly used by little girls with parents who don't want to teach the proper name to a young child.

Replies:   Crumbly Writer
Crumbly Writer

@Dominions Son

My experience is that "cookie" for vagina is mostly used by little girls with parents who don't want to teach the proper name to a young child.

Nothing like encouraging the very young to try eating it just to see whether it's as sweet (actually, it's a little more sweat). ;D

So, getting back on topic, no one else here has any advice for a new author?

Ernest Bywater

@Crumbly Writer

So, getting back on topic, no one else here has any advice for a new author?


Info is below, and it's not one I'm interested in reading. Thus I can't give any advice. BTW -0 it's already 4 years in.

http://storiesonline.net/s/74767/cookie

A lovely young girl is controlled and mistreated by her sexually abusive father. Story told in vignettes of her life.
Genre: Coming of Age
Codes: Ma/ft, NonConsensual, Heterosexual, Fiction, Tear Jerker
Sex Contents: Minimal Sex
Posted: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2017-05-07 - 2:39 pm (Added Chapter 24)

Bondi Beach
Updated:

@Crumbly Writer


So, getting back on topic, no one else here has any advice for a new author?


If you're referring to the OP, Mr. Palmer, he's been around for a good long while. I first read his stories in the late Golden Age of Porn.

bb

Replies:   ELakenPalm
ELakenPalm

@Bondi Beach

I've been writing and posting stories since the early 90's. I am still writing. I came here for critique and encouragement in my newest endeavor. I had hoped for more honest, sincere assistance than what I have received here. But thank you to those who have tried to help me.

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