Forum: Story Discussion and Feedback

Skipping a chapter that is all 'stroke' would be difficult. You can't tell if the chapter is all stroke without at least skimming through the chapter.

Why waste your time skimming chqapters to determine if there is any content worth reading, when there are so many good stories on the site that you could be reading?

Shouldn't a better man do some betting?

That would be extremely Foolish for the character to do that! If he got caught he'd not only be kicked off the USC football and baseball teams, he would lose NCAA eligibility. Not to mention kill any chance for a Professional sports career.

The character has made Foolish and impulsive mistakes before. However, back when he was in high school, before he made a lot of money, and before he was in movies, someone suggested he bet on a high school game.

He may be a "Stupid Boy" but he realized that gambling on sports he played in could cost him everything.

Not only would it cost him, his teammates and the athletic program would suffer too.

One of the most consistent things in this series is the character's integrity, and understanding that his actions effect others.

One of the things I like best is that while his character is good looking, there are many male models better looking. His "super power" is his willingness to Learn from other people, and do the Job he agreed to! He has often earned an opportunity by doing a lesser job the best he could; then filling in for a higher rated model/actor who failed to honor their commitments.

IMHO it is the best element of the series, his work ethic and honoring commitments.

His big break in modeling came when he was asked to fill in for a model who quit. He was told "no one will be looking at you, they are looking at the female models. He got more jobs because he was always Early, Prepared to Work, and Followed Instructions.

That's a lot of why I had trouble with the beginning of A Better Man, Book 1. Besides the enormous non-filled-in gap in David's life (I'd have been much happier with some context there), he goes to Oklahoma as he'd committed to doing, whereupon an old foe sets him up.

Instead of any of the actions I expected him to take, he barely tried to push back, didn't try very hard to figure out why the Oklahoma staff was acting the way they were, or anything else. Instead of any of that, he was out of there like a shot and off to USC, where he had the agreement that he needed but where the coaching staff has repeatedly screwed with him in other serious ways - and he's largely (not entirely, but largely) shrugged them off.

I'm not saying that he should have stayed, I'm saying that he should have tried to stay and should be clear about deeply regretting breaking his commitments - and should have made far more of a point to USC about his expectations of their actually meeting their commitments, too.

I kept waiting for some explanation for how that missing movie time had damaged him, made him hair-triggered, biased him against Oklahoma, or anything else, but nope. He didn't seem to have any particular regret for how he handled the whole thing. Frankly, it read as if (for some unstated reason) he wanted out of Oklahoma and seized on the first opportunity to bail on them.

I get that moving him to California makes parts of the story stronger, but it reads to me like he's a man of integrity who honors commitments except when he's not, and when he's not it doesn't bother him all that much.

Maybe Book 2 has him look back and decide he acted poorly (and not just 'oh, I'd be better off at Oklahoma, maybe I made a mistake') - haven't read it yet. I'm all for characters making mistakes and learning from them, and David does that often, but the Oklahoma exit felt like a big one with no lessons learned except perhaps the wrong ones.

ETA: I'll be happy if I'm wrong. Heaven knows I've disagreed with a few readers' interpretations of my characters' actions :) Different people see things differently. And I very much support G. Younger's right to tell his story his way. It just didn't work well for me.

I agree that time was a factor. I'm not saying that he shouldn't have moved, but it should have engendered far more angst than I felt like it did. I also feel like there should be more inner dialogue about the potential costs of making a bad decision in leaving Oklahoma. What's done is done, and there's virtue in being decisive, but it still felt like he was extremely quick to let himself off the hook and not examine the decision. One consequence of that is that the next time someone isn't completely up-front (or flat-out tries to screw him), he doesn't have any lessons learned to fall back on (either way).

I mean, some of that's just writing style, and David is very decisive, but it still felt unlike his character in the previous books. There's ample gap to explain a change in his character, but there was no explanation, just go-go-go.

Shouldn't a better man do some betting?

I think the title is meant to be ironic. The antagonist has just bonked his half-brother's girlfriend!

ETA: The stereotypical flat-capped punter at a bookie's, choosing which horse to bet on because its name induces positive feelings, wouldn't care, but the more ponderous among us prefer the spelling 'bettor'.

EETA: More possible irony - I believe the cover photo is of Cristiano Ronaldo, who is famous for his prowess at football with a ball-shaped ball ;-)

AJ

Same again with Chloe.

At least Precious sees through the antagonist's 'good guy' charade.

AJ

OK LA HO MA

Okay, Los Angeles whore mother.

AJ

I would have assumed that a Bitter Man uses bitters to make drinks.

A Batter Man may make baked goods.

A Batter Man may make baked goods.

If he calls, would that be a batter rang?

Or, if he walked onto a car lot, would he be 'Batter up?'

Actually, considering David's sporting achievements (in Book 1, anyway), 'A Batter Man' would be accurate. He both batted (successfully) and was battered.

The antagonist is acting like a robber baron and exercising droit de seigneur. But robber barons were better men, weren't they!

AJ

David basically stopped caring about wether he'd be getting a scholarship

Because of how he grew up, having a scholarship to play was how he saw himself being able to afford college. Also, many football programs only start those kids they give scholarships to, as opposed to self-pay or walk-on students. Due to everything he's had happen in his life, he's made the mental leap where he knows he has money to do the things he wants to do in life and to help his friends and family. He hasn't quite made the mental leap yet to realize that he ALSO has both fuck you money AND the influence to do whatever he wants to. A large part of that is due to his own irresponsibility when he was younger - and thus, his OWN children.

I hope the next story is a continuation of Conclave or Third Son to cleanse our palates. Sadly the former seems to have disappeared.

AJ