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Trying to get back into the swing of things

July 21, 2014
Posted at 5:11 am

Man...it's been forever since I've done anything here. It's been over a year since I last put out a chapter on Saving One Another and going on a year since I last posted anything in this blog (I think).

Some of you may think that I quit writing and that Saving One Another is just another story in a long line of stories to never get finished by their respective authors here on SOL. I promise, it'll get finished. Hell, it's been gnawing at me that I haven't done any writing on it. Yeah, you read that right. I haven't done squat on it in this past year. Hell, I haven't even done any writing in this past year. Not exactly what I had in mind, to be sure. But...it is what it is.

I could sit here and say that it's simply been writer's block, but that's not it. As any of you who've read my past blog entries will recall, I retired from the US Air Force last September. Since then, I've returned back to the states (I was stationed in Germany at the time) and have been busting my ass to find a job. I haven't lucked out yet and am still searching, so I haven't been able to devote my total attention to my writing. I'm not sure what it is that's kept me from getting hired anywhere. I know part of the reason is probably my resume; I've just completed, I think, the 4th revision on it. For all I know it could be because people just automatically assume that I suffer from PTSD because of my military service. I think that's a good possibility because many, many of my fellow brothers and sisters-in-arms have noted much the same issues getting jobs. Many times, even when they're hired there's been quite a few instances of discrimination due to PTSD. It's wrong, but, unfortunately, it's the reality those of us who've served live with now. Anyway, it's goddamned irritating and depressing that after 20 years of working logistics in the military I can't seem to get fucking hired anywhere. I seriously imagined myself easily transitioning from the military into a job in the civilian sector. Never did I think that I'd still be without a job this long after retiring. Now...have I tried WalMart or a fast food joint or convenience store job? No. And I'm not that desperate yet. I guess a part of me refuses to get such low-paying shit jobs because of my experience and education. Call it pride. Call it arrogance. Call it whatever. That's just how I am.

Another factor in my absence of writing is my living arrangement. Let's just say that I'd never have imagined myself at my age living where I'm living. It's fucking embarrassing, for me at least. That being said, it's better than being homeless. At any rate, the writing I do would lead to too many questions and whatnot. I might very well lose my living arrangement if too many questions were asked. Stupid, I know. But you'd just have to know the folks I live with to understand where I'm coming from. If I do any more writing between now and me getting a job and my own place, it'll be few and far between.

Something else, something that I haven't really admitted to until just recently, is that the depression I've suffered under for the past nearly 2 decades has had a significant role in me not writing. Those few times where I have actually managed to sit down and try writing, I stop. There's that little voice that says to me, "Why bother? It's not going to accomplish anything..." and other shit like that. It's curious how such a small thing as that can really affect you and how you perceive the world. If it weren't for my daughter and my closest friends, I don't really know where I'd be at. Finality is a daily question for me. Luckily, I'm too goddamned stubborn and competitive to answer that question.

Anyway, I've rambled on enough I suppose. I'm hoping to get back to writing sooner rather than later. It's been eating at me constantly so I hope to fix that. I've been re-reading what I've put out already. I gotta say that some things may get changed on previously published chapters. I've ran across errors that seriously have me scratching my head; stuff that I shouldn't have ever missed. That leaves me wondering if there was an issue when converting from MS Word to whatever format that SOL uses to publish stories. Having gone back and reading through SOA again, I have to say that I'm not 100% pleased with how I've written the story. But that's par for the course for me. I'm never satisfied with something because I'm too much of a perfectionist.

Anyway, here's to the continued adventures of Gary and Shiloh in "Saving One Another".