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Who's In Charge Here?

December 12, 2012
Posted at 10:42 pm

I really don't know what the hell I'm doing.

I wish I did. Whatever comes out of me comes from a place I'm only just discovering. All I know is I have something gnawing at me to get out. I think I know what it is, so I rub my hands together and say, "Let's grab this puppy by the tail and get to work."

I think I can see where I'm supposed to end up, and the road to get there seems pretty clear, though it is a little foggy out. I driven in fog before. It isn't all that hard as long I'm careful. Sure the road is bumpy and potholed, and I might drive off it a few times, but I ought to get to my destination without any major accidents. After all, I'm driving this thing, aren't I?

Ha! Where did that little delusion come from?

I may be driving, but there's an annoying backseat driver who holds a switch that shuts everything off. If I misbehave and start trying to go anywhere other than where I'm told to go, poof! the switch is thrown and I'm stuck in the middle of the road, hoping nothing really bad is bearing down at me out of the fog. So I sigh, tell the backseat driver, "I'm sorry, can we please get going again."

Of course, I continue to think I know a better way, so I impudently turn down a side road, a short-cut I'm sure is a better way. "Hey dammit , don't slap me when I'm driving," I yell. "Now turn the frigging thing back on, or we aren't going anywhere."

"Will you ever learn? Sheesh, some people think they know it all. I told you, you drive, I'll let you know how to get there."

Back on the road -- the one she chose -- it's foggier than ever. Great, just what I need.

I must have pissed off the backseat driver, because now she informs me, "We may not be going where we first set off for. I think there might be a better place. I don't know yet, we'll see. Or maybe I do, and I'm just waiting to tell you when you need to know."

If we get wherever we're going and the whole thing is dented and trailing pieces, I'll take the blame. Fair is fair though; I'll also get the credit if we get there in one piece. So far, this back seat driver -- she seems to know her way pretty well.

It's not uncommon for readers to write me with suggestions, some of them pretty damned good. I promise in good faith to consider them, but everyone needs to understand, it may look like I'm in charge, but looks can be deceiving. We'll have to see what Madam Backseat Driver has to say.