Paige Hawthorne: Blog

I refuse to believe that SOL members are as illiterate as is claimed. My own readers, at least the ones who write me, are often able to string coherent sentences together. Of course, it's sometimes like a child draws a house - window, door, window. Noun, verb, object.

'Dear Paige, I like Pilar.'

A couple of readers, knowing what an ace plagiarizer I am, ask me what I'm reading when I pen one of my stories. Crime novels and thrillers, of course. But those of you with with a bit of Sherlock in you could make some pretty educated guesses.

If, in a current Winter story, I use a word like 'shibboleth' or 'epidemiologist' or a Latin phrase like 'pacta sunt servanda', you can be pretty confident I'm reading Alexander McCall Smith.

If there's a Winter-action scene involving some violence, I'm probably reading Robert B. Parker or Lee Child. Someone like that.

Snappy dialogue - Elmore Leonard. Quirky plot-line - Ross Thomas. Oddball character - Donald Westlake.

Of course for you readers who are unlettered … well, never mind.

Paige

I shall continue to ignore the thundering chorus of mainstream readers begging me to stop posting Winter Jennings stories. Suicide threats are no longer effective. Warnings about involuntarily committing the author to a 'more structured setting' … pshaw. (Okay, I did feel a pang of sympathy for the guy who projectile-vomits every time a new Winter story arrives.)

Nevertheless … "Winter's Vengeance" debuted today. The first of sixteen chapters. Voting won't be turned on until about the middle of the story. Sorry, haters. Patience. Although the Comments section is ripe; as is SOL Mail.

No editors were harmed in the creation of this missive. Do not believe any faux claims otherwise. Okay, there was a close call, but he will probably … well, never mind.

Paige

P. S. Yes, one of my remaining readers is related to me. So?

Too late. Like every doomed chick in every slasher flick (hey, poetry), I clicked the Vote button for "Winter's Chase".

So, loathers, it's your turn in the sunshine. Pretend you're in Chicago -- hate early and often. Assuming Crucifixion pose ...

You're welcome,

Paige

Sometimes one can't resist blowing one's own horn. Um, no, there are no Walker Jennings auto-fellatio references intended. I hasten that in because some of you low-lifes … well, never mind.

My latest story - "Winter's Chase" - has passed the 5,000 download mark! That is correct; readers have glanced at the story more than 5,000 times. And that doesn't even include those over-the-shoulder Nosy-Parkers.

Okay, locking horn back into cabinet.

Paige

In my never-ending quest to uplift the forum, I've taken it on myself to improve the English language. Academics and professional grammarians will, understandably, be aghast. Or at least disappointed. Probably just bored.

Two examples: hyphenated words and punctuation.

Here's a sentence from a Winter Jennings story I'm currently butchering: 'I was barely aware of the lightly singed scallops.' To me, it's an easier read this way: lightly-singed.

Others: blue-ribbon; ink-on-paper; online-only.

A twist: 'love lotion' can be turned into a verb - 'the volunteer editors merely had to love-lotion a few automobile references in.'

To punctuation … do pay attention, this may well be on the midterms. Or mid-terms.

'Pilar said, "It's time for dinner." Note that the period is inside the quotes mark.

'I was listening to Levon's "Summertime Blues".' Here I placed the period outside - British style. My tortured logic is that the sentence ends not after the 's' but after the quotation mark.

Final example - stop cheering you ingrates - commas. I tend to over-comma because I imagine the practice adds tone and nuance that would ordinarily be conveyed by speech.

'Among the permanent guests, Nature Boy's sister, Edwina Rowbottom, had moved in, full-time, with shy little Wally Maypole.'

Bonus tip - you can also use dashes in place of commas. You're welcome.

Paige