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April 8, 2011
Posted at 8:24 am
 

Resolute

My long-time friend, and fellow Marine, Paul Combelleck died from the cancer most likely caused by his exposure while at the Bannister Federal Complex. It hit me very hard, especially since he was 8 years younger than I. It was about a year ago that he was diagnosed, and since then, my emotions have been out of control. Rage over the callous indifference shown by govenment officials, fear for my own health, uncertainty for my own future.

To keep myself from lashing out at those I love, I clamped down on my emotions to the point where I was unable to feel anything, but that simply internalized my stress and drove me into complete inactivity. I didn't dare DO anything, because the sense of failure or accomplishment might push me over the edge. In doing so, I let the nearly unbearable stress build and I was sleeping less than three hours per day.

I finally sought help. I'm sleeping the best I have in years, and I'm facing the hard issues head on. I have even started writing again, and I hope to post some new stuff soon.

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.