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"Too Naked for the Nazis"

Bondi Beach

Always something new to learn. There's an annual prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year. According to today's NYT Book Review, this year's candidates include the aforementioned Nazis, "Soviet Bus Stops" and others. Past winners include "How to Avoid Huge Ships," about how to avoid huge ships.

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Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son

@Bondi Beach

OMG, those are actually real books! I ran google searches on the titles, thinking they would be fakes, but they are real and available on Amazon.

Replies:   sejintenej  Bondi Beach
sejintenej

@Dominions Son

OMG, those are actually real books! I ran google searches on the titles, thinking they would be fakes, but they are real and available on Amazon.

"How to Avoid Huge Ships," My son has this in his loo; it also includes many other improbable book titles plus pictures of the front covers.
I don't recommend it.

Bondi Beach

@Dominions Son

OMG, those are actually real books! I ran google searches on the titles, thinking they would be fakes, but they are real and available on Amazon.


Thanks for that lead. Not only is it real, but "Too Naked" is actually a serious account of a vaudeville (sort-of) entertainment trio and their career. And being too naked for the Nazis as well.

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Replies:   Crumbly Writer
Crumbly Writer
Updated:

@Bondi Beach

Not only is it real, but "Too Naked" is actually a serious account of a vaudeville (sort-of) entertainment trio and their career.

A decent title can make a huge difference! How about "Stripping for the Nazis" or even better "Nazi Vaudeville"?

"Naked Nazi Vaudville"?

Replies:   sharkjcw
sharkjcw
Updated:

@Crumbly Writer

There are 2 books "How to Avoid Huge Ships" by John W Trimer with 48 offered for sale on Amazon from around $49.95 to $2244.00 + S&H. The other is "How to Avoid Huge Ships and Other Implausibly Titled books" by Joel Ricket available for $0.01 + S&H used in hardcover on Amazon.

Not_a_ID

The funnier thing is "How to avoid huge ships" is something of a valid concern for mariners operating small watercraft. If you get close enough the a large ship, they can literally suck you into their propwash, if nothing else.

It's also why the US Navy is one of the only Navies in the world that will perform underway replenishment while all ships involved are within a couple hundred feet of each other and actively steaming(moving). Most other Navys that replenish at sea will shut down the ships engines before moving material between ships.

Beyond the technical difficulties involved in such undertakings, it is extremely dangerous, and their replenishment ships are frequently involved in ship to ship collisions at sea as a consequence of that. The tactical and strategic advantages they gain in a wartime conflict from being able to refuel and restock a warship without needing to stop moving is the only reason they continue the practice, and suck it up whenever two ships rub hulls as a consequence(well, and shit canning the respective careers of "the parties responsible" for the event as well).

Replies:   Crumbly Writer  graybyrd
Crumbly Writer

@Not_a_ID

well, and shit canning the respective careers of "the parties responsible" for the event as well

Sometimes, I think "shit canning ... respective careers" is the military's prime duty in a democracy.

It's a way of eliminating any and all descent, which reflects on the larger culture ("We WILL not tolerate such behavior").

Replies:   graybyrd
graybyrd

@Not_a_ID

they can literally suck you into their propwash, if nothing else.


Ummm ... Sorry, Charlie. If you're that close, you are too damned close. More likely you'll get rolled & swamped by the bow wave. (I've been boating here on Puget Sound for many years, out on the bouncy water ducking in between them big fellers.) Never did hear of any little boat gettin' itself "sucked down." Now, thanks to Homeland Security, if you get within one-quarter nautical mile of any so-called HCV (passengers) or "sensitive" (oil tanker) or military (one-half nautical mile limit) you get a huge fine and time to think about it in a federal prison.

being able to refuel and restock a warship without needing to stop moving is the only reason they continue the practice


Again, there's more to it. I've been there, rode along while it got done. Gulf of Alaska waters. Two ships alongside, powered down, dead in the water are far more dangerous to each other than steaming underway alongside each other. Reason: no steerage way means no control. And rolling helplessly in them big waves means lots of bashing & crashing. So, unless it is dead calm and no current, it's better to keep under way and stay right on the helmsmen's respective asses to steer a straight course. The ships do maintain sufficient separation to allow for rolling and small heading changes. About the worst that normally happens is the poor slob getting hauled across in breeches buoy will get dunked in the middle when the lines temporarily go slack.

