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Feedback Generated by 'My Bus Broke Down'

February 28, 2011
Posted at 4:57 am

Thanks to all those who have sent feedback about 'My Bus Broke Down'. I think it roughly breaks down into:

- An over-arching generally positive opinion.

- Some minor punctuation, with a little confusion over conventions in my British English style.

- Specific positives:

-- Some descriptive elements.
-- Dave's character.
-- Mr A as an antagonist.

- Specific negatives:

-- Sally's character is not developed nearly enough.
-- The sub/dom and boundaries element is not explored enough.
-- The environment (specifically Edinburgh, since most readers will not be familiar with it) could be described better.

Now I have to figure out what to do about it.

The punctuation and other minor errors I'll fix soon. Some correspondence with those who were kind enough to give me feedback has suggested that, rather than fixing the more structural parts of the story, I should learn from them and incorporate the lessons in future writing.

On that note, I have two ideas for future stories:

1) Adventure with scifi element (but set in the current day), working title 'The Ancient'. Would probably work reasonably well as an episodic tale with a longer 'pilot' introduction.

2) Future-set scifi (on Earth though - no space ships), working title 'The Indefinably Sad Case of Mr Contrary'. This would be a no sex story, designed to be co-published on the finestories sister site.

Both of those would be a bit longer than I have tackled so far. I'm pretty sure I'll do The Ancient next: Mr Contrary will need more skill and experience than I currently have.