I want to thank everyone who voted for the little furball. Two of the Deathbringer stories sat at 99 votes forever, and 100 are needed to make it onto the Top Short Stories for the year list. Surprisingly, the Christmas Story, the highest rated but one of the least read hasn't got the votes yet (It's sitting at 93 votes).
They are the smallest short stories on the list and have the fewest downloads, which is pretty ironic, or maybe pretty sad, but they were never supposed to make it off of this blog so it's a hoot for me. Maybe if the pussy was shaved more people would read them. People seem to be turned off by furry pussies nowadays.
Anyways, because you loyal pussy lovers like the twists that my mind sometimes takes when resting from real writing I have decided to put up my latest mental meanderings here for you.
But first an update. I see the end at the revision tunnel for the next ring-sword story, just a few more chapters to go through and tweek what needs to be tweeked. So it should be going out to someone soon. I'll have to dig into my emails and see who I talked into looking it over way back when before I started the rewrite. It's now over twenty chapters, around 80,000 words I think. I used what I learned cleaning up Wilhan so it is much much better than what it started out as.
It's a tragedy (had to be if you read Wilhan Dragonslayer) so it was hard to write and it got put down a lot. I worked on other stories and beefed them up in between sessions with that. I'm looking forward to working on those full time. But they are 4-5 novels/books long each and I don't post until a story is done (because I screw up a lot) so that sucks for you. Pray that I get inspiration for shorts if you like those.
In one of those stories, I have a cave full of dwarves hiding from a dragon, and they talk funny. That is how Otmel came to be. I have no idea where the story is going. One sentence leads to another as I entertain myself with words.
A boy named Oatmeal or Otmel and the Magic Got
"Otmel, Hrojrfest is coming up. It's time to take the hooters to the tinker."
"Sure thing Da, which ones?"
"Your Mum's two big hooters and your sisters' little ones. And pick up my pecker at the Widder Jones place. Yer Mum loaned it to her last week."
Otmel hitched up Mabel the magic got to her cart, loaded up the hooters and went to town.
His mum had the two biggest hooters anyone had ever seen. She got them from her mum, and for as long as anyone could remember those two hooters led the Hrojrfest parade with the lips of the best hooter honkers in the town on them.
Ket and Dug saw Mabel hauling the honkers to the horn handler and said 'howdy'. But Mabel was all that and ignored them except to lift her tail and leave a trail of magic marbles in her wake.
"That got is a git if'n ever I seen one," Dug said, liftin his leg to water the wisteria.
"She shore is a ninny nanny, that got is," said Ket as she licked her left lacerators and wiggled her whiskers. "The nerve of her liftin her tail to talk at us that way. Just because a daisy grew out of her marbles one day she thinks they're magic. I seen corn in Cory the cow's flippity flops all the time, and magic mushrooms grow out of them. Now that's a trick, getting mushrooms to grow from corn."
"Mabel's marbles ain't the only magic thing about her," Dug said, stoopin for a steamer. "Tinker Tolly pulls her unders and gets a pretty pail of melk every time he handles them hooters for Hrojrfest.
I don't know how much magic that is. Mabel's got some major unders, and that pail is pretty paltry.
Otmel stopped at the widder's on his way.
"Thank your da for the use of his pecker," she said.
The widder was a wide woman, and Otmel wondered what she needed whacked with the widget.
"Wadja need it for?" he asked.
I had to tap the top of my transom, and that little pecker was just the thing for it.
"Ya, Da let's ladies have it a lot. He says it fits a woman better than a bigger banger."
"That it does. ... What a wonderful wooden wagon. While you're here with it, would you walk a weight of washed walnuts down to Benny the baker? I'll give you a guilder."
Normally Otmel would have to work a whole weekend washing woven woolens for his mum to get a guilder, so he was happy to oblige the widder.
Benny the baker was a beautiful blower and was one of the ones who liked to get his lips on Otmel's mum's hooters. Otmel knew that so he asked Benny if he was participating in the parade.
Ya, but I gotta blow my brother's bugle. I promised. He's real proud of it but he can't honk it himself worth a hoot. I think that Lucy and Linda are going to have their lips on your mum's big hooters this year. Pamela the parade planner said he wants to see what two women can do with those woodwinds. And I'll admit that I'd like to watch that myself.
To be continued...maybe