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rache: Blog

Broken Window

October 15, 2012
Posted at 10:31 pm

This story will post very slowly. It was heavily edited by rache to meet the SOL submission guidelines. She liked to say it was the illegitimate offspring of P.K. Dick and Elmore Leonard. Those two guys, along with Lord Byron, of course, were her all-time favorite writers. When she was on, Rachael could channel one or all of them, believe me.

I asked her for a continuation of this story a hundred times probably and she always waved that idea away. It wasn't about the game, but about the place and people in it. Once Rachael got what she wanted out of a story, the rest of us had to live with it, unfortunately.

She changed the very last sentence of the story to clarify exactly who - and what - her narrator is supposed to be. She made other cosmetic changes as well, but as I said, most of the editing was done to get the story up in accordance with SOL's submission guidelines.

Box Scores

December 29, 2011
Posted at 10:48 pm
Updated: December 29, 2011 - 10:50 pm

Hi. I got an email that told me I had the highest scoring story on SOL a week ago. "Love's Distant Shore" was number one, then number two, and now it's number three and this person emailed me and said, "Wow! You must be really good."

At the same time, I'm pretty sure I have the lowest scoring story on SOL..."Betsy's Bad Intentions" and so I'm wondering if, "Wow! I must be pretty awful."

Since it's the end of the year and people make such a deal out of scores, I thought I'd make my statistics available to readers and authors alike. Believe me when I say it isn't something I'm doing to stroke my ego, but rather put my money where my mouth is...So to speak.

So you can follow this link:

And know that I really am here for the fun of it...And the email, which leads me to this little gem:

Message from: Thomas <>: RE GoP - Boyfriend

Just plane wrong. No class this time at all. 13
years olds have some. They are much too smart for
this. This caused me to loose what little
excitement I had. Daughters do not take this
crap. Mom's even those who have to bow to their
circumstances do not let their daughters take this
shit; no man is worth it. (Has it happened in real
life? Sure. That is what CPS is for. You have
contributed to it rather that warning against it.)

As a reader, you have belittled us.

I always like to finish off the year by contributing to the downfall of civilization through short fiction. I dunno, for some reason it just makes me feel warm all over! To think that somewhere out there a child and her family are suffering because I decided to throw some words down and post them just to get my perverted jollies...Is there anything better in all of Christendom?

I didn't think so....Except maybe belittling readers.

On the other hand, it is just a fucking story, Tom. Let me see if I can make amends and influence you to (A) stop reading my stories altogether. Seriously. I don't need you. And (B) Turn off your computer, go downtown, and volunteer at a homeless shelter. Don't just sit in the dark and jerk off, change society for the better!

Did it never occur to you that you're supposed to feel something when you read? :)

Happy Holidays!
the rache monster

A Christmas Present from My Family to Yours

December 5, 2011
Posted at 10:07 pm

Hi. Actually, it's only a Christmas present for some of you, because not everyone wants the same thing for Christmas. I tried to post a Ferrari, but the zip file was too big. Sorry.

Instead, I'm posting a story called "Love's Distant Shore" which was written in 2006 and has proven itself to be very popular. A lot of readers liked it, even if they never liked anything else I ever did. I remember one email that said, "I hate you, but this story was damn good." Being an author of free online erotica is occasionally a bitter-sweet experience. I wrote him back and said, "Thanks. That means a lot coming from you."

What else can you do?

Anyway, what makes this special? Originally and for many years it consisted of two chapters. I always intended to write a third. Many people asked for a third installment, usually with obscene suggestions, but good intentions. This is porn, after all. Five years later, I wrote the third chapter and I'm posting it here. So old readers will have something brand new to read and hopefully enjoy. New readers can decided if they like the story or not. And I can finally cross this off my list of "Things I should have done a long time ago..."

Some notes on the story, which may or may not be spoilers. After 5 years away from a story, my confidence suffers. The first two chapters are very strong and trying to come up with a continuation that is able to hold its own, particularly a final chapter, isn't easy. If you've never had to do it, I strongly suggest you don't. I'm not convinced I've succeeded, but taken as a whole, I do like the story as it now appears.

A number of readers have longed for and requested a graphic sexual encounter between Kurt and Amy. That was never going to happen. Sorry about that. I feel, as do a lot of readers who emailed me, that the encounters they do have are exciting and interesting and able to stand on their own. Kurt and Amy not consummating their relationship is important to the story for about a dozen good reasons. You'll just have to take my word for that. I tried to give Kris some depth and yes, it was amazingly tempting to make her pregnant at the end. It would have made me cry, but I had to resist that or else go back and start the first sentence of chapter one with, "Once upon a time..."

I didn't want to do that.

So that's about it. I hope you like the story.
Merry Christmas!

Tragedy of Motherfucker - The Musical

November 14, 2011
Posted at 11:14 pm

I thought I'd tap dance my way through a bit of Shakespeare and present a story based on Taming of the Shrew. I posted Motherfucker instead.

This novel originally consisted of four novellas and an epilogue. They were called "Motherfucker" and "Motherfucker's Revenge" and "Bride of Motherfucker" and "Motherfucker's Curse" all of which were four chapters and 30,000 words long, give or take.

The starting point is based on a Phil Phantom story, but I can't remember the name of it. I like Phil a lot and every time I see the word "beaver" I think of him. So the first chapter is a rip, I cheerfully admit it. What comes after that is all out of my own imagination, and based in no small part on two individuals I know and their unhappy romance. She was such a slut! Oh my God...Anyway, where was I?

I never liked the ending much. The epilogue was kind of a finger in the dyke sort of deal. I'm under legal obligation to make a lesbian joke here, but after the untimely death of Bad Fred, I haven't been in the mood to mock lesbians. I'm a little pissed about that.

So, I wrote something called "Son of Motherfucker" which may or may not salvage an otherwise very unhappy story. Unlike a few authors, some popular ones, I don't really go out of my way to paint a rainbow at the end of every hardluck tale. I know readers want to feel good at the end of a story, but some stories just end the same way life does, meaning with compromise and acceptance, and finding satisfaction in circumstances we can't always control.

Perhaps my personal life has too much influence on my writing, I'm not sure. But I think potential readers should understand that about my stories. I'm selling fiction, not happiness, you know? You gotta find that on your own. Fuck, I really turned into a cynical bitch somewhere along the way.

Happy Tuesday.

Daddy's Little Whore

October 6, 2011
Posted at 12:03 am

This story is going up. It's basically porn, that's why I'm here. The secret message is that President Obama is really catholic. Don't tell his wife, but I saw him kissing the Pope under the mistletoe last Christmas.

There's a secret chapter to DLW written by one of the other characters. I'll post that separately under a different pen name, just because I can. This story is done and has been done for a long time, so I'll post new chapters on a regular basis.

Have a nice day and read "The Emperor's New Condom" if you haven't already, it's really good!