Yes, it's been awhile. I know that I once said that Demons don't apologize, but I'd like to add to that. We do give explanations, especially to loyal readers of my offerings.
For those that don't know, I have Multiple Sclerosis, a rather insidious disease. On top of which, I am a Veteran of the US Navy, so therefore dependent upon the VA system for my healthcare.
When I was first diagnosed, I was put on the best medicine out there, even if it is a daily shot that I must do myself. It kept me from making too quick of a slide into the things that MS can do to you, though I would have an attack now and then, but nothing I couldn't handle.
Then last November, the VA (in it's infinite stupidity and just plain not giving a shit) changed to a generic. Now people love to tell you that generics have everything the brand names do...I call bullshit! I have noticed more of a difference in how it works for me. More attacks, a seemingly faster progression of the disease...etc...etc.
I begged my Primary care giver to please put me back on the brand name, and I was told very sternly that if I want to keep receiving this very expensive med, I'll take what they give me and say thank you.
So as I'm dealing with this, and becoming severely depressed because of it, My Step Father (the only father I've ever known) put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger on the weekend of July the 4th.
Big mindfuck, and not the fun kind. My real father committed suicide when I was 4, and then my mother marries this man who visited horrors on me and two of my brothers that I can't even bring myself to type here.
Still, the only father I've ever known. How do you deal with that? Well, I totally withdrew, and told my brothers I wanted nothing to do with anything as to services or anything else. My youngest brother who was actually HIS son with my mother, never went through what us older ones did, I being the oldest.
So he's never believed it, and never will. And will probably never speak to me again because refused to be involved in the grieving over this man...yet I silently grieved anyway.
How sick is that?
Two fathers, two suicides. Starts to make one wonder, you know?
At any rate I've finally worked my way out of my funk, and am trying to get back into the swing of the things.
I'm not looking for sympathy, so please don't.
Just continue to enjoy my story, and you'll help more than you could ever know.