I know the feeling. My modus operandi is ...
In this calm after what I hope is our last storm I will set out my new approach for interacting with you for topics not directly related to writing.
I choose to limit our interactions in ways that apply identically to both your posts to or about me, and my posts to or about you.
I do this because I have chosen to no longer drive on to roads experience suggests will have deep potholes I cannot see until it is too late. My chassis is too old and worn out to cope with that anymore.
For your Reply to Posts direct @ me ...
I will give anything a "free pass" if it is obviously intended by the poster to just have a bit of fun, and hope others will get some fun from it too. I hope we can remember that our FIRST RESPONSE when we see something that appears a bit offensive is to ask the other, "It appears you have attempted a joke that has gone over my head. My literal interpretation of it is not pleasant. Will you please explain the joke you were trying to make?"
There is no NEED for either of us to tell the other anything that is not directly related to writing. You should expect, for any posts appearing to tell me any information, I will respond with something like, "I choose to not respond to ANY posts of that nature you direct at me." That will come across as somewhat insulting and that will have been intentional. You have a very simple alternative you may use if you prefer I do not make any posts like that.
For your Reply to Threads quoting me or referencing my comments ...
They will all get a "free pass" too. I have no desire to inhibit you from discussing my statements with others. I may desire to discuss your statements with others too. Especially, I do not want either of us to feel constrained in commenting to others anything with an intention along the lines of, "... to expand upon or clarify this comment by XX, ..."
My distinction is that the effect of replies to posts and to threads is quite different. If made in a Reply to Post, perfectly reasonable statements which disagree with the other's statement come across as some kind of challenge to debate, or at a minimum, would give an impression to others that the recipient agrees with the correction if they do not respond. If the same words are said in an Reply to Thread can be left alone resulting in two people expressing different opinions, but no desire to argue with the other. I am happy to have things like that happen; I believe in Freedom of Speech!
For all posts which push one of my annoyance "buttons" ...
I note that "buttons" are very different to many others, AND they some of them can verge on irrational at times. :-)
Which reminds of something I heard long ago and have recalled MANY times since, "We should not be surprised that our family knows how to push our buttons, after all, they installed them!"
I will try to restrict my FIRST REBUTTALS to anything that offends me to short matter-of-fact statements. They may quote your words and then make comments along lines such as these:
* That is a statement of an opinion but you have worded it as if it is a statement of fact
* I feel offended by that statement because ...
* That statement is not relevant to the statement I made that it purports to be responding to
* That statement is nothing more than a repeat using different of the same idea you have already expressed above.
Feel free to debate if you do not agree with my analysis of the "shortcoming" in your statement.
For statements you make which I think go to far ...
I assess neither of us capable of changing our patterns of responding to frustrations in our life. I think those with High Functioning Asperger's are usually very sincere in their efforts to maintain cooperative relationships with others. They tend to develop a personal style for coping with problems that works well with most people - but with a few others that style is disastrously counterproductive. At times too, they do not notice they have their "blinkers" on: that their focus on legitimate goals is making it impossible to see the legitimacy of the other person's focus.
You know what my style of coping with frustrations is. I will try calm and patient explanations first, but my patience may not last long. After that my style is direct, in-your-face statements of precisely what I believe. I work very hard to make sure such statements are as accurate as I can be and supported by the evidence I include.
That style does not work well with other authors. Let's face it, ALL OF US have huge egos; we would not be attracted to writing if we did not.
So, I will not go crying to the management whenever I feel offended. I will ask management to consider doing something once my patience with something has worn out. That is the best option available to me once I have reached that point: the one likely to result in something I can live with while causing the least harm to any others.
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What should you do when I do something that offends you?
I suggest your FIRST RESPONSE should be a simple request for me to explain, or simple statement you find something offensive, and ideally add why.
I will make mistakes. I trust you will have noticed I am more willing than many here to admit and apologise if I agree with objections raised by others to thing I have done. That is, in fact, my code for living!
I am an alcoholic who is coming up to thirty years of sobriety. I am doing something right. My "code for living" - the FIRST thought I have when I encounter frustrations in my life - is the Tenth Step of AA's Twelve Steps. It states:
Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong admitted it promptly
It is doing that to the best of my ability that allows me to get to sleep at night - comfortable with the morality of my actions irrespective of whatever horrors the latest bastard who's crossed my path has done!
That is not easy when the first indication I get that my actions have upset somebody is an attack, especially if it accuses me of malicious intent for something that was nothing worse than another oversight or misjudgment caused by the fact I am irredeemably socially inept.
If you give me a chance to correct or apologise for mistakes first, I think you'll find I generally do.
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PLEASE, CW, print off this post and file it away. Feel free to quote it back at me if you detect any time I am not adhering to the standards it sets for myself and/or any standards it says I may react to from you.