Ships of any size are very stable underway, despite the pitching and rolling. If any seas are running, they'll steer into it rather than wallow in the troughs. Pitching up & down is okay; rolling like a drunken sailor, not so much.

graybyrd

@Crumbly Writer

any and all descent


You really had me going there ... until I figgered you must be thinkin' of ... dissent?

By the time an officer gets to a bird on his/her collar, or a star or two... it's become purely a matter of political ego-shining and congressional ass-kissing, more than outright "dissent."

Replies:   Crumbly Writer
Crumbly Writer

@graybyrd

By the time an officer gets to a bird on his/her collar, or a star or two... it's become purely a matter of political ego-shining and congressional ass-kissing, more than outright "dissent."

[blushes] Yes, I meant "dissent", but I wasn't referring to the high ranking officers, but rather who the 'chain of command' chooses to prosecute of 'lapses in judgement'. They're usually thinly veiled political statements by the military establishment, going all the way up to the Commander in Chief who sets policy in the first place. Thus most military prosecutions of this sort tend to occur either near the election cycle, or during fracturous (not a word, but I'm sticking to it anyway) political dissent.

I'm also basing much of this on personal reflections, over the years, by people drummed out of the military for a variety of reasons. Many more people were dishonorably discharged for being gay or trans, than have ever been charged with treason or 'dereliction of duty'.

Not_a_ID

@Crumbly Writer

'dereliction of duty'.


I got that one, NJP though. Honorable discharge too, just under high year tenure instead, which was a deliberate intended outcome of the NJP.

(Getting caught by a GS-15 nodding off during my lunch break. Having been in uniform at the time, I was technically in "a duty status" and thus qualified for having that thrown at me. There were some other mostly political things going on, otherwise it wouldn't have gone far, GS15 pushing it or not, but still one of the more extreme interpretations I've heard of actually getting enforced.)

graybyrd

@Crumbly Writer

fracturous (not a word, but I'm sticking to it anyway) political dissent.


Could also use "fractious" which I think is a word, but I like yours just as well. Gets the idea across, it does.

Calling the military "intolerant" is a little like calling a mule "stubborn." It's always been; it (like a mule) sometimes takes a smack between the eyes with a two by four timber to get their attention. Much like Harry Truman did when he issued his executive order to desegregate the military. Of course, that didn't much help a black sergeant with a Silver Star who returned to his hometown in Mississippi.

Anyway, speaking of injustice, one that really shook me up was the news story way back when the US sent the marines into Haiti to put down yet another dictator. A young Captain found a prison so appallingly brutal that he interceded on behalf of a bunch of political prisoners. He got a court-martial for his humanitarian gesture. The commanding colonel took exception; 'interfering in civilian affairs' I think was the call. Ruined the Captain's career.

Moral of the story: subordinates are not allowed to think for themselves, nor are they to be influenced by humanitarian circumstances. Rather they should stay focused on "mission specific" objectives.

Dominions Son
Updated:

@Crumbly Writer


during fracturous (not a word, but I'm sticking to it anyway) political dissent.


There is no law that says we can't make up new words. It wasn't a word yesterday. Now it is.

Replies:   richardshagrin
richardshagrin

@Dominions Son

I guess cant is also a new word, or at least has a new meaning.

Dominions Son

@richardshagrin

I guess cant is also a new word, or at least has a new meaning.


typo

fixed

:-P

Crumbly Writer

@richardshagrin

I guess cant is also a new word, or at least has a new meaning.

I always dress mine up, spelling it "Kant" so it has intellectual significance.

@graybyrd

Could also use "fractious" which I think is a word, but I like yours just as well. Gets the idea across, it does.

That word never popped up when I searched for spellings in Google. But with most things in fiction (like starting sentences with conjunctions), you can get away with it as long as it makes for a stronger statement/story. However, if the story itself falters, you'll be held accountable for every slip-up or English slight.

Dominions Son

@Crumbly Writer

ut with most things in fiction (like starting sentences with conjunctions), you can get away with it as long as it makes for a stronger statement/story. However, if the story itself falters, you'll be held accountable for every slip-up or English slight.


Starting sentences with conjunctions isn't a slip-up as long as they are complete sentences.

Replies:   Crumbly Writer
Crumbly Writer
Updated:

@Dominions Son


Starting sentences with conjunctions isn't a slip-up as long as they are complete sentences.


