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Feedback for "Paradise In A Name"

woodenauthor

While it's my first story on the site, its not my first story over all. So be as honest and blunt as you wish, just make sure its constructive!

Replies:   Lugh
Agent4351

There are never enough sex genie stories on SOL, by all means keep up the good work.

Ross at Play

Loved the story, and how it was revealed.
Beautiful language made reading a pleasure.
Minor technical I will send privately - not wanting to spoil others enjoyment.

awnlee jawking

Is the story complete?

AJ

Ross at Play

@awnlee jawking

No. It has a "To Be Continued".

Replies:   Crumbly Writer
Crumbly Writer

@Ross at Play

No. It has a "To Be Continued".

I suspect Awnlee meant, "are you still writing it, or is the plot already set in stone?"

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking

@Crumbly Writer

are you still writing it, or is the plot already set in stone?


Correct.

Some of the tags haven't yet been fulfilled, suggesting the author at least has a direction for the story. But the number of genres encountered in the first chapter suggest a large, sprawling work which will require a skillful author to bring to a satisfactory conclusion.

AJ

woodenauthor

@awnlee jawking

I'm one of those, "By the seat of their pants" writers. So there are certain scenes are stuck in my head that will end up in the story, but a lot of it is letting the characters connect the dots themselves.

So, for example, I know I plan on the harem being no more than five girls, four wives and a servant/concubine. I know at least who most of the major players are, where certain scenes are going to be set, etc. But while I know there will be four wives, as of right now only 2 1/2 have been cast. (Parisa, one as-yet unnamed character who will be introduced possibly at the end of chapter two, but more likely in chapter 3, and two characters who will be either a villain or a wife or just sort of there.) It also takes place in a greater shared universe I've written other stories in, though outside of cameos and some world building the story will remain fairly self contained.

But if the question is, "Will I take suggestions or requests", the answer is, "I will consider any requests, but nothing is set in stone until its written."

Agent4351

Hopefully you have some good Genie rules you can stick to and not just let the MC have whatever he likes whenever he wants. But either way, I'm looking forward to chapter two. Let us know when you expect it to post, if you can.

Crumbly Writer

Seat of the pants writing has a long and storied history on SOL, but if you've followed the forum debates for long, you'll know that several of us (particularly Ernest, Switch and myself) take the same approach (in writing) but don't post a thing until the entire story is completely revised and edited (so we can clean up and eliminate any hanging or abandoned plot threads).

Both approaches are fine, but I thought you'd appreciate realizing the context of many of the responses.

Replies:   woodenauthor
woodenauthor

@Crumbly Writer

No, that I do. This site is very much terra incognita for me, though I must say I am amazed by the speed and number of responses I've gotten. I'm more used to sites where feedback is about as sparse as oxygen on Mars; it exists, but don't try to survive off of it. So any instruction or comments is welcome, whether it be pointing out a spelling error or garbled context or dangling plot threads.

@Agent4351: There's a reason I left the Mind Control code out. I cover the rules Parisa has to operate under more in chapter 2, and they play around with her powers a little bit to try and chart the waters, but there are some rather powerful players who would have no problem smiting her out of hand if she went around zapping every available female into a drooling sex slave. Hopefully I should have it up by Friday or Saturday, though I have to ask, and this applies to everyone, is there a general sense of how much is too much for a chapter? 2 is already pushing 13 pages with where its at, and there are at least two more scenes I was planning on covering in it.

docholladay

@woodenauthor

chapter? 2 is already pushing 13 pages with where its at, and there are at least two more scenes I was planning on covering in it.


As a reader, I would say length is optional. As for what scenes to use. Are they needed in this chapter or would they work better later on? Of course that question is relative to any particular story and characters.

Agent4351

Chapter length doesn't bother me. As long as my favorite authors crank something out once a week, I'm usually happy. More than that is gravy, less than that makes me sad but I get over it. Don't let us dictate the pace or you'll be in the burnout zone before you know it.

awnlee jawking

@woodenauthor

Chapters over a certain length get split over multiple SOL pages and the splits aren't always where an author might wish. From that point of view it might be better to split really long chapters yourself so you keep control. Perhaps someone here can recall the limits.

AJ

Replies:   Ernest Bywater
Ernest Bywater

@awnlee jawking

Perhaps someone here can recall the limits.


http://storiesonline.net/author/posting_guidelines.php

Chapter/Part/Story length:

Due to various technical reasons, we try to keep the length of each file served from the site below 58,000 characters (approximately 12,000 words). Any story or chapter longer than 58,000 characters will be served in pages on the site, just like in a book. The page breaks are created by a script, so you never know where your file will be divided. If you don't like the idea of page breaks in unexpected places, then divide your own text into smaller chunks.


This count includes punctuation and all coding characters. I use tag text and the command to center a paragraph takes 3 characters and is included in the above count, as are all code instruction, even the html ones included if you submit in html. It's been my experience it's best to keep below 55,000 characters which is around the 10,000 to 10,500 word mark.

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking

@Ernest Bywater

Thanks, Ernest

AJ

Replies:   Ernest Bywater
Ernest Bywater

@awnlee jawking

Thanks,


You're welcome. I can't prove it, but I think some of the moderators may be adjusting the cut point when a file is cut now. Many past files were cut in mid-word, and you could end up with just a few sentences on the next page if it was a little over. But the recent ones I've seen have been a more hefty cut at the end of a sentence, often the end of a paragraph, which is why I think it's not always just an automated cut - but I don't know for sure and you shouldn't count on anything but the automated cut.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Lugh

@woodenauthor

Paradise In A Name


Unless something is wrong, I see only one chapter, with appropriate open situations that make me want to keep reading. Not enough, so far, to judge beyond "want to read more."

Dominions Son

@Ernest Bywater

But the recent ones I've seen have been a more hefty cut at the end of a sentence, often the end of a paragraph, which is why I think it's not always just an automated cut - but I don't know for sure and you shouldn't count on anything but the automated cut.


According to a comment by Lazeez on another thread, the automated cut looks for a paragraph break first.

Replies:   Ernest Bywater
Ernest Bywater

@Dominions Son

According to a comment by Lazeez on another thread, the automated cut looks for a paragraph break first.


That may be a change he's made in the last couple of years. I know I've seen some older stories cut in mid word.

Lazeez Jiddan (Webmaster)

@Ernest Bywater

That may be a change he's made in the last couple of years. I know I've seen some older stories cut in mid word.


Since I implemented that algorithm, it always looked for a paragraph break for a division. As I mentioned before, it failed to fire sometime on reposts to find a new paragraph break.

Whenever you see an incorrect split you should report it.

Replies:   Ernest Bywater
woodenauthor

Chapter 2 is now up. After reading the above discussion, I decided to break it into two different chapters.

Replies:   Agent4351
Ernest Bywater

@Lazeez Jiddan (Webmaster)

Whenever you see an incorrect split you should report it.


Next time I find one, I'll report it.

Agent4351

@woodenauthor

So far so good, I like where we are headed.

woodenauthor

A couple of people have pointed out the George typo in chapter 2. How do I edit it out?

Replies:   Ernest Bywater
Ernest Bywater

@woodenauthor

How do I edit it out?


correct the file, and reload the chapter in the Submission Wizard as a Chapter Repost.

woodenauthor

Gotcha, and done

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