I'm a little more strict than that. I use them, but there's got to be a point in using them, rather than simply 'being able to'. If starting a sentence with "But" doesn't make the sentence (and thought) stronger, then there's simply no point in breaking it off the other sentence. Thus I examine each use, deciding to use it on a case by case basis.

If the sentence doesn't stand on it's own--beyond just having a subject and object--then it's better using an overly-long compound sentence.

graybyrd

@Crumbly Writer

That word never popped up when I searched for spellings in Google.


Fractious:
adj.
Inclined to make trouble; unruly.
adj.
Having a peevish nature; cranky.

Google ain't always yer friend, friend.

Replies:   Crumbly Writer
Crumbly Writer

@graybyrd

Google ain't always yer friend, friend.

Au contraire, my spelling is so bad, I can't even use a dictionary, because I can't spell enough of any given word to look it up. Google search (not the infamious Google website, is a lifesaver, as it does a decent job of guessing what word I'm trying to spell. By using it, I can generally discover the correct word.

If it wasn't for the Google search box, I could never be a writer. So I'm a little more forgiving of the limited results, or their promoting pay sites, than most are.

Replies:   graybyrd  Dominions Son
graybyrd

@Crumbly Writer

It would be fractious of me to dispute that. Giggle on!

Dominions Son

@Crumbly Writer

I can't even use a dictionary, because I can't spell enough of any given word to look it up.


I feel your pain. I have the same problem. It's word processing and spell check that finally got me to a place where my spelling is halfway decent.

Back in grade school I was always asking the teacher how to spell things. She kept telling me to look it up in the dictionary. Finally out of sheer frustration I asked her how I was supposed to find it in the dictionary If I didn't know how to spell it in the first place.

She sat down and tried to show me, but I quickly showed her that if you don't have enough of the beginning of the word right (for most works that's the first 3 or 4 letters) to land on the right page the dictionary is useless.

After that, she just gave me the correct spelling and never mentioned a dictionary to me again.

Replies:   graybyrd
graybyrd
Updated:

@Dominions Son

Beware: another ol' fart story. This is true, and a painful childhood memory.

We were a 'construction tramp' family; stepdad was an iron worker, so we 'tramped' from job to job back & forth across the US.

One season found us somewhere in Sheepshite, Wyo. where he was working on a big power generation project. Mom, myself, & kid brother were living in an old trailer tucked away somewhere in the sagebrush and blowing sand. Rattlesnake country.

The area, populated only by scattered ranches and a crossroads business cluster, had a one-room school: all six grades, and one teacher. I'm dying of boredom because all the kids are taking turns reading aloud, and most of them are barely able.

Then the spelling quiz: "Doofus, how do you spell 'does'" she asked me. I hear "duz" and back in those days a popular radio jingle sang about a soap product called... you got it... "DUZ!"

So my head tells me the 'duz' she pronounced is spelled 'does' but my reasoning revolts! 'D-o-e-s' is female deer, which we had running everywhere in the sagebrush around our trailer, and that's pronounced 'doze' ... but DUZ is 'duz' like 'he duz it good' ... so I shout it out: D-U-Z, ma'am.

The shit hit the fan; her face got red, and I'm realizing that I'm the turd in her punch bowl cuz us construction camp gypsies aYeash, at least point him at something decent, like Jack Daniel's.re a passing headache in her life.

"What!?" she snarls at me. "D-U-Z" I repeat.

Well, it went downhill from there. She finally got right in my face and explained that the word 'duz' like 'he did it' is 'DOES' ... and I protest again, that applies to female deer. I'm sent to the dunce corner, and I'm cussing at myself because my reasoning process sure did get derailed by that damned radio jingle!

It had repeated over and over on our radio in the trailer, 'D-U-Z is DUZ!' over, and over, and over until it burned a groove in my cerebrum.

Replies:   Dominions Son
KimLittle
Updated:

Damn! I must have a touched life - my spelling has always been quite good (apart from typos) because I read a metric fark-tonne as a kid. Word's gotta look right - that was my main spell checker.

Replies:   Ernest Bywater
Ernest Bywater

@KimLittle

that was my main spell checker.


My main spell checker is a nasty little witch, and she gets angry if I can't get her enough bat's wings for her pay each month.

davekdwyer

@Crumbly Writer

Immanuel Kant, but Herman Kahn.

Dominions Son

@graybyrd

Beware: another ol' fart story. This is true, and a painful childhood memory.


I kind of like your stories. This one did not disappoint.

Replies:   Crumbly Writer
jimh67
Updated:

If you like funny titles and such, you should check out Thank You for the Giant Sea Tortoise. The title comes from an entry in a New Yorker Magazine contest for the strangest greeting card caption. The book is a compilation of entries in several contests along those lines. Very entertaining. It's been out of print for a while but you can still get a used copy on Amazon.

Crumbly Writer

@Dominions Son

I kind of like your stories. This one did not disappoint.

Might be fun to include in another story!

Replies:   graybyrd
graybyrd
Updated:

@Crumbly Writer


Might be fun to include in another story!


What might be more fun would be the winter when a private airplane crashed high on a mountain snowfield above the small town where I owned & ran our weekly newspaper. Of four people aboard, the injured pilot walked away to find help and was never found. The father died of his injuries. Two teens, a boy & a girl, survived, huddling in the plane for over a week. Desperate and realizing their chances of being found were slim to none, they decided to leave the plane and slog down the mountain. After several days they appeared at a ranch and were taken to our small town for treatment.

When the story of how they'd managed to survive while waiting in the plane leaked out, there was a media explosion. Our small town, including my friend the local sheriff, our paper, the motel owner, and everyone else involved, pitched in to protect the teens' privacy until they could be reunited with their surviving family.

We actually caught news reporters attempting to break and enter into their motel room, forcing entry into the rear bathroom window. One had crawled halfway inside before the deputy on watch caught him and dragged him out backwards, then arresting him.

True story. I was a journalist for many years, and even I couldn't stomach what the more rapacious of them would do to get a scoop.

Rural life is quite different from urban culture. This same small mountain community discovered that a child attending elementary school classes had contracted HIV through a blood transfusion. Word got out to the state's capitol city media, who came storming into our small valley to get the story. All the parents, the school officials, the town officials, and everyone else 'in the know,' rallied and kept the child's identity secret. The child attended classes as a normal student; only a few sensible precautions were taught to the class.

The secret lasted for several years. All the 'big media' was ever able to publish was the fact that a remote mountain village protected a child with HIV, and let the child live a normal, private life.

Both true. Both were major news items at the time.

Replies:   Crumbly Writer
Crumbly Writer

@graybyrd

Rural life is quite different from urban culture.

They're not that different. Scum is scum, and everyone from city mouse to country piglet is sickened by such blind ambition. He'd have been arrested wherever he was found.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son

@Crumbly Writer

They're not that different. Scum is scum, and everyone from city mouse to country piglet is sickened by such blind ambition. He'd have been arrested wherever he was found.


And never forget that like cream, scum tends to rise to the top.

Replies:   graybyrd  Crumbly Writer
graybyrd

@Dominions Son

They're not that different. Scum is scum, and everyone from city mouse to country piglet is sickened by such blind ambition.


C'mon, guys. A 747 buzzed over yer heads, and all you can point out is the turd flushed from the toilet that went splat at yer feet? Talk about missing the main points!

Anyway, the 'scum' reporter was lucky he didn't get shot while breaking and entering. But we'uns in the sticks tend to leave our big-toed yellow boots in the closet and our six-shooters under the pillow when we go out in public.

Actually, the ones we'd wanted to get astride our tar 'n feathers pole were the editors who sent them creeps out to "get the story or don't come back!"

Dominions Son

@graybyrd

???

You reply to me, but quote from CW? WTF?

Replies:   graybyrd
Dominions Son

@graybyrd

Actually, the ones we'd wanted to get astride our tar 'n feathers pole were the editors who sent them creeps out to "get the story or don't come back!"


Well of course the Editors are scummier than the reporters. The editors are the top of the news organization.

graybyrd

@Dominions Son

You reply to me, but quote from CW? WTF?


Think of it as guilt by association. Bwaahahahaaaha!

Crumbly Writer

@Dominions Son

And never forget that like cream, scum tends to rise to the top.

Technically, it floats above the cream, always ever present in case you might accidentally forget it's there.

@DS

You reply to me, but quote from CW? WTF?

That's actually not that uncommon. You respond to the original response that someone else originally responded to, miscasting the original comment.